13. Can you Help Me? I'm Bent
He should have known that Scott would have a plan for dealing with this. And When Kirstin knocked on his bedroom door literally thirty seconds after he entered his room, he knew that Scott had called her to make sure that she took care of him.
It was annoying.
So why was his heart swelling like an over-inflated balloon?
She entered his room wordlessly, and sat beside him on his bed, pulling him against her.
Then, the floodgates opened.
It was the next morning when she conjured the courage to ask him about it.
"What did Scott say happened? I'm sure his side of the story is more accurate."
"He said that you started to get annoyed with him at the end of dinner. You called him weird. Then you stopped talking to him."
"That's all he said?"
Kirstin nodded.
"So he skipped over the fact that I basically attacked him in the hallway outside of our apartment?"
Kirstin's jaw dropped. It would have been a funny picture, if the reason why hadn't been so horrific.
"I kissed him. And then I got... aggressive... about it. And then I cried. Like an asshole."
"Why... did you get aggressive?"
"My Scott was aggressive. My Scott fought back. My Scott-"
"Mitch, enough."
Her words were dripping with venom, enough to paralyze him.
"Scott Hoying is NOT your Scott. If you can't wrap your head around that fact, you need to let him go. End of story. You're my best friend in the entire world, but I can't watch you hurt this poor guy anymore."
It was the first time that Mitch saw such anger in her eyes. She turned on her heel and walked out, slamming his door behind her.
Mitch knew that Scott wasn't becoming important only to him. He knew that Scott and his friends were quickly sneaking into the heart of his best friend.
And she was absolutely right. He had to stop.
"Hey," Kevin greeted later that afternoon, sitting beside Mitch at the end of rehearsal.
"Hi."
"I noticed that you and Kirstie didn't sit together today. Everything okay?"
"She's mad at me."
"Oh. Dare I ask?"
"Judging by the fact that you're sitting here right now, I'd say you already know. Who told you? Scott?" Mitch wasn't in the mood for this today, and he knew that he would regret his cold demeanor later. Kevin was the last person who deserved Mitch's sass.
"Kirstie did, actually. She said she's sick of how you treat him," Kevin admitted.
"And you aren't? He's your friend."
"And so are you," Kevin reminded him, gently. "Can I ask you something?"
Mitch's pulse picked up as he nodded.
"What are you so afraid of when it comes to him?"
Mitch felt like he dodged a bullet. He was so sure that he would ask about his Scott...
But then he realized that, in a way, this was a question about his Scott, anyway.
They were the last two in the auditorium, now, and Kevin was looking at him with a confused gaze. Mitch couldn't find his words.
"Scott's one of the most understanding guys I know."
"That's the problem."
Kevin stared at him, searching his face for more information.
"How much time do you have, Kevin?"
"For you? All the time in the world, bud."
"The day that I found out that my Scott wasn't real, they put me on suicide watch. Did you know that?"
Kevin's eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. He hadn't heard about the hallucination since the day on the bus.
"I fell in love with a hallucination."
"That must have been so hard, Mitch..."
"Did I ever tell you what my Scott looked like?"
Kevin shook his head, frowning.
"He was tall. He was lean but muscular, with broad shoulders. His shoulders were my favorite part of his body." Mitch stated, blankly, as though his mouth had gone into autopilot. "They were my favorite because there was this beautiful tattoo on one of them. A sleeve of flowers, woven together, all the way down his bicep..."
Kevin's eyes widened.
"And his hair was this beautiful shade of blond, slicked to one side perfectly all the time, unless he was having an episode, of course, because then he would pull at it, but even then it was pretty."
Mitch wasn't sure if Kevin was going to run out of the room altogether, to find his friend and tell him to do the same.
"And his eyes? They were this icy blue color. They took my breath away."
They sat in silence for a moment as Mitch tried desperately not to cry, thinking of the man he was so convinced he loved.
"I didn't know Scott Hoying until I left that hospital," he muttered.
"How is that..."
"I saw him on the bus a month later. Kev, I thought I had relapsed, I thought I would end up right back in the hospital, but then Kirstie said she saw him too."
"How was the name the same?"
"My psychiatrist thinks that I sat on that bus with him a few times. She thinks I must have heard him say his name. And I just subconsciously put all of my insecurities and fears into him."
"So what happened? How did you meet him?"
"I followed him. I pretended that I thought he dropped something on the bus."
"Bus Boy," Kevin muttered in realization.
Mitch nodded, feeling his eyes well with tears.
"We met at the strip club after that, and ran into each other again. I've been pushing and pulling at him ever since."
"Why are you pushing?"
"Because he isn't mine."
Kevin looked as though his heart was breaking for him.
"My Scott was so mean. My Scott was so insecure it was crippling. Isolating. Broken."
"Everything that Scott Hoying isn't."
"Exactly-" Mitch's voice cracked as Kevin took him into his arms, patting his back.
"If it makes you feel any better, Scott Hoying isn't perfect," Kevin replied, laughing softly into Mitch's shoulder.
"He's pretty damn close."
"Nah. He's messy. And he's kind of a pushover. When he gets hungry he gets moody and annoying. And he has a crippling anxiety about singing. Then there's the fact that he works at a strip club. What else... oh. When he gets an idea in his mind, he is kind of relentless. And he may look confident, but he really doesn't think too highly of himself all the time."
The last words felt like an ice pick through Mitch's heart, which surprised him. He thought that he would have been relieved to hear that. But here he was, feeling desperate to build Scott up.
"I would imagine that Scott doesn't know that you've been comparing him to a hallucination?"
Mitch's eyes widened as he shook his head frantically.
"Your secret's safe with me, Mitch. But we have to figure something out, here. We can't keep hurting him like this."
Mitch nodded, feeling hopeless. "I don't think he'll want to come near me again after how I treated him last night, anyway."
Kevin laughed gently. "Want my honest opinion?"
"Fine."
"I don't know what happened last night, but I can pretty much guarantee that he is going to try to work on it with you. It's that relentless trait of his. He likes you. Like... more than I've seen him like anyone in a long time. Maybe more than I've ever seen him..."
"God, I hope you're right."
Scott avoided talking to Mitch about what had happened. He didn't ask him out again. He didn't even talk directly with him unless Mitch spoke first. But he was allowing Mitch to be in the group, and he was kind to him, so Mitch would take what he could get.
But it had been two weeks since he kissed Scott in that hallway, and he wanted desperately to kiss him again. For real this time. No aggression, no anger.
But he knew that he had blown that chance.
Baby steps. Just like with his Scott.
Mitch flinched at the thought, trying to put his Scott in the back of his mind.
Every time he saw Kevin and Scott talking alone, Mitch's heart would race. Part of him was glad that he had come clean to Kevin, and that Kevin had been so understanding, but part of him was also terrified. They were best friends. Of course Kevin's allegiance would be to Scott over Mitch.
Mitch had no right to expect him to keep his secret. Not when it was the creepiest secret ever, at Kevin's best friend's expense.
So when Kevin and Scott were talking in hushed tones at a party one night, and Mitch had had one too many (again), he stormed over.
"Care to share with the class?" Mitch asked, placing his arms across his chest.
Kevin turned to him, his eyes slightly wide in question. "Scott was telling me about-"
"No he wasn't," Mitch interjected. Scott's eyes narrowed, trying to make out what was happening. "You were the one doing all of the talking, Kev. Don't lie."
"Mitch... Scott was telling me about his psych class. It's a fieldwork class. He needs to shadow someone in the psych field. I was telling him about my psychiatrist. We were talking about how I could put in a good word. That's it. He's my friend, you know. We talk about things."
The last words had a bite to them, as though challenging Mitch to try to continue. Mitch's shoulders slumped and his heartbeat took off again. He didn't like the idea of Scott being anywhere near that hospital.
"Oh, that would be convenient," Mitch offered, meekly.
Scott nodded. "I have to go say hi to someone-" he began, brushing past and making his way to the other side of the party.
"What the hell, Mitch? I thought we were keeping our cool."
Mitch facepalmed so hard he saw stars. "I'm so sorry. I'm so paranoid."
Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that... bad?"
"I can't tell the difference between regular paranoia and schizophrenic paranoia." Mitch replied, and Kevin clapped him on the shoulder.
"I told you. Your secret is safe with me. Stop weirding the poor guy out. Okay? You made him head for the hills this time."
Mitch nodded, feeling stupid. "I'm sorry."
"We'll fix it."