"RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOUR FATHERS NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!!!! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME!"
Our Mum has always had that angry voice that made people want to hide. This was way over her normal angry yelling. The Howler turned towards Ginny and I cocked an eyebrow.
"Oh, and Ginny dear. Congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud." I sent Ginny a sympathetic look as she sunk down low in her seat. The Hower blew a raspberry at Ron before it tore itself up to bits. I burst out into a fit of laughter as Ron sat there staring at the ripped-up Howler.
"Look at it this way, how much worse can things get, today?" Harry said to Ron. I took the chance to annoy Ron and spoke up.
"Lots. We've got Lockhart next for DADA."
Ron let out a groan and banged his head on the table. Harry forced a half-smile.
"He can't be any worse than Quirrell. I mean, he's not hiding You-Know-Who under a turban." We all shared a laugh and headed off to DADA with Gilderoy Lockhart.
***
We walked in and I sat down next to Neville a row away from Harry and Ron. We sat there for about three minutes before Lockhart entered the room and began to speak.
"Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, me." I turned to Neville and muttered quietly.
"No, we all thought it was going to be Lucius Malfoy." Neville held back a laugh and I saw Ron and Harry giggle a little bit as well.
"Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!" He chuckles waiting for us to laugh.
The room remained silent. Even Hermione and all the other girls fawning over Lockhart stayed quiet.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books, well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about, just to check how well you've read them and how much you've taken in." He waves his wand and stapled booklets levitated off of his desk and around the room.
As my booklet landed in front of me, I flipped through the pages. Each page contained about 3-4 questions, just to inflate his already 5000-pound ego.
"What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?" Harry whispered loudly from his desk.
"What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?" Ron added. I leaned over and whispered.
"Definitely not being a humble and honest human being" Ron nearly choked on air while Harry just let out a small giggle. "Read the next question. It only gets worse." Harry looked and read aloud.
"When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?! Why would anyone need to know that?!" I shook my head with wonderment as Lockhart spoke up once more.
"You have thirty minutes. Starting -- NOW!" I picked up my quill and started to write. I was going to do my best and try my hardest to remember the correct answers but ... I decided it was time to show Gilderoy Lockhart, that the first-born Weasley girl was one person he wasn't going to have swooned over him. EVER!
***
"Tut, tut. Hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is Lilac. But, Miss Granger knew that my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care potions. Good girl." Lockhart beamed at Hermione.
"I may vomit," I muttered covering my mouth.
"I'm with ya," Neville added, doing the same.
We both snickered as he talked a bit more before he got my attention by speaking about my quiz answers.
"Now, Miss Lorrinda Weasley wrote down some 'unique' answers. Many of which I find quite offensive." He glared over at me. I smiled nicely and spoke kindly.
"Were they? Ask me the questions, let the class decide." He sighed and opened up my booklet.
"What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?" He readout. I cleared my throat and spoke holding back laughter the entire time.
"Fire red, because he's a liar and his pants are always on fire." The entire class broke out in giggles as some girls sent deadly stares at me. I just smiled as Lockhart continued.
"What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?"
"Stealing other wizards and witches' work and claiming it for his own greed and ego." The girls let out small gasps while all the boys in the room were laughing hard! Lockhart sighed and read the last question on the page.
"What is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?" I chuckled as I remembered what I wrote.
"February 29th, his ideal gift would be to have been born on a normal day, or to have his ego surgically increased."
We continued going through my entire booklet and by the time we were done, all the boys loved me and all the girls hated me. He sighed and put the booklet down still sending a glare my way. After a moment he snapped back into action and took his job semi-seriously.
"Now, be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind. You may find yourself facing your own worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall whilst I am here, no matter what certain students think."
He made his way over to his desk where a covered cage had been sitting. I let out a groan and turned to Neville who was rolling his eyes as well.
"I must ask you not to scream. It may provoke them." Neville now had a look of fear and scooted back his chair. I sighed a little bit and place my hand on his.
"Don't worry, Nevy. Whatever it is, I won't let it hurt you." He smiled at me as Lockhart whips off the cover to reveal the "deadly creature" of today's lesson. My mouth dropped open and before I could speak, Seamus spoke up with a scoff.
"Cornish Pixies?"
"Freshly caught, Cornish Pixies!"
Seamus let out a snort while I stood up.
"Professor! There are far too many in that cage! That is immoral to have them all stuffed in there!" Lockhart smiled.
"Laugh if you will, Mr. Finnigan, and be moral all you want Miss Weasley. But pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters. Let's see what you can make of them ... NOW!" He flicked open the cage door and the pixies began to fly out.
Many students run out of the room screaming trying to get out without getting pinched, or pulled by a pixie. The ones who tried to stay grabbed their books and started to beat them away.
"Come on now, round them up. They're only pixies!"
"HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN WE DON'T KNOW HOW?!" I snapped slapping a pixie away from Neville. Lockhart flashes a devilish smile and me and pulls out his wand.
"Peskipiski Pesternomi!"
The spell did NOTHING and to make matters worse a pixie grabbed his wand and flew away with it. Lockhart goes pale and runs up to his office. Along the way, he fights with a pair of pixies over a self-portrait of himself. Leaving us students to fight for ourselves.
"I'll just leave you five to just nip the rest of them back into their cage." With that, he slammed his office door shut leaving Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and myself alone in the classroom.
"Gee thanks, Professor Lockhart!" I shouted at the closed door. While my back was to Neville two pixies grabbed his ears and started raising him into the air.
"LORI!"
I turned and saw them placing him by his robes on the chandelier over our desk. He looked down at me with a frightened look as I dove under my desk again and opened my textbook of spells.
"What do we do now?" Ron yelped as he smashed a pixie with his book.
"Mione! Page forty-three fourth spell down!" I shouted.
"This isn't the time for a quiz, Lori!" Ron snapped.
"Shush, Ronald! Mione?" She nodded her head and we grabbed our wands.
"IMMOBILUS!"
The pixies were frozen in midair and just gliding around on the air currents. I flash Hermione a smile as I turn my gaze back up to Neville.
"Why is it always me?" He sighed. I shook my head with a small laugh and levitated him down to the ground. Once he was on the ground I gave him a hug.
"Can you believe him? Ron scoffed plopping his book on the desk.
"What a great Professor!" I shouted sarcastically. I was hoping Lockhart would hear me.
"I'm sure Professor Lockhart just wanted to give us some hands-on experience," Hermione said rounding up all of her books. My jaw dropped and Harry replied.
"Hands-on? Hermione, he didn't have a single clue as to what he was doing."
"Rubbish! Read his book, you'll see all the amazing things he's done." Ron and I scoff in unison.
"He says he's done."
Hermione huffed as she collected the last of her things and ran out of the room. I turn to the three boys and roll my eyes.
"I swear I'm the only girl not falling head-over-heels for this COMPLETE POMPOUS IDIOT!" I shouted as I walked towards the door.
"Lori! He might hear you!" Neville spoke worriedly. I scoffed and waved my hand.
"Let him. I could care less. I'm not gonna let his mind game or whatever he is doing to my fellow ladies work on me." I flipped my hair over my shoulder and walked off.
"Lori! We have Quidditch in thirty!" Harry called out after me.
"Meet in the Common Room again?" I shouted back.
"Of course!"
I waved and rushed off to my dorm to change. After a day like today, I needed to get on my broom and blow off some steam.