Cassidy
Walking into my old room, a ton of memories hit me. I missed a lot about this room. The pale blue walls with pictures of me as a child hanging up everywhere. In the corner of my room was my big bear that my daddy won for me when I was younger. I miss them so much, but mommy said that he was still here, watching over me....
Not thinking to much of it, I lay down with my bear thinking, reflecting... everything. I wanted to cry and let it all. For the first time I think it's okay to cry. Cry for everything that has hit me throughout my life. Keeping my emotions in a bundle wasn't healthy which I can honestly realize now. I haven't talked to my best friend in a while and I can honestly say I miss her and need her advice on everything.
Her voice was still soft like always. She was- she is, she is the center of my heart. My mommy I use to cry on her shoulder all throughout the nights. Sleep in her bed when I needed her. She use to make me banana pancakes, my favorite. She knew everything about. Then in a blink of my eye she was gone.. She crosses my mind all throughout the day... I miss being younger and having a carefree life until he started sneaking in my room. I used to be a happy child. Now I feel ugly, disgusted, worthless. But a smile all covers up the pain.
Jayceon made me feel worthless, and feel weak like I can't function. Everything I look at, it reminds me of him. In our couple of months together he took a big role of my life. He listened, calmed me down. Held me when I had nightmares. Laughed with me. Cuddled with me. Made me feel special. Until he started to yell at me and walk away from me he got scared.
I wonder if in another life he could be the guy who loves me. The guy who be upset with me then kiss me minutes later. The guy who would wanna family, who wouldn't abuse me. The guy who would love me for me. The guy who could tell me how he's been feeling for a while. But Jayceon couldn't do any of that. He may seem sincere and caring, but he lives a double life. The streets and reality. He does stuff before he thinks. He isn't the sweet and caring guy who I spilled everything to before. He reminds of a guy I met almost 5 years ago.. Ruthless, evil, and heartless.
For now on I think I'm living for me and only me. I can't always care about others feelings who don't care about mines.. He didn't care when a girl opened his door in his clothes. He didn't care when he walked out on me. When he decided to ignore me. When he decided that I wasn't worth an explanation. Am I really worth that little?
I've been through so much that I don't understand why I let a small thing affect me so much. Maybe it's because I fall too hard so quickly. Maybe it's because I've always wanted to be loved.. Maybe it's because I've been abused by a guy I loved. Maybe its because.... I don't know, but my only motivation right now is being able
to see my baby Jazmine tomorrow..
Jayceon
Jazzy, she features somebody else.. Her big brown eyes would just stare into mines just like somebody's else. I know I made a huge mistake a little over four years ago, but this right here is literally impossible.
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This was the shortest but only
because I just wanted to type something extra😋 By the way there stuff that has to be filled in between the lines which will be in the next couple of chapters.. Vote😘