"You're what?"
"Pregnant."
"Well that's just fucking brilliant," Roger had his head in his heads, sitting on the bottom of the stairs. He was still mumbling as you stood, waiting for any other kind of reaction or some sort of supportive words. "I can't do this. You know that I can't do this."
He finally looked up, pale as a ghost.
Of course, you knew what Roger's issue was. The reason why he couldn't be happy, supportive or think about anything other than himself in this situation. He was married. And not to you.
The marriage between Roger and his wife was estranged and rough. Filled with cheating and pettiness from both of them. The two remained together mostly for public appearances and to avoid a long, detrimental divorce. All of this meant that Roger was not free to start a relationship with anyone, let alone with some groupie that's 10 years his junior.
"I know. I just didn't know who else to go to." That was God's honest truth. Also he had some right to know as he was a part of this.
"I don't know what you want me to say? I can sort you out with some money-"
"No. This isn't about that. I just wanted you to know." You cut off his question, not wanting to hear the awful possibility. It's almost offensive that he'd think that was all you were after. This wasn't planned, it just happened.
"Well, I can't- I'm sorry."
"You don't want anything to do with this. Yeah, I thought that would be the case." You gave a humourless laugh, almost shocked that you weren't more surprised.
Roger frowned at your words, did you really think that little of him? Yeah, maybe he proved you right but you liked to think he'd be better than this? He had no right to be upset at your words concerning his predictable reaction.
"I can't be seen raising a child with another woman, the tabloids would go mental."
"I didn't do this on my own, Taylor. Regardless of whatever immaculate conception you play this off as, you were just as involved as I was." You snap. Not that it really changes anything. This baby wasn't in him, after all.
Roger stood up quickly.
"I'm not a bloody teenager, (Y/N). I know this is also my fault but I have a wife. A whole reputation to uphold." He spoke with an edge.
"It doesn't matter how important you might think you are, there is still such a thing as other people and their peace. My parents will completely disown me. This child won't have a father. I won't be able to find child care while I work to support this baby-"
"I already offered you money-"
"I don't want your fucking money!" This time you can't ignore the stinging feeling as he tries to buy you off for a second time.
"Then what do you want!?"
You don't know. You don't know what you wanted as you stand in the rockstar's house, crying and exhausted for sleepless nights of worrying. You wanted him to make you laugh and tell you that everything would be okay right now. But in the long run, you don't know what you want.
"This baby to have a father, perhaps?" You sighed and rub your tired eyes.
"That's harder than it sounds."
They always get the easy way out, don't they? Because his involvement ended as soon as the two of them finished having sex that night. It wasn't like it was the first time though, they spent a lot of time together in fact, (Y/N)'s love for music and life made for interesting and conversation. You were young and free, representing something exciting for him, he liked that. He liked you. But this couldn't happen. And now you were going to be a mother? That would all have to change.
"I'm going to speak to John and Ronnie." You decided, sighing.
"Why?" Roger couldn't see how going to Deaky and Veronica would help the situation at all, sure they had kids who you watched all the time on tour but that wasn't any reason to ask them for help right now.
"Because I need someone right now and I can't go home." You folded your arms.
"It's nothing to do with them. I don't want the other boys knowing about this." He stated firmly, leaning on the wall behind him.
"Well Roger, unfortunately your friends are also my friends. I know it must bother you to think about sharing any blame over this but to be frank, you got the groupie pregnant. If I can't go to them, then you're cutting me off from anyone that could help me, is that what you want?" You ask, hoping the question would be rhetorical.
It wasn't rhetorical though. It was answered in a very cowardly way, yes, but it was still answered all the same.
"The boys can't know."
You shook your head lightly in disbelief. So he got to walk away, unaffected and unscathed, whilst you were carrying the biggest change of your life on your own. A change he had played an integral role in creating. Yet he could walk away and take zero responsibility for a life he had created, you couldn't do that. There were options, but you couldn't do it.
"Fine." You shrugged after a moment of silence, moving to leave.
"Go home, (Y/N), i'm sure your parents-"
"Bold of you to assume you have any say in what I do next." You snap, not turning to look at him as you march from the hall of his house, hearing him follow behind.
"I don't want you to be on your own, that's all."
You completely lose it at that small comment, turning round to rain hell upon the drummer.
"You don't care, Taylor, you never have. It doesn't really bother me, I knew what I was getting myself into, but please don't pretend now because that actually does bother me. That's possibly the worst thing you could do. I understand why you wanted to keep things quiet between us but for God's sake Roger, I just needed you to hold my hand and tell me it was gonna be okay. I'm already on my own."
"I do care. How can you even say that? I've proven time after time that I care way more about you than I should. It's not you, (Y/N), it's the situation. I care a lot about y-" He replies, frowning.
"But the moment I'm carrying your child-"
"This has nothing to do with a child, i've always wanted to be a Dad. But I'm married, (Y/N). This complicates our agreement to new levels, she'll be so angry, I don't know what she'll do."
His wife was also in the public eye, making their relationship a big show for cameras and press. It had started out alright but they both doubted that they had ever truly loved one and other. It was a publicity stunt out of control, they didn't realise they'd be sacrificing so much of their happiness. So it became a life of quiet affairs that the both of them knew about. His wife had her side piece. You were Roger's.
"So you knock me up and run the other way for fear of upsetting a woman you don't even like. Excellent. I'm really surprised at you, Roger, I thought we were friends at the very least." You shook your head again.
"We were never friends, love. This isn't friendship. It's always been better than that." That's possibly the most emotion you've seen from him today.
"Better? It's not better. You turned me away when I need you the most."
When he makes no move to respond, you continue your quest for the door and he lets you go. Staying put in the very place he was when you had shouted at him.
-
Inevitably, you went back to good old Mum and Dad, spending the next two months dreading the day you would start showing. So far, a manageable bump had positioned itself around the lower part of your stomach. Morning sickness had been quite tame, luckily. So far, so good. For now anyway. Until there was no way to hide it. And it wasn't even you that told them.
"(Y/N), there's a man here saying he knows you." Your Mum had disturbed your reading to notify you of the visitor.
Roger Taylor standing on your doorstep was the last thing you expected or frankly wanted to see right now but here he was. Your heart raced and you could feel your pulse in your throat. This was going to be a nightmare.
"Why-"
"I left her. That's it, we're done. Told her I wanted to speak to lawyers within the month and she agreed to-"
"Roger. What the hell?"
"It doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters, I don't care anymore. Let them talk, love, who cares? You were right and I'm gonna sort this out. Y-you can come and live with me-"
"(Y/N), who on Earth is this? What did he just say? Live with him?" Your Mother cut him off mid sentence, demanding answers.
"I'm Roger. I've been seeing your daughter for a while now and I'm the father of her child." He just shattered every lie you had built and clung to for months now. He turned up when convenient and further pushed you into a dark and lonely corner.
Your Mum's stone cold glare turned to you.
"You better bloody not be-"
"Yeah sorry, she's pregnant but it's okay. I'm going to take care of everything. We're gonna raise this child properly, in a family, perfect home life and the lot. I'll look after them both."
In all honestly, you were fuming. And your Dad was involved now too apparently. Also fuming.
"Is this why you came home? You got yourself pregnant by some flashy older bloke and lied to our faces about it?" Your Dad basically hit the nail on the head but you couldn't say that. It broke you to have to let them down so much and lie to them. Well, hide the truth at the very least given that they didn't suspect a thing.
"Well, it takes two to tango, Mister, she's not fully responsible here. I'm not that flashy anymore, been much worse. Also, I'm not that much older. Only about ten years, give or take a few. I've already said I'll sort it out-"
"I'm going to punch blue eyes if he doesn't stop talking." Perfect response from Dad.
It was hard to come up with any kind of defence in this moment. You were being chased off of the edge of a cliff and sharp rocks wait at the bottom. If the only person on your side was a barely sentient foetus, you truly stood no chance in this fight. Surely Roger wasn't as serious as he thought he was.
"I can't even look at you."
"Mum, I'm sorry-" Your parents didn't give you a chance to explain yourself.
"So this is your secret.. boyfriend."
"He's not my- It was just a bit of a fling. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Roger has other commitments anyway and I didn't want to get in way of that either." You tried to explain, making vague points in your scattered mindset.
"You don't have to keep it." Your Dad spoke up.
"Watch your fucking mouth, mate. That's my child too."
"Only when it's convenient apparently. Dad, that's not happening. I will do this, with or without any of you, I'm sorry. For the past two months, she's all I've had," The tone of your voice is final. Both of your parents still look mortified and saddened but there's nothing else to be said to or by them.
"I'll go now."
Roger followed you, as you brushed past him.
Honestly, you didn't want to see him right now. Livid that he had just waltzed in and told your parents everything, after not having anything to do with you for the past couple of months of pregnancy.
"I'm sorry, love. Really I-"
"I don't need you. Do you understand that? It doesn't matter how involved you believe yourself to be or how much I might want you. I do not need you. I can do this on my own and I would do this on my own. I want you to know that." You turn to face him as he raises his hand up in a fake surrender.
"I don't doubt that for a second," The drummer gives a few clear nods. "This isn't me just showing up, I promise you. Things have been in the works for a while. I've been trying to get my head around a divorce settlement and talking to you. I'm no longer playing a front with my marriage, I'm free to be with who I want and.. I want to be with you, if you'll have me."
He looked at his feet like a school boy, shy and mumbling.
That was a little bit unexpected. You just expected him to maybe want to be with the baby sometimes but not you too.
"Sorry, uh, me?"
"You're the closest I've ever been to being happy with anyone. Now you're carrying my child, the greatest gift ever, so I'm told. I think this might just work, love. The boys are excited to be uncles." He grinned at his own words.
"You told them?"
"Yeah, they're so excited. They think i'm a tosser but they're happy. I am too. I've been really looking forward to having you all to myself again." His eyes were fixed on yours. You chose not to speak, still slightly resentful of him despite his efforts to make things right. "I'm sorry about what your Dad said. About getting.. you know."
"I thought you were gonna try and fight him." You blinked and shook your head, telling the slight joke in a dry tone.
"I might've done. You're the mother of my child and one of the best people I've ever met. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have raising my children with me. I'm not gonna let anyone bad mouth my family." The word children was alarming.
Roger was a proud man. That was something he'd retained throughout his career. If this situation was occurring in the seventies there would be no way the drummer would be prepared to settle down and start a family. He was reckless, immature and rowdy back then. But the Roger you'd known for the past couple of years was a good man who made the most of his life and he'd be a good father.
"Are you scared?" He asked.
"Yes."
"I am aswell but I think we've got this. If anyone can do it, it's you. I promise you, it's gonna be okay. We all are." He sounded so sure here today. As if he hadn't been claiming he couldn't do this only a couple of months back. As if he didn't ditch you and run. He was certain this was what he wanted? That's a massive change of heart in two months. What the hell was he doing for two months? "I've had a nursery decorated. It's this really weird yellow colour though, you won't like it. I imagine you'll probably pick out a better one, I've got no taste for interior design, you know that."
He rambled, stuffing his hands into his pockets, starting to walk towards his car.
"A nursery?"
"Yeah. For our baby. It's in you, surely you've not forgotten? Baby brain taking over already, eh?" He teased. You stood by the car, him standing in front of you, jittery and anxious written clearly in his body language. Letting him soak in the awkwardness seemed a fitting enough treatment right now. "So uh, you said she back there. Are we having a daughter?"
He changed the topic again just ever so slightly.
"Just a feeling." You shrug.
"Names?"
"For you? Bastard. Bloody pain in the arse. Absolutely kno-"
"For the baby."
"A few."
His smile grew again, he darted to the passenger seat of his car and opened the door, waiting for you to get in apparently.
"When will you start to show?" He asked, hand still holding the car door.
"I already have a little. You can't see it when I have a shirt on yet but there's definitely a bump, that's for sure." You reply, slowly making your way over to the passenger side.
He nodded, a small smile still playing on his lips as he looked down at you stomach, not able to see anything like you'd said but still trying anyway. His eyes moved up to meet your uncertain ones.
"Please can I take you home?" He asked, eyes wide and brows raised with expectation.
There's always that part of you that wants to deny Roger Taylor. Even before he'd been such a prick. He had a way of making you want to make it just a little bit difficult. After all, he always got what he wanted. You weren't like that. He'd been so awful but it would be selfish to deny him this, your child wouldn't know her Dad. And he was trying to make up for it, which meant a good upbringing for her. A stable home and family life. She will know her father and, more importantly, be loved by him.
And hell, maybe you will be too