I sat there until the early hours of the morning, right before dawn. Anthony should be at school. I hoped he was. Me on the other hand had no clue as to how to function. I was never meant to be like that.
And as the first rays of light came to the cross roads, that damned demon Manaphel came back. I curled back against a tree, hoping she wouldn't see me. She's got a fine eye though. Of course she did. Even worse she started to approach me. And even worse than that she wanted to talk to me.
"How d'ya balls feel, angel?"
I turned away from her and said, "I'm not talking."
"Ya talking now," she chuckled. She then crouched down next to me, way too close for comfort.
"No I'm not."
"Yes ya are."
"Hmph."
Manaphel poked my cheek. "Ya make the cutest little noises. They're cute. Do y'know who would really think ya cute?"
I continued to turn away from her. My balance was impeccable. So impeccable that it must have seemed purposeful when I face planted into the snow.
"Don't eat the yellow snow, angel."
"I don't trust you."
"Well I was about to tell you about a thing."
I paused for a moment. Did I want to know this thing?
Yes. Yes I did.
I rolled back over and asked, "What is this thing?"
"Well here's the thing about the thing. You're not going to like the thing. I think Anthony will like the thing though."
"What is that thing though?"
She put her hands on my shoulders. "Well."
"Well what? Come on!"
She did that demonic smirk she always does. I wonder if all demons smirk like that. Her smirk is special though. A scraggly scar ran up from her lip to her nose. She started to speak through clenched teeth, "The thing about the thing is that..."
"Tell me already!" I shouted as I pushed her away from me. I then sat up and brushed the snow off of me. She sat there watching me. Her lips parted slightly. I shocked a demon. I thought that was impossible for an angel to do. It was a wonderful feeling. I felt pleased with myself. What a bold move of me to do.
That went away quick.
"Y'know I'm not gonna tell ya if your rude to me. Don't yell. You're an angel. Ya shan't yell."
I squinted my eyes and smiled. Having that kind of authority over a demon felt amazing. I poked the middle of her forehead. "Yeah. Go ahead and tell me, demon. Stop playing games, would ya?"
She pursed her lips. Thinking. Who knew demons could think.
"What is it, demon?"
"I don't wanna tell ya now," she said, simply. She then got up and started to walk away.
"Where are you going?"
She shrugged and said, "I don't know. I'm probably going to get a drink. Maybe stir up more trouble."
"Okay, fine, come tell me. I'll be nice if you're nice."
She turned around and said, "Come with me. We're going to get a drink."
"I don't drink alcohol."
She looked me over. "Yeah, ya look like it. Why don't'cha come back to my place? You need clothes. Nobody will ever take ya seriously in that."
I got up and said, "Sounds like a deal. You tell me what the thing is and then I'll go home with you."
She tilted her head. "No you're coming with me first. I'll tell you when you're warm and dry. I don't live far."
Reluctantly, I walked with her there. It seemed like a nice house. It had a wrap around porch, a heavy oak door, and was two stories. We stepped up to the front door. As we did so I said, "It must be awful on the inside. Like you demons. It can be very pretty on the outside but awful on the inside."
Manaphel pushed open the door. I looked inside. It looked too nice to be true. The furniture seemed to be made of velvet. There were statues placed in the corners of the room. And there seemed to be a kitchen too, much bigger than Anthony's family.
"Uh... Oh I take my statement back. Not what I thought."
"I knew you would," Manaphel said as she dragged me inside. She had me wait in the foyer. I stood there looking around at all the things.
Then I heard a rather familiar voice.
"Hello?"
I looked up and stared at another angel. I smiled and said, "Ariel. I'm so relived. I've been trailing around with some demon for the past thirty minutes."
Ariel patted my back and said, "Manaphel isn't just some demon. She's Manaphel."
"She bought Anthony's soul last night."
Ariel's eye brows raised. "No, she couldn't have. That's... Your Anthony? Oridon are you alright?"
I stood there. I was too ashamed to answer, but too good to lie. My mouth stayed shut.
Luckily Manaphel came back with the clothes. She threw them at me and shouted, "Catch, angel!"
I collected the clothes as best as I could, then walked into some side room. It seemed to be a fancy bedroom of some sort. I started to strip off my wet clothes in front of the mirror. To my surprise I looked alright. My hair was curly and some shade in between black and brown. My skin was much darker compared to Anthony's. My cheeks and shoulders were scattered with glowing freckles that looked like stars and sugar. Maybe that's what Anthony needed from me. Sweetness.
I looked sweet. Manaphel was right about me being pretty. I was very pretty. Call it ethereal beauty. That's what it was anyways. I leaned forward over the dresser, looking at myself closer in the mirror.
"Hello you," I said to my reflection. I then tapped the mirror twice, then smiled at myself. Self satisfaction is something I needed to bathe in. In that moment I realized how human I was already becoming. Angels didn't take baths. Our celestial bodies were always clean. Human vessels got dirty too easy -and cold, and wet. All of it.
Thinking about coldness I realized how cold I was. Little chill bumps appeared on my skin. I figured the best thing for it was to get dressed, so I did. After that I walked out of the bedroom.
Manaphel and Ariel were sitting in the lounge area. They seemed to be laughing and talking. That was more than unusual. Perhaps it was even wrong. Angels don't sit around and giggle with demons. Especially not a good Archangel like Ariel.
Oh how I was so wrong.
The two of them noticed I was staring at them. They waved me over to sit with them, so I did. At first it was awkward. It probably looked suspicious. Angels don't just sit around with a no good demon. Manaphel kept staring at me with those beaty red demon eyes.
Ariel kept blabbing about something. I didn't care to know what it was. Their blabbing was unusual though. Conversation amongst angels is typically kept to a limited, simply because it's wasted breath and we never had much to talk about.
Manaphel seemed engaged in the conversation. She was talking just as much. Ariel must have learned the art of talking too much from her. I wish that she would have just stopped staring at me.
"What?" I asked, simply, as I leaned back into the cushion. Ariel started to repeat what they were saying. I looked over at them and said, "Not you, I'm wondering why the demon is staring at me."
Manaphel rolled her eyes and chuckled, "It's 'cause you're pretty, angel. I can't help but stop and stare."
"Could you not? It's weird. I don't want to be looked at. Angels have enough eyes for staring already."
Ariel flicked at my earlobe, then said, "She's right though. You're prettier then most women."
I scooted away and mumbled, "Thank you, I suppose."
It was so awkward. Every glance and slight shift felt awful. Having the two of them look at me felt like the eyes of God were cast down upon me. It was wrong, but I was bathing in their stares. Someone was paying attention to me for once. It was so awkward but I was beginning to like it a little.
Manaphel patted my knee as she said, "We'll we have something to talk about, don't we, angel?"
I looked up at her. Her eyes were hungry for something. That look scribbled on her face made my stomach drop. I was choking on my own words when I said, "We do. About Anthony."
She smirked -a little more toothy then normal- as she said, "Here's my offer. I'll let Anthony out of Hell. He can get into Heaven. No good deed comes free though. You know that. Somebody will have to take his place. It's just fair. And I don't want a human. There's only one somebody in the entire universe who has enough of him to take his place. That somebody is you, angel. If you fall for him and take his place, then he can see Heaven."
"Is this some kind of deal?"
She stopped to think for a second. It felt like hours. My palms began to sweat. The humanity of nervousness was mind boggling.
"No. It's a trade. A good trade. I need you to sign though."
I pulled my knees up to my chest. "I'll think about it. How long do I have?"
Ariel leaned over to Manaphel. They whispered something in her ear, which caused her to smile more. That further sunk my stomach. Ariel pulled away from Manaphel.
"You have until he gets down there. I'll take him when I want him. It could be tomorrow. It could be years from now. You best be making your mind up angel."
I folded my palms together. They were feeling wet and slimy at that point. I looked down at them. They didn't seem that wet, but I could feel it in between my fingers.
"I'll be thinking about it."
"Well do ya agree to our trade then? Or do you need to think about it?" Manaphel asked as she took out a contract. She then handed me a pen.
That night I did think. I found myself laying in the snow again. There was no way I was going to spend the night with Manaphel and Ariel. My place wasn't there. It was with Anthony. Always, it was with Anthony. I thought back to before he was new, before the beginning of human life.
He was just a soul, a remarkable soul that caught my eye. He was warm and divine. I chose his soul in a field of light. We laid down in the warmest parts. Golden rays of light kissed our skin. He looked absolutely gorgeous. The way he'd laugh too. I told him I'd take him to Earth and take good care of him, then bring him right back here. He agreed.
Every part of him was joy and holiness, and when his soul was new to this earth, he was the same way. If I had been better he would have been the same way for longer.
I stared up at the moon and wanted to give Anthony back. Why was he like that?
"I ruined him," I said to the moon. It was there so big and bright. Just like Anthony.
"How?" a woman's voice asked me. It was calm and soothing. It didn't feel so bad to respond, "I chose him, and I couldn't take care of him."
"Why'd you chose him?"
I thought for a second. He was beautiful. He was joyful. He was everything. I slumped forward against my knees. "I thought he was amazing," I said, "I really did. Then I brought him here and he lost all that goodness he had. Now he's stupid. He sold his soul to a demon yesterday. He just wanted to be loved."
"Do you not love him? You sound like you do."
"He wants romance. With a man."
"Are you not a man?"
I blinked twice. "I'm an angel. I suppose this is a more masculine formed body."
"Close enough. Why don't you go talk to him?"
"No, I don't think he'd like that. He doesn't want me around I don't think. I don't think he wants me at all. I manifested for the first time yesterday. I got mad at him. I think I hurt him. I'm an awful angel."
I felt a hand pat my shoulder and the voice said, "You could apologize."
At that moment I discovered I have issues with flinching when people touch me. I was startled by her hand, and yet again, I fell back in the snow. I looked up at a woman.
"Are you alright?" she asked me. She seemed very confused.
I sat back up. "I thought you were the moon," I said as I started to brush the snow off my clothes.
"I'm not the moon. I love the moon though," she said to me. I nodded in agreement. This woman seemed nice enough. She offered to help me up. I accepted help for the first time. There was no shame it. It was kind, simple and pure. Help isn't a bad thing.
We began to walk together, no where in particular.
"You probably think I'm a mad man," I said as we entered the woods. The woods were too quiet. Snow was already a quiet buffer, but the woods made everything worse. Talking felt too bare and naked. I was exposed.
She responded, "No, I don't."
"Well there's no way you can believe me."
She tsked twice and hummed, "No, no, no I believe it. I dabble in the occult and the divine. And you mention your human selling his soul to a demon. Does the name Manaphel sound familiar in the situation?"
No. My stomach dropped. This woman seemed so good. Too good to be dealing with Manaphel. I didn't know what to say besides yes.
"She's not like the others."
"I know that. She's worse. And she lives amongst humans."
The woman twirled one of her braids around her finger. "No, she's really sweet actually. She's nice when she has a reason to be nice."
"Demons aren't nice. They're slimy and hate filled."
"No, Mani loves me. I know she does."
My eyes went wide at that. Nobody casually says a demon loves them. Who would love a demon? And what kind of a person is loved by a demon? I couldn't help but wonder. This woman seemed so sweet though.
"She's not that bad if you give her a chance. She doesn't want to hurt your boy, she never wants to hurt anyone, at least not badly."
I crossed my arms and spat, "She kicked me in the crotch."
"-Perhaps she's a little firey. Did you insult her ego in some way?"
"I don't know. Why do I care? Maybe she needs her ego insulted? -Who are you anyways? Maybe I've heard of you somewhere."
She pursed her lips. After a while of walking she said, "Well my name is Evanora. I'm immortal, if that means anything to you."
"Can't be. That's impossible."
"Not according to Manaphel."
"Did you sell your soul to her for it?"
Evanora shook her head and giggled. "No, no, no, she gave it to me as a gift. That's why she over works herself. It's to pay off her debt of me being here. Someday, I hope, she'll be able to get her debt paid off and we can live happy here together forever."
It made sense to me. An angel in Hell would be worth that. It didn't make much sense to me why she'd let Anthony go, but I seemed like a worthy sacrifice. Maybe she had a heart, or maybe it was just better bargaining.
"Demons don't dream like that," I said, "They lost all hope of anything good when they fell."
Evanora looked me over. "Yes, and let me tell you what angels are not, and what you are. You have no right to talk about Manaphel like that. You don't know her like I do."
"What's there to know? She's a demon."
Through the pale moonlight that peaked through the trees I could see Evanora's eyebrows scrunch together. She pursed her lips and crossed her arms. For the longest time she said nothing -not a word until we stepped out of the woods. There, at the edge of the woods, cloaked in full moonlight, she said to me, "I keep her holy. I'm her last touch of anything graceful. She craves it. Do you not think demons starve for Heaven again? Do you want to go home too? Are you not loosing yourself upon this Earth? Angel, are you mad at Manaphel, or are you really mad at yourself?"
I lost all my shields in front of her. She broke down my walls too easy. I was no better than glass. Nothing gave me away, she could just see right through me. My grace is bigger than the Library of Alexandria, but she read every scroll, every text, every book, all in an instant. I didn't know who I was anymore, but more so I didn't know who I was talking to.
"I don't know you. I'm not going to tell you that," I pouted, but she already knew my answers. What was the point of saying anything? She had me cornered and there was no dagger to grab and fight with. I was bare and afraid in the moonlight. I was exposed to the world like a new born child.
We glanced one last time at each other before I ran, much like a scared child.