- kinda sad content :/
- cringe warning lol
- tw (body image, body dysmorphia, eating disorders)
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y/n's pov
i was having one of those days where i woke up and felt disgusting. i woke up before vinnie. i sat up in our white bed sheets and stared at the sun pouring through the window. i followed the suns path and saw how it made vinnie's skin glow. how was he mine?
i slowly got out of bed, rubbing my face. i walked to the bathroom that was connected to our room. i took one glance at my reflection and didn't recognize it. i put my hands on each end of the sink and leaned. i glared at myself.
the way vinnie's shirt hung off my body. the way my stretch marks reached out of my underwear. the way my thigh gap was fading. i lifted up vinnie's shirt to check my stomach. it was a daily thing i did. it determined what the rest of my day would be like. his shirt hung off my boney shoulder and collarbone. still not good enough. still not worthy of him.
i began to cry. i forgot to lock the bathroom door as i sat in the corner by the shower. i hugged my knees. i sobbed as quietly as possible. why was i still not good enough for myself?
i climbed to my feet, removing the two items of clothes i had on. i turned the water on in the shower and got in. i turned the heat up so it would burn my skin. i tried to wash away the feeling. i tried to burn away the guilt. i knew he'd be disappointed in me if he knew.
if he knew that i got this body by killing myself agonizingly slow. would he even love me anymore? i started to sob again. it echoed off the shower walls. my cries for help weren't loud enough. no one knew. how could they?
eventually i stopped trying to scrub away something that wasn't physical. it was all mental. i climbed out of the shower and placed a towel over my now red and sensitive skin.
i walked back over to the mirror and took off my towel to use it to dry my hair. i was mortified. how could he possibly love this? how could he be attracted to this? i wrapped my towel back around me, disgusted. i collapsed back onto the floor light headed from the heat in the shower. i sobbed again. only this time it was louder.
"love?" vinnie's sweet voice called through the door. i kept sobbing. the knob turned. "love?" he looked to the right before looking to the left and seeing me on the floor. he immediately came over to me and sat. i looked down but he lifted my head to look at him.
i opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted me. "i know why you're crying baby. you don't have to speak." my tears flooded my pink cheeks again. he pulled me into him. his warm body calming my always cold one.
"i know you hate yourself darling." he spoke. i turned my head into his chest and gripped the fabric of his shirt, sobbing louder than ever. 'you're so insecure you can't even hide it.' 'he's gonna leave you.' my brain flooded with thoughts i didn't care for.
"baby listen to me." he whispered close to my ear. he grabbed my hands. "you are so incredibly important to me. not only are you the most beautiful woman i've ever seen, you're kind, strong, forgiving, and you have the most gorgeous soul. it hurts to see the woman i fell in love with slowly fall out of love with her own beautiful self." he kissed my forehead and pulled me away from his chest, making me look in his eyes. "so, my love, let me love the parts of you, that you can't love about yourself."
i breathed in a shaky breath. i nodded. "i'm sorry i do this to myself." another tear fell and i wiped it. "it's not your fault baby." he tucked my wet hair behind my ear. his shirt was soaked.
"come on, i'm gonna cancel everything i have to do today and take care of you." he started to stand. before i could protest he interrupted. "no arguing. you need to be taken care of for once. you never allow yourself to rely on me. i'm here and i'm never going anywhere. i understand it's going to take a lot of time for you to realize that but i'm gonna remind you how much you mean to me." my eyes welled up as he helped me stand. "don't cry again baby."
i laughed out my tears. he grabbed my hand and led me out of the bathroom. "here sit down." he sat me on the bed. he walked over to my desk and got my lotion. i sighed. he came back over to me. he ran his fingers under my towel moving it off my legs. goosebumps raised on my skin. he got down on his knees in front of me and massaged the lotion into my upper thighs.
i felt extremely exposed cause i knew he could see all of me. he pecked a kiss onto both of my thighs before standing up again to place to lotion back in its spot. he smiled at me.
he went to my drawer and picked out his favorite set of comfy lingerie i had. he turned around holding it up smiling. i rolled my eyes. "whattt?" he whined. "i never said we wouldn't be taking care of me too." he smiled wider, amused by his own joke.
the lingerie ^
he held out his hands wanting me to stand. "can i take this off?" he said referring to my towel. i cringed. "i....i don't feel pretty today." he stepped towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. he kissed a trail down my neck and collarbone. "then let me make you feel pretty." he whispered. his finger looped around the top of the towel.
he looked at me and i nodded, letting him take the towel off. he didn't stare, he didn't speak. he just went along like everything was normal. exactly how i liked it. no unnecessary attention on me. no vulnerability. he got down on his knees again lifting my foot. he placed my legs through the holes of the underwear. he slowly rose as he slid the fabric up until they rested on my hips.
'could he go any slower?' 'he's judging your every flaw right now' 'you're worthless someone like him could never love you' the thoughts began to flood my mind again.
i covered my chest with my arms. he noticed and kissed my cheek. he put my bra on much faster than he did everything else. he could tell i was getting uncomfortable. "see...beautiful." he stood back admiring me like i was his painting. "ok enough." i walked over to his dresser and pulled out one of his big shirts.
"hey?" he crossed his arms and his eyebrows came together making a cute angry face. he walked towards me and the closer he got the softer his expression got. he hooked his fingers into the part of the underwear that rested on my hips. he pulled me closer by my underwear. "could you maybe just...wear this all day?" he looked me up and down again. he licked his lips, taking his bottom one into his mouth and smiling. "pleaseeee..?" he smiled wider.
i groaned covering myself with the fabric of his shirt i got out. "v...i really don't feel pretty today." "do you really think i see you that way?" he took his fingers out of the sides of my underwear and just wrapped his arms around me. "well...no...but i don't understand why. i wish i knew what i looked like in your eyes." he kissed my lips. "i want that more than anything." he whispered onto my lips.
"mmm fine i'll just wear this today *kiss* just for you." i kissed him again. he grabbed the shirt out of my hands and lifted me up. he wrapped my legs around his waist and spun us around before flopping onto the mattress. i laughed into the kiss. he broke the kiss and ran his fingers through my hair. i kept my eyes closed focused on the sensation.
his lips attached themselves to my skin once again. he began dragging kisses down my jaw and neck. occasionally pecking my lips. he then took the time to kiss all over my body. he then tucked me into his chest and played with my hair. "i love you. every piece of you. every part that you think is a flaw, is something that is my favorite. please never forget that." he whispered. "i'm trying." i sighed. "i know you are and i'm here to help you. you just have to let me take care of you every now and then."
he kissed my forehead and lifted up my chin so he could kiss my lips. i was safe. i felt better and i felt comfortable. he felt like home.
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- sorry this was lowkey a vent 😭🤚
- lmk if you want another part of this story line with smut involved 😏
- i thought it would be cute to make something wholesome for once 🙄
- sorry this was literally so depressing but anyways love youuu sleep good or else <3
- take care of yourselves besties drink water and eat a full meal cause you deserve it i promise. you're all beautiful 😩🤘 okkk goodnight 💪😏
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