The room was silent, serene and soothing; the moonlight caressing every surface it could as soon as it made its way through Fushiguro's window, it was a sight to be hold. The boy sleeping so peacefully, the only movements were his blankets and hair going up and down with every breath he took.
He moved his body, turning it around and the moonbeam made contact with his face, his eyelids slowly opening making his eyelashes tickle him, he let out a long sigh admiring the view of his room until his eyes traveled to a figure who was sitting on the floor.
He sat on his bed and rubbed his eyes afraid that his imagination or tiresome were tricking him, but after a couple of seconds the illusion never leave so he was indeed watching Y/N sitting on the floor, eyes shut and arms crossed.
Why is she here?
For a moment he wondered if he ever locked his room but the fact that she was there was a sign that he completely forgot, his mouth open but he closed it faster; she looked so tranquil sleeping that it wasn't fair to wake her up, she was just there and she let him sleep to so he let it be.
She was next to the window which meant that only some fragments of the moonlight could light her hair but it was enough to notice her body moving slowly every time she inhaled and exhaled, if she was awaken she would have thought he was a creep for looking at her for so long, nonetheless; she was the one who entered the room without permission.
"It's on your nightstand" Y/N whispered but he thought he was daydreaming making the girl to open an eye and look at him directly "Your meals are on your nightstand".
Fushiguro now completely awaken looked at where she mentioned and there it was a double bento and a pair of chopsticks still in their package, he slept until dinner time meaning that he didn't have lunch, at least that was she heard from the personal.
"We arrived and hour ago, Kugisaki-san and Yuuji already ate to avoid stomachache, they wanted to continue the study session as a sleepover and asked me to check on you" her voice so serene while she stretched her arms.
"Did you eat?" He asked completely ignoring what she said before, his eyes still wandering her face.
Did she wait for me to wake up to tell me that?
"I had lunch, but I haven't eaten dinner yet" she looked to her right and just after that he notice another bento next to her, she hasn't eaten waiting for him to wake up; his heart sank.
"I'm so-"
"I see no reason for an apology, unless you are going to tell me you don't want to eat".
He stood up, brushing his hair with his hands still embarrassed not that a girl was in his room but the fact that he made someone wait for him for something so important as eating, maybe she was really hungry, or maybe she just wanted to wait for him just like she said.
I'm overthinking again.
The lamp on his nightstand was already on making it better to see, his tracks stopped him in front of her; taking her bento with his left hand and showing her the other one to help her stand up.
"I'm going to heat the food" he said and turned around grabbing the double bento as well but stopped before exiting the room "L/N-san".
"Yeah?" she asked walking to the door as well to have a better look on his face "Do you need something?".
Thank you
"Are you going to eat with Kugisaki and Itadori?" He asked monotoned but his eyes reflect the loneliness he was working so hard to hide.
"They already ate so I guess I'd be out of place. Why?" She looked at him confused, not understanding what he wanted to say due to his poker face; but his nose started trembling and when his pupils glanced to his and her bento in his hands she understood "Go heat the food, I'll be here waiting".
He clearly didn't want to eat alone, he spent enough hours isolated already, but she was careful with her wording and there was a reason for it, it was just dinner; and if she had said it like do you want me to eat with you? Would have meant that he didn't want to eat with anyone but her and even if it was the case; who knows how he would've reacted.
She accepted the request he was afraid to ask, lifting a huge weight from his shoulders.
At the kitchen, inside Fushiguro's head the presence of Y/N was there until he went back to his room to have dinner with her. She already had done so much for him but she was unaware of it, or maybe she knew but decided no to speak about it? Feelings are not something he's good at, wether they're his or someone else's and the fact that they've barely talked wasn't helping him at all.
They were at his room, sitting on the floor with their bentos on the table; his mind made him nervous before entering that room making him summon his Divine Dog to keep them company, more like an excuse to have a conversation instead of the deadly silence he was trying to avoid when she was around.
"You can pet them if you want" Fushiguro said after watching Y/N's eyes sparkle at the presence of the shikigami. He signaled them to go to the other side of the table to meet Y/N.
"It's s beautiful technique" she said smiling at the creature, her touch made the shikigami wagged their tail from happiness and they decided to rest next to her.
For a while Fushiguro was told that his technique was good, strong, promising but never beautiful. Not all of his shikigami could be considered beautiful, some might look scary to people but he never cared about that.
"Beautiful?" He asked before having a bite of his meal.
"Mhm" she took a sip of her tea and continued "I know it's s cursed technique, but looking at them closely I can see the deep bond they have for you. They're your family" she said caressing the Divine Dog's head who was looking at her.
Fushiguro nodded and took a better look at the view in front of him, his classmate who was still petting his shikigami, a tiny smile drawing his lips at her statement, his shikigami are indeed his family, he chose carefully which to exorcise and control but always be aware to take care of them during a fight; even if they perished they would be able to reincarnate their powers to the other ones yet he loved them too much to let them die.
"That's a nice way to say it" he replied looking at her.
"It's what I was taught since I was a child. That way I can have full control of my abilities".
"The familiar bond?" Fushiguro asked.
"The acknowledgement to everything and anything that surrounds me, its existence and its purpose. If I don't know why are they there, how would I be able to understand their limits and strength?" she smiled at him "My family had a bad reputation for not being strong but the people who pointed at my clan just cared for physical strength, I can't allow myself to have a mindset like that".
I want that
"They sound like true sorcerers" he replied in awe.
"They sound like humanity". Y/N corrected him.
Fushiguro looked at her for a second but she just gave her another warm smile, continued eating and so did he. The sound of her voice playing over and over in his mind, not aware that she slowed her pace when she took another bite, when she chew; so they could finish their meals at the same time.
Sometimes he smiled without noticing but Y/N did, that was the kind of smiles you know that are sincere and purest, when you think about something or someone that brings you joy, pride, that inspires you and encourages you to do good and to be better, Fushiguro didn't say why she was smiling but that didn't matter at all, he was smiling, that alone was beautiful.
After eating; Fushiguro offered himself to clean her bento, it was late but not so much to worry both students for now waking up on time tomorrow for the test. She patiently waited for him with her bento, playing with the shikigami who was still summoned and begged to be pet.
The door opened and there was Fushiguro with the now clean bentos, he sat on the edge of his bed admiring the view of his classmate laughing softly, playing with his shikigami.
His family.
Y/N wished them good night before leaving the room, the image of her, eating with him, playing with his Divine Dog, talking, laughing was enough to make him smile again but he didn't wonder the reason of his facial expression, he didn't overthink about it, he just accepted it knowing that sooner or later he would now why his erratic heartbeat slowed when he remembered her.
He laid on his bed again staring at the ceiling, recreating everything over and over again like a movie in his mind, not to think about the what-ifs but to remember every word, every movement and every time their eyes met. She made her way gracefully to his heart, but he couldn't tell if it was love, attraction or something else, he didn't know how that worked, but something was clear for him and was that he respected her and more that his classmate he now considered her as his friend.
At least for now.
She acknowledged my existence
The blankets that once only wrapped him to cover him from the coldness were now hugging him, every detail in his room was now different, clearer, warmer, lighter and colorful even among the darkness. He caressed his Shikigami on the same spot Y/N's hands were as if he was trying to take something from her, some of her scent, her aura and her spirit and keep it in his.
His hands tracing under his pillow looking for the note he's been reading before closing his eyes at night, touching the small paper and unfolding it to read the same sentence over and over, a sentence that at this point he could read with her voice.
Hands pressing the note with delicacy against his chest, picturing her saying those words, once more he didn't noticed he was smiling but something else caught him out of guard.
Why am I crying?
His eyes glued to the ceiling, hesitating on moving his hands to wipe the tears that were falling tickling his cheekbones and being soaked with the bed sheets. He clicked his tongue and laughed, the view of him crying out of nowhere was funny to him.
I guess I'll just let it go
The couple of tears were now a flood and before realizing it he started sobbing but he didn't stop. He needed it, he needed to finally let go everything, the pain and the loneliness he tried to endure for thinking it was useless and just another show of weakness. He had to lose control over his emotions even for a couple of minutes yet not enough to let him be drowned by them.
Accept your emotions
Acknowledge their existence
Thinking about Y/N made him to start sobbing again, hugging his pillow tightly as if he was trying to fuse with it, his crying overshadowed by the thickness and softness of his pillow. He wanted what she had so badly, that control of herself, that empathy, how she always said the right thing when he needed it.
Slowly, calmly, smoothly, patiently their bond started to grow after that night, there was something mesmerizing about her, her wiseness, her kindness, her strength and her willingness. A last smiled appeared on Fushiguro's lips before falling asleep thinking about what Todo told him after he answered his question.
I don't see why such a compassionate person like her would be consider lame.
He chuckled with his eyes closed.
Todo Aoi, my type of person is not boring at all.