Today we were having breakfast at The Dunphy's house. "Ooh. Individual frittatas. What a treat. Your a lucky man Phil" Uncle Cam complements as Claire dishes out the food. "I'm always saying, I'm . . ." Phil began before no other than Claire cuts him of "Phil"! She sighs. "Sorry" He apologized. "You left the milk out again" Claire whines. "Mmm. I may have to take one of these little guys home. Claire did you ever find that Tupperware I lent you"? Uncle Cam asked. He knew she still had it.
"Sweetie, for the hundredth time. I gave it back to you. Remember"? Claire sighs. "I remember you telling me a hundred times, yet my pea soup is in Baggies" Uncle Cam mumbled. "Did you check your car in the, um . . ."? Gloria asked forgetting the word, "Trunk"? I ask. She nods. "Because that's where you found that thing. that you thought you gave me a long time ago them. Them . . ." She began to say forgetting the word. "Pizza cutter" Jay added.
"Good. Give me another one" Jay joked. "Yeah. I was wrong that time" Uncle Cam scoffed. "It's a piece of plastic. You're ruining brunch" Mitch butted in sick of Claire and Uncle Cam's concealed debate. "Don't sweat it Cam. I forget things all the time. Like I can never remember the name of that weather guys that I like. Uh, Thunder something. Stormy . . .Flash Storm? Ah! Whatever the hell it is. I don't know"! Jay whined. "Just eat your eggs, Jay" Gloria sighed sympathetically.
"Yeah. Just eat your eggs, Jay" Lily snapped. We all laughed at her cheeky little remark. Her obviously not knowing why we are laughing.
I looked back to the two boys who were sat on the couch with me. No other than Luke and Manny. "Look at them, They all think Lily's so great" Luke hissed jealously. "The novelty will wear off" Manny shrugs.
"We used to be the cute ones" Luke whines. True. We were always told about how cute we were until Lily grew up a little and became her own little sass pot. "Now she get's all the attention. We need to take her down"! Luke sneered.
"And I should remember his name, too, because your mom and I got in a big fight over him. She was using the convertible and I told her, 'Put the top up because it supposed to rain tonight according too... P-partly McCloudy, whatever the hell his name is anyway. She didn't. Ruined the car", Jay continued about the stupid nameless weather man.
"Well, not be the one to always come to mom's defense. . ." Mitch began. Oh no. It was about to go down. Claire shot Mitch a glare. An evil one. "What it was twenty years ago. What you think he's gonna ground you"? Mitch teased.
"It was you"? Jay asked Claire. "Yes. Yes, I left the top down and I let Mom take the fall" Claire whined. "And then they got divorced" Mitch teased. "Twelve years later" Claire added.
"I'm just saying" Mitch sighed. "Uh! You ruining brunch" Claire whined, "Relax, It was years ago. There's a statue of limitation on this stuff" Jay smiled whilst taking a bite of his food. "In that case I should probably let you know, I let the top down to let out the cigarette smoke" Claire boasted. Hayley's eyes widened, "Not mine. Not mine. My bad friend. . .Eleanor" Claire lied.
"Eleanor being her boyfriend, Allan" Mitch teased. "Statue of limitations" Claire mocked. "Relax. It's okay. Remember when I told you that I couldn't get to your figure skating semifinal because I was stuck at work"? Jay asked Claire and Mitch.
They both nodded. "By 'stuck' I meant drunk. And by 'work' I meant the gold course" Jay smirked. "I got one, I got one" Mitch begged. They began to tell stories until it all went quiet and Jay stormed of sulking. "Great, Daddy you ruined brunch" Lily sassily remarked. All the grown ups just laughed.
"This ends today" Manny hissed.
A little while later.
"A little help here"? Luke whined whilst setting up his trap, for Lily. "You can't expect me to focus when Marinda Cornell lives right down your street. She's like a dream wrapped in a wish poured into jeggings " Manny sighed poetically. "Yeah. Yeah that's nice and all, but we got a trap to set" Luke ordered.
"Luke? Are you sure about this"? I question. "Trust me. We'll use these cookies as bait. Lily's crazy for them" Luke suggested running over to the plate of cookies. They did look good. Maybe if I just take one. "Ouch"! I screech. Manny slapped my hand away from the plate. "These aren't for you! They have coco nuts in them" Manny warned.
"When she grabs one with her grubby little hands, off goes the trap" Luke sneered. "BOOM!. . .Big puddle of milk. She'll be in so much trouble" Luke smiled evilly. "My mom hates messes" Luke smirked. "I'm familiar with Claire" Manny nodded. "Lock and loaded" Luke says as he placed the last block onto the trap.
"Mmm, these cookies are so good...so easy to reach...Lily"? Luke and Manny teased whilst creeping around looking for Lily. I was just sat when I see a familiar hand grab a cookie from the plate. I lift my eyes of my laptop. "CAM NO"! I shout. But I was too late, first was the blocks then pin then the milk tipped dribbling down the side of the cabinet. Uncle Cam slips with a thud. He lets out a few groans until everyone came back in.
"Oh my God! Cam"! Mitch yelled walking over to his boyfriend. "What happened are you okay"? Gloria asks. "That milk fell, and I must have slipped in it" Uncle Cam exclaimed. "Did I leave that out again? I'm so sorry"! Phil apologized. "Oh my back" Uncle Cam winced. "Can I give you a Swedish massage? Accent optional"? Phil offered. "Oh no. I just need to lie down" Uncle Cam answered, "Come on, let's get you over to the sofa" Phil said whilst him and Mitch help Uncle Cam back up.
"Do you think it will be offensive if I ask my daughter to walk on my back"? Uncle Cam asked Mitch. "I'd say so. I just offered to give you a massage" Phil frowns. "Oh no. You broke Beatrice. Now she can't feed the dolphins" Lily whined looking at her broken dolly on the floor. Exactly where Cam had fell.
"What is she talking about"? Gloria asked. "Oh, it's a my Sweet Companion doll. They all have these elaborate backstories. Beatrice works with blind dolphins and models" Mitch sighed. "There's blind models. That's so sad. Then they can't see how pretty they are"? Gloria asked genuinely concerned. Manny and Luke quickly began to clear away any evidence that they had set the trap.
"Let me buy Lily a new doll. It's my fault Cam fell" Phil insisted. I furrow my eyebrows and begin to listen in. I have always wanted one of the My Sweet Companion Dolls but Mom always said no as they were far to expensive. But Papi always promised 'later'. Later was four years ago.
"No. no need the My Sweet Companion store has a hospital with an on-call doctor" Mitch explained. "I can go. I'm taking the girls to the mall anyway" Phil insisted, Then Mitch started to go on about insurance. Gloria and Mitch had left Phil in his thoughts. "Uncle Phil"? I ask clearing my throat. He looks up at me gesturing a 'yes'. "Can I come with"? He just smiled. I think that meant yes.
Me, Hayley, Alex and Lily were all sat in the car with Phil driving. "I never really got dolls. Does that make me weird" ? Alex chirps up. "It's on the list" Hayley sneered. "You're not weird" I smiled at Alex. "You just kind of skipped the 'little girl' stage" Phil added.
"And jumped to the 'I dare you to ring her doorbell' stage" Hayley joked, "The only stage you're ever going to jump on has a pole on it" Alex hissed at her sister. I gave her high five for that one.
"Hey, at least, I have the body" Hayley ratted. Then the two girls began to bicker. "Okay! Okay"! Phil shouted to quite them down. "We are going to have to settle this dispute in court" Phil raged. "The food court" He added. "The honorable Judge Cinnabon presiding" Phil joked.
"The food court? That place smells like the inside of Luke's bicycle helmet" Hayley whined. "I like the food court" Alex added. "Me too" Me and Lily added. "Don't worry girls. We're not going to deprive ourselves just 'cause of Hayley's aversion. . ." Phil began but was cut off by Alex laughing. "Oh. Oh, Hayley's aversion. I thought you said. . . never mind" Alex squeaked.
No way! Hayley is not a virgin. I mean I knew but I didn't know.
We all walked into the doll shop. It was covered in pink and girly things. "What were you thinking saying that in front of him"? Hayley whispered to Alex. "I'm sorry. It slipped out" Alex apologized. "Besides I figure he knew, Mom and Julie know" Alex warns looking at me. "Only because she dragged it out of Dylan. And she promised not to tell dad until I left for college, which means he might have never found out" Hayley hissed poking at her head acting like she had all the brains.
"Stop panicking. We don't even know for sure he heard what I said" Alex whines. Phil walked over, "Okay, Beatrice is with the nurse. They'll call us. Shouldn't be too long. We can just wait until she's married. . .Until she's ready. Which, apparently, everyone is these days. Funny. I used to think it'd be years until everyone was ready, but I guess I was wrong and naïve" Phil spoke before walking off again.
Me, Alex and Lily sat at one of the tiny tea tables made for kids Lily's age. "Lily? What is this"? Alex asked. "Wouldn't you rather have a chemistry set or some flash cards"? Alex asked. Me and Lily shook our heads.
"What about dress up or a soccer ball"? I asked, Lily shook her head to that to. "She's pretty" Lily smiled looking at the doll in her hands. "No, No. She's dirty" I sighed. "Look. Look at the dirt" Alex added taking the doll of Lily. "Let Alex wipe her off" I smiled taking another doll.
"Fix that" Alex muttered whilst grabbing a wipe. "Here braid's coming loose" Alex frowned. "I need to fix this ones parting" I sighed looking at the doll's wonky parting. "Fix that right up" Me and Alex sighed taking to the dolls in our hands.
It was about an hour and a half later, me and Alex were still playing with the dolls. "Come on, Lily. Let's see if Beatrice is ready" Hayley sighed taking Lily's hand. I looked at Alex and Alex gave me the same look. We looked at Phil who was looking at Hayley and Lily.
"Hey Dad/ Uncle Phil"? We both asked. "I know were way too old for this, but do you think we could get these doll's"? Alex and I asked. "Her name is Genevieve and she's developing, a vaccine for. . ." Alex began before Phil cut her off.
"Yes, Yes you can get the dolls. You can get as many dolls as you want" Phil begged pulling me and Alex into a hug. "It's $200" Me and Alex sighed. "Or one is fine" Phil quickly added.
-- ♡ --
I walked into the kitchen at the Dunphy's house to hear, "I thought you were going to see your friend Miranda"? Uncle Cam asked. I hid behind the wall. "This one chickened out. For someone who says he likes girls so much, he sure is afraid of them" Luke teased. "It's a dance Luke" Manny sighed. "A chicken dance" Luke joked.
"Well since your back what if I give you 20 bucks. . .and you guys go wash my car"? Uncle Cam smiled. "Is that 20 bucks for each of us or both of us"? Luke asked. "Both" Uncle Cam sighed. "That's what I thought" Luke smirked taking the keys out of Uncle Cam's hand.
"Do I get twenty bucks"? I asked coming out from behind the wall. Uncle Cam looked in his wallet and nodded. "Good, because I know you were looking for that Tuppa ware Uncle Cam. I know"! I yelled walking out the house.
-- ♡ --
Manny squirted the hose into the car's radio. "Ah! Score"! Luke cheered picking up a piece of chocolate from the floor. "It's not like me and Miranda are perfectly suited. For one things she likes bad boys. That's just not me" Manny ranted whilst wiping the dash board.
"I'm gonna turn on some music" Luke spoke with the chocolate in his mouth. "I'm sorry. I can't unlearn how to treat a lady. But where does that leave me, waiting until I'm 40, when she looks me up on face book after her first failed marriage"? Manny panicked. "Okay"! Luke yelled starting the car engine. "What are you doing"?!Manny asked.
"I'm sick of hearing you whine about Miranda"! I yelled. "It's time to make her notice you" Luke added. "But we can't"! Manny yelled. "We got a full tank of gas, and she's right down the block" Luke yelled. "Now buckle up"! I ordered. "Are you crazy"? Manny asked.
"You tell me" Luke said making himself look like a crazy person. We set of and Luke attempted to drive first probably going on a max speed of 2miles per hour. "Whoo! Whoo"! Luke screamed excitedly. "Were only going like 2miles per hour" I laughed, but Luke carried on going. Luke then pulled the lever to park.
"Okay. Your turn" Luke ordered. "Uh-uh! No way"! Manny yelled. "Do you wanna get her attention or not"? Luke asked. Manny let out a sigh and looked at me and I just shrugged at him. Luke turned the radio back on and turned the volume all the way up.
We drove past Miranda's lemonade stand. Manny gave her a slight nod as he saw her. She looked speechless. She waved whilst staring at Manny. I was led down in the back and Luke had reclined his seat all the way back. "That was amazing"! Manny squealed. "Did you see the look on Miranda's face"? Manny asked. "No. But you did good, Thelma" Luke joked.
"Please stop calling me that. I hate that movie" Manny asked. "What movie"? Luke asked. I heard sirens behind us. "Uh-oh! Dead end"! Manny shouted. "You gotta make a u-ey" Luke ordered. "He doesn't know how to do that" I scoffed and Manny nodded.
We had to reverse all the way back. Passing Miranda's house.
"I have a bad feeling about this" I sighed. "What if one of your neighbors saw us"? Manny asked Luke. "Maybe we should just confess" Me and Manny both say. "We will. . .in 20 years" Luke added. I had hope then until the'20 years' part came. "Huh"? I asked, "You heard Grandpa. This is statue of limitations, which is a good thing, because we still need to take Lily down" Luke evilly spoke.
"Nah, let her be the cute one" Manny smiled. "We don't need that anymore" I smiled. "We're bad boys now" Manny smirked. "Yeah, I like that. Bad Boys" Luke smirked. "Seriously. . .nothing" I scoffed. Then we heard a car door shut. "Your Mom"! I yelled ducking my head. Manny and Luke ducked their head to but Manny accidently pushed the horn.
Then there was a crash from inside. Uncle Cam had magically fallen over again.
Dramatic much?!