Y'all can say whatever the fuck you want, this man is fine!
F I N E
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Damon's P.O.V
I run my hand tentatively over the glowing barrier, the purple waves warning of an attack if I kept prodding it.
Underneath the waves of vigilant magic, Mekhi slept peacefully, laid out like a mummy with his hands at his sides, same as he had been for a week now.
I do my usual checks. Poking around for any possible holes or areas that may need strengthening. When I find none I look at Mekhi, searching as best as I can for any sign of silent pain or distress, but there was none of that.
Mekhi's brown eyes were closed, his breathing steady, and he was resting. He was fine.
Heading to the corner of his room that I'd claimed for myself, I sit down on the floor and prop myself against the opposite wall. Opening up Will's laptop, I stifle a yawn while I finish the tasks I could get done from here.
I knew Mekhi more than likely didn't even know I was here, and probably didn't even hear me when I talked to him, and maybe this half-hour I spent with him every morning didn't change anything, but if it did. If Mekhi could somehow feel that I was close and watching over him, then it was more than worth it.
So I sit in near silence, only breaking it to update him on all he was missing while he tried his best to be cast as the next Sleeping Beauty. I didn't see myself calling him anything other than Aurora after this, a name I planned on dragging through the dirt once he woke up.
Aurora Mekhi Thoras, that was his new name.
"I'm supposed to meet Amelia today," I remind him while I try to carve out the best times for me to cover some pack training this week. "I actually think it'll be okay."
Optimistically speaking.
"I mean, I wasn't scared when I called her, and I'm not really scared or nervous now but," I take a breath as I look up at him, "I don't know... I still feel a little uneasy."
Mekhi doesn't reply, obviously, but Theo does.
It's been near a year since you spoke to her properly - he reminds me gently. If you weren't feeling some sort of tension, I'd be worried.
"I guess," I reply, speaking to both of them now, "I just don't want it to go wrong. Enough shit has gone wrong this year. I just want to stick in this nice, easy mode we've been in lately."
If Mekhi could, I knew he'd say some annoying shit like, 'then just relax and it won't'.
Easier said than done.
Amelia was my best friend, had been, before all of this shit happened, it'd been me and her against the world. Every future I'd ever envisioned for myself had her right by my side and most of my memories growing up had her in every one of them.
At a point, she'd been the one person I always thought I'd have in my life if I lost everyone else, so when she wasn't...
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, trying to get a grip.
Two years ago, the thought of spending even a week without talking to Amelia would've seemed insane to me. In reality, I'd spent my entire year as 18 without her, and I'd barely thought about her since I found Will.
Funny how things play out.
That's why it's called life - Theo comments sagely - things move at their own pace and no matter what we want, or how we try to affect things, we can't disrupt the natural flow.
Yes, wise master - I tease, laughing when my neck grows heated with Theo's embarrassment.
I'm just trying to help - he mumbles to himself, rolling over in silent anger.
Reaching out for him through our bond, I hold on tight and let him feel my gratitude - I know Theo, and I appreciate it, always.
Even as Theo tried to hold out, I could practically feel his tail swishing with contentment so I don't bother biting back my smile as I relax in my place.
"It'll be fine," I tell him and Mekhi, trusting my words for once.
It would be fine.
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Wrote this to Home from Rehab by Labrinth, don't have to listen if you don't want to.
I intertwine my fingers only to separate them a second later.
I cross one leg over the other before I realise that that was way too formal. Quickly uncrossing them, I spread my legs and settle.
Were they too far apart?
How wide was too wide? Dad always said to pretend I was on a bus and someone was next to me, so I do that. Bringing my legs a little closer together, I rest my hands on each of my knees.
This was better, right?
My struggle to figure out what was the best way to sit and wait was as useless as it was frustrating. Even knowing that, I don't stop my shifting since it was a pretty good distraction.
If I worried about how I sat, I didn't have to worry about what I'd say.
I look around at the familiar expanse of perfectly arranged flowers that swayed here and there from the midday breeze.
This wasn't a popular spot amongst the pack, but it was for Amelia and me.
The land belonged to an elder who wasn't that much of a bitch when compared to the rest. Emris had been the only one I could tolerate when we started with my whole revamp project.
Emris was one of the newer elders and maybe that was why she wasn't such a hardass like the others. And while she didn't particularly like me, she was always honest with me as to why. Plus, she'd always listen when I argued with her and the others instead of just writing me off straight away.
As an elder, Emris had her own large plot of land, but unlike the others, Emris made hers into a safe space. She used all her free time to maintain this rich flower garden for people who either wanted to go somewhere quiet to think, or who wanted to talk to her without prying eyes.
For Amelia and me, it was a place we could come to always and not have to bother playing nice.
It'd become our spot and when I'd called her yesterday and asked if she wanted to talk, we both knew where we'd meet.
Now here I was, trying to figure out the best way to sit like a fucking idiot.
"Hey,"
I stiffen before I turn quickly to face Amelia.
Walking towards me with two drinks in hand, she offers me a small smile that I find myself returning without having to think about it.
"Hey," I reply as she slips into her side of what we'd claimed as our bench.
She hands me one of the cups that was filled to the brim with my favourite bright yellow smoothie, "mango lemonade," I groan out gratefully.
"With extra mango," she adds making me smile.
"Thanks," I take a greedy sip and almost melt into the bench at the fucking glorious taste.
I'd somehow forgotten how addictive it was, but now that I'd been given a taste, I'd be back to stopping by Anastasia's shop every day for one of these.
Sipping on her own cucumber-pineapple blend that she loved so much, Amelia looks out at the swaying flowers for a little while and I do the same.
I wasn't really sure what was the best way to start this conversation, or where even was the best point to pick up from. We couldn't even try the fake pleasantries route since we both hated it, and the last time we tried that with our mates, it'd been fucking painful.
Still, every option screamed awkward to me, and I hated when shit was awkward, especially when it came to the people I cared about.
"I..." Amelia starts but she doesn't finish, sighing instead as she cups her drink between her hands. "I've thought about how this would go a million times, exactly what I'd say, and now that we're finally here, talking, my mind's gone blank."
She raises her head to glance at me, her uncertainty shows clearly in her bright green eyes while she tries to figure out how I'd take what she'd said.
I remembered the first time I'd seen Amelia.
I was four and enjoying my day when dad brought her in to spend some time with me. I'd never seen her before so I was cautious and she'd been cautious too, holding onto my dad and that had rubbed me the wrong way.
I mean, he was my dad and she was just some random kid.
But before our neverending rivalry started that day, when I'd first looked at her, I remembered how interesting I found her eyes to be.
It'd been her eyes that had really taken me by surprise.
They'd always been so clear and pure, not innocent genuine. She'd always showed what she felt through them, even when she didn't want to. And while Amelia was nothing close to pure, her eyes remained that way. Like a perfect, coloured glass that just been formed and given to her.
Even now, all these years later, those bright green eyes showed her nervousness while they darted between my own.
Breathing out in a sigh, she looks back down at her cup and kicks at the dirt with her shoe.
"It was the same for me," I say which brings her gaze back my way, "except maybe I thought about it ten times instead of a million."
The corner of her lips tug upwards just a little, and mine do the same.
"You've always been an asshole," she muses as she raises her cup for another sip.
"And you've always been a bitch," I drink my smoothie down while she laughs a bit, her eyes growing a little lighter as the tension between us easied a bit.
We sit in silence for a little longer, enjoying our smoothies and the beautiful, open field before we had to face what we were really here for.
Amelia goes first.
"When you saw Tristan and me that day," she starts slowly, "it was only a few days after he found me and told me we were mates."
She keeps her eyes on the flowers, even when I look at her with widening eyes.
"I couldn't tell, obviously, I was eighteen yet. But he's older, so he knew. One minute I was covering patrols, and the next some massive wolf was all over me, lolling tongue and wagging tail," she laughs a little, a smile brightening her expression, "I'd never seen anyone so excited in my life.
"I'm not sure how it is for other people, dad says it was the same for him, but I liked Tristan right away. Even though I couldn't feel the mate bond, something inside of me just knew it was right and that he was mine."
I listen, not feeling the pain I had when I'd first thought of Amelia last year, not even feeling a bit of resentment or sadness. I felt nothing in fact, nothing but a bit of happiness because Amelia had been my best friend, and she'd met her mate... that was a good thing.
I think back to the moment I'd first met Will.
Unlike her, I'd been of age and that was what had drawn me to him in the first place, the fact that he was my mate. But after, when I could've pulled away, not liking his species or gender, I'd done the exact opposite. Those teasing smiles, smart comments and hidden bravery; they'd all been my undoing.
It might've been the mate bond that had pulled me to him, but it was Will that made me stay.
"Tristan's a healer, so when we met, he'd just come back from doing his training," she explains after gulping down a bit more of her mix, "he knew me, or really of me. He knew I was supposed to be the next beta and he knew how close we were."
She looks at me for the first time since she'd started talking about him, her eyes searching for any sign that she should stop. I nod my head a little so she knew I was fine.
Letting out a breath, she continues, but with a bit more hesitancy than she had before. "We went back on forth on what we'd do. Your coronation was a few days away and he wanted me to tell you before, but I wanted to tell you after. I thought that at least if you were alpha, that it'd be easier to deal with. I didn't know they would postpone it."
"You should've told me," I say as I look at her.
"I know that now, but at the time, it seemed like that would just ruin things," she replies, holding my gaze firmly now, "I know how badly you wanted to be alpha Damon, more than anyone else, I knew how important your coronation would be for you. We've been talking about it since we were seven and you've been planning it since you could crawl. I didn't want to ruin your day beforehand."
"You wouldn't have," I start but stop when she gives me a doubtful look.
"Really, Damon?" She questions with a raised brow. "Your day wouldn't have been ruined if your coronation had gone through and we had to stand on that stage together. You would've been alright with me right there, standing beside you, when you knew we weren't mates?"
My argument dries up on my tongue.
"I didn't want to take the attention away from you or your big day," she carries on when I don't speak. "I wanted you to enjoy it, every second of it. I thought that when you realised that we weren't mates, that telling you after, explaining it to you properly, would be a lot easier and better for everyone... at least, it did to me."
"That still would've been bad," I argue but add on, "but it might've been a bit better."
I didn't know if that was true, there was no way to tell now because that wasn't the outcome that had happened for any of us.
But when I tried to put myself in her shoes, I could almost see why she might've thought that would've been better. Every outcome I could see still caused me pain if I had become alpha, the only difference was that Amelia's way, I would've had that moment to enjoy without anything weighing me down.
It didn't change things in reality though. Because none of that had happened.
Instead, I'd found out myself and in the worse way the same night I'd found out that I wouldn't be alpha.
My heart throbs and burns, the reminder hollowing out my chest for Theo to howl his pain. That brutal ache never went away, never stopped gnawing at me, it just got easier to push through.
"You were scared of me too," I say which makes her stiffen in her place, "you were scared of what I'd do."
"No," she argues, shaking her head fervently as she sits up, "I was-"
"You were," whether or not she believed it, "I saw the way you looked at me that night, both of you, you were terrified."
Her mouth opens but nothing comes out as she looks at me. Those bright, green eyes quickly grow glossy, that pain pouring into them obvious to me as I knew mine would be to her.
"I know I'm... not okay in the head," I say carefully, avoiding the words that would make Will mad if I used them to describe myself, "but I never did, and never would, bring any of that shit onto you. Even before Will helped me, I would've never hurt you or anyone you cared about."
"I know that,"
"Do you?" I question as I turn to face her head-on, "because that night, you looked like you were ready for me to attack at any moment."
"Of course I was Damon!" She breathes out, her tears falling freely now but she ignores them, her eyes glued to mine, "Damon, you are amazing and you can be incredibly sweet sometimes, but that's sometimes Damon. Other times, you would be cruel and harsh, even with me, sometimes you were horrible."
I clench my fingers together, trying to keep myself calm as my temper threatens to spark to life.
Holding on to my bond with Will, I breathe slowly, letting his familiar warmth spread through me, the heat of our link burning out the beginnings of my rage as I look at Amelia.
"I know I'm not a saint. I've never pretended to be anything better than I was, but I thought you of all people could see that I would never hurt you." I say, keeping my tone stable, "I'm not and never have been the kindness person in the world, I know that, and I know that sometimes I'm a living nightmare, but Amelia," my shoulders slump, "I loved you."
Hers do the same, the fight flooding out of her the second the words were laid bare.
Even when I'd felt so strongly for her, I'd never told Amelia those worlds, not out loud. It was clear enough and we both knew how I felt, it was one of the reasons I thought she knew that she was special.
No matter what she did, no matter how much she pissed me off or how far she pushed me, I loved her with everything a young wolf could give to another.
"You knew how much I loved you and..." my throat grows tight, "even the necklace..."
"Damon," she says softly, too softly.
I look away, hating the way that gentle tone cut through me like a whip. Hating the way it still hurt, even now, when I thought it wouldn't.
It still hurt.
"I know you didn't feel the same way, but I-"
"Damon, you fucking idiot," she croaks, cutting me off with a sob, "I loved you too!"
My head snaps up, moving so quickly that my neck strained in protest, but that pain felt numb against the confusion that welled up inside of me.
"I loved you too," she wipes at her tears, her lips tugging up for a moment before it loosens and she sniffs, "I just knew that I wouldn't be the one who'd be your mate."
We stare at one another, the world suddenly feeling still and off-balance.
Here we were, both mated to other people, and yet the traces of what we once felt for one another still hurt so much to hear.
I look away first, leaning forwards to rub my hands over my face, trying to clear away some of the confusion, but that lost feeling clogging my chest didn't go away.
Even though she'd said it, twice now, my brain was having the hardest time trying to process a reality where Amelia has ever felt the same for me as I did her.
It always seemed like it was just me, destined to be one-sided until we turned eighteen and she felt what I'd always felt for her. I'd never imagined that she...
"We've always fought like siblings and sometimes you could be so annoying that I wanted to strangle you to death, but I loved you too," she continues, pushing the hair strands that slipped free back from her face, "I'm not sure when it started really, but one day you weren't just an asshole or Damon, you were my Damon and I wanted you too.
"But as time passed and we got older, I started looking around at other couples, mate pairings. My parents and yours, the couples in schools, the people in the market and I realised that we didn't have that spark. I know everyone always talks about it, and I always thought it was bullshit. But I could see it everyone but us. We didn't have it, Damon," her eyes turn solemn as she looks at me, "we never did. That light feeling that whenever they step into a room, you suddenly forget how to breathe."
Will pops into my mind immediately. A teasing smile on his face, his blue eyes glowing with love and mischief, and that smile... that radiant smile of his, always pulling me straight towards him.
When I'd seen Will properly for the first time, under the street light and in my arms, that spark had been what lit the fire inside of me for him.
It was in that moment that I started falling for him, and that fire had never gone out.
"A piece of me hoped that maybe it was because we weren't mates yet and that it'd come when we were. But when my dad talked about the things he used to feel for Pa before they even knew they were mates," she sighs, her eyes falling to the twirling fingers in her lap. "I knew I wasn't it for you, and that hurt like hell since all I wanted was you, but... that's just-"
"Life," I fill in which draws her gaze back to me. I nod slowly, a weak smile playing on my lips as Theo's words from earlier resurface in my mind. "Things move at their own pace and no matter what we want, or how we try to affect things, we can't disrupt the natural flow."
"Theo?" she hazards and I laugh weakly as I nod again. "Verena missed him."
"He's missed her too," I say as Theo perks his head up at the mention of his closest friend.
He'd been purposefully careful over the last year not to talk about Amelia or Verena, but I knew he missed the wise, old wolf that was one of the only in this pack that could carry on a conversation with him and teach him something new for a change.
I'm sure after this talk he'd be poking me to take control so they could catch up.
In the silence that follows, neither Amelia nor I say a word for a long time, letting it ride out and not bothering to fill.
I was tired in that way that only painful memories and exposed truths could bring about. And she looked the same, her posture sunken and her eyes duller than I ever knew them to be.
Searching for some sort of light, I look to the fields and Amelia does too, our smoothies half-empty and completely forgotten now.
"I was scared Damon, but I wasn't scared of you," Amelia says after a while, "I was scared at what you might do, how you'd react and what you'd say. But I wasn't scared of you, not directly."
I don't say anything to that, it didn't make sense wasting my breath, because while Amelia might believe that with all her might, I'd seen that look in her eye.
It was one I'd never forget.
"And the necklace?" I mumble.
Amelia's fingers reach for her neck, gently tracing the free skin.
"It felt wrong," she says gently, "to wear what you gave me out of love when I was mated to another."
"It wasn't just given out of love," I argue, glancing to her out of the corner of my eye, "it was more than that."
"But it was tied in love," she presses, still speaking softly, her voice edging on breaking, "it was a gift I know, but when you gave it to me, it felt like a temporary mark. Like it was mine until you marked me properly."
I close my eyes tightly, hating the emotions that reawakened to me now.
My mind took me back to last Christmas when I'd gotten it for her. All the trips I took to nearby towns and the market places, looking for something perfect that I knew she'd love and understand.
It was on my fifth trip out of the pack when I'd found that butterfly necklace. Swinging from a jewellery holder amongst other glittering pieces of jewellery, it looked simple enough but I knew how much Amelia would love it.
Amelia loved butterflies, always had and always will. It was her favourite insect and because of her, I knew almost every type there was. So when I'd seen that Blue Morpho crystal, I knew it was perfect.
Excited didn't even begin to cover what I felt on the days leading up to Christmas. I was fucking over the moon because I knew Amelia would love it and never take it off, and I knew that that necklace would tell everyone what we were, what I thought we were going to be.
Mates.
It was a temporary mark, because I'd never imagined that she wouldn't wear the real one in the future.
The air in my lungs fleas as I slouch into the curved wood of the bench, feeling drained and tired, "I understand."
"I didn't throw it away," she says quickly, "I still have it, and I keep it safe. I just-"
"I understand," I repeat before I face her once more, and hopefully for the last time today, "I get everything you've said today, but in the end, you should've just told me, Amelia.
"I know you thought that waiting to tell me was better, and it might've been, but as my best friend Amelia, as my future beta, you should've just sat me down and told me the truth. If you did, we could've avoided-"
All the pain I went through.
I keep those words to myself and carry on a different way.
"Even if it hurt, even if it made things worse, even if it made my whole coronation shit for me, I would've preferred to know the truth at the very least. And in the end, I didn't even have my coronation. I didn't have shit but all the people I loved, lying to me! So you should've just told me the truth."
The truth.
Why was it so hard for people to just be honest?
Levi had lied to Pops and then him to me. Levi had lied to me. Amelia had lied to me. Dad had lied to me. Everyone just lied and lied, and on and on the cycle went and each time someone got hurt.
I wouldn't do that shit. I wouldn't fall under that same shitty wheel.
It was the one thing I could pride myself on with Will and everyone else, I didn't lie.
People might not like me or the shit that I said, and they may hate everything about me because of it, but at the end of the day, I was honest. And that was a lot more than a lot of people could say for themselves.
Amelia nods as she rubs her hands over her face, trying her best to dry it even as her familiar green eyes remained wet. Setting her jaw and bolstering herself, she sits up and nods again, her expression full of sadness and regret.
"I'm sorry, Damon," she says finally, her fingers shaking just a little, "I'm so sorry. For all the pain that I caused you, for not trusting you enough and for not being the best friend or beta you deserve. I'm sorry."
It's my turn to take in a deep breath as I try to smile for her, but it comes out weak and fragile.
I think my words over before I say them, making sure that I meant them, that I truly meant them.
"It's... it's okay."
She frowns deeply, ready to fight me on this, "it's not okay."
"I wouldn't be saying it was, if it wasn't," I promise both her and myself, "you did what you thought was best, not just for yourself but for me too. You were thinking about what was best for me. And you'd just found your mate, Amelia... I know it must not have been easy for you either.
"It sucked and it still hurts sometimes, but it's been almost a year," a rough chuckle escapes me at that, "I've had a year to get over it, and I have... mostly."
In some ways, I felt like I'd gotten over the situation entirely. On most days, all I thought about was Will and my family, fixing my standing with the pack and showing everyone who I really was. Most days, I didn't even think of Amelia and I felt nothing even when I did.
But then times like these, when I had to talk about it all, face it and work through it. I remembered why it'd all hurt so much before, how deeply the feeling of betrayal cut through me and how that scar had never quite healed.
I wondered if it ever would.
"This year was nothing like I thought it would be, but in some ways, I'm grateful that it wasn't." My bond with Will sparks and I smile again, "I met Will and you met Tristan. We're both mated to other people now and we're happy now. So... it's okay."
This time when I smile, it's a little firmer and built on nothing but true intentions. Amelia returns it, hers wobbly as she takes my hands in hers and squeezes them tightly.
"Thank you," she rasps gently, her voice sounding like it could break at any second. "For forgiving me and for understanding why." I nod and her fingers tighten around mine, "at one point, I thought you'd never want to speak to me again."
I release one of her hands to nudge her, "don't be stupid. You're my best friend. That's fourteen years of you and me," I point out, "I don't have a single memory without your ugly face in it."
She laughs, as she rubs at her nose and eyes, clearing the tears that topple over from her shaking, "asshole," she mumbles under her breath.
"Bitch," I shoot back, and we both laugh.
Yeah, things might never be like they were. The pain might never go away, the sadness might always remain. But I was ready to forgive and move on.
My life was far too bright for me hang on to tragedies I could mend with people I still cared about, and I did care about Amelia, I would always care about her.
She was my best friend since I was four, my worst enemy at times and yeah, she wasn't my mate, but that was really for the best. I had Will and I couldn't imagine loving any other the way I loved him.
She wasn't mine, because I was never meant to be hers.
I belonged to Will, in this life and the next.
"I guess this means I should meet Tristan properly," I say which gets Amelia's wet eyes bulging. "See if he's good enough, treating you right."
"Okay dad," she mocks and I grin. "He's a bit nervous and can turn into an awkward mess sometimes, but I think you'll really like him."
"I'll be the judge of that,"
"And Will?" she prompts hopefully, "I know he's not my biggest fan but maybe with time?"
"He'll like you too," I promise before quickly adding, "with time."
Will wasn't a stubborn person, but he was definitely a protective one and until he felt like he could trust Amelia, he might be a bit cold.
"We're okay?" Amelia asks hopefully, true fear filling her eyes, "we're okay, right Damon?"
I didn't know if we were. Things changed all the time and sitting with her now didn't feel anything like it used to; my trust in her skewed, my faith in her always having my back dimmer now.
"I don't know," I say honestly, "I think we will be," I offer, "let's just give it time?"
Despite the way sadness plagues her gaze, Amelia nods and offers me another smile, "that works for me."
Never one to sit on a wavering bridge, Amelia folds her legs under her and picks her smoothie back up with a grin I knew far too well.
"Well, I'm dying to hear the story of how you and Will met," she prompts as she turns herself more towards me, "I want every detail, leave nothing out. I want to know everything. Tell me how Damon Calderon fell in love with a human."
"It's a long story," I warn her as I take hold of my own cup again.
She smiles, "I've got time."
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I WANT NO AMELIA STONE SLANDER!!!!! I WILL TOLERATE NONE OF IT!! NADA!
Of course, you're still free to give your opinions and if you still don't like her, okay. But don't just blast hatred with no reasoning in here because she doesn't deserve it.
Thoughts???????????
What did we think of this chapter? Thoughts on the Amelia and Damon conversations? Thoughts on her reasoning???
I understand where Amelia was coming from, and I don't blame her at all really. BUT I do think that as his future beta, she should've told him the truth and been straight forward. A beta's role is to support the alpha and there's a certain level of trust there that is needed to keep things running. She definitely fucked that up in my humble opinion.
But I still love my girl anyway.
Also, I know this has been a long time coming, and you might've been expecting something a bit more dramatic but honestly, after an entire year, it wouldn't have made sense if it was. If they talked a bit earlier, maybe. But Damon's marked his man, he's making up with his family, the last thing on his mind is drama.
Vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter please! I will be updating Delicate again since you guys missed out on updates for March.
I'll be posting some extra teasers on my page later today and also the voting for April's extras will be out tomorrow.
Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humansssssssssssss