"Where have you been?!" I open the door to a very fresh faced, very clean, very hot looking Callan Michaels and as much as I want to punch him and then slam the door in his face I also want to see just how stupid he thinks I am.
Will he be honest when confronted with what I know or will he lie and try and squirm his way out of it like the fuckboy he is?
I don't answer his question I just open the door to invite him in and he walks in behind me, reaching for my waist and pulling my ass to his groin
"I missed you" he whispers in my ear as he nibbles on my neck and although my body reacts, I unwrap myself from his arms and lean against my counter "What's up?" He looks so innocent and concerned I can't help but wish he was being genuine and I could throw myself into his arms and seek comfort in his body
"How was last night?" I ask him the question and then wait for him to lie because I know he's about to lie
"It was a huge pile of horse shit. It was weird being the only guy there without a date especially when I knew I had the hottest girl of them all tied up at work"
Lie number 1. He was was there with Frankie, keep going Michaels because my opinion of you couldn't be much lower right now
"Oh but guess who turned up" he reaches and wipes something from my lip and when I pull back his eyes flood with hurt "Since when do you wear lipstick for work?" He asks and I again ignore the question
"You were telling me about last night" I cross my arms over my chest and wait for lie number 2
"Yeah" his voice is hesitant, his eyes unsure but I clench my jaw and try not to let him know that I know he's lying to me "Um... so Frankie turned up. Frankie Bonner you know who I mean right?"
What the fuck? He's being honest about Frankie? I just nod, too surprised by his honesty to speak
"Apparently Carmen has been trying to sell stories about me. Frankie was there as a colleague's date but we talked at the bar and thankfully she likes my money just as much as she likes my dick. 2k, problem solved. I'm starving, is there any of that toast on the go this morning and my coffee didn't taste the same yesterday when it wasn't in a mug"
He moves towards the bread bin and my heart is hammering in my chest at the thought he might actually be telling me the truth
"So you paid her off? No happy ending?"
"Well she tried, obviously, who wouldn't?" He smiles that beautiful smile that makes his dimples pop and my heart stop and then he waves the bread at me "What magic spell do I cast to turn this floppy bread into beautiful crunchy toast?"
I take it from him and drop it in to the toaster as I begin to panic. Callan didn't sleep with Frankie, I can tell by his face, his words, his demeanour that he isn't lying but I kissed Miki, I let Miki touch me because I jumped to conclusions and I didn't trust my boyfriend. I feel my entire body begin to shake as I realise I'm probably about to lose him just as I had feared this morning but because of my infidelity and not his
"So where were you?, I came over here last night but the place was empty"
" I was working" my eyes are trained on the toaster, unable to meet his gaze
"Yeah but you finished early, I called in to see you, I spoke to Winnie? Strange little creature that she is" he shudders and then takes his toast from toaster and begins gathering a plate and other little extras he needs to complete his creation and I know the only way I can get out of this without completely destroying our relationship is honesty. I mean this is the guy that openly admits to cheating on his girlfriend multiple times, surely that means he understands it can happen for shit reasons and feel shit whilst it's happening. I swallow deep and then walk to him and place my hand over his.
"Baby, we need to talk" he picks up his toast and takes a big crunchy bite and grins at me like a child and my heart begins to break for him and what I did to him
*****************
The words come out of her mouth like machine gun fire, rapid and brutal, each one hitting my chest harder than the last.
I put down my toast and try to line each thought up in a logical order but nothing makes sense.
She came to the dinner but I didn't see her
She spoke to Frankie but didn't speak to me
She went to Miki' s...
Fuckin Miki! I knew he was making moves on her!
I push myself to my feet but have no idea where I'm going, she grabs my arm but I push her away from me unable to have her touching me right now
I slam my hands down on the counter top and try to breath. Why can't I breathe???
Am I hyperventilating?? Am I having a fuckin panic attack because my girlfriend just cheated on me???
I look at her, so tiny, in nothing but an oversized black t-shirt and all I can see is that motherfuckers hands all over her.
I have to find him, I have to hit him, actually fuck that I have to kill him
I head for the door and she must know what I'm thinking because she gets inbetween me and it
"It wasn't his fault"
"This is all his fuckin fault. He wanted this, he wanted you"
She puts her hand on my chest and lowers her head
"I didn't trust you, I went over there, I asked him for it, Shawn I'm the only one to blame"
"No"
"Its true"
I shake my head unable to accept it "No"
"Baby, please sit down" she leads me to the sofa and we sit down, she doesn't let go of my hand and I don't pull it away from her, too afraid that if I lose contact now it will be the last time I ever touch her
God this hurts
"I'm so sorry" she whispers it whilst drawing shapes on the back of my hand with her thumb "I saw you with Frankie and I lost my mind. I should have spoken to you, I should have protected us"
"You took every protective layer I ever wrapped around myself and removed them all until I was so fuckin vulnerable. Not a CEO, not a player, not a big deal just Cal, you stripped me down to this just to break me. Was that the plan all along? Teach him a lesson? give him a taste of his own medicine? Give him something so pure and so perfect and then smash it to pieces right in front of him? I bet Taylor was involved in this to, wasn't She? That bitch hates me"
"No"
"God I hate this feeling!!!" I slam my hand down onto her coffee table and she jumps with fright "Fuck you for doing this to me, fuck you for making me feel all that shit I didn't want to feel so that when it went wrong I end up feeling like this" I stand up wanting to be anywhere but with her but scared to be anywhere without her
"Callan it was just a kiss, I swear as soon as it went any further i stopped it" she's heading towards me and I want to grab her and forgive her but at the same time I can't bare to look at her "Baby please..."
"You kissed another guy with the same lips you are using to call me baby"
"You cheated on Carmen over and over again and she forgave you"
God, Carmen, is this what she felt every time I went with another girl, every time I would kiss her after was she thinking of the other women? God I'm the biggest dickhead that ever walked this earth
"If she forgave you then why can't you forgive me???" Her eyes are wide and desperate and a sick part of me likes seeing her this desperate not to lose me
"Carmen forgave me because her feelings weren't real, they were in her fuckin head, part of some mental disorder she has. My feelings... they're in my fuckin chest Mila and I can't just ignore this shit" I storm towards her front door and she screams my name, hurtling across the floor and grabbing my arms
"Please don't do this, please don't end this"
"End it? You actually think that's a possibility for me at this point? If I did that 1. I would be the biggest fuckin hypocrite alive and 2. I would be walking away from the first girl I ever loved. Don't call me, don't text me and definitely don't fuck any other men. I will be back I just don't know when"
Slamming her door shut I only have one destination and one motherfuckin objective. Remove the balls of the man that thought he could feel up my girlfriend and live.