I walk into the Institute after a quick mission to kill some demons. I'm kind of glad to be going back to the solo missions where I'm just killing demons. It's a good distraction from what happened to Simon however, I still can't help but hate myself for not doing more.
I put my Seraph Blade away and head towards the computers to write my report, but I feel myself stop when I see Magnus walking towards me. Why is he here? He stops in front of me and smiles which confuses me.
"Well, hello, Peanut." He says and my eyebrow rises.
"Peanut?" I ask. His smile slips ever so slightly to allow a smirk to replace it.
"You're not one for nicknames?" He questions. I shrug and shake my head.
"No, I guess Peanut works." I say and walk past him towards the computers. I sense him following so I continue our conversation. "So, what brings you to the Institute?" I ask.
"Your little loverboy brought in a Forsaken and he wanted me to see if there was any magic involved." He says as he looks at the folder he's holding. I roll my eyes and look over my shoulder at him.
"Firstly, I do not have a 'loverboy'. Secondly, there was a Forsaken attack?" I ask.
"Yes, apparently it paid Lucian's wolf pack a visit." He says. "It isn't like the other Forsaken I've seen, it's been tampered with." My eyebrows knit together and I turn to him completely. My arms cross over my chest as I look at the Warlock.
"Who would want to do that?" I ask. I pause and blink a couple of times when the realization dawns on me. "Valentine." I mutter with a sigh.
"It looks like it." He says and I turn back to the computers to start work. There is a brief silence and it's because I assume our conversation is over. However, Magnus stays by my side and starts speaking again.
"Were you aware about Alec's parents finding him a wife?" He asks. My body tenses as my fingers hover over the screen and I keep my gaze straight ahead.
"I overheard a conversation, not that it matters." I say as my arms start moving again. He sighs and places a hand on my arm which stops my movements.
"I was there when his memory came out and I can tell that you feel the same way." He says gently. I look at him unsure about what to say. I'm not sure I like him knowing my feelings, I don't like anyone being able to see through me that easily.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I say as I turn to look at him with a cold stare. His features soften which isn't the response I thought I'd receive. Why isn't he backing off?
"You can lie to others, but don't lie to yourself." He says as he rubs my arm slightly before removing his hand. "You should know that I saw Alexander heading to the training room. He didn't look happy." Magnus says. He hands me the autopsy findings before walking away. My lips part as I watch him walk away and my head naturally turns towards the training room. Alec's upset?
I walk towards the training room and as soon as I get close I can hear the sound of fists slamming against something. I turn to corner and I see Alec hitting a punching bag at a rapid pace. Sweat covers his bare chest and I feel myself staring for a moment before I remember that there's something bothering him.
"Hey, you okay?" I ask as I watch him closely. He stops punching and turns to me. He pants as his eyes meet mine and we look at one another in silence for a long second. I feel my gaze drop to his chest involuntarily, but I quickly look away not wanting him to see me staring. He walks towards his jacket and puts it on before looking at me again.
"Magnus gave me the autopsy reports. I'm assuming you'll want these." I say as I hand him the folder. He hesitantly takes it and raises a brow at me.
"Why are you giving these to me? They should go to the head of the Institute." He says.
"It is." I simply state and Alec scoffs in response.
"I'm not. And I never will be. It's like my whole life has been a lie. Now, everything I've ever known is-" He pants still trying to reclaim his breath from his workout.
"It's not what you thought." I finish for him and he sighs. I place my hand on his arm which forces his eyes to meet mine again. "Alec, what's going on?" I ask gently. He stays silent for a second before he takes a breath.
"My parents are ex-circle members." He says. My eyes widen as my jaw drops in shock. My hand slides down his arm slightly and I notice his eyes leave mine.
"They are? When did they tell you that?" I ask.
"They didn't. Lydia told me." He replies and I scowl growing angry.
"Lydia told you?" I scoff. He turns back to me taking in my anger.
"It's not her fault." He says in her defense. "I've done everything for my parents, for the Clave and-" He stops as he takes a breath. "I've done everything that they've asked." I take his hand in mine and I let my anger towards Lydia leave me.
"You deserve to do something for yourself, you know. You're the most selfless person I know, and you do everything for your family. Maybe it's time you choose your own happiness over someone else's." I say. Alec sighs and looks down at our hands.
"You know, I think you're right." He says and I smile.
"Of course I am." I say which causes a small laugh to leave his lips. I grin up at him giving his hand a small squeeze before letting go.
"I should give this to my parents." Alec says as he looks at the folder I gave him. I nod and sigh.
"Yeah, I should probably fill out my mission report." I say with a groan. The paper work that goes with being a shadowhunter sucks hard. "I'll see you later." I say as I turn and leave him to go speak with his parents.
————
After doing the stupid mission report I decided to go and check on Alec to make sure that he's okay. He seemed really stressed about learning that Maryse and Robert were members of the Circle and what pisses me off about it all is that Lydia was the one to tell him. I just hope that when he calms down he can see that they are on our side. However, after looking and not finding him anywhere, I decide to go and train instead. Alec will come to me when he is ready... actually he won't come to me. That man is not one to willingly talk about his feelings. But he will appear again when he's ready for me to talk at him, he always comes back to me. I just kinda hope he will appear soon, I was hoping to use him to distract me from Simon's death.
I climb the stairs towards the training room and smile as I see Hodge already training. He moves his bo around quickly, suddenly stopping when he sees me. He straightens his body and pants heavily as he watches me walk into the room.
"Need a training partner?" I ask and he smirks.
"Let's see what you got." He says. I pick up a bo and turn to face him. We lock eyes for a split second before we begin blocking one another's attacks. Our movements are quick and our hits are tough, though neither of us seem to struggle keeping up. Hodge has taught me basically everything I know; the rest being taught to me by my father. I release a grunt as I slam my bo against his and I quickly bring it back, swiping across the floor taking out his legs. He falls to the ground and I aim my bo at him, smirking at my victory. However, my smirk is short lived as a crash sounds behind me.
I turn quickly and my eyes widen as I come face to face with an angry looking Forsaken. I run my tongue over my lips and cock my head to the side slightly.
"M'kay." I mutter before slamming my bo against it. The Forsaken lifts its mace and snaps my bo in half. I quickly duck out of its way before shoving my foot into its chest, causing it to fly back. Hodge is on his feet and smacks his bo against the Foresaken's legs, but it doesn't fall. Instead, it shoves Hodge back before returning its attention to me.
I grunt as I hit it over and over again, but it doesn't seem affected. It hits me in the side with its mace and I groan and fall to the floor. It stalks towards me and I kick my feet up to push it away. It stumbles back, but it almost immediately is coming back to me. I sit up and go to shove the broken piece of bo into it however, it grabs my arm and twists the broken bo towards me. I strain and struggle to fight against its strength as the bo edges closer to my shoulder. I raise the other half the bo up with my other hand and shove it into the Forsaken's neck. It growls and falls back, and I think that I've killed it. But it takes one quick movement towards me and I cry out in pain as it shoves my bo into my shoulder pinning my into the floor.
I squirm trying to get away from the Forsaken as it goes to hit me with its mace, but he is suddenly forced away from me as a bow wraps around its neck. I grit my teeth as pain races through my body when I attempt to pull my shoulder off the floor, the bastard really stuck it in there.
I hear grunts and bangs as the fight continues and I bring my free hand to the wood sticking out of my shoulder. I take a deep breath as my shaky fingers hover over the bo. I need to help, but I can't if I'm stuck to the floor. I wrap my hand around it and puff my cheeks with air to ready myself, but before I can pull it out, a hand rests over mine. I look up to see Alec looking at me, his eyes flicker between mine before looking to the bo.
"Are you okay?" He asks and I laugh as I grit my teeth as another wave of pain fills me.
"In an ideal world I wouldn't be pinned to the floor by my own weapon, but I can't complain." I groan. I see the worry in his eyes so I give him the best smile I can to calm him, though I know it doesn't really work. His gaze meets my eyes again and it's when I'm looking at him straight on I see how serious he is.
"Okay, I'm going to take this out, alright?" He says as he watches my reaction closely. I close my eyes and nod as I take another deep breath. As soon as I release it, Alec yanks the bo out of my shoulder and I cry out in pain.
"God damn." I groan. I feel Alec's palm press against my wound to hold back the blood and I open my eyes to see him reaching my his stele with his other hand. I bring my free hand to my top and lift it so he can brush it over my iratze. I feel relief flood through me, but I know it hasn't fixed me up completely.
Alec looks back to my face and I smile at him as I take the hand that isn't against my shoulder. I force him to help me up, but he doesn't seem to mind as he lets go of my hand to wrap it around my waist. I look away from him to see Hodge leaning over the dead Forsaken and I stare at it. How the hell did it get into the Institute?
Izzy runs in and stare at the Forsaken before looking at me. Her eyes are wide as she moves towards us. She pulls Alec's hand away from my shoulder immediately allowing her to see the blood pouring out.
"Oh, my God! Mae, are you okay?" She asks quickly. She moves around me and I soon feel her hand press against the back of my shoulder. I groan in pain at the pressure, but I nod.
"Living my best life, dear Isabelle." I chuckle before gritting my teeth again when Alec returns his hand to the other side of my shoulder.
"We need to stitch this up." Alec says in a low voice. The two guide me out of the training room, Alec keeps a tight hold around my waist to keep me walking by his side. And even though I don't need help walking, I allow his grip to remain on me.
The two sit me down on an empty bed in the infirmary, and as soon as I sit down Alec is collecting up stuff to stitch me up whilst Izzy is peeling my top over my head leaving me in just my sports bra. I wince when my top is pulled off my wound and Izzy notices.
"Sorry." She mutters and I laugh.
"Shut up, you're fine." I say as I shoot her a smile. Alec walks over to me and I notice his eyes skim over my body briefly before pulling up a seat behind me. He passes Izzy a gauze and she instantly presses it against my shoulder. I hiss and she looks at me apologetically causing me to roll my eyes.
"Okay, this might sting." Alec says. I keep my eyes straight ahead and I squint them when I feel Alec start threading the needle through my skin. I grit my teeth and try to stay still as he sews me up. "You're moving. Stop it." He mutters.
"I'm not." I reply with a soft groan. He threads the needle again, and this time I feel myself move.
"It's just a needle, stop it." He mumbles, obviously growing annoyed that I keep squirming.
"Sorry, Alec, not my fault that I'm not into this kinda thing." I say and I sense his movements stop.
"What?" He scoffs.
"I'm more into people pulling my hair, you know." I say and I hear Izzy laugh. "But if you're into needles, I'm not here to judge." I can feel Alec moving away from me and I roll my eyes and turn to him. I see how awkward he looks and so I give him a smile. "I'm kidding, Alec." I say gently. He keeps his eyes on me for a moment before he looks away and moves out of his seat. He picks up a cloth and starts dabbing it around my shoulder, cleaning up the blood, but he doesn't say a word.
I let my eyes move away from the man and I look at my parabatai. I sigh and give her a look, the one I usually give her when I know I've pushed him too far. Iz gives me a soft smile and I lower my gaze as Alec continues cleaning me up.
Alec's phone goes off and both Izzy and I turn to it when we notice Alec makes no attempt to even acknowledge it. I look at the caller ID to see that it's Jace, and so I pick up the phone with my good arm and hand it to him. He takes it from my hand and puts it down again which causes my brows to furrow.
"Alec, it's Jace. He might need you." I say as I look over my shoulder to him. His attention is solely on cleaning and wrapping my wound.
"I don't care. You need me." He replies as the phone becomes quiet. My heart slams against my chest at his words and I feel my lips part naturally. Why is he choosing me over Jace? It makes no sense to me.
"He's your parabatai and he obviously needs you." I say and I pick up the phone as it rings again.
"Alec, I've got her." Izzy says. She moves to his side to take the things out of his hands. But he quickly stands up and moves to sit in front of me; his legs moving either side of my left thigh as he starts to work on the other entrance of my wound. I look over at Izzy with pursed lips. Both of us know that the strain on their bond isn't good for either of them. And I'm not liking being a reason to add pressure to their strain.
"I'll take it." She sighs. She takes the phone from my hand and answers the phone. She leaves the room and I look back to Alec who is stitching up my shoulder.
"Alec, what is going on? You can't just block him out." I say quietly as I place my hand over his to stop him from stitching.
"Oh, but you can?" He asks without looking at me.
"We both know that it's different. He's your parabatai." I reply. He goes silent again and removes my hand from his so that he can continue working on my wound. I sigh growing frustrated with the stubborn man. "Can you just talk to me? Keeping things in isn't going to make anything better." I beg. "I don't like seeing you like this." I add quietly.
"I do talk to you. I told you about my parents." He says and he stops stitching, moving to clean up my shoulder.
"I know, but Alec, you're hurting." I try.
"Maelys, you're not exactly the person to lecture me. You keep things to yourself." He replies as he lowers his hand and puts the cloth down. He immediately picks up a bandage and starts binding my shoulder.
"Maybe, but I tell you the important things." I counter and he scoffs. I frown and as if he can feel it he looks up to meet my eye.
"No, you don't. You don't talk about whatever is going on between you and the Vampires, and I'm not forcing you to talk to me about it. I know that whatever is going on with them is serious, I know it is, Maelys. They bite you so often it's like your letting them, yet you don't hear me pushing something that doesn't involve me." He snaps, his voice growing louder as he speaks. I stare it him and I take in his words. And although he doesn't know what's happened, it hurts me to hear him phrase it like that. I look away from him when I feel tears burn at my eyes and I stare at the floor. Alec is quiet yet his gaze bores into me and after a moment of silence he sighs. "Mae." He mutters quietly.
"Thank you for sorting out my shoulder." I say without shooting him glance. I stand up and walk past him heading straight to my room. Once I am in my room, I close my door and sigh. My eyes close as I rest my head against the door and I feel a couple of tears fall. He's right. I did let the vampires bite me, and it's because I let them bite me that Simon is dead. If I wasn't so controlled by stupid yin fen he would be alive. He is dead because of me. He is dead because I'm weak.
A loud knock thumps against the door causing my head to lift off it. I place my palm against it, making sure that whoever it is doesn't come in.
"Maelys, I'm sorry if I-" Alec starts but I cut him off.
"I'm fine. I just need to use the bathroom." I say and I know it's a lame excuse. "You know I always need to pee after a fight." I add with a forced laugh.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." I reply. I stay still for a moment, but when I hear the sound of his footsteps leaving I allow myself to slide to the floor. I bring my knees into my chest and I cry for Simon. I cry for the mundane I failed.
————
After a moment allowing myself to cry, I wipe my face and grab a thin tank top to shove over my body. I groan as I move my shoulder through thin straps, but I push the pain aside before making my way back into the ops center. My hand shakes slightly and I quickly catch it. I'm craving yin fen and I don't know why. I thought I was over this kind of struggle. Maybe I'm craving it because of my emotions towards Simon's death or maybe it's the pain in my shoulder, or maybe I just didn't get it all out of my system after I was attacked. Either way, I need to get over myself.
I walk over to my parabatai who is busy working, and when she sees me she smiles. I smile back trying to make it believable, but I know if it's not then she'll think it's my wound that's preventing it.
"How's your shoulder?" She asks.
"Good as new, who knew your brother could sew?" I joke as I lean against her desk. She chuckles and I sigh as both of our smiles fall. "I'm worried about Alec and Jace." I admit. She runs her hand through her hair as she sighs.
"Me too. I told Jace about the attack, he's on his way." She pauses. "He was really worried about you." She tells me. I close my eyes for a moment before looking down to my fingers.
"Well, when he gets here, we force them to talk." I say as I exhale. My eyes lift to her again and she purses her lips.
"Mae, we can't force them-" She starts, but I cut her off.
"We have to. I mean, can you imagine if it was us, that we weren't talking? I can't even begin to think how much it must hurt. They're both in pain, and whether they care to admit or not, they need each other." I say. Izzy thinks about this for a moment and she soon nods.
"Okay, yeah. Let's get them talking." She says. I smile, but my smile soon fades when I look past Iz's shoulder. She raises an eyebrow at me and she turns around to follow my gaze.
"Meliorn?" Izzy breathes as she jumps out of her seat and races to the Seelie in question. "What are you doing here?" She asks. I follow close behind her wanting to be there for her just in case. I know that she has broken up with him, but I also know that she still cares about him.
"The Clave called me in for some kind conference." He replies. She smiles and pulls him in for a hug. I take a couple of steps back to give them some privacy. I can't hear what's being said, but by the look on Meliorn's face, I can tell that he is still hurt by Izzy calling things off. I hate that Izzy has to give him up because of her parents, I just hope that Alec has decided to not sacrifice his life for them.
I hear footsteps approach us and I turn to see Lydia walking towards Meliorn. I furrow my brows as she storms towards him and I quickly move to Izzy's side.
"Isabelle, please step aside." She sighs to the Lightwood. I cross my arms over my chest as she carries on. "Meliorn, the Clave has ordered that you be placed under arrest." Lydia says and I stare at her in shock.
"What for?" Izzy demands.
"Soliciting state secrets from a Shadowhunter on behalf of Valentine Morgenstern. Guards." She says. Meliorn is restrained and taken away and I scoff as Izzy glares daggers into Lydia.
"Have you lost your mind?" Izzy snaps.
"Me? You're lucky you weren't arrested along with him." Lydia says as she walks away. I follow her angrily.
"Is that a threat? Because I swear to God-" I start to hiss, but Izzy places her hand to my arm to stop me.
"What are you talking about?" Izzy asks when she joins my side.
"It's our understanding that your long-standing relationship with the Seelie, Meliorn, may have led to the disclosure of state secrets." She says as she stops walking to glare at Izzy. Anger fills me at the accusation towards my parabatai, but I stay silent allowing Iz to stand her own ground.
"What? No! Meliorn told me how to get into the Hotel DuMort so that we could save a mundane." Izzy snaps. My heart sinks ever so slightly at the mention of Simon, but I keep a cold expression towards the convoy.
"And you told him nothing in return?" She asks.
"None of this is Izzy's fault." I growl. Lydia's attention turns to me and she sighs.
"We're not blaming her. Meliorn and the Seelies were likely working with Valentine all along." She says causing Izzy to scoff.
"Valentine has been murdering Downworlders and draining their bodies for months. He probably killed those Seelie scouts and used their blood-" Izzy says in anger, but Lydia cuts her off.
"Do you have proof?" She asks as she crosses her arms.
"Do you?" Iz replies glaring.
"I have orders. That's all. I never wanted any of this." Lydia sighs.
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." I say glaring at her for a moment longer before tugging on my parabatai's arm to pull her away from the convoy. Izzy huffs angrily and storms through the ops center. I follow her closely not wanting her to be by herself at the moment. "Iz, we'll figure something out." I call after her.
"I know. Maybe Alec can do something about it." She says as she marches into the training room where Alec is hitting a punching bag rapidly. Something is on his mind. I can tell by his tense posture. Izzy stares at the back of his head whilst I lean against the wall, looking between the two Lightwood siblings. "Alec, I need your help. Lydia has taken it too far." Izzy says. Her brother doesn't turn however, he adjusts his position slightly so he can hear her rant.
"What's happened?" He grunts as his fist slam against the material.
"She calls Meliorn in and arrests him, then acts like it's all out of her hands." She says in frustration.
"It was the Clave that gave the order, not Lydia." Alec replies to her as he continues to blow off steam.
"You sure about that?" I ask. Alec stops punching at the sound of my voice and looks up. We share a look and he sighs as he takes a step away from the punching bag. I keep my eyes on him, but before he can say anything, Jace runs in.
"Hey, you alright?" He asks as he runs towards me. He places a hand on my arm and I quickly smack it off.
"Leave me alone." I say with a cold expression. I think this is the first time that he's actually shown some concern for my well-being. Sucks that he's showing it too late.My brother continues to look at me and I can tell that he is upset by my coldness, but I don't care. I seriously don't care. He licks his lips and grunts quietly to himself as he tears his gaze away from me and turns to the Lightwoods.
"I just spoke to Maryse and Robert. They're being sent back to Idris." He says.
"What?" Izzy gasps.
"Yeah." He says. I can see the anger burning behind Izzy's eyes as she glares at Alec.
"Another 'order' from Lydia?" Iz scoffs. Jace's brows furrow in confusion at the mention of the convoy.
"Who's Lydia?" Jace asks.
"New head of the Institute." I mutter, not really wanting to talk to him, but knowing that Izzy is too angry to inform him without an insult.
"She's what?" Jace snaps in shock as he turns to his parabatai who is rolling his eyes.
"Temporarily." Alec mumbles as he gives me a side glare. I acknowledge it, but I make no move to apologise or take back the annoyed tone I used.
"And now she's convinced the Clave that Mom and Dad aren't doing their job?" Izzy spits in anger.
"Well, maybe they aren't." Alec says causing Izzy and Jace to scoff. I stay silent keeping a close eye on Alec. I know he's angry at his parents due to them being ex-circle members, I just hope he can remember the good they've done since then. "The Institute was under their control when the Forsaken got in."
"What are you talking about?" Jace questions.
"Mom and Dad were members of the Circle." Alec says and I see my brother and Parabatia's face's drop. They didn't know. How come Alec told me before them? He knows I don't think of them as my parents, surely I should have been the last person to know.
"What? They don't have Circle runes." Izzy says in confusion. I notice her eyes flicker to me and my gaze turns not wanting to look at her. I know she's going to be pissed off at her brother if she finds out he told me before her. There's enough tension in our group without the need to add another between Alec and Izzy.
"That's because they made a deal with the Clave prior to the Uprising. In exchange for their cooperation, they were pardoned." Alec says and I purse my lips.
"You're questioning their loyalty?" Izzy scoffs.
"Valentine is back. The Circle is rising. They're under suspicion." Alec says and I sigh sadly not liking how upset he is with his parents.
"Alec." I say quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. He turns to me and I give him a small look which he takes in.
"No way." Jace says forcing Alec's attention away from me. "Robert and Maryse took us in. They raised us. I know what kind of people they are."
"Are you sure? They lied to us. For years, they've been telling us how to act. That we have to uphold the Lightwood name. Well, they're the ones who tarnished it. They're hypocrites." Alec snaps which makes me frown. I walk towards them all and I place a hand on Alec's arm to calm him down. He looks down to me and sighs gently.
"You must be Jace Wayland." A voice calls as someone walks in. I let my hand slip from Alec's arm and I move to Izzy's side when I notice she's walking straight to Alec. I don't really want to stand near her. "Lydia Branwell. You're quite the legend back in Idris along with your sister." Lydia introduces as she smiles at Jace.
"Don't believe everything you hear." My brother replies which makes a small smile hit my face. He crosses his arms over his chest as he gives me a quick look. I avoid his gaze and continue staring at the convoy.
"Did you tell them?" She asks as she turns to Alec. My eyebrow lifts slightly in confusion as I let my eyes lift to my best friend.
"Tell us what?" Izzy snaps.
"Lydia and I are engaged." Alec says and my heart stops. I can't believe he followed his parents orders instead of living his own life.
"We're getting married." Lydia smiles which makes me feel physically sick. I've lost any chance I had at being more than friends with him.
"You're not serious." Jace scoffs as he looks at his parabatai. I stare at Alec unsure about what to say. I can't tell him that this is wrong because I know he is following what he believes to be right. He always stands by his family and I'm not going to stop him. If he wants and needs to do this, then I can't say anything to stop him, and it tells me that the feelings I feel for him aren't returned.
"You were supposed to tell them no." Izzy snaps. "It's your life to ruin." She says before turning around and walking away. We stand silently and Jace sighs as he gives me a look to study my expression. But I remain stoic.
"I don't know what to say." Jace mutters as he realises I'm not about to say anything.
"How about, 'None of this matters'? We have to stop Valentine." Alec replies as he keeps his eyes on Jace.
"Finally. Something we agree on." Jace says and walks away leaving me to look at the pair of them. I stare at Alec who looks back and I purse my lips trying to cover up the faact that my heart is breaking.
"You're abnormally quiet." Alec says.
"You're my best friend, Alec. If you think this is the best decision then okay." I mutter after a moment of silence. "I've gotta, I'm just gonna-" I stammer before walking away quickly. I feel my eyes burn as I hold back the tears and race towards my room.