But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right. I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand.
It's been almost an hour since Ricky arrived at her house. They talked about graduation and parties and ate all the ice cream before watching the episode. Now, they were laying down in Nini's bed with her laptop in between them. Ricky couldn't pay attention to the episode because he was too busy thinking. On the other hand, Nini was crying since Jason said his goodbye to Janet. Without even thinking about it, she laid her head in his shoulder. He didn't notice that until she started feeling her sobs when it was the time for Chidi's goodbye. He started to pay attention to the episode now. "The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be." That was the conception of death for the Buddhists, but somehow they didn't see it that way. They were both crying now while hugging each other.
"God, it's so sad. I can't handle twenty more minutes." Nini paused the episode and grabbed the box of tissues and used a couple of them. Ricky looked at her with the biggest heart eyes he could ever do. If Carlos was here , he would say "I told you so". He shook his head but he couldn't repress his smile. Nini saw that. "Hey, you okay? You look out of it." She put her laptop on the floor and sat in front of him. "You can talk to me, you know that right?"
"Actually, I need to talk to you." He was not smiling anymore. He was serious and that scared the hell out of Nini.
"About what?"
"Us. We need to talk about us." She knew this conversation was coming but she didn't expect it to be this soon. She was not ready for a rejection after watching that episode.
"Ok. Let's talk"
"God this is hard. Well, first I need you to know that I want you in my life, always!" She knew what was coming and couldn't look at him in the eye so she was focusing on her fingers playing with her rings. "I can't be with you now Neens, I just- We are talking and I want to kiss you more than anything but the feeling that you are going to get up and leave comes ba-"
"I won't leave you. Ever again." She looked at him in the eyes, she was already crying, well still crying, and he had tears forming in his eyes.
"I know. I look at you and I forget about everything that happened but then I think twice and, everything comes back. I want to be with you, more than anything but I need to trust you that way again. I won't ask you to wait for me or whatever. It's not fair that you have to give up to everyone because of my insecurities-"
"Ricky, I don't want no one else but you. I love you and honestly? I can't picture myself with anyone else that is not you. I understand that maybe you don't like me that way anymore but if you do, i'll wait as long as I need to. I broke your heart. And I understand everything you are feeling. If you need me to leave your life again or stop hanging out. I'll do it. I just- I want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me."
"The only way I can be happy is with you Neens. As much as I'd like to deny it. You are the person I wanna be with. But I need time. Can we just, take it slow? We have graduation coming and we are both working and studying all day. We can't focus on a relationship now. But I want you in my life, always. I just- I'm scared." At this point they were holding hands and looking at each other with so much love that it wasn't even possibly to deny what they were feeling. She hugged him with all her strength and he did the same thing. Time. That's what they needed.