╭────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────╮
I know I didn't upload all week.
I am making up for it with a long chapter. Enjoy!
⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼
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December 1st, 1996
Dear Margot,
You once told me that nothing good will happen at a school party. The tale is told and so cliché that I could die of boredom. You spend your week planning the clothes you're going to wear only to decide on something else two minutes before leaving. Saturday is spent daydreaming and saving some energy for a wild night. There is hype, there is anticipation. And by Sunday morning it all goes away. You smell the smoke on your clothes and feel cheap and wasted. Nothing has changed.
I think that you're going to find this occasion a little bit familiar...
On Thursday night, Neville pulled Hermione, Ginny and me aside. At first, he was hesitant and didn't speak freely. He started asking questions about that Saturday night party he'd heard the Hufflepuffs were throwing. Who was invited? What sort of music would there be? Was it casual or fancy?
"Have the Ravenclaws been invited?" He had left this question for last.
Although the party was common knowledge for everyone who was casually eating their lunch in the Great Hall that evening, Neville kept his tones hushed. Maybe he was afraid of some professor listening in our conversation.
"I am not sure..." said Ginny with a frown. "Hermione, should we ask Luna?" she said at once.
"Absolutely. Although I am sure she will be against a party like that. We have a test on Monday morning! We should spend our Saturday night a tad more productively than jumping up and down in the Room of Requirement, shouldn't we?" said Hermione turning to me, her only supporter when it came to avoiding crowded places.
"Are you asking me?" I asked. "Because you know I'm showing up in jeans and a jumper and I'm leaving early – before I have to carry Ron back to his room again. It's someone else's turn this time. Come to think of it, why am I always the sober friend who has to make sure no one sleeps on their back?"
"Girls!" said Neville and raised a hand. "Weren't you going to ask Luna if she is coming?" he said shyly.
"Oh! Right! Come on, Hermione!" said Ginny.
I chose to stay behind, not only because I had brought three books with me to lunch and was dreading any unnecessary trip during which I would have to carry them with me, but also because the girls might have looked over Neville's odd questions while I certainly hadn't.
"So... Luna is very fun..." I said raising my eyebrows. Neville was a shy person and I didn't want to put him in a tough situation with any invasive questions.
"I know what you're thinking, Ophelia!" he burst out when he noticed my suspicious look.
"I didn't even say anything!" I said throwing my hands up astonished.
"You were about to!" said Neville pointing at me with a smile.
"Yes, I was..." I admitted sighing.
Neville went back to his pumpkin juice but I was getting the feeling that he wasn't done talking about this.
"I think it's very sweet that you want her to come to the party," I said.
In this one chance Neville got, he smacked his cup nervously and leaned over the table.
"Please, help me, Ophelia!" he hissed. "I don't know how to dance and I don't know what to wear and I don't know if she will even come!"
The next 48 hours were spent debating which was the right clothing that would neither be too much nor too plain for this much-awaited party. Neville insisted that we kept the motives of his night from the other girls. I thought that Ginny would be a better judge on clothing but I suspected that Neville felt exposed enough that I now knew his little secret.
He asked me to lend him my mixed tapes. I assured him that I had nothing in there that could be played at a party but Neville liked to put on every rock song he could find in my collection and dance in front of the mirror.
"You used to do ballet, right Ophelia? Surely you must know if this looks okay..." he said and threw his head back and forth, messing up his curly hair. He looked dizzy.
"I used to dance to Tchaikovsky, Neville; not Kiss."
It brought memories. The Academy had held one or two dances. They tried giving us the equivalent of school dances for ballet dancers. I remember dancing with Margot. It was always easy for us to simply follow whatever music was playing and dance without caring much if we got the moves right. We spent our days repeating choreographies to perfection. It used to be liberating to dance to some pop song. Now – not so much.
Everyone was making plans for the big night. The Hufflepuffs vowed to make this the most successful party of the year. Hermione suggested that Ginny and I slept over in her dorm after the party was over – which coincided perfectly with Maya's plans (she always asked to have our dorm for herself and Blaise after occasions like these).
On the night of the party, Maya was overflowed with thrill and joy because this night coincided with the anniversary of her last night in Montmartre, the summer night when Blaise and her met in some lonely wizards' bar, the night when he had stolen her heart. Although Maya dedicated time to dress up to the nines even on weekdays, this time she exceeded herself. She closed herself up in the bathroom for hours and she came out smelling like the first breath of spring. Since she had stopped any other communication with the snobby Slytherin princesses, who had set her aside after she had laid eyes to the queen's ex, she only had me to turn to when she needed to make a decision on what underwear matched best to the occasion. I think she was beginning to feel rather lonely nowadays as well.
When I saw her getting into a little black dress (silk and delicate with drapes that complemented her stunning curves and with thin straps that left her shoulders bare) I instantly became self-conscious about my own choice of clothes. At first, I thought it was better to stay comfortable so that I could dance freely. I had decided to wear my casual pair of jeans and only switch from the shapeless and comfortable grey sweater to a black, figure-hugging turtleneck. Now, I was having second thoughts. How many chances would I have to dress up a bit differently?
"Won't you get dressed?" said Maya while curling her hair.
That did it. I replaced the jeans with a skirt; a dark brown plaid skirt. I kept the black turtleneck. I wasn't going to let myself be completely influenced by the need to fit in.
"This is so you!" said Maya in excitement. When she saw me struggling to find a pair of shoes that matched my black tights, she even offered me her ankle boots, the ones with the thick and high heels.
"Okay, what's up? Why are you being so kind to me?" I said with narrow eyes.
Maya was no fool. She knew exactly how I meant this. Politeness was not the same as kindness and Maya never showed affection unnecessarily – and neither did I. I couldn't blame everything on her temporary loneliness and friendlessness.
Maya smirked.
"I just want to thank you that you've been so generous over the last two months. You've tolerated my sleepovers for way too long. I think lending you my nice boots is the least I can do," she said with a faint smile. She walked to the nearby mirror and started brushing her blonde hair and then applying all kinds of spells to create voluminous curls. "And anyway, you're not exactly reaching the top-shelf at the moment, sweetie," she said, letting out her naturally sarcastic self.
"For the last time, I am not short – I am average."
"Well, in any case, Malfoy is coming today and you need to be your tallest self if you want to reach him."
She put her stilettos on and walked away, leaving me with my mouth agape. During our short-lived friendship, I thought that Maya never suspected a thing. She was too busy dallying with Blaise. Now, I was somehow under the impression that both her and Blaise were not only aware but also encouraging some kind of connection between Draco and me – which was definitely not possible anymore.
I felt naked and exposed at that moment but put on the boots none the less.
We were ready at around the same time, so Maya and I walked downstairs to the sitting area of the Common Room. Blaise and Malfoy were already waiting for her to appear.
"Hello, gorgeous," said Blaise and approached Maya for a kiss, a loud and provocative one.
With my peripheral vision, I caught the shadowy figure of Malfoy. He was standing with his hands sunk into his pockets as usual. A black leather backpack was hanging from one shoulder as he was leaning against the stoned wall. His clothing hadn't changed much. He was wearing his black suit as usual but had added a snake pin on his black tie, one that was shining and staring with an emerald green eye.
It was odd seeing Malfoy lingering near the couple on the night of their anniversary. Was he becoming a burden to both of them? Yet, he didn't seem to be enjoying his night so far at all. He was as grumpy as always as he rolled his eyes to the sight of the couple snogging. Maybe he was being dragged to this party.
He watched me as I walked up the stairs, already getting a head start on my way to the party. The coincidence of us crossing ways was one that had to be remedied.
"Come on. Stop snogging already. We will be late," I heard Malfoy snapping hurriedly.
There was a very specific process in order to get into the Room of Requirements for the party. First of all, the entry of all the attendees had to occur before 11 o'clock to avoid getting caught in the corridors after hours. Still, the students ought not to attract any attention to themselves. Anyone who wished to enter had to wait in the 7th floor toilets opposite the tapestry of the Room of Requirements. A designated Hufflepuff would be waiting next to the entrance of the Room. When given the sign that the corridor was empty, the students had to quickly approach the doorman, say the password and then enter the party quickly.
The three Slytherins were not far behind me. I could hear Maya's heels hitting the stone beneath us as she was trying to hide behind the two boys. She looked like she was going to the Oscars and if a member of staff saw her, her clothing would definitely attract some unwanted attention. Malfoy told her to take off her shoes and make less noise.
As for myself, I didn't look conspicuous. I was hardly dressed for a party, so I mindlessly walked to the seventh-floor toilets. The three of them arrived a few seconds later.
I waited by the door and peeked outside to the vacant corridor. Next to the tapestry opposite me, a Hufflepuff in his uniform was double and triple-checking right and left to give us the all-clear.
"That is mighty short..." whispered Malfoy in my ear.
"It's called a skirt," I rolled my eyes.
"It's a change. Are you hoping to catch someone's attention, Blackwood?"
It was tiring correcting this mistake every time it was made on purpose. I growled and turned to look at him. He was standing closely behind me.
"Don't tell me you're one of those that think a girl can only wear a skirt to catch someone's eye..." I said jadedly.
"Well... Want it or not the outcome is the same."
His deep eye-contact was intense and penetrating. I hadn't come face to face with these cold, grey eyes in a week and I needed to pretend that I'd forgotten how it felt like on my skin.
I returned to overlooking the corridor. The doorman was still undecided on whether or not he should admit us yet.
"Is that so bad?" I asked. "That's what happens at parties. You dress nicely, you dance, you drink and if you meet someone nice, so much the better."
"Where will you sleep tonight?" he snapped and seemed to not have bothered with anything I had said.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"I know Blaise and Maya will be using your dorm tonight – where will you sleep?" I felt the brush of his drunken breath on the back of my neck.
"That's none of your business."
At that moment, he lost his balance. He spread an arm and held himself stable against the door. Was he already drunk?
"It's a simple question. Who are you going to sleep with?"
"You four!" the Hufflepuff hissed across the hall, interrupting the scene. "You're next."
We tiptoed to his place.
"Noctem bibat," I said.
"Wait a minute!" said the Hufflepuff. "Malfoy isn't getting in!"
"He is my plus one!" said Blaise at once.
"We don't need people who start fights in there!" said the Hufflepuff. It seemed that the fight between Harry and Malfoy was so unexpected that the students still hadn't recovered from the incident. Everyone was how it started or what was said to have caused such a violent burst between the two of them. Malfoy seemed to have calmed down during this term – what got into him?
"So, I assume you're going to exclude Potter as well?" Blaise jumped straight to Malfoy's defence but he was quickly interrupted when Malfoy raised his hand for both of them to stop.
"I brought booze," he announced casually. Of course, he had.
The Hufflepuff narrowed his eyes. "How much?"
"Two bottles of Firewhiskey."
"Okay get in. And play nicely!"
The tapestry was enchanted to work as a soundproof shield, hiding the music from the outside world. As soon as we were covered under it, the music from inside the room started beating against our eardrums loudly. The door opened.
The party inside the Room of Requirements hadn't exactly started yet. Students of all houses were still arriving and most of the people were hesitant to dance on an empty dancefloor. I instantly spotted Harry and Ron sitting near the bar. They had both put a significant amount of effort into their looks. Ron, who had recently started his heavy flirtation with Lavender Brown, had even combed his hair and put on a well-pressed shirt – which he usually abstained from. The boys were already drinking their first butterbeer while waiting for the girls to arrive.
In the middle of the still quiet dancefloor, I noticed Neville. He had finally decided on a blue plaid shirt – because this was Luna's favourite colour. He waved cheerily.
"Have fun, Ophelia..."
The voice came from behind me. It called me by my first name. I shivered and turned to look at him.
Draco (the first name had returned in my thoughts) swallowed and exhaled. His alcohol and smoke breath hit me, just like it always used to do.
"You look amazing. Too bad I'm not allowed to punch people in this party."
I didn't linger much. I walked away and was wondering if he was watching me walk towards Neville. Was my braid looking okay? Did my legs look good from the back?
It seemed like yesterday that we were friends – undoubtedly and solely friends. Then, in a moment, we were enemies and a hated face in the crowd. When did we start flirting with each other and when did I start liking it? It seemed easy to say that it was always like this but it was never so profoundly obvious and never more secretly hidden. The area was grey like his eyes and it was sweetly torturing me. I was getting a feeling that it was torturing him as well.
It didn't take long for the party to get wild. After 11 when everyone had officially arrived, a few brave Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs led the dance.
The wizards never got it right with music. One moment we were listening to raging rock music and the next we were dancing to the wildest hit of the times. But after a few drinks and a couple of shots, no one cared if the song choices were almost random. I danced until the soles of my feet ached.
Ron was the best dancer in the group. He was committed to the idea of making Lavender – and Hermione, in my humble opinion – jealous and I think there was a silent treaty between us that he was allowed to platonically dance with me in order to achieve both. Draco's eyes were soaked in rage as he was gulping back his third drink.
Harry didn't like dancing. He was quietly watching us ridicule ourselves on the dancefloor. Whenever dragged to a forced dance, he would show a few moves and return to the bar before the song was over. Once in a while, I would approach him and drink with him. It gave me a few moments to cool down and a second to catch a glimpse of Draco's corner in the bar – he was still watching.
Dancing would stop and resume according to what I fancied at the moment but I noticed that Draco was not satisfied with anything. His jealous look wouldn't rest even when I danced with the girls. I thought we would be predictable and think it was more platonic when I danced with Ginny. But he was reading my aura. He was onto me. He had already realized that I could just as easily be attracted to a girl, so he was equally jealous.
However, the havoc wreaked only when Cormac McLaggen approached me for a dance. At first, I was open to the idea of dancing with a boy I had never met and he hadn't given me any reason to subtly draw myself away before he laid his hands on my waist after only two minutes of dancing and hardly any approval from me. I must add that this caught Ron's and Harry's attention as well because Cormac was a famous player and despised by both of them. I paid attention to what Draco was doing at the moment. When he saw me getting uncomfortable, he jumped up. Blaise and Maya were nearby and watched him storm to the dancefloor. By this time, he was almost stumbling on his own feet. Blaise quickly followed and spread a hand across his chest to stop him in his tracks.
Ron was already trying to steal me from McLaggen and save me from the difficult spot that was to dance with a complete stranger that stuck to you like gum on a shoe, so when Draco managed to fight Blaise and reach us, the sight was very intriguing in his drunken eyes; a messy-haired Ophelia dancing between two boys.
"Everything okay?"
Blaise came to rescue the situation.
"I'm sorry. He is drunk and he's leaving right now!" hissed Blaise with an uncomfortable smile.
He was dragged away from us without ever loosening his eye contact with Cormac.
"Leave me alone!" he was fighting Blaise back but he seemed way too drunk and light-headed to fight a sober man. He had already started losing control of his mouth; his pronunciation was off even in the easiest of words.
"What's up with Malfoy lately?" asked Ron after this brief interruption ceased. "He is either walking around like a ghost or starting a fight at every turn."
But the dancing resumed at once and the small incidence was easily forgotten. I watched from afar as Blaise and Draco were having a heated conversation away from the crowd. Draco soon stormed out. I saw Blaise clearly considering whether or not he should follow but I imagine he considered Draco sober enough to return to his dorm safely.
I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. From that moment on, the cheerfulness of dancing and drinking had disappeared. As everyone continued emptying their drinks in one sitting, I felt strangely dizzy. It was the kind of dizzy you get when you're utterly sad, the kind of blue feeling usually associated with the aftermath of a party. My mood was ruined.
I was supposed to leave with Hermione later in the night. Some instinct told me that our sleepover wouldn't happen tonight. I quickly cancelled the arrangement and announced that I would turn in earlier than I thought. Everyone insisted on another song, another drink, and then another, and then another. I went along with it for a while but it soon became apparent that I was reaching my limits.
I left.
It was strange and instinctive. I knew where to go, where I would find him, where he would be waiting, what he would be drinking.
In the Slytherin Common Room, the fire was almost out. He had forgotten the few basic rules of this dungeon and had lit a cigarette. In his hand, he was holding a half-full bottle of whiskey. He was drinking heavily.
"I told you, you wouldn't last a week," he said and took another drag from his cig.
"It's been three weeks since you said that," I announced. I didn't sit next to him as expected but rather liked looking down upon him.
"I underestimated how spiteful you can become," he said.
I bent down slightly and took a whiff. Liquor, smoke, mahogany, woods, in that order.
"You smell like a sewer."
"You thmell like cheap perfume." The 's's had disappeared or at least subsided in his speech.
I folded my hands across my chest and threw my eyes up.
"I wouldn't exactly go so far as to call it cheap. It was reasonably priced. It's not my fault that you were pampered to death and don't have a taste for anything lower than Dior..."
"Blah, blah, blah... Witty comeback, rolling eyes and judgement. You're a sarcastic mess – we get it!"
Draco tilted his head back and gulped from his bottle. When he straightened himself again, he had a sour smile on his face.
"Okay, give me your hand..." I said and tried to take his bottle away from him.
"This one is mine! You should have gotten yours!" he complained.
"You're drunk. Let's get you upstairs." I pulled both his hands but he refused to cooperate. He loosened his body and made himself heavy until I roared quietly to get him off the couch.
Draco stood and tripped on his own foot. He took a second to stabilize himself and pressed his palm on his forehead to ease the dizziness. Then, he stayed still and quiet. He leaned in close to my neck and inhaled deeply. He closed his eyes, enjoying the smell and I was tempted to do so, too. Another inhale.
"It smells sweeter when you close up..." he whispered.
Then, came the silence, the stare, the heaviness of his eyes on mine. I felt the atmosphere getting thicker around us. The room was soaking in tension and heavy air. The moment he lowered his look from my eyes to my lips, was the moment I felt my legs loosen up under me.
"Why did you come back?" he asked. His voice was demanding and strict. "You must have a reason. Your dorm is taken; why did you come back?"
One step. I hated when he could read my mind.
"You were doing so good during these three weeks. Why give up now?" he asked and sighed.
Two steps. I hated it when he silenced me with his eyes.
"Answer me; it drives me crazy when you don't. You have an answer for everything - why did you come back?"
My back met the stone wall behind me. I was cornered up and trapped between two strong hands. As always, his muscles stuck out promptly. Then one hand was softly exploring my side. First, he touched my waist. Then he brushed the back of his fingers against my belly and chest. Then he pressed a thumb against my neck. He lowered his face so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my lips.
"Don't kiss me," I said breathlessly.
"Don't tell me you wouldn't like it... Don't lie to me..." he whispered in my ear.
"You said you want our friendship back. So, don't kiss me... It will ruin us," I begged.
Draco smirked. He swiftly pulled the collar of my turtleneck down and lowered. I had already closed my eyes and my body could never stop him when I felt his soft breath brushing the small of my neck. He never kissed me, never even let his mouth stroke me. He only breathed out heavily and let me melt and shiver without even feeling his drunken lips.
"I know what you're doing..." I whispered. "It's not going to work." I realized that even as I said it, I sounded desperate for more.
He let his hand trickle lower. He reached for the hem of my skirt.
"But I'm not kissing you..." he said lustfully.
The smirk never left his face. He let his lips hover as close to mine as he could without touching them as he lifted my skirt up.
"So, tell me. If you didn't come for a kiss, why did you come? Did you come to find me? Did you miss me at all? Did you miss our walks? Did you miss our place?" he asked.
"Did you?" I said and then drew a short breath as I felt his hands rising between my legs.
"If only you fucking knew. I've missed the fuck out of you. I've been missing you every night since the day I met you. I've thought about you every single night."
His hand was now pulling the tights from my skin.
"You were right; we were never friends," he said. "Friends don't drive you that crazy. Friends don't let you wonder. Friends don't make you hard."
His hand was now trapped between the underwear and the soft skin. He was hesitant to go lower at first, so he pressed his luck.
"Then again, I bet you haven't thought about me at all. I bet that you never had a dream of us fucking. I bet you never felt ashamed every time you came."
"Drac-" I was lost.
I remembered my dream in the summer, before we ever became friends. I was living the details of the dream. I was suddenly melting in his arms. I gasped to prove that I wouldn't mind it if his fingers wandered lower.
"Tell me, have you ever touched yourself like this for me? Have you been this wet before?"
One circular motion and I was feeling myself crumble right in front of him.
"Dray..." I moaned.
This was his cue to move faster and soon enough, I was whimpering at his touch. I couldn't feel my legs anymore. I wrapped my hands around his neck and left all my weight on him. He supported me comfortably and went on.
"Answer my questions..."
Steps were heard from the entrance of the Common Room, quickly followed by laughter. Three fifth-years were returning from the party.
Our bodies broke apart like breaking glass. I lowered my skirt and tried to act casual but I was dizzy and flushed with fever. Draco quickly sat back on the sofa and returned to his drink.
The boys walked by without paying much attention to us. They seemed drunk as well. They laughed their way across the sitting room and towards their dorms. I watched them carefully. When I looked at Draco again, his hand was hanging loosely off the arm of the sofa and the bottle had been completely left to drip on the leather.
"Draco..." I said and snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Dray!" I yelled.
He was unconscious.
"Okay, come on, then..." I said and lifted his arm up. Even the weight of that arm was unbearable to me. Where had all my ballet muscles gone? "Help me out here, Draco..." I said. He was not responding.
I let him down again and began examining his face. My first instinct was to slap him. When a few hits didn't work, I started getting worried.
"Oh my God..." I whispered. "Draco!" I shook him.
He muttered something inaudible but went back to his unconsciousness very soon. I looked around me. There was a glass of water on the nearby coffee table so I splashed some of it on his face. He woke up at once.
"You scared me. You're so drunk! Don't scare me like that!"
His eyes were open and he was moving his head again but he was not functioning well enough to return to his dorm on his own.
"Help me out here," I repeated and wrapped his arm over my shoulders.
I squealed as I lifted him up and thankfully this time he was just awake enough to help me carry him up the stairs. We took out time. He tried to collapse on me once or twice but we eventually made it to his dorm. It was empty.
I walked him to his bed and took off his shoes. I looked around for some kind of bowl or bucket to leave next to the bed in case he needed to vomit during the night. I rolled him to his side and put two pillows behind his back. Drunk people should never sleep on their backs.
"Do you need anything else?" I whispered.
Draco was muttering something incomprehensible. I looked around. Blaise and Maya would soon return to our dorm for a passionate night and I didn't want to ruin it for them. I had cancelled my arrangement with Hermione on a whim and now I had nowhere to sleep. I took the boots off and spread myself across Blaise's bed. I imagined he wouldn't mind it if I slept over.
Draco murmured all night long. He was dreaming.
"Mu-" At first, I thought he was opening his mouth for a breath. "Dn't tch mu-"
I was worried he was asking me for something – maybe some water. I shot up and walked to him.
"Don't -ch..." he tried. He still had his eyes closed. "Don't touch..." he managed to spell.
"What?" I squinted.
"Don't touch mummy..."
He muttered and mumbled and cursed.
"Please..."
Draco clenched on his pillow. He was close to crying in his sleep. Who was he fighting?
I pushed his hair away from his forehead and stroked him slowly. His silver hair the most important and intriguing part of his appearance and yet it was the scariest to touch. I had never even imagined how it must feel between my fingers.
It was soothing for both of us. Dray relaxed almost at once. When I made sure he was fully asleep again, I went back to Blaise's bed but couldn't sleep.
Don't touch mummy... The pain was physical and real in the sound of that phrase. I don't remember what was the last thought that entered my head before I fell asleep but it must have been a sorrowful one.
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It was one of these times that you are awakened one instant after you start getting some healthy rest. It was the sound of the door cracking.
Through the lowest light of the early morning that was reaching this dorm room, I saw Blaise tiptoeing. He was holding his shoes in one hand and his blazer in the other and was opening the door of the dorm with his back.
"Wow," he said when he saw me.
"I'm sorry!" I said and jumped up quickly. "He was really drunk and I didn't have anywhere else to sleep and-"
"Chill! I don't mind at all. If I knew you didn't have anywhere to sleep, I would have offered my bed myself," he said. He left his belongings on the floor and approached Draco. "How much did he drink after leaving the party?"
"I'm not sure. I found him in the Common room and he had already drunk about one-third of a bottle of whiskey. I don't know how much he drank before that."
"Oh, boy..." he said and shook his head.
"Does he do this often?" I asked.
"More than you imagine..." he answered. "I shouldn't have let him go. Thank you for taking care of him. You can go back to your dorm now. I'll stay here in case he needs something."
I collected my shoes and laid a hand on the doorknob.
"Blaise?" I said with some hesitation. "Can you give him a message from me?"
"Of course..."
"Tell him to come find me. He'll know where to go," I concluded.
Sundays after a party are slow and mellow. Cheap and dirty.
I took a shower to soothe my tired muscles. The shower is the best place for an overthinker. At first, the feelings were tangled and intertwisted in my brain but when I tilted my head back and thought of the few minutes I had with Dray, I smiled. It scared me to think what turn things would take from now on but the outcome of my feelings told me that I was glad for last night. Months of untold tension and heaviness had been released in just a few moments. I caught myself making plans and dreams on how things could play out from now on. Last night didn't offer a secure absolution for the future but it did shed light on Draco's feelings or desires.
I remembered the almost-kisses. I remembered exactly what his breath felt like on my neck, exactly where his fingers had touched, exactly what moves he had carefully selected to start pleasing me. I had wished for every single detail and even more. I was still melting in that shower and he wasn't even there.
Yes, during that shower, I was satisfied.
The mellow Sunday appeared less cheap and dirty.
I spoke too soon.
I put on some fresh clothes. I wore whatever warm sweater I had and layered everything correctly. It was snowing again, and although the snowflakes were light, I needed to be warm. I didn't know when Draco would show up, so I grabbed two blankets and a book and made my way out of the castle.
It seemed like ages since I had last sat under the elm tree. It might have just been the change of season. When I had last walked away from this place when Draco tried to read my notebook for the first time, it had just started snowing. It was lightly snowing right now as well, so the weather gave the impression that I had returned right after I'd left.
But it had been a month since then and things were about to become more complicated than just picking up where Draco and I had left off.
I watched him approaching like a dark shadow from the far horizon. He was dressed in black, as always. I had never seen him here in the light of day. Usually, he blended into the night like a transparent ghost. Now, he stuck out against the white of his surroundings.
"Are you feeling any better?" I asked.
In view of how things were left last night, I would have expected him to have a faint smile on his face, a smirk – anything. Instead, he had a blunt expression.
I never expected fireworks and flowers. I never thought that the morning after a heated encounter would be perfect or entirely romantic. Yet, I had at least wished to see him at least half as happy or relaxed as I was. He hadn't even spoken a word yet and I could feel my low expectations shatter inside my mind.
"Yes," he said and raised his eyebrows with a sigh. "I was so drunk..."
"Yes, you were," I answered and looked at his face stubbornly. I was trying to decipher what his expression might be implying. "Won't you sit down?"
He quickly obliged. Again, I would have expected him to sit close to me. Now he sat in a distance that was reminiscent of October. I prepared myself for the worst. Right about now, he was going to tell me that he regretted everything he did last night. I braced myself and quickly felt disappointed.
"Why are you looking at me this way?" he said and narrowed his eyes. "Don't tell me I puked all over you..." he said and covered his face in embarrassment.
I let out a titter. "Hm... what?"
"Merlin, I don't remember anything," he said.
I stared.
"Blaise told me you found me in the Common Room. Please, tell me I didn't start swearing. I do that when I'm drunk."
Somehow, this was worse than I had expected. I collected the few brain neurons that were still functioning and mustered a few words.
"You don't remember anything?" I muttered, trying to keep my face inconspicuous.
"I don't even remember leaving the party, to be honest."
...Margot, you once told me that nothing good will ever happen at a school party. People will become superficial and self-obsessed and drink and smoke and they will make mistakes that will make them blush with shame when they are older. I always thought you said that to justify how introverted we both were. I understand now.
I am being served the meal I once cooked. I am being punished for the crimes of the past. I thought the universe never cared what I did when I was 15 but now fate has come to hit me like a boomerang.
I'm sorry... I was young... I was confused... Why do I have to be punished now? I want him, Margot; why do I have to be punished in this particular way?
What did you do when you were in my place, Margot?
See you soon,
Ophelia
⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼
Thoughts?
╰────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────╯