CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
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THE CONFINES OF MILA'S childhood bedroom once again acted like a sanctuary to them tonight. Her parents were already asleep by the time they had gotten home, but they didn't linger downstairs. Mila had slipped into the bathroom to wash away the proof of a messy night that entailed struggle and bloodshed. Kai waited for her to get done in the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Only her bedside lamp was turned on, and its crooked lampshade seemed to put a yellow spotlight on him. He had stripped his shirt and pants off in preparation for bed but didn't bother crawling under the covers. Tonight he hadn't failed, but he couldn't help be reminded of every other time he had. Every time he had let her down.
It's a suffocating feeling, the one that comes when you realize you have neglected the person who has always been there for you. He didn't see before; maybe he didn't want to see it. It was easier pretending like she was putting time towards a lost cause, that it was her fault for believing in a hoax of a person. But the truth is, Mila had been a savior to him whether he knew he needed it or not. And when you compare everything she's done for him to what he's done for her, it's not even a competition. At least, that's what he perceived.
Mila enters the room with damp hair and one of Kai's shirts draping down her body. She closes the door quietly behind her, fingers parting from the knob right when her bare feet began padding across the carpet.
She went to Kai's slumped form immediately. A hand was rubbing at his temples. His eyebrows were weighed down enough to touch his closed eyelids. He looked exhausted himself, and Mila assumed it was because of the rough day they had.
She pulls at his arm, gaining his attention, and slips into his lap. He embraces her without thought, one palm splayed over her thigh and the other pressing against the small of her back. Kai peers up at her with what he thought were carefree eyes, but Mila saw the hollowness to his gaze.
"Are you okay?" Mila whispers. He watches the subtle movement of her lips as she asks the question. It's a detail that makes him grounded to the world again.
"I'm just glad you're okay." His mouth twitches, almost smiling. "I was desperate to get you back. If it wasn't obvious by the team I assembled. Actually, I didn't assemble it. They kinda just barged in and wouldn't leave me alone. Followed me around like lost puppies. But we found out where you were at. I guess if we would have arrived sooner I would have seen you kick zombie ass."
She laughs lightly at his retelling of events, knowing working with both Lizzie and Alex wasn't something he ever had in mind. Nails gently scratch at the nape of his neck while she starts to play with his hair. Mila can feel him relax from underneath her.
Kai sighs, collapsing back on the mattress, and he brings Mila with him. She's straddling him, looking down at him with a gentleness that coincides with her lingering touches. Her fingertips trail his collarbone before venturing down his sternum.
"Tell me, does it get tiring saving the day? I mean, here I was ready to be the hero and save you for once — to slay the dragon and everything — and there you go saving yourself." Kai shakes his head in wonder but his eyes showcase something relating to sorrow.
"I rarely save the day," she disagrees.
"But you always save me," Kai is quick to restort. He brings a hand to her face, and she finally understands what's ingrained in every handsome feature on his: unworthiness. "You save me and I never save you."
Mila frowns at her discovery. Her hand settles over his heart. "That's not true. You made that deal with Cade, and without it, I would have been dead a long time ago."
"I made you the fine print of a contract. That is not saving."
"It is to me. Even if you don't count it as saving, you have to at least see that it's not nothing," Mila says, trying to convince him. She couldn't stand to see him tearing himself down. "Besides, every time I save you, I save you from problems I cause."
His entire expression twists at her claim. Kai watches her avoid his stare for a prolonged moment, wondering what was going in that head of hers he was usually so fond of and had now left him spiraling. Out of the two of them, it was him who caused the problems, who always put them in danger. He had no clue where that idea had even come from.
"What are you talking about?" His voice is merely a soft tremor, stroking her like his thumb did along her cheekbone.
"Sometimes, I have a problem being open and saying what I feel." She swallows, finally allowing her vulnerable eyes to meet his. "And because of that, there's a lot of miscommunication between us. I don't show my appreciation as much as I should and if it doesn't cause a problem it definitely worsens it."
"Mila, of course I know how you feel. Don't you remember all those speeches you've given me? All those times you've pulled me back when I was going in wrong direction?"
"But it shouldn't just be when you're at your breaking point or during a big moment. I should be transparent with you every day. I have been going on and on about you changing for so long. That's probably why you're being so hard on yourself now. But really, the both of us have to change. We both have to be more honest, and I haven't been doing my part. But I'm going to do better. Because you deserve better."
Mila is barely about to get out everything she wanted to say before Kai leans up and latches his mouth to hers. It's what brings them out of their own proclaimed faults and back to each other. Because they are more than their mistakes. They are more than their misteps. They are the two loops of a bow that always ties back together no matter how many times it has been unraveled.
Her arms encircle his neck, bringing her body closer to his. He's proping himself up on one elbow, his other arm still stretched to cup her face. Just as the kiss deepens, Kai pulls away slightly to speak.
"You are always saving me, though. My princess in her shining tiara," he murmurs against her lips. The warm tones of the lamplit room appears to have seeped into eyes that never stray from her own.
She smiles at the unusual analogy brought up from their last reunion. "You know that the saying is 'knight in shining armor'."
"You don't need armor."
"But I need a tiara?"
"What can I say? You like to make a statement."
She breathes out a laugh and kisses him again. They fall flat on the bed with Mila hovering over him. Her hair, crimped from wetness, curtains their faces while his hands slide up her thighs.
It was one of those times where the craving of closeness wasn't driven by burning passion, by the heat of a smoldering stare. Every touch, every brush of skin against skin, was the red circle drawn over and over again on a map, declaring them home; found and settled in each other's arms.
"Let's not wait," Kai whispers, dragging his lips over hers.
"Wait for what?" Mila breathes out.
"I want to marry you before we leave," he confesses. The slight pinch to his eyebrows demonstrate how much he meant it.
"That's impossible." Mila shakes her head. "We can't throw together a wedding in the span of a few days."
"Yes, we can. All we need is the two of us and someone to officiate it."
"Just the two of us? My parents want to be there, too. And we also need a marriage license. And it might be hard to find someone to officiate short notice. And finding a dress for me and a tux for you-"
"You forget I am part vampire and can compel whoever I want to get all of those things," he huffs, grinning at the rush of words that escaped past her lips.
There's a certain wildness to her eyes everytime she overthinks. The green of her irises resembles something exotic, adorned by dilated pupils. Her brain makes a million connections all at once and he finds it nothing short of beautiful.
"I don't know, Kai. It seems like a lot to take on, even as a vampire."
"Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of everything. Just pick out your dress and make sure I don't see it because we all know that's bad luck." He purposely bumps the tip of his nose against hers, encouraging her mouth to perk up. "And... maybe some wedding lingerie? That you can definitely show me before the wedding."
Mila's lifts her eyebrows at the suggestion, deciding to hint at an opposing angle. "You know, for some couples, once they're engaged, they refrain from sex until their wedding night."
"I think it's too late for that."
"We could start now?"
"I veto that idea." Kai flips them over, clearly too eager to have her underneath of him. Hands wander, limbs intertwine, and hearts, mimicking every other functioning part of them, become in sync.