Chapter 11-
It has been a week since I helped Calvin and after that we didn't talk about it.
After he said Erik's name, I didn't try to get more information out of him.
He already told me too much, and I didn't want to push it.
I wouldn't want him to ask me about my past.
Now that I think about it, I had learned so much about his pain yet he didn't even try to figure out mine. Like when I was asking him questions about his sister, he could have started to ask questions about my past.
Like why did I cut my hair?
Why did I choose to be so distant from others?
Instead he didn't ask me anything about my past or anything that made me feel uncomfortable.
He knew so much about me but I knew nothing about him or how to help him.
It made me feel a bit guilty.
I yawned loudly in the empty streets as I made my way down the street to school.
A loud car honk snapped me back to reality, and I looked over to see Joshua.
But he isn't smiling, unlike his usual happy self, once he set eyes on me.
I gave him a curious look as I walked near his car.
He drove beside me at my normal walking pace and his speed of driving matches my pace. He rolled down the car window and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Um...morning?" I don't know what to say to him as I realized he told me this morning that he wanted me to meet him on the route to Calvin's house instead of directly picking me up.
I was a bit curious as of why he chose for me to walk to the route he drives to Calvin instead of picking me up at my own place but I didn't question it.
Why is he looking at me like that anyways?
Out of habit I started to bite on my lower lip and begin to play with the hem of my sweater as he stares.
It is as if I stole a cookie before dinner or something and am now being punished.
I don't like this.
"So what did Calvin make you do last week?" He finally asked, his eyes never leaving mine. I broke eye contact, and tried to think of possible excuses to tell my best friend. I hate lying to him, but I couldn't tell him about Calvin's problem.
It's not my place too.
"Reina Caverly. If you lie to me, I'll beat the answer out of Calvin," he sneered and I knew he isn't lying.
He did that to Megan's old boyfriend when she came to us crying and wouldn't tell us why. Plus he worked out a lot so I know Joshua has the upper hand if those two did fight.
I gulped nervously in reply.
"It's already been a week. You didn't ask until now...why?" I nervously replied back.
"Because you've been more than out of it since last week and I'm getting annoyed of why you're like this. Now answer me right now what the hell he did to you," he finally snapped and it scared me a bit to see him this angry.
"I helped pack for him!" I blurted out.
It isn't a lie.
I did help pack.
I just didn't say who or why partially.
Joshua looked a bit taken aback by my sudden out burst.
"Get in the car," he commanded after a moment of silence.
I did as I am told and sat down in the front of the car, looking down at my lap. The radio is playing "One More Night" by Maroon 5 but I'm not in the mood to sing to it.
"So what were you helping him pack? Why does he need your help and not mine?"
I tried to make up an excuse for each of the question, deciding on how to word it and what to say as well.
"He didn't want to bother you I guess. Plus you're always busy with something. I'm always free on the other hand besides working at Starbucks at times," I pointed out because I know it's true.
Joshua didn't reply to anything to what I just said.
He had to either babysit his two year old cousin, or he's playing some sport with his younger brother Kyle over the weekends when he comes home from college. Or even do some kind of sport or something along those lines. Kyle is funny and I love when he's over because I get to hear stories of when Joshua was a kid that I could tease him later about.
"I guess... Hey, Reina, can I ask you something serious? You have to be honest with me okay?"
I slowly nodded my head, a bit scared of what he's going to ask.
"Is...Calvin blackmailing you?" He questioned me and my heart stopped.
He took his eyes off the road for a second to look over to me.
"What do you mean?" I felt my heart pounding hard against my chest as I asked.
Shit.
How much does he know? How did he figure out? Does he know about the pregnancy test? I paused for a minute at the last question. Now that I think about it, did Calvin keep his part of the deal? Did he throw it out already or did he still have it somewhere just in case I might not keep his secret? Did he trust me enough?
"Reina I'm your best friend next to Megan and I know when something is wrong. You seem different this year, more jumpy and less happy. Like you're in some kind of pain," he explained as I quickly tried to think of a way out of my situation.
"I see..." I lamely replied.
"So is Calvin blackmailing you? All of a sudden you guys started to hang around each other a lot. At first you seemed really uncomfortable with him as if you were forced to be near him. But now... it's as if you guys are best friends or something. Did something happen?"
I tried to not laugh.
Where do I start if I told him my messed up life and what happened this summer?
Would I even have the courage to tell my best friend my story?
No.
I don't want to see the pity and disgust in his eyes as I tell him. I don't think we'll still be best friend if I tell him. He'll probably try to get help for me. I couldn't tell my best friend, so how could I tell a psychiatrist about my problems?
"I don't think anything happen. This year we started talking because we're partners for our calculus class with Mr Martin so of course I got to know him better."
He shook his head and sighed, "Fine. Don't tell me, Reina. Lie to your best friend."
Immediately I felt the need to cry as he unlocked the car door as the car came to a complete stop. My eyes started to blur from the tears overwhelming me.
Is that it?
He was going to tell me to get out and never talk to me again?
Joshua opened the car door for me and stepped out before coming to my side of the car and opening it for me.
I slowly got out of the car and I looked at him as he came out of his car.
He stared at me and before I knew it tears are threatening to spill. He must have noticed. His eyes widened and quickly pulled me into a death hug causing me to flinch a bit from him touching me and also touching my cuts on my arms.
"Reina, what's wrong?" he said when he noticed me started to tear up.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Joshua. I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready okay? Don't just stop talking to me," I sobbed. Oh jeez I'm a mess. Unconsciously, I grabbed onto my wrist tightly and scratched at it from over my hoodie trying to reopen a healing scar to stop the pain in my heart. When did I become so weak?
"What? I'm not going to stop talking to you. Reina I'm your best friend. I was just going to tell you to come with me to wake up Calvin."
I sniffled. Now I feel like an idiot. Of course.
"I'm sorry," I said again lamely.
I don't know what else to say.
Did I deserve a good friend like him?
I don't think so.
He gave me a small smile, "Don't worry. But I'm not just going to drop it, okay? You know I don't like to see you cry especially now. You can tell me when you're ready but damn stop being such a girl! Have more faith in me!"
I nodded and before I could help myself I pull him into a hug tightly as well. I wish I could tell him, but I'm not ready yet. I don't want one of my best friends to look at me with disgust. Nor do I want him to look out for me for the rest of my life.
I don't think I'll ever tell anyone.
"What are you doing?"
Our hug didn't last long before Joshua is pulled away from me.
There in front of me is Calvin.
He looked at Joshua as if he were a very annoying nuisance.
His eyes came in contact before he let out a low growl and in one swift motion slammed Joshua against the car causing my eyes to widen.
"The hell did you do to her?" Calvin growled.
I widened my eyes even more at the scene before me as I quickly wiped away my remaining tears.
Holy crap.
"I didn't do anything," Joshua tilted his head to the side in confusion and held up his hand.
He didn't look mad that he was pushed up against his own car. In fact, he looks more amused about the situation.
He must have a death sentence.
"Calvin let him go. He didn't do anything. I was crying for some dumb reasons!" I tried to pull Calvin's hands off of him.
He loosened his grip on him but he didn't fully let go just yet.
"It's not a dumb reason if you're crying over it," he resorted.
"No it's my fault I thought he didn't want to be my friend anymore and started crying. Doesn't that sound stupid? I'm fine!"
He growled, "Don't call yourself stupid, Reina."
I pouted, "but I was acting stupid."
He finally letting Joshua go but he still looks mad. Joshua pushed himself off the car he was pinned to moments before and chuckled.
"Aren't you overprotective?" Joshua says sending me a wink.
So that's why he looks so amused.
He was teasing me.
And he probably knew that Calvin wouldn't be able to beat him to death.
But he can probably beat him enough to send Joshua to the hospital if he wanted too.
I rolled my eyes, "Get inside the car before we're late. We still have to pick up Megan too."
"Or we can skip and actually have a man to man fight. How about it Calvin?" Joshua said with a grin.
Wow he was really pushing it today with Calvin.
"Shut it Joshua. Sorry about...before ," Calvin mumbled as he got into the passenger seat.
"It's all good," they do some weird guy hand shake and I tried not to laugh.
"So what exactly were you crying about? Something about Joshua not being your friend or something?" Calvin asked leaning back to get a good at me.
"It's nothing serious, trust me."
"Fine don't tell me. I'll just beat it out of Joshua later."
Before I can help it, I burst out laughing.
Calvin looked at me stunned and even Joshua joined in as well after he caught on as of what I'm laughing about.
"What?" I asked after I was done laughing.
"That was the first time I heard you laughing since school started," Joshua pointed out.
"So what was so funny anyways?" Calvin asked curiously but I noticed his eyes was fixed onto me in amazement and awe.
"Before Joshua said something like that as well. You guys are so similar," I said between laughters.
Calvin rolls his eyes and changed the radio station. The song "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift comes on.
"New song obsession of the week," I said humming to it.
Joshua moaned loudly in response as I sang the chorus quietly to myself before stopping his car.
"Okay we're here. I'm going to get Megan," Joshua turned off the car engine with his keys still in the car itself. With that, the radio was turned off as well.
"Don't even think about turning on the radio, Reina, unless you want to pay for the gas."
I pouted and crossed my arms but didn't say anything else. As soon as Joshua is in front of Megan's house, Calvin started the car since Joshua left the car key inside anyways and turns the radio back onto high.
"Your going to get in trouble," I pointed out before humming again happily. He slowly turned to me as I started to mouth the words, "I knew you were trouble".
"It's worth it. So back to the topic, what did Joshua say that made you cry? The whole story, Reina."
I shift a bit in my seat and clear my throat nervously.
"I wouldn't tell him about why I was at your house. I told him it wasn't my story to tell and I thought he was mad at me before he stop the car and open the car seat for me. I thought that was the end to our friendship and I started crying. I know it's silly and stupid if you think about it."
"It's not for the tenth time. If you cried over it, it's not stupid."
I didn't know why but his word made me feel weird. Just a bit.
It wasn't a bad weird but a good weird.
"So...how was the move for your sister, Becca?" I awkwardly asked.
"Oh it didn't start yet. I just want to get it ready so the process of moving her out sooner would be easier in transition," he explained.
"Oh."
A few seconds past before Megan came out of her house with Joshua next to her. She was yawning and carrying her mug to the car. I raised an eyebrow at her as I opened the passenger seat of the car for her to slide in.
"You're actually gonna bring your mug to school?"
She took a sip and shrugged, "Why not?"
I shook my head and Joshua looked over to me, "So you're paying for my gas money?"
"Nope. Calvin is."
He shook his head and started to drive us all to school.
The whole day went by pretty fast. Nothing much happen today besides the fact that Joshua got detention today after school because he was too busy trying to get a new high score on a game he was playing on the phone instead of paying attention to Miss Loz in Spanish class first thing in the morning.
Nice.
By the time we knew it was time for lunch. It was weird how fast the time flies since I cried this morning and laughed this morning. I actually felt refresh for once. Megan was next to me as she was gushing the latest gossip regarding what Andy told her as we waited impatiently for Joshua and Calvin to come meet us by our locker to get lunch together.
"Reina!"
I turned around to see Mason as I was packing up my bag at my locker as Megan stood next to me. He waved to me and gave me a huge grin. I smiled back and waved.
"Heads up. I heard he's going to ask you out for lunch...together....alone," Megan whispered in my ear.
I mentally groaned in my head.
I hope he doesn't.
It'll be really awkward if he does, as I was going to end up rejecting him.
"Want to have lunch with me today?" He asked as soon as he reached us.
"Um..."
I am cut off short, thank the heavens, when I heard someone else calling my name.
All of us turned to see Joshua running toward us.
"Hey Joshua," I said looking at him, trying to change the topic and not answer Mason's question.
"Where's Calvin?" Megan asked looking past Joshua to see if Calvin is behind him.
"Don't know. He got a phone call while we were waiting for you guys and then he said's going home because was feeling sick."
Instantly this got me worried. What happened at home? Is he okay? Did Erik come home? Is his mom okay? How about his sister Becca? I'm questioning why Joshua doesn't seem worried. Then I realize that not even Calvin's best friend knew about his troubles at home.
Only me.
And it all started because I saw him about to jump off the roof of his school.
"Why don't you guys go on ahead and save me a seat wherever you guys are going? I'll meet you there in ten minutes.Just text me. I forgot that I needed to see Abigail regarding the Thanksgiving banquet and such. Maybe I'll go to lunch with you another day Mason sorry!"
I prayed that they didn't see through my lies as I quickly started to go the other way.
I quickly ran into the girl's bathroom and make sure no one is there before I pulled out my phone, I silently debate whether I should call him or not. One part of me wants to make sure he's okay, but another is telling me to give him space. I scrolled through my contacts until his name popped up from the last time he called me. Without another thought I called his number and waited anxiously.
"Hello?"
"So who exactly is the badass this time?"
There is a moment of silence and I wonder if he's thinking of a comeback or something's wrong.
"Excuse me?" His voice seems really dull, lifeless even.
Almost like me when I was about to swallow the thirty sleeping pills to kill myself.
"Well I heard from Joshua that you're skipping afternoon classes. That's a shocker. I thought you love taking naps at school." I tried to make the conversation as lighthearted as possible. Like the time he did the same when I tried to kill myself. He sounds as lifeless as I probably was.
"Yes that's exactly why I come to school."
I knew he is trying to sound sarcastic, but it didn't come out that way. In fact he sounded worn out and tired. I opened my mouth but close it, wondering if I should ask him that question. I mean he did ask me and it wasn't weird so it shouldn't sound weird if I say it, right? I take a deep breath before I spoke.
"Are you okay?"
There is another pause and I feel my face warming up.
"Cause I heard from Joshua that you're not feeling so well, and I was wondering if you're suffering or in pain or should I call the hospital or-" I shut up, my face getting redder when I realized I was talking nonstop.
Oh geez I'm not good with any of these stuff at all.
He chuckled, "I'm fine. Thank you."
I feel a bit better and I realized that I sighed in relief that I was holding in all this time, "Good. I need to go get lunch now. I'll talk to you later?"
"Sure I'm bored out of my mind at home."
I held my tongue. I want to ask him who called him. I wouldn't be that nosy though I was curious.
"So go outside and walk around."
"Nah I'm good. Hey," he started and took a pause.
"Yeah?"
"...do you..want to meet Becca?"
"W-what?" I thought I was hearing things.
"Well she's moving soon to another state, and she asked me if she can meet one of my best friends before she left. I don't want Joshua to come so do you want to? It was her last wish before she moves."
I would actually love to meet her if it would stop making him feel pain.
"Sure. When?"
"This Saturday okay with you?"
That was only a couple days from today.
More specifically, five days or so.
"Sure."
"Great I'll call her today. She's going to be really happy because she called me and asked and I didn't know what to do before you called me." I can tell he's smiling finally.
"Thanks."
"No problem. I got to go get lunch now with Joshua, Megan, and Mason."
"Mason? The guy who has a crush on you?" He sounded a bit annoyed as he asked.
I chuckled, "Sharing is caring remember that. And yes that Mason."
"Whatever," he said. Before he ended the call, I could have sworn I heard him say 'I should have stayed until after lunch' but I must have been imagining that. I exited the bathroom while texting Megan asking her where they are.
The day continued to go by really fast because I was thinking about Becca and this Saturday. Even when I got to work, I didn't even realize that it was already eight until one of my co workers reminded me that I can leave at anytime since my shift was up.
I seriously didn't even know how I didn't manage to mess up any orders as I got off work that evening.
My mind would not stop thinking about it even when I got home from work either. I set my school bag down and grabbed a banana before sitting down with a textbook, ready to get some homework done since I had the whole house to myself again.
Or I was.
In less than ten minutes I heard London's heels as she walked down the stairs, which startled me. It has to be her because mom doesn't like to wear heels and refused to.
"Reina?"
I looked up to see her. She looked as if she hasn't slept in days.
She was wearing a giant hoodie and her hair, for once, looks dull and as if she has been running her hands through it all day.
She came over and sat right next to me. I'm a bit confused as of why she would do that. Ever since last summer she doesn't like coming within a few feet of me. She slowly started to take off her high heels and sets them to the side with some sniffles.
I started at her awkwardly.
"What happened London?"
Before I knew it, she was sobbing heavily, holding me to her as if she'd fall apart if she didn't.
I awkwardly hug her back, not knowing what to say or do. We haven't had any physical contact since summer so I find it a bit awkward but at the same time I was worried about her as well.
"Is everything okay?"
She shook her head and started to talk, but I couldn't understand a word because of her wailing and sobbing.
"London, you need to calm down. I can't understand like this. I'm sure we can figure something out together."
She nodded and takes a deep breath as she held onto her stomach with both her hands in a shaky motion.
"I'm pregnant."
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Reasons to Live: 11. "Keep running for the happy life you have and don't stop because you never what's around the corner."