Before you read, I'm sorry x8248 for taking forever and a day to upload. I needed the show for some inspiration if we're being honest. This past episode was amazing and all, but I'd like to changed up the story from it just a bit. If you could bare with me, the changes aren't drastic. If you like it, vote for it and comment. ❤️😘 alright as you were!
• • •
Three weeks ago today, we decided to head to Washington.
Three weeks ago today we, lost Tyreese.
Three weeks ago today, is the day I have never felt so starved and hungry in my entire life.
Three weeks ago today, is the day I want to give up.
• • •
We've been on the same damn road for what seemed like a million and one miles.
No water, food, shelter, supplies. Nothing.
I dug my fingers into the moist sand, feeling around slowly. It was wet, so that meant there was water nearby. That meant a break, but once I'd realized I was feeling around in what used to be the lake I stabbed my knife into the ground repeatedly. I didn't know if I was pissed or sad. I didn't know honestly.
Where the hell is the break? I have a smidge of hope left that we can actually do this before I put my pistol into my mouth.
Somebody yanked hard on my arm, stopping me from my psychotic outburst. It was Carl.
"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, with his forehead scrunched because he actually thought I was crazy. I am, if we're being honest here.
I put the knife down, and slid it back into my boot.
He put his hand out for me to grab, and helped me up. "I didn't find anything." I told him, and he looked down at the ground.
"It'd be a miracle if you did." He said, and walked forward ahead of me.
So he doesn't want to talk? That's fine. I'd rather keep my saliva to drink than to pointlessly argue about something with him.
Beth's death affected everybody. It affected Maggie more than anybody. I can't really say anybody, because Daryl has said maybe a total of 8 words since then and none of which were to me. It's understandable he wants to mourn. Especially Sasha. She lost her brother, back to back. She lost bob and tyreese. I don't know how her and Maggie manage to do it. Then again I don't know how I managed to cope with both of my parents deaths.
To say the least, the world is fucked.
• • •
We continued walking slowly but surely. I was dying of everything. I had maybe a couple of sips of water left in my canteen, and I wanted to make them last. I had no food, but none of us did. There weren't any squirrels or any deer around for that satisfying meat feeling in my stomach. I would give to eat any kind of meat at this point. Although I wouldn't follow in Gareth's footsteps and eat a person because I'm not a fucking doofus, but I was starving.
"I can hold her." I told Carl, as he struggled to hold the squirmy Judith. "I'm fine, she's just hungry." He told me as Judith continued to squirm.
"And because you're holding her like a sack of flour, really just let me see her." I told him.
"Would you back off? I know how to hold my sister, you idiot!" He yelled at me, and Judith started to whine.
Everybody turned around at us, looked at especially Carl for saying that to me. I get it, he's hungry and mad. We all are.
I didn't say anything.
"I'm gon go and look. I'll meet y'all half up to that sign." Daryl said, and almost disappeared into the woods. I stopped him by saying I was coming along.
"I can go myself, I'm okay." He told me. "I'm still coming." I told him, and followed behind.
He did his usual tracking tactics, while I watched.
"I'm sorry." I told him, and he stopped what he was doing. He didn't look at me though. He knew who I was referring to.
Beth
"I know what you feel. I do Daryl. I can't tell you it'll be alright and the pain will go away soon, because it won't. We lose people, yeah. But she meant more to you than anybody else and it shows. She and carol both do-
"You don't know what you're talking about." He cut me off, and actually turned around to me.
"You didn't see the look on your face when you saw Carol after she blew terminus up. You didn't see the way you ran up to Carol and hugged her like it would've been y'all's last. Seeing and feeling are two different things. Don't you dare tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, Daryl." I told him very sternly.
He grabbed my arm and shoved me aside very violently. I slammed down onto the ground and Daryl stabbed a walker through the head. The walker fell to the ground next to me and Daryl towered over me.
"You think you can tell me how I feel, but you can't even hear a damn walker behind you." He pointed at me and walked back to the road.
I have been yelled at and humiliated by two of the people I didn't want that from. This is just making me even more depressed. At this point I know everybody wants to give up. The only person with even an inch of hope is Rick. It's sad, but true.
• • •
We finally reached a stop, it was by a bridge. I had to change Judith, and actually sit down.
After I changed Judith, I tried rocking her to sleep. That didn't work out well, because she was hungry and wanted food not sleep.
"Guys." Tara said, and pointed to the herd of walkers coming across the bridge. I really just turned my head. Looking at the walkers only made me feel embarrassed about what happened a while ago with Daryl.
Carl reached for Judith, and I leaned away. "I have her right now." I told him, and he made a really sour face at me. "Okay, well she's my sister. I have more authority over her than you do."
"Authority my ass, Carl. Back up."
"Bailey, you're being stupid. Just give me the damn baby."
"No!" I said, and he grabbed my arm.
"Get the hell off of me!" I hit him in the lip, causing him to fall back. His lip immediately started bleeding, and I got up and walked to the other side.
What the hell is wrong with me? What did I just do? Am I crazy?
I tried shushing Judith who was once again getting whiny. "It's okay shh. You're fine." I repeated to her as I bounced her.
"Bailey!" Carl yelled. As I turned around, a walker was coming over quicker than normal and fell down on top of Judith and I.
Judith was now screaming her head off, and I tried my best to not get bit, and not let Judith be bitten either. I didn't scream because I knew it would freak Judith out even more. I set her aside very aggressively, but unintentionally. The walker was literally chopping down near my neck, and I knew this was it. I knew if I didn't some how get him off of me. I'm done.
I pushed my fingers up through his neck and cleanly through his skull. It was horrify as shit, and it felt like throwing your hands into mashed potatoes and gravy. I tried my best to chunk him off me, but father Gabriel had to assist.
Once I was up, and realized what I'd just done I released a huge chunk of throw up. I had nothing to throw up because I hadn't eaten anything in a couple of days, so it was disgustingly watery. I wiped my mouth trying not to cry and ran over to Judith who was in Carl's arms.
"I'm sorry." I told her, as if she actually knew what I was saying. Everybody in the group was once again looking at me like I was crazy. I grabbed my stuff and started walking forward. Along with everybody else following.
• • •
We finally all caught a break and sat down. The vibe was depressing. Everybody was still dying of thirst and hunger. There was nothing to be said. We smelt like shit, looked like shit, and felt like shit. It was to the point where if somebody was to put a gun to their head and pull the trigger, it'd be expected but still highly devastating.
Carl held a cloth over his lip in one hand, and Judith in the other. He stared me down and I did the same. I felt highly uncomfortable, but I wanted him to see in my eyes. I didn't mean it, but I didn't feel bad for it.
We suddenly heard growls. Not unusual, but they weren't walker growls. They were dog growls. The hell? Four of them flew through the shrubs, and stared at us hungrily. Wouldn't that be some shit? Dying not even by a walker or a person, but by a dog. That sounds like a punch line to some bad joke.
Rick pulled his knife out, and so did the others. Sasha had it under control and shot all four of them. No hesitation, nothing. Just a rifle and hunger.
If you can guess, we did eat them. That's one step near cannibalism. I thought. All I really thought about was how good this tasted, but how much I didn't regret it. I'm a heartless hungry bitch huh?
• • •
"I'm going out." Daryl told Rick, and then looked at me. I guess he was expecting me to want to come so he could shut me down and embarrass me. Sorry Daryl, maybe another day. If there is another day.
"What's that?" Father Gabriel asked, pointing to what looked to be water bottles in the road.
"From a friend." Eugene read on a paper and showed us all. The water bottles were completely full, and it looked way to good to be true. Either somebody was joking us or maybe there were still good people out there in the world.
"Somebody is dicking us." Abraham suggested, as Daryl came back. I could tell he'd been crying. That hurt my heart honestly.
"There's only one way to find out. Quality assurance." Eugene said, lunged forward, and grabbed one of the bottles.
"No Eugene!" Rosita yelled at him, and Abraham slapped it from him.
"Nothing is true. This may be an act of kindness or somebody wants to be sick and mess with us. Bottom line, we leave it and-
Rick was cut off by droplets from the sky.
Sweet Jesus, please be rain.
The water from the sky slowly fell, then within a few seconds pounded the ground and our skins. It was like presents on Christmas. I wanted to roll around and make water angels.
Michonne and Carol both pulled the bowls and bottles out to catch the rain to keep us from dehydration. "This is perfect." Carol said, held her face up into the rain, and closed her eyes.
"We should keep moving, I found something." Daryl suggested, and we all turned our heads like the "HOPE" Siren was going off.
• • •
The rain wasn't dying down, but that wasn't a problem. Minus the fact that we smelt like shit already, but now the rain would most likely make us smell like wet shit. That's always fun. It was night time, and Daryl's "something" was a barn he'd found. Strangely, it was secure and it was the closest thing we've had to shelter in a while. You don't argue with stuff like that.
I was sitting in a corner by myself since I'd been banned from holding Judith. She was getting really fussy, and wasn't giving Carl a break. I did act like the bigger person and walked over to them two.
Carl knew I was sitting in front of him, but didn't acknowledge me one bit. "She likes when you hold her hands and breathe on them." I told him and grabbed her hands gently, held them in mine and breathed on them for about a couple of seconds. She suddenly stopped being whiny and let me do it.
I'd done it a couple of more times, and she fell completely asleep. It was literally like magic.
"Thank you." He told me, and I only nodded.
"How's your lip?" I asked him, and he ran his tongue and finger over it. "It's okay. It hurts a little." He told me.
"I didn't mean to do that, Carl."
"You were defending yourself, it was your right." He said. "Don't feel bad about it." He said, and I raised my eyebrow. Ironic, because I don't.
"I'm sorry I called you an idiot. Heat of the moment, I don't think you're an idiot." He told me, and I nodded at him. "It's okay, I've been called way worse." I said, he let a little laugh loose, and took his hat off to lay down on it.
"Are you turning in?" I asked him. He answered me with his eyes closed. "Do you see anything else to do?"
"You're right." I said, and laid right next to him. He was surprised at first, and I told him. "Don't act like we've never slept together." I turned over on my other side so now I was facing Carl. "Here." He handed me his hat to lay on. "No, that's yours." I told him. He didn't say anything, but gently lifted my head for me to lay down on it. I smiled at him, and I just watched him.
When I looked at Carl, just looked at him. I think of the fact Noah kissed me. I let it happen, and haven't spoken to Noah about it or at all. I hoped Noah didn't open his mouth about it to Carl or anybody. I wouldn't know for sure how Carl would react to that news. He's erratic sometimes and very unpredictable. If you couldn't tell already. It was annoying, but I do love Carl. I'm not sure if it's the way I did when I confessed to him back at the old house, but I do love him. I would go absolutely insane if Carl were to be killed. It would drive me to putting that bullet into the back of my throat.
"I never did tell you that I was glad you made it back." He told me referring to when I went to the city with Rick and the others to get Carol and Beth. "I never did tell you, but I couldn't take my mind off of you when I was gone."
Carl put his hand on my face and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "I couldn't either." I looked behind Carl, and could see Daryl and Sasha struggling to hold the barn doors. I knew exactly what was going on. I hopped up and pulled Carl up too. We ran over as quietly as possible.
I shoved the doors with all my might trying to keep it closed. We were pushing against not only the walkers, but the weather as well. Soon our whole group was pushing against the door. It was a genuine group effort.
I slipped with the mud under my feet, but Carl yanked me back up and i continued to help. He continued to push and made eye contact with me. He nodded and I smiled.
This group effort proved that even if the past weeks have been the most hardest since the world went to shit, we weren't going to give up. We were willing to fight, we couldn't give up. Everything we would've been through would've been for absolutely nothing. We were too strong to let it all go.