"Love is a strong word"
~~♠♣♥♦~~
{Day 5}
I woke up pretty refreshed in the morning. I did what I did every other day of this week. Wake up, make breakfast for Tommy and Tubbo, then find something to do for the day.
And for some reason- I wanted to go out for a walk.
I know- horrible.
But for some reason, I just really wanted to.
I asked if Tommy or Toby wanted to go out for a walk, but Tommy said that him and Toby had something they wanted to do today, so that was a no go. And I left on my own accord when I felt ready for the outside world.
Once I stepped outside, I noticed today's weather was a bit different. It was more cloudier. Which, I didn't entirely mind since we've been out in the hot sun a lot these past few days... So, it was quite nice to see that the sun is being shielded by the clouds. But, with this... It did have it's downfalls. The water wasn't as vibrant as it usually is, and everything just seems a lot more moodier....
...not to mention the wind picked up a little bit.
But, this will all pass with time.
I finally decided to walk outside and close to the shore. The water was cool against my skin, for the first time in a while I was able to go out without shoe protection.... I'm not use to hot sand... So that's another thing I thank the weather for being here.
After a while of walking, I got bored and decided to sit besides the tide, just to over look the water. Morning walks get boring after a while of just walking, sometimes you just need to take in the scenary... since it seemed like the perfect day to do so!....also, I wanted to use my brain a little to simply think about some things...
Like, for example- I still am baffled that Sapnap won that damn hide and seek game because he decided to hide into the ocean.
Just-- why? why the hell would you do that?
He got a little fever from what I've heard of Dream and George. Such a pity, but at least he got the prize money. Sacrifices need to be made, and so, we salute the brave soldier for doing just that.
Besides my awful humor, I couldn't help but try and think of a scenarios in my head of how I'll tell everyone about the real me.
But... every scenario seemed too cliché.... This is real life, not some fictional dream I dreamt up.
I have to think about this logically.....
"You seem deep in thought" Hiria says
My eyes glanced to the right to see Hiria was just standing beside me, leaning down to get a better look at my face. I also noticed that she was holding two Ei's, which got me a little curious.
(Ei's are just a crown that are made up of fake flowers, leaves, small berries, etc).
"Just a tad..." I reply "...anyways. What are you doing here?"
"Wow... And I thought you figured out my schedule in the morning...!" Hiria teased, crouching down beside me
"No... Not really. I don't usually go outside y'know" I say
"But I'd at least think you'd listen to things... You know I usually ramble about stuff like that... And you usually listen to at least some things I say..." She says
"Sorry... I guess I was thinking then..." I mutter
"How about you make it up to me? You know... finding out that information really hurts me..." Hiria pouted
"How so?" I ask
It was silent for a moment, and I swore I noticed her expression shift ever so slightly. It caught my attention, and I grew more curious about what she's going to ask of me... But soon enough, she replied with a forced smile on her lips.
"I'd like for you to come with me to visit my parents" She says
Ah...Her parents... That's why...
"...now?" I questioned
"We can go whenever... But if you'd like to go now, we can!" She smiles
With a sigh, I stood to my feet and offered a hand out to Hiria.
"We can go now. Just make sure you aren't your usual slow poke self because you want to spend more time with me"
Hiria then chuckled, amused by my words. She then grasped my hand and I helped to pull her up t o her feet.
"I wouldn't ever do such a thing that would go against your wishes..!"
"Then lead the way" I say
We than began to walk down the shoreline. She still was holding onto my hand, gripping it firmly. My grip was pretty loose, but with Hiria's hand holding mine so firmly, the force was allowing me to be pulled behind her. For how I was, I'd thought that it would take a little bit to get me budging, but she was pulling me with her like it was absolutely effortless.
...wow. this reminds me of how things use to be.
When I first met Hiria, she wouldn't take no for an answer. That time in the pouring rain.
She was there for me when everything began to fall, and she swooped in like some knight in shining armor... I was at a very low point in my life, but she was there for me.
She dragged me away from those monsters... She stepped in while everyone else just stared and watched.
Other than Toby... Hiria was the only other person at the time I saw as human.
This world is cruel to everyone and everything. Everyone's a monster. No one really like or accepted people like us...
No one did expect for those two... until just recently... even for a split second, I was accepted.
And just like then... and just like now... I still want acceptance. From everyone...
Hiria's trying her best to be brave for her sake... and for mine...
I want her to feel better.
...
..
.
.
.
After a long walk, we arrived at a little patch of forest by the shore. Once we walked inside the patch, there was two big stones that had were carved to make crosses. There were also two freshly filled in holes in the ground right in front of the crosses.
This is where her parents are buried.
Hiria's hand tightens around mine for a few moments as she stared at the graves with a melancholy look in her eyes. Those eyes seemed full of sadness and regret which somehow began making me feel a bit sad. After a little while, Hiria finally decides to let go of my hand, walking up to the graves before placing a Ei crown around the top of both of the crosses.
She then walks back over to me and then sits onto the ground. I decided to follow suit and sit down as well. We both just sat there for what felt like hours, in total silence.
I was wondering when she'd talk, because usually in situations like these... She'd usually make some stupid joke or something to try and lighten the mood... But nothing came of that.
I glanced over at her and I was surprised to see that Hiria was curled into a fetal position. Her head was buried into her knees, hiding her face as her arms were wrapped around her knees. Her body looked to be shaking, and her breathing seemed a little uneven.
This is the first time I've ever seen Hiria like this before... Or at least... The first in a long time...
Goodness... their deaths really ruined her.
"...Hiria" I spoke up
Silence.
"...my condolences" I say
"...no need for that" Hiria murmurs "It's just death. It happens to everyone..."
"You only saying that is making your feelings a whole lot worse. You loved your family, they're all you have other than us. So stop passing it as something so little" I scolded
"...you say that, but it couldn't be further from the truth" Hiria muttered
I raised an eyebrow at Hiria.
Further from the truth? That's wrong. I know you. I know you're just saying that to justify your emotions.
"...You know Y/N. My parents died because they were voyagers. They recently failed at setting sail at the right moment, they fell in and no one could save them. They were foolish to go out and do so, knowing that the weather wasn't right." Hiria mentioned "..and, you said I loved them... right? Well, that's not right at all"
"Then what? You hate them?" I ask, my eyes locking onto her's
"...indifferent" Hiria replies "They were always too busy voyaging to even look my way for that long..."
"But when they did, they showed you absolute love. I remember whenever I'd see you and your parents they'd show you so much love that It'd make me sick." I state "Didn't you feel the least bit happy when they gave you hugs and would talk to you when they could?"
"...Sure, but they still were bad people" She scoffed
"I may not know what you're feeling... But they love you. And you love them. Whether you think you do or not... You cannot hide that factor." I say "I mean- your parents showed you more love than my entire family in a year"
Hiria then changes her position, turning her body over to face me. She then takes one of my hands and intertwines it with hers.
"...I know you're trying to cheer me up, and I appreciate it all so much. But there's really no need..! I'm fine..!" Hiria says, giving me a closed eye smile
That expression lasted on her face for quite a while... But soon enough... her eyes began to leak, tears started to flow down her cheeks... And not long after she began to falter. She as a whole began to falter and break down.
Her smile slowly shifted into a frown, all while her silent cries began to grow into choked sobs.
"...I'm sorry....... I- I'm so sorry that I'm such a coward..... I- I- I'm so- so sorry..." Hiria said in a whisper "I'm.... so sorry for being... so selfish all the time..."
"...Hiria...." I murmured "I'm the one who should be saying that... You're a lot stronger than me..."
"...you don't understand Y/N.... I'm really selfish...." She croaked
"How are you selfish--?"
"I'm selfish because I want you all to myself!! That's why!!!" Hiria cried out, tightening her grip onto my hand
...this again?
"...I WANT YOU FOR MYSELF Y/N!" She cried out once more, her eyes fueled with determination
....this again...
She's always like this... She's always like this towards me for just no reason...
...but then why does this time seem different?
"...Y/N. I'm afraid... I'm afraid of loosing more people... I've lost my parents... I've lost almost all of my humanity......now all I have left is you...." Hiria muttered out
"hiria...." I murmur
"...When I'm with you, I feel like thinking isn't even a need. Whenever I'm with you, I always feel relaxed... I always feel happy......and I know that special place in your heart is already saved for someone else... but... I really wish... I really hoped deep down.... that you'll stay with me...." Hiria states
I was a little taken aback by her confession. This is the first time she's ever been this bold about her feelings.... Even after all the times she would publicly flirt with me on streams, in discord calls or even in private.... I would play off her flirtatious remarks and comments, even at times flat out rejecting them... She would keep pursuing me.
...But she's always said it casually and usually pretty subtlety.
...I guess she's being serious about it this time. Like- really serious.
"...See? This is why I'm selfish. I really want you to make me feel this way... always... But you don't like me in that way... you never did...." She quietly says
"...I may have never loved you in a romantic way, I always loved you platonically. And, your selfishness? that's a quality I love about you" I say
Hiria perked up a little at my words, a little surprised.
"You always know what you want, and you usually get it. You never take things too far and you know when to respect my boundaries and personal space. Hiria, I know I might not love you like you wished for, but just know that I'll never leave your life." I said
Hiria just stared at me a few moments, I stared into her vibrant blue eyes, stained with tears from just a few moments ago. She then suddenly threw her arms around me, pulling me into a very close and very tight embrace.
"...promise?" She asked
"promise." I respond
We both stayed like that for a few moments, before Hiria finally had enough and pulled way, wiping any remaining tears she had still on her face.
"....anyways. I'm sorry about my little outburst. But I also had other intentions of bringing you all the way here other than just visiting my parents graves" Hiria says, clearing her throat
"hmm? What is it?" I ask
"...So, I had a little chat with mister Innit and I come to find out that he saw you without your wig and contacts~" Hiria says
It was like I was just pierced with a knife-
She even knows about that...
"My god- this isn't turning out how I'd like it to..." I murmured
Hiria chuckled a little.
"Well, you shouldn't be so careless...!"
"Oh my god- now you're starting to sound like him too..! He pretty much said the same thing..!" I groaned
"...Anyway- I explained to him briefly about the situation with your appearance, but he's still clueless like everyone else about who you actually are" Hiria mentioned "...when are you telling everyone anyway? The last day on this island or are you planning to do one of those weird reveal things as a video or stream?"
"I want to tell them by the end of this vacation. I would really like to... I've known them all for a few months and they trust me quite a lot... and I want to trust them with who I am... so..." I trailed off
This is going to be rough though... I still don't really know how to do it...
"Well, the last day is going to be a special one..! So you better have a plan in mind..." Hiria hums
"We're all going to be helping with the preparations tomorrow, right?" I asked
"Indeed!-- oh-! And that reminds me... I need to go to a little meeting with the chief..." Hiria says standing up
"Oh? Is this for the festival?" I questioned
She nods.
"I am preforming like always, so I need to attend"
"Oh yeahh... right..." I murmur
"...anyway, how about I walk you back? It's the least I can do for dragging you out all this way" Hiria says
"...If you want to, then you can. I don't mind" I respond
Hiria nodded and then quickly walks over to the graves, she gets closer to the crosses and kneels down. She stares at the crosses for a few moments before she moves her hand towards her lips, kissing it before placing her hand on each cross. A little symbolism of saying goodbye to your loved ones.
With a happy smile, Hiria made her way back over to me, linking my arm in hers before she began to walk off with me being dragged along in the process.
She seemed a lot happier. But for some reason I still feel like she is sad in some way...
But, I guess she'll confide in me when she's ready...
{End Of Day 5}