CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
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THE DIAMOND ON HER FINGER sparkled from afternoon sunlight pouring in through floor-to-ceiling windows. The jewel and its two adorning stones might as well have weighed a ton. It conveyed a promise to a life she had been working her way towards and had said yes to without consideration. A decision that was not meant to be made lightly was executed in exactly that manner, and Mila had been pushing away doubts ever since.
She unfolded one of the few remaining boxes that had yet to be filled with her belongings. She was moving in with Alex. After she agreed to marry him, going along with his suggestion to not wait to move in together was just as easy, just as thoughtless. Mila was going through the motions because... what else was left for her to do?
Alex was a nice a guy, and she needed a nice guy in her life. She cared about him, she grew to love him, and unlike all of the other things she's done, marrying him made sense. The picture of their upcoming future was clear, resembling work-filled days, home cooked meals eaten, shared Christmases, and an overall peaceful existence. It would be a bit predictable, maybe, but not despairing. She could settle for that.
Clothes that were never worn and buried in her closet were taken out one by one. Whatever she was keeping was going into the box and what she wasn't she threw into a pile on her stripped mattress. The simple process was interrupted when a crumpled shirt unraveled in her hands, one too big and arguably outdated to be hers.
It was the only piece of him Mila had allowed herself to take with her. She knew it was there and yet its reveal caused to her to act like she didn't. The pads of her fingertips glided over the soft cotton, feeling it thinner in some places from wear.
She remembered how the blue color looked in the darkness. Like a light centering around all of his dark, shadowy features. It glowed almost as much as his saddened, lost eyes that searched for safe haven in her bed. They both ended up finding something that night.
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THE CLINK OF METAL AGAINST metal, the door departing from its frame, echoed throughout the spacious room. Her body twisted at the noise, squinting with tired eyes at the silhouette that stood in the entryway. She sat up on her elbows. Her eyes were well-adjusted to the dark so it didn't take long to recognize who it was.
"You awake?" Kai asked, just loud enough so she could hear him from across the room. Still, he managed to speak in a soft, hushed manner. It was rather unusual, considering he was always talking loud and freely with no regard to how much it bothered other people, Damon specifically.
This was one of the many nights she had decided to crash in one of the guest bedrooms at the Salvatore House after a long night. Relunctedly, the brothers allowed Kai to stay, too, since he was behaving decently as of late. He was set up in the room right down the hall before they departed to their own beds for the night.
"What's wrong?" Mila replied hoarsely. After hearing what she sounded like, she cleared her throat.
Kai took that as an invitation to step into the room, and he shut the door quietly behind him. She watched him shuffle across the floor to her bedside; the outlines of his t-shirt and boxers were more noticeable from the shortened proximity. She was finally able to get a clear look of his wide eyes and how he anxiously bit his lip. She could tell he was unsettled by something.
"Bad dream," he managed to mutter, staring down at her covered form. He began twiddling his thumbs, suddenly looking so bashful and helpless. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Mila wasn't thrown off by the question; it was obvious from the moment he entered that he was seeking company and comfort. She was, however, surprised by how she automatically scooted over and lifted up the blanket. There wasn't any hesitation. No second guessing his intentions. She just accepted him without thought.
"Only if you don't snore."
"Don't worry," he said, smiling a bit. He got into the bed and felt relieved that she had let him crawl in beside her. "I don't. Well, not loudly."
"You wake me up again, you're dead." She sighs, shifting to lay on her back. He does the same. They lie motionlessly next to one another. Mila knew she probably wouldn't fall asleep this way, but she didn't want to turn away from him just yet.
"Like vampire dead or dead-dead?" Kai blurted out.
"Hopefully, the latter."
"Ouch. That's no way to talk to your boyfriend."
"I'm not having this argument again."
"Because you know I'm right."
"The only thing I know is that you're an idiot."
"Your idiot," he clarifies, and he's back to grinning like a giddy child.
"Oh my god, Kai. Go to sleep," Mila groans.
She finally turns onto her side, her back facing him, but she's fighting a smile of her own. The bed sinks and moves beneath them, and she assumes he's just getting more comfortable as well. Until, she feels his body scoot towards hers. He presses against her with an arm draping over her waist.
Mila holds her breath. His warmth envelops her from underneath the blanket. She senses his own steady breathing, little exhales of air hitting the back of her neck.
Eventually, she relaxes, even shifting back to get closer to him. Mila basks in how perfectly Kai holds her. It became such a needed thing in that moment — being close to one another; it was an instinctive notion and it had happened time and time again, one way or another. She knew this wasn't going to be the last time they ended up like this, and instead of scaring her like their connection normally does, it eases her. The promise of keeping her distance from him had faltered once more, but sometimes maintaining a promise is more of a lie than when you break it.
"You're still not my boyfriend," Mila mumbled.
He hums faintly from behind her. The fact he was wanted by her astounded him. "Keep telling yourself that."
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THE MEMORY PLAYED LIKE A SCENE from a movie inside of her head. What was once a moment that brought a smile to her face had now reduced her to watery eyes and trembling hands.
Mila brought his shirt to her chest, sniffing for his scent layered underneath all the others. It had faded over the years and proved to be just as gone as he was. Every part of her longed to have it back, to have him back, and then suddenly every suppressed thought and emotion became unleashed. A dam broke, cracked by the undeniable truth.
Mila began to shake her head. "What am I doing?"
"Hey, do you need any help in here?" Alex popped in right after she had asked herself the question.
His presence awakens her from her overwhelming feelings. She blinks back tears, slowly moving to stand. Her grip on the clothing doesn't loosen; she allows it to fall at her side, held together by clenched fingers.
After a deep breath, Mila turns to face him. Alex frowns at her peculiar expression. He doesn't know what's wrong until she says the words aloud.
"I can't move in with you. I can't... marry you," she announces the conclusion of her epiphany.
"What?" Alex is taken aback. Out of everything she could have said, that was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth.
"You deserve someone who is all in, and I'm not. I'm not. And pretending I am is not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. I thought this was what I wanted," Mila explained, her available hand swinging once through the air before dropping in defeat.
"You're serious."
"Yeah, I am."
He steps forward, seeming more determined than wrecked. "Mila, I — we work. I don't know why you've changed your mind, but we work together. Really well. Don't throw this away to make a problem when there isn't any."
"The problem is that we have no problems. And I'm not talking about the occasional argument. I'm saying we don't fight for anything. We don't challenge each other. We don't tell each other what we need to hear. We work in the sense that we get along but... we aren't working towards anything.
"I'm same person that I was when I met you, and no, that's not the end of the world, but I know deep down I've been stunted emotionally just as much as physically. I'm not miserable, but I'm not happy, either. In a way that's worse because it took me so long to realize it," Mila says this confidently, lacking the tremor her voice had prior. She crossed her arms, a declaration that she was certain about everything she had said. It was the first time in a long time that she felt like she understood herself. "I don't want to be this way forever. I don't want to pretend every day I'm devoted when I'm not. I can't throw away something that we never really had."
The final act of her declaration was the removal of her engagement ring. Mila held it out for him to take, and when he didn't, she reached for his limp hand and placed it on his palm. She guided his hand into a fist so the ring was secure in his hold.
Alex could only watch her for what seemed like a long stretch of time. Her jade eyes, although glazed, voiced clarity. She was staring at him, but it felt like Mila was looking through him, towards something he couldn't decipher. He had never seen her like this before. Perhaps that was because they've never truly bothered to look deeper than the surface.
"Wow," is all he managed to utter. His eyes shift down to his fist that still clutched the piece of jewelry. He does not notice that Mila had her own token in her hands, a forgotten item that invoked more of a reaction than when Alex proposed.
"I'll give you a minute alone."
Mila slipped past him and ventured into another part of her home. Only when she was gone did Alex allow his hand to expand, and he held his splayed fingers out before him. In his palm was disfigured remains of the ring, crushed by a silent strength fueled by silent anger.
Meanwhile, with Kai's shirt tucked underneath her arm, Mila pulled out her phone and started planning her trip. She was going home. She was going home to Kai.
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"I GUESS I CAN CROSS TRAUMATIZING a whole department store off of my bucket list."
They paused on the sidewalk outside of the mall that was starting to close up for the evening. Mila sifted through her purse for her keys while Kai stood next to her, one arm hanging over her shoulders and the other holding shopping bags.
Everyday life had not grown tedious, days did not blur into the next, and Kai could feel it like some tangible thing he breathed in along with the air. Maybe it was because he had spent a fair share of time stuck in an actual loop, but he thought there was more to it than that. A certain someone to add to the equation.
"I compelled them. They won't remember anything. But... I definitely know what I'm crossing off mine," Kai responded suggestively. He hadn't stopped grinning from the moment they stumbled out of the dressing room, messy-haired and flushed.
"I'm sure you have a lot on your list," Mila muses, clicking a button so her car would flash its lights and make itself known, "considering you were a virgin when you met me."
Mila begins her walk towards the parking lot, slipping from Kai's embrace and missing his gaping mouth."I was not. I was just as much as a sex god as I am now, thank you very much."
He is right on her heels, taking long strides to catch up with her quick pace crossing the street. The handles of the bags sway on the hook of his two fingers. Mila spots her car slotted in between two empty spaces near the back of the lot, walking forward unbothered and relishing in the afterglow of being with Kai.
"Yeah. Okay." She lets out a short laugh.
"I know what you're doing. Here's some advice: don't make fun of my capabilities right after I had to erase the memory of you screaming my name from three workers, five customers and one emotional support parrot for good measure."
"I still don't understand why you tried to compel a parrot."
"Uh, because they talk and mimic what they hear. Did you really want to hear it squawking all of your desperate pleas."
They had just reached her vehicle when she spun around and pointed a finger at him. "You are louder than me!"
Kai didn't halt when she did; he kept on stepping forward, forcing her to back up until she came in contact with the trunk. The tip of his nose bumped the bridge of hers. For a fraction of a second, she had forgotten what they were arguing about.
"Wanna bet? We could have some more fun and see. Add another highlight to my day."
The soft smile that emits from previously parted lips is not the reaction Kai was expecting, but it brightens his eyes nonetheless."You had a good day? I was worried you would be bored while I was gone."
"I was at first. A little. I was mostly anxious. Then I got out of the house and my day started to improve," Kai mumbled against her skin as he dipped to kiss her neck where splotches of color couldn't fade so quickly anymore. "Funny thing that happened today: that Necromancer dude posed as my taxi driver. Don't worry, I didn't tip him."
"Necromancer?" Mila frowns, trying to remember who had mentioned that familiar name before. Kai's mouth gently sucking where her pulse thumped like an invitation was partly the reason her mind had blanked.
"You know that creepy dude that came from the Malivore pit. Raises things back from the dead. Constantly tries to terrorize the school. Dresses like he's about to announce that the British are coming."
Mila pulls him away with a firm grip on his hair. "Why was he posing as your taxi driver?"
"He wanted me to be apart of whatever pathetic, shortsighted plan he came up with. He makes being diabolical seem hard and it really isn't. It's sad that not everyone has talent like me."
"And what did you say?" Her face is scrunched like she was already angry with his answer.
"No," Kai tells her, stepping back on his own. "I said no. What do you think I said?"
"Well, you said you had a fun day. Your definition of fun tends to get a little bloody."
Kai scoffs and drops his hands from her waist. Mila scans every inch of him, searching for any detail that would indicate he was lying. He barely had any tells because he was brilliant at distorting the truth, but if anyone could figure him out, it was her.
He notices how she looks at him with skeptical eyes. He squints his own from irritation. For someone who always believed in the best of him, she had the tendency to assume the worst sometimes.
"I meant that it was fun shoving him into the hole of the steering wheel and bending his arms like pretzels when he insinuated I had been 'tamed'." Kai uses air quotes for the word the Necromancer had chosen.
Mila stands up straighter. "And why did that bother you so much?"
"Why does me proving him wrong bother you so much?"
"Because it makes me think that you think there's some truth to what he said. That that's how you view our relationship. Like I have you on a leash at all times. Like I forced you into being someone you're not happy being. Like it's a ticking time bomb until you change your mind," Mila voices everything she had been worried about, doubts coming out in accusatory tones and piercing stares. "It's bad enough that's how everyone else sees us. And now apparently you do, too?"
"Are we seriously back to you not trusting me? I told you how I felt. I told you this is what I wanted. You are what I want. I wouldn't jeopardize that. Why can't you believe me?" Kai shakes his head at what he thinks is them going back to square one.
The long, shaky sigh that rattled her chest caused his furrowed eyebrows to loosen. He suddenly saw the overwhelming emotion hidden underneath all of the inferences he had assumed were from distrust. Her rapid blinks and the way her heart hammered in her chest as she tried to get herself under control demonstrated just how wrong he had been. It wasn't that Mila didn't believe him, it was that she was afraid of what the encounter had meant.
"I do believe that's what you think you want. But realistically... are you happy living a normal life? Are you satisfied being with me when I'm going to grow old and die one day and you won't? Are you really okay with giving up your magic, something that is a big part of who you are, to end a feud you used to embrace with joy?
Ever since we got back, it's like I've been taking things away from you. Stripping you of your identity. And I think you're going to come to regret what you agreed to. I don't want you to wake up one day and resent me because your new life is unfulfilled. If that's how you feel, even a little bit, I want to know now."
He is silent during and after the entirety of her speech. She can tell he takes in every word, that every question sinks into his marrow and tightens his entire body in demand of a true answer. Mila is afraid of what is going to come out of his mouth when he finally gathers himself, but at least she will be able to stop torturing herself with what-ifs.
She knows what it's like not to be confronted and aware of how you really feel after so many promises and sacrifices made. She doesn't want Kai to go through the same gut-wrenching process. After so many times of not being able to save him from himself, Mila is determined not to fail this time; even if the truth hurts.
So, like this was the last serene moment before armies invaded and homes are turned into ruins, Mila memorized every detail. The distracted haze of his light eyes that showcases the inner workings of his mind. How the shopping bags are close to slipping from his grip entirely, hanging on for dear life at his fingertips. The first twitch of movement from his hand that soon slips into his coat pocket.
"I have wanted a lot things. Approval and acceptance from my family. The chance to be taken seriously. Power. Revenge and... more revenge," he chuckles slightly before returning to his serious demeanor. Every syllable is spoken with clarity. "But this isn't about what I want or what I've wanted before. Not really. This is about what I need, and that's you. It's always been you. I need you when I'm sad. I need you when I'm confused. I need you to make me happy because... I just can't seem to be that on my own. I need you to tell me when to fight and when to let things go. I need you every day."
A jewelry box that is all too recognizable to him and unfamiliar to Mila is revealed. His thumb runs over the black felt, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He had never been more sure of anything.
Kai peers up to find the soft features of her face. She is gazing at him deeply. Like she saw every part of him, every jagged piece that had been trying to come together and show a clear picture. He could feel her tracing the lines of past breaks.
Without looking down, Kai opens the box; a beautiful ring catches the light of the setting sun. "You don't take away. You give. You give me everything. Direction, purpose, loyalty, trust, love, forgiveness... things I never thought I could have. That I deserved to have. And if you think that I would ever regret that, regret you, you're wrong."
The process is completed by Kai traditionally getting down on one knee. Mila looks down at him, stunned, breathless, and above of all, irrevocably in love. A single tear manages to escape the pools gathering at her waterline and slides down her cheek.
"You're the reason I finally mean it when I say I like myself. You're why I look forward to a future. A future that is surrounded by you, by the way. My life already begins and ends with you, and the last thing that I'll ask from you is that you spend your remaining time continuing to put up with me. So, Mila, will you marry me?"
The direction her head shakes declares her answer before she says the words. Her smile is the most radiant it has ever been. "Yeah, okay. I'll marry you."
"And have a bazillion babies with me," Kai adds while he slips the ring onto her finger, grinning widely because he's positive this is the happiest he's ever been.
"You can't get me pregnant." Mila laughs. She has never been this happy, either.
"Wanna bet?" Kai repeats knowingly.
He stands and grabs her by the back of her neck, pulling her towards him for a sentimental kiss that communicated what little else there was to say. Their lips sealed together just like their long-awaited future. This was everything they have hoped, dreamed, and waited for. This was them being true. To who they have been, to who they are, and to who they're going to be.