"Never knew you actually smoke."
Leaning back on his chair inside his office, he stared at the sky outside the glass window.
There was thin fog engulfed the city, blurring the view of skyscrapers and grey clouds, the air pollution in Seoul sometimes could be quite alarming.
He ignored Seokjin's remark while inhaling nicotine from the menthol cigarette with long steady intake, savoring the toxic smoke flowing through his lung. If smoking could instantly kill, he wouldn't even mind. Easy and fast death certainly time saving, less complication.
"Better than alcohol. Help me to focus."
"Yeah, but that shit makes your office smells like shit."
He forgot how to make smoke ring, had been tried it several times but failed. He couldn't remember when was the last time he smoked cigarette. He went with cigars sometimes when he was with certain guests, just for social courtesy, but never made it into a habit. His expensive perfume or his designer shirts wouldn't stand a chance against the smell.
"My life is literally shit right now, this suit me perfectly."
Damn, how did they even do it? He was a gun expert but couldn't even make smoke ring properly?
"Why are you here anyway?"
He ashed his cigarette onto the ashtray, looking at the elder in irritation.
"Checking on you, just in case I need to drag you to rehab."
He glared at Seokjin, but he didn't have anything to shoot back at the man. His mind was scattered and numb, he was questioning his purpose of the things he was doing in his life right now.
Working his ass off, building his business empire, all of those for what?
He could just sell his shares in the company, divide it for Taehyung and you, then buy a thousand crates of wine, alienated himself in one of his villa in Jeju, and slowly die in oblivion.
That option seemed very tempting at the moment.
But he was a man of his words, he promised Taehyung to always stay together with him, no matter how shitty his life now. And he wanted to see his baby later. Although he didn't have any rights of you, not even the privilege to be with you anymore, but the baby would be one of his motivation to keep going.
Maybe you and him were just destined to walk on different pathway from the beginning. He was just too deluded to admit it.
He stared at the picture of you smiling, the one he printed among hundreds that he received from Jung Soo when he asked the man to track you down.
The one that had Jungkook next to you in that hotel balcony, but he cropped it and just took the side that had you on it.
He framed and installed the photo in a built in desk box, whenever he wanted to see it, he just needed to push a button under his table and the frame would automatically popped out. He didn't want people to know how he stared at your picture everyday like a lovesick loser, licking his wound from the unrequited love.
He remembered the words that the psychiatrist said to him when he consulted the guy, because he was too afraid if he send the doctor to you, it would tick you off instead.
"There are many faces of depression. Some people survive and live with depression for years without showing obvious symptoms, some people breaking apart as the result. I can't make a firm diagnosis unless I talk to her. But if one had resorted to suicide, an extensive consultation, treatment and medication are what she needs right now. And most important, try to find the roots of her mental breakdown, the trigger."
He didn't need to find it, he knew too well that he was the trigger. He was the root of your unhinged mind.
He was foolish, believing that his love for you was enough to sustain this relationship, if he could even call this relationship from the beginning.
Although somehow it was true that his love was what saved you in the end.
It was when he realized he loved you too much to let you die suffocated in his embrace.
Just like a beautiful butterfly that he couldn't keep in his grasp, he had to let it fly away to let it live.
He could learn to love you from afar, if that would give you the happiness you longed for. It was better to let you go, as long as he knew that you were alive, walking on the same ground as he was, even if both of you were thousand miles away.
Another string of smoke he took into his lung was like drug to him, it gave him a satisfying escape from reality. Especially when it helped him to forget about the pain of losing you, no matter how temporal.
He was a coward. As much as he wanted to see you, it dreaded him to meet you now. He didn't want to be shown his failure, how you could easily fall apart in front of him again, just like what happened a few months ago, before he knew about your pregnancy.
"I must say I'm impressed. I didn't see any word about her suicide in the news. Some damage control you did there. Although I'm sure you had to dive deep into your pocket to shut them up."
He closed his eyes while exhaling another puff of smoke.
"Nothing I can't afford. Money will always come."
He wondered if Seokjin knew how much money he had spent for the banquet. It was the right decision to set a separate account for the wedding, so Seokjin wasn't aware of the one billion won that went down the drain.
He had to pay a fortune to threaten the press and media to keep their silence about the incident, he had to avoid any pressure on you.
He even fed them the rumor about his impending arranged marriage with the Lees' daughter, to distract their attention from you.
When the baby is born later, he hoped you would change yourself, that the baby would awaken your mother instinct in the end.
If somehow you still don't want the baby, then he would raise it himself, while making sure you would get whatever you need later.
"Just because you have a Midas touch, doesn't mean you have to burn money unnecessarily."
"At least I don't resort to white powder. Give me some credit for that."
He rubbed the cigarette butt on the ashtray and reached for the vape pen next to it.
"This one has vanilla flavor, you'll probably like it."
His hyung's face contorted in disgust.
"No, thanks. I prefer to indulge my senses with vintage wine or spirit than burn my money for nothing. There's another reason why I'm here."
Yoongi feigned the hurt face while mockingly put his hand on his chest.
"Here I thought you really care about me."
"Cut it out Yoongs, you need to get a grip. The Lees have been asking about the arrangement. You gave your promise. I believe that you had done everything you could for her. You have to know when to give up."
He had, but he wouldn't let the eldest know, of course. He had enough on his plate already without Seokjin fussing around him like a mother hen.
Seokjin drew a long sigh looking at his indifference, swatting the vapor away from his face with exaggerated manner.
"Just meet with her first. Take a gradual step, we will go from there."
He knew Seokjin well, the man would not stop until he got what he wanted, and he needed to be left alone now.
"Just text me the date and time, I'll be there."
He leaned back and closed his eyes, it was hard for him to sleep lately. He needed to restock his supply of Xanax, he had to call Hoseok to send some more strips.
"There will be a shareholder annual meeting soon. You need to gather yourself and prepare everything. I didn't expect the news about your canceled wedding to bring positive impact to our stock price, so well done for that one. If you go with arrangement with HJ, I'm sure our price will leap even higher."
The vanilla scent of the vapor masked some of the smell from the cigarette earlier, but he couldn't deny that smoking the tobacco was certainly better than vaping.
Nothing could ever beat the real thing.
"I'll take care of that. Don't worry. Work is all I have right now."
He was switching off his vape when the intercom on his table rang, and he hesitantly pushed the button on the third rings. He really didn't want to meet with anyone today, but staying at home with so many things around the mansion reminded him of you was also not a good idea.
"Mr. Min? I know you asked me to turn down any visit, but .."
"Then, just turn it down. I don't accept guest today."
"But Mr. Min..."
He could hear his secretary's panic tone, sensing his impatience as always.
"No but. Reschedule everything if you have to."
He almost push the speaker button off when his ear caught the woman's last words.
"It's Ms. Jang, Sir. Are you sure you want me to send her away?"
His finger paused midair, he froze on his seat eyes wide, he could see the cynical smirk on Seokjin's face.
For a moment he didn't know what to say, his sight landed on the picture of you next to the lighter, and just then he knew, he wanted to see you.
"No, wait ... just ... "
He could hear his heart pounding on his chest. It was ridiculous, that he was too afraid to meet with you again, when he was about to marry you just a mere week ago.
"Sir?"
Soobin's voice alerted him, a reminder that you were waiting downstairs.
He pushed the speaker button with trembling finger.
"... just let her in."
He hung up, and looked at his hyung while put away his cigarettes and vape in the drawer, giving a hint to Seokjin to leave his office.
"I'll wait for your confirmation."
"But, I'm not finished here."
There was a mild derision in his voice, and Yoongi knew the elder just intentionally tried to taunt him.
"Hyung, please."
Finally Seokjin rose to his feet, putting on his coat and fixing the collar, while throwing a warning stare at him.
"Remember about your promise."
This is the last part of the triple update that I had promised for this week.
I will publish the next two chapters in around a week.
I'm having a writer's burnout lately.
Your votes and comments are among the source of my motivation!😆
Take care♥️♥️♥️♥️