Happy Valentines Day... And just in case I forget to say at the end- Thanks for reading! S, xx
p.s. to the side is a song (great song!) and a picture of Cate's dress. Here's a link to the pinterest board for LoF too (Anna and Libby's dresses have been pinned!) https://www.pinterest.com/sianiflewog89/leap-of-faith/
*~*~* Cate *~*~*
00:00
TJ’s words echoed around the room, repeating themselves as if hearing them once wasn’t enough.
“Catherine?” TJ’s voice sounded panicked. He took a step closer to me, trying to bridge the gap as he held out an arm at me. I jumped away from him, throwing my hands up to get him to stop advancing on me. “Cate, please.”
“Please? Please?” My words sounded haggard as I spoke. My heart rate increased tenfold and I was sure my heart was about to burst out of my chest, just like that alien did in that movie. I steadied my breathing and finally had the courage to look up at TJ. I tried to catch his eye but his gaze was trained on the ground. “Look at me,” I demanded. Finally, his eye lifted and fell on mine. I could see the guilt there clearly. “Tell me truthfully who you really are.”
Again, he closed his eyes as he spoke. “I’m Theo.”
“No, you’re not,” I tell him pointedly. “You are not him. I know him… you can’t be Theo.”
“Cate,” TJ sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I swear to you. I am him. I’m me. I’m Theo.”
“Prove it.” I couldn’t help the challenging tone in my voice.
“Ok,” TJ nods once. He goes silent for a moment, his forehead creased in concentration. “The first thing I said to you was ‘Thank God you’re a girl.’ You literally fell for me the minute we met. You said you were running from no one and everyone. You said you were twenty-two people in one. I told you about my mom trying to force me into being this sport superstar, when all I really want to do is be an engineer. You told me how you just wanted to be yourself. We sang Bankrobber together. Your three deserted island items would be a copy of Angels and Demons, your iPod and your teddy bear.
“You said that I made you nervous. You’re scared of ladybugs. You also said you were scared of falling in love. I’m scared of clowns. You described yourself as introverted. I told you I was mesmerized by you, and you had a panic attack. You said that I say your name all sexy, and you wanted to stop me calling you Catherine. You wanted to be in Australia because you didn’t feel safe in that closet with me because I made you feel things you didn’t want to feel. We kissed. We kissed a lot. I told you that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. You told me about how your grandparents met. I told you that I was in love with you. You started to freak out again, so I started rambling on with some weird facts because it helped you focus. I told you about expressive aphasia, heartbeats, and tongue prints. Then I asked if you knew what a twenty-sided shape was called. You said-”
“Icosagon,” I whisper through the blur of his words. I blink back the tears stinging my eyes and look up at TJ. I don’t think there was any way to conceal the hurt in my eyes. “That was you?”
He nods.
“How long have you known?” I ask.
“About a month,” he tells me. I suck in a huge gasp of air and stumble away from him. “I should have told you sooner, I know, but-”
“You’ve known for a month and you didn’t say anything?” I shouted incredulously. I stomped forward and punched his chest with my tiny, insignificant fists. I knew I was probably hurting myself more than him, but it felt good to at least try and punch him. “A month? You knew for a month? You lied to me for a month!”
“Cate-” He reached out an arm to stop me from lashing out against him again.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I yell at him, not caring about the fact that I’m cursing at a hundred decibels. I swat his arms away from me and glower at him. “You do not get to touch me, you lying bastard. You should have told me!”
“I know-”
“You know?” I seethe. “If you knew, then you should have told me.”
“I’m sorry, Catherine,” his voice is full of sincerity but it just sounds fake to me.
“Don’t call me that!” I stomp my foot and throw the closest thing to me at him- which also happened to be the velvet box that held the necklace he’d given me. It hit him square in the chest and fell to the ground. His eyes followed it and stared as the box just lay there. “I have no idea who the Hell you are! You lied to me, TJ- Theo- whatever the fuck your name is!”
“Theo,” he says so quietly that I almost miss it. His eyes rise to meet mine and the sorrow there is obvious. “Cate, I love you.”
“You don’t lie to the people you love,” I bite back at him. The tears spill onto my cheeks and I wipe them away quickly. I back away from where we stand, take my clutch purse from the table and head for the door. Just as I’m about to leave, I take a look back at where TJ- Theo- whoever- stands, his face pleading for me to stay. “You said that you’d never hurt me. Well, guess what? You didn’t hurt me… you broke me.”
And with those words, my inbuilt sense of self-preservation kicked in. Flight. So, I left.
01:26
I tried sneaking back into the house quietly, but then I remembered that I forgot to pick up my keys as I rushed out for my date with… what’s-his-name.
I groaned and debated what to do. Usually, I would call Georgie and she would come to my rescue, but we weren’t talking so there was no point getting her involved. All my other friends were his friends and it was pretty obvious whose side they would take.
I took out my cell and saw thirty-eight unanswered calls, fourteen voicemails and twenty-three unread messages were on my notification screen, all from him. I deleted them all without listening or reading them. I just wanted to erase all traces of the night from my life.
I scrolled through my contacts, found a familiar name and pressed the call button. Within seconds a groggy voice spoke down the line, mumbling something that resembled a sleepy ‘hello.’
“Can you come open the door for me? I’m locked out,” I say quietly. The voice on the other ends whispers something that’s too quiet for me to hear, but I say, “Thanks,” anyway.
Within minutes the front door of the house opens.
“What happened?” Sawyer’s voice was stricken when he saw my appearance.
After I left him, I got one of The Grange’s chauffeurs to drive me home. Instead of going straight home, I had wandered along the beach for a while, trying to make sense of the evening, and of the big revelation. I had cried with every step, causing my make up to stain my cheeks, and I’d run my hands through my hair countless times so that it now looked windswept and greasy. I must have looked a state, but that was seriously the least of my worries.
I threw myself at Sawyer, wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging on for dear life. After a beat, his arms wrapped around my waist and he started to reassure me that everything was going to be fine.
I didn’t have the energy to tell him that nothing would ever be fine.
02:09
I was curled up on the couch in the TV room with Sawyer sat next to me, a mug of hot chocolate in his hand a steaming cup of black tea in mine. It had taken Sawyer twenty minutes to persuade me to come inside, and once I’d thrown myself down on the couch it had taken him another twenty minutes to scuttle to the kitchen to make our ‘comfort drinks.’
Now we were just sat in complete silence.
Sawyer, despite being the joker, was actually very perceptive. On a day to day basis, he could clown around with the best of them, crack jokes and make people laugh. But when it came to the serious stuff, he knew when to shut up and wait for the other person to open up.
It was another thirty minutes before I found my voice.
“He lied to me,” I say, fresh tears pooling in my eyes. Sawyer inclined his body towards me to indicate he was listening but he didn’t interrupt. “I met a stranger in a darkened closet on New Year’s Eve and I fell for them pretty hard. Or at least I think I did. It could just have been a product of our environment, or whatever. Then I met TJ,” a tear fell. “Suddenly, he was a part of my life and I fell for him too. This time, I really fell. Now it turns out that the guy from New Year’s Eve and TJ are the same person, and he knew but he never said anything. He lied to me.”
Sawyer nods.
“He told me tonight,” I continue after taking a sip of my tea. “And I walked out.”
Sawyer drinks his hot chocolate.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say finally. “What do you think I should do?”
Silence.
“I think…” Sawyer pauses to choose his words carefully. “…you should follow your heart.”
I blink up at him. “That’s your advice?”
“Yep,” he winks at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me towards him. “You, Cate Westbrook, are a very smart girl. You don’t need anyone else’s advice because you already know what you need to do, but you’re conflicted so you’re looking for justification from other people. You want me to tell you what to do so you can rationalize your decision. I can’t do that. You’re the one in the driving seat on this one, so it’s up to you.”
I sigh.
“But,” Sawyer says carefully as he rubs his hand up and down my arm comfortingly. “I’ve hung out with TJ, and I’ve seen the way he looks at you. That should tell you enough about how he feels about you. We all make mistakes, Cate. Don’t let walking away from this be your mistake.”
03:30
I have to get up in four hours to start getting ready for Libby’s wedding. At this rate, I wouldn’t be getting any sleep to have to wake up from.
Sawyer’s words keep running around at Usain Bolt speed in my mind and it’s making me dizzy.
I’ve tried counting sheep. I’ve tried counting the number of stars there are in the photographs on the ceiling. I’ve tried to count up to a hundred in French. Nothing seems to be working.
04:17
Still wide awake.
Damn it.
05:54
I think I might have got about an hours sleep, but then TJ’s face cropped up in my night mares and now I’m awake again.
This boy is going to haunt my every waking and sleeping hour, isn’t he?
06:00
I’m going to take a sleeping pill, and hope it does the trick.
07:30
Can someone please shut that alarm up?
“Rise and shine, Catie-kins,” Libby’s overly sugary voice booms as she throws open my bedroom door. She comes over to bounce on my bed. “Time to get up. I’m getting married today!”
I thought brides were supposed to be all anxious on their wedding day, not peppy like Libby’s being. She had an annoying skip in her step as she bundled out of the room and sang ‘It’s my wedding day’ as she went.
I groaned and thought about staying in bed all day, but what was the point in that? Plus, I think Mom would actually kill me if I skipped Libby’s wedding- heartbreak or no heartbreak. After a minute, I climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom. My eyes still looked a little sore, but at least they weren’t all puffy like they were this morning. My hair was a disaster so I ran a comb through it and piled it up into a messy knot before I headed downstairs.
Vivian was here along with two assistants I hadn’t met before. She smiled brightly at me, but I just glowered and moved passed her. I know it wasn’t her fault that her son had hurt me, but if she had just told me what his name was when I asked her, I could have at least been prepared for the wrecking ball that crashed into my life.
Sawyer walked over a cup of tea for me, and kissed the top of my head. He sat next to me, and I felt myself relaxing against him. I don’t have any brothers, so Sawyer was the closest I was ever going to get, and as far as honorary brothers go, he was the best. Don’t get me wrong, I like David too, but I don’t know him as well as I know Sawyer.
I was only a kid when Anna brought him home for the first time, and I think I liked him from the second he stepped foot through the door. He had this way about him that made everyone instantly take to him, and I had been no different. Anna had always been wary of bringing her boyfriends to the house to meet the family, mainly because she knew that I hated being around new people.
But Sawyer was different.
“Here is your itinerary for the day,” one of Vivian’s assistants said as she handed us each a personalized schedule. “As you can see, everything has been planned to the very minute so keep to your allotted times, girls.”
There were two hairstylists here, and two make up artists. When I compared my schedule to Anna’s I saw that we shared our time slots. Libby and Mom would be having their hair styled while Anna and I were getting out make up done, and then we’d swap. We had until midday to get all that done before we had a slot of an hour to get into our dresses, get our accessories on and make our way down to the terrace for some pictures.
By one thirty we should be in the cars on the way to the church, where the ceremony was to start at two pm. After that, the bride and groom would pose for photographs with the bridal party before heading off for more photographs of just them together.
By 5pm, we would all come together at the reception for a sit down dinner, and then after speeches Libby and David would share their first dance. At 8pm, the party was supposed to start. And by 1am, the guests would be ready to make their way home.
“This is never going to happen,” Anna grumbled under her breath but Sawyer and I still heard it. She looked up at us and shrugged. “What? It’s not. They haven’t accounted for any of Libby’s meltdowns. She’s going to have at least one Bridezilla moment and the whole schedule will go out the window.”
I had to agree, but I wasn’t stupid enough to say it out loud when Libby was standing just feet away from us looking cool, calm and collected. It would be tempting fate.
08:00
“Anna, you’re late!” One of Vivian’s assistants shouted from my bedroom.
I’m not sure why the make up artist had to set up their travel studio in my room, but mom said something about south facing windows and natural light and I got that from the tone of her voice, there was no point arguing.
I was already sat in my chair, with a woman named Florence brushing some primer onto my face. I sat like a stone statue as Florence got to work, and tried to avoid Anna’s stare as she sat opposite me. When the tension in the air became too much to bear, I asked Florence for a time out so I could grab my iPod and a set of earphones.
I when I pressed play on one of the playlists, my heart skipped a beat. The first song was the punk version of Iris, the song TJ and I had danced to on my bed. As I listened to the lyrics, I could feel a lump rising in my throat, threatening to choke me with my own emotions. I fought back the tears, if only because I didn’t want to have to sit here for longer than necessary getting my make up redone.
I tried not to think of TJ too much, because every time I did, my emotions went all up in the air. I’d feel angry, and then upset, then betrayed, and then lost.
He had hurt me by lying and I was angry with him for not telling me sooner. If he had told me the day he found out who we were to each other, then none of this would be happening. What had he been so afraid of? I mean, I had been torn between two guys and all along they had been the same person.
Had there been any signs that I had missed? The more I thought about it, nothing seemed to be glaringly obvious. Ok, so TJ fit Theo’s height and build, but apart from that, there hadn’t been any signs that had me thinking he could be the boy from the closet. Well… maybe their voices were similar. And the way TJ kissed me had always felt familiar. And the way he said my full name sent tingles running up and down my spine… but that could have happened with anyone, right?
David and Sawyer’s voices were similar, but they are two completely different people. TJ’s kisses hadn’t been all that different from how Adam had kissed me. It was still lips on lips. And anyone could say Catherine in a sexy way.
None of these signs would have made me think instantly that TJ and Theo were one and the same.
So, this was all on him. He should have told me.
09:41
Ok, maybe I should have seen some similarities.
And, I wasn’t the type of girl to fall for someone so instantaneously. When I met TJ, after we hung out, after my feeling for him started to strengthen, I should have known.
There was no way I would have fallen so quickly if there hadn’t been a basis there already.
So… my subconscious must have sensed that there was something about TJ that made me vulnerable to him. Somewhere in the deep dark of my mind, I had to have known that TJ was Theo. Right?
10:30
Marissa is tugging at my hair and she’s starting to make my headache feel worse than it already is.
Anyway, I’ve had time to think.
I can’t be with TJ. And I can’t be with Theo.
I can’t be with either of them.
There.
Decision made.
11:01
My phone beeps with a new message.
You can’t shut me out. Theo xx
“That’s it,” Anna says gruffly from where she sits with her hairstylist. “I’ve had enough of staring at your glum face all morning. I know something is up. Tell me.”
The way Anna sits up straighter tells me that I have no choice but to spill my secrets to her. She’s in her psychiatrist mode and we’re about to enter a therapy session. The only thing she’s missing is her notepad and pen.
I’ve always wondered why Anna never went into being a therapist full time. She knew what she was doing and she always gave great advice. Plus there was more money in it than making jewelry…
“Did you know?” I suddenly blurt out, remembering what TJ had told me last night- he had designed the necklace, but Anna had made it. Could it be that she’d been in on this the whole time?
“Did I know what?” Anna looks perplexed.
“Did you know about TJ being Theo?” I demand. From the way her face lost all its color, I knew the answer before she spoke. “How long have you known?”
“Since Thursday,” Anna says quietly.
“So, you lied to me too,” I accuse her, crossing my arms over my chest. “Did Sawyer know?”
“Sawyer doesn’t know anything,” Anna shakes her head at me. “And I never lied to you, Cate. If you had asked me, I would have told you the truth. But you didn’t, so I never lied to you. I omitted to tell you because it wasn’t my place, but I did not lie.”
I sat back in the chair and let Marissa style my hair into lose curls, just as Libby had demanded.
“You still could have told me,” I huff after a minute.
“Would you rather have heard it from me,” Anna points at herself and then points down at my cell in my hands. “Or from him?”
“Him,” I answer eventually. “But I would have liked to have heard it from him a month ago.”
“Maybe he didn’t want to lose you,” Anna rationalizes.
“He lost me by not telling me,” I tell her with a pointed look on my face.
“You’re conflicted,” Anna smiles at me, her head nodding. “Conflicted is good. It means there’s hope.”
“I’m not conflicted,” I pout. “I just told you- he’s lost me.”
“See, that’s you speaking with your head,” Anna winks at me. “Your body is speaking from the heart, and it’s telling me a whole different story. You look like shit because you know that, even though you are hurting, you still want him. Deny it all you want, Cate, but I’m trained to spot these things.”
12:00
“I’m done,” Marissa claps her hands. She guides me towards a mirror and says, “Ta da.”
Despite looking like a zombie this morning, Florence and Marissa had made me look human. My make up was glowing, and my eyes had lost their redness. Instead a light pink and lilac shadow had been brushed onto my eyelids, and a rosy blush stained my cheeks. The foundation was flawless and created the illusion of smooth, unblemished skin, while my lips had been painted and glossed into a soft peach color.
My hair had been parted in the middle and was curled into soft cascading waves. Whereas Anna was allowed to have her hair tumbling over her shoulders at the front, my hair had been tamed so that it fell down my back.
“Thank you,” I say to Marissa, who shot me a smile. It was the first smile I’d seen from her and it threw me a little. “It looks great.”
“I know,” she smirked. Before I had the chance to escape from Anna’s room, Marissa called me back. “It’s none of my business, I know, but I think your sister is right. You’re not through with this boy just yet.”
I nod at her, biting down on my tongue. I wanted to scream that the woman had no idea what she was talking about, but that would be rude. Plus, I was now three minutes behind schedule.
Florence and the other make up artist were finishing packing away their tools when I returned to my room. Both women stopped to admire my appearance, and they high fived each other before sending a wink in my direction. I smiled at their encouragement and thanked them for making me look beautiful. They laughed.
“Believe me,” Florence said. “It wasn’t that much of a stretch, girl. You’re naturally gorgeous. We just enhance what we’re given. Enjoy today, sweetie.”
I waved them goodbye and sat at the edge of my bed. I wanted to throw myself against the pillows, but that would just ruin my hair. Instead, I forced myself to walk to the guest room, where a dressmaker’s mannequin stood with my dress hanging from it.
Libby and Mom were getting ready in their rooms, and Anna had commandeered the study to double up as her and Sawyer’s dressing area. Libby had a team of people helping her into her dress, and no doubt Dad and Sawyer would be helping Mom and Anna, but I was on my own in this.
I pulled off the button up shirt I had worn, and slipped out of my sweatpants. I changed into the underwear Anna had insisted I buy for the wedding, and then stepped into my dress.
The dress was beautiful. Silk with a bright print working its way out from the waist and up over the one shoulder, it hugged my curves perfectly and fell to the ground like a waterfall. The fabric was smooth and flowed with each move I made.
I spun, trying to get a hold of the zipper, but eventually gave up when it got stuck halfway up. I sighed and took in my reflection in the mirror.
“Let me help you, honey,” Vivian’s voice said from the doorway. She walked over to me and inspected the zipper. In one swift move, she tugged it upwards and smiled at me through the mirror. “You look incredible, Cate.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, trying to avoid eye contact with her as much as possible.
“What did he do?” Vivian asks wearily. “And don’t even think about lying to me. Girls don’t look this sad over anything, and it’s usually a boy, so tell me what my son did.”
I’m not sure why, but I broke down and told Vivian everything about TJ and I, and the fact that TJ is Theo. I told her about my relationship with Adam, and everything that’s happened with Georgie in the past few weeks. I gave her a blow by blow account of last night and the showdown this morning. And I told her about me walking out on TJ and how much he had hurt me by not telling me sooner. Vivian just sat and listened.
“Honey, can I let you in on a little secret when it comes to Theodore?” She asks. Before I get the chance to nod, she continues. “He had no idea about love and women and relationships. I mean, he didn’t really have the best role models in his father and I. Well, actually, Peter is pretty good at being all mushy, so I guess I’m not the best role model.
“You see,” Vivian sucks in a deep breath. “I cheated on his father, and I walked out. I’m not proud of what I did, Lord knows I am not. Unfortunately, Theodore has had to live through all that, and I think it’s made him wart of relationships. Have you ever wondered why he’s been sleeping around all these years and not settling down in a relationship?”
“I don’t think I’m following you,” I shake my head at Vivian.
“Theodore has no idea what it’s like to be in love,” she smiles sadly. “Or, at least, he didn’t know. I think he does now, although I would be the last person he ever tells. This is his first real relationship and he’s still finding his feet, so he’s bound to screw up and make mistakes. The reason he probably didn’t tell you about him and Theo and all that is because he knew he’d lose you. Maybe he wasn’t ready to let you go, or ready to be let go.”
“What do you think I should do?” I ask her for her honest opinion.
“Well, I’m biased,” Vivian laughs with her hand over her heart. She reaches for something at her side, and hands over a black velvet box and a cream envelope. “But I think you already know what to do. He brought this around earlier. He said something about colors and significance, but he was rambling too much to make sense to me.”
I take the box and the envelope from Vivian and watch as she walks from the room quietly.
I opened the envelope, took out the card and read the note carefully.
In the closet I told you that I would never run from you. Please don’t run from me, Cate. I’ll be waiting at the center of the dancefloor at the Masquerade Ball at midnight… Cinderella style, just like we promised.
All my love ~ Theo xx
13:00
The photographer places us carefully, and clicks the shutter on his camera.
Personally, I think the lighting out here is terrible, but that’s just an amateur’s opinion.
I go through the motions and pose as instructed, but I know my head is somewhere else.
13:30
How did I get stuck in a car with my mother?
She keeps asking me about TJ, and why he isn’t here. Apparently Vivian has concocted a story about how TJ’s sick and he won’t be able to make the wedding, but Mom isn’t convinced. I’m not entirely sure if she’s asking out of concern for me, for TJ, or if it’s a case of me being dateless to my sister’s wedding. She keeps muttering he word symmetrical.
14:08
We’re eight minutes behind schedule because someone’s misplaced Libby’s bouquet. Eventually, it’s located, a nod is given to the person in charge of the music and the dulcet tones of Eva Cassidy’s Songbird began to play.
Anna, accompanied by Sawyer, walked down the aisle first, and I couldn’t help but admire her confidence as she smiled to the guests assembled in the church. Plus, her dress was beautiful.
“Ready, Madame?” A familiar voice asked me, as an arm was offered to me. I looked up to see Nathaniel smiling at me. “Let’s get this over and done with. Then we can hit the bar.”
Standing next to Anna at the altar, I watched as a radiant Libby glided down the aisle on the arm of our father. She glowed and the way she only had eyes for David made my heart swell. She looked so in love and the way David shed a tear as he took her hand from Dad, I knew that this kind of love doesn’t happen every day.
15:26
We are seriously behind schedule now.
Libby had a breakdown in the church as she and David exchanged vows and couldn’t stop crying for ten minutes.
16:54
The photographs are over and done with.
“Reception time,” Nathaniel whispered in my ear as he walked with me to the car. Mom was now riding with Dad while Libby and David took the bridal car to a secret destination for more photographs to be taken. This meant that I was now sharing with Anna and Sawyer. Nathaniel took out a small flask and uncapped the top, and handed it towards me. “Drink it. Looks like you need some Dutch courage.”
17:33
I’ve decided Vodka shots are a great way of calming my nerves. But it’s best to stop drinking now.
After all, I have a speech to make.
18:18
“So, Georgie isn’t here,” Nathaniel comments from my side.
“No, she isn’t,” I say in a definitive tone.
“You two fall out?” Nathaniel enquires. I nod. He pulls me into a bear hug. “Thank God. She was a total bitch.”
“I know.”
19:23
“And next to give a speech,” David’s best man, and brother, Sean, speaks into the microphone. “Is sister of the bride or one of them at least. Please welcome Cate Westbrook.”
Nervously I made my way over to where Sean stood and take the microphone from him. “Thanks,” I mouth at him, only to earn a wink in return. I roll my eyes at him and with a deep breath, turn towards the gathered crowd. At least two hundred of them. “Good evening,” I start, my voice shaking. “I’m not the best public speaker, so you’ll have to be very patient with my. When Libby asked me to give a speech, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to stand before you all and do my sister and her lovely husband justice.
“I’ve always been scared of falling in love, because there’s always this sense of uncertainty,” I speak, but not really knowing what I’m saying. “Today, when I watched my sister walk down the aisle, and I saw how David looked at her, I knew that sometime falling in love is worth that leap of faith. I have no doubt that you both will have a long and happy marriage, because even a blind person could see how much you two worship each other.” At this point I got a little choked up. “I look around this room, and I see all these happy couples- Libby and David, Anna and Sawyer, my parents… I only wish that I could have even a semblance of that love you share. Libby and David, I could not be happier for you both today, and I wish you all the best for your future as Mr. and Mrs. McFarland.”
Thankfully, everyone raised their glasses to the happy couple and I had made it through my speech without freaking out. I was just about to step down from the microphone when Libby came rushing over and whispered in my ear.
“You already have it,” she says softly. “You have our kind of love… and a lot more on top of that.”
20:00
David chose the song for his and Libby’s first dance.
It’s a cute one too.
Better by Tom Baxter.
21:39
David’s brother made a pass at me.
I knocked him back.
He’s not TJ.
22:59
Right…
I threw back another shot of vodka and watch as Nathaniel, Sawyer and Anna all stare at me.
“If you’re going to make it there by midnight, you might want to leave now,” Anna suggests.
“And you might want to stop with the shots,” Sawyer says, taking my next drink from my hand.
Nathaniel takes it from Sawyer and hands it back to me. “Last one,” he says. I gulp down the burning liquid and wince. “Better?”
“No,” I say, my head spinning slightly. Or was it the room spinning? “I don’t know if I even want to go.”
“Well,” Anna sighs. “What if I put it like this? Do you love TJ?”
I nod.
“Do you love Theo?” Sawyer asks.
I nod.
“Then does it matter if he’s TJ or Theo?” Nathaniel asks confusedly. “He’s the same guy.”
“But, he lied to me,” I protest.
“Oh, get over it!” Anna yells. “You think I was entirely honest with Sawyer in the first few months we were together? Hell, no. I told him I liked skateboarding. I hate skateboarding. I said that I liked his ‘famous’ apple pie. I hate cooked fruit. And I certainly did not like you roommate in college. He was a creep.”
Sawyer blinks. “Well, I hated it when you dyed your hair black,” he tells my sister. “You can’t cook for shit, and I lied when I said that I liked The Notebook.”
The both stared at each other, and I rolled my eyes at them. “But you tow are perfect for each other.”
“As are you and TJ,” Nathaniel says, picking me up from the chair by my elbow. He waves my hand to Anna and Sawyer, although I’m sure they don’t notice that we’ve gone. Within seconds my lungs breathe in fresh air and I realize that Nathaniel is leading me towards a car. “Your choice. You get in the car and you go to him. Or you don’t get in the car and don’t go to him.”
I stare at him. “What do you think I should do?”
“Quit asking people what they should do!” Nathaniel yells. I think my headache spiked. “But make up your mind as soon as possible, because if I have to look at your miserable face one more time tonight, I will kill you.”
~*~*~ Theo *~*~*
“Is she here yet?” Spiller asks from my side. I check my cell and see time is 23:57, and no, there’s still no sign of Cate. “Dude, she’ll be here.”
I shake my head. “She’s not coming.”
I’ve spent most of the day moping around, waiting to hear from Cate, but with my calls going unanswered, and no replies coming through to the messages I had sent her, I knew that it was a lost cause. I had lost her. She was gone.
And it was my fault.
I should have told her when I found out.
I shouldn’t have lied to her.
23:58 flashed on the screen of my cell.
“Look, Theo,” Spiller places a hand on my shoulder. “This wasn’t your fault.”
“It was,” I nod to him and to the others around me.
“It wasn’t,” Landon’s tone of voice makes it hard for me to argue with him. “And she will be here.”
“What did I miss?” Grey asks as he comes to join us. He’s got pink lipstick smudged across his lips, and I had to wonder who left their mark on him. I pointed at his face and raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Oh, that was Rachel Fleming. She’s got some tricks with that tongue of hers.”
Grey broke up with Georgie tonight. He went over to her place under the pretense of picking her up for the Masquerade Ball, but instead of posing for pictures and walking her out to that car like the loved up couple Georgie thought they were, Grey announced to her that he knew all about her and Adam Dayton. He told her it was really hypocritical of her to make demands on him, while she’d been sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend behind everyone’s back. Georgie took it like a champ.
She turned up to the Ball a few hours later with Adam Dayton on her arm.
“Is Cate here yet?” Grey asked. No one answered. “Ah, fuck, man… I’m sorry.”
I checked the time on my cell.
Midnight.
“Shit happens,” I shrug my shoulders, trying to give off the air of that I didn’t care either way, but I wasn’t fooling my friends. “Plenty more fish, right?”
The music suddenly died down in the room and people began complaining. A spotlight appeared in the middle of the dance floor, and everyone craned their necks to try and see what was going on. I just rolled my eyes and turned my attention away from the commotion.
Then I heard the start of a song play.
“What the fuck is this music?” Brewer asked loudly over the drums. “Who listens to this kind of shit?”
The guys all turned to look at me. “Cate,” they said in unison.
*~*~* Cate *~*~*
00:01
Come on, Theo. Where are you?
So, here I am. At the center of the dance floor at a minute past midnight. Waiting.
I was a little over our agreed time, but surely he would have waited. Right?
He would have waited?
Or have I ruined it all?
The song that I had chosen to play was the punk version of Iris. He would have to know that it was me… right?
He would know?
Everyone watched me as I stood under a spotlight, and I knew that I had another minute before they would all turn against me. At the moment, I was entertainment to them, but that would change soon enough.
I sotted Georgie amongst the crowd, and stood next to her was Adam Dayton.
Fuck.
Then I spotted TJ’s friends at the back of the hall. Landon, Zachary, Dean, Colton and Greyson stared at me, and if I had hoped to gauge some sort of response from their faces, then I was sorely mistaken. They didn’t wear any emotion there, and their eyes were cold on me.
Guess I lost their friendship too.
I dipped my head as the song got half way through.
I knew he wasn’t here.
I knew I’d lost him.
I raised my gaze to the guys and smiled weakly at them. Suddenly, Colton smiled at me. Then Zachary grinned. Brewer laughed. Landon gave me a polite nod of his head. And Greyson gave me a thumbs up gesture.
“You can’t come to a Masquerade Ball without a mask,” TJ’s voice said behind me and a lace mask appeared in front of my face and covered my eyes. I felt TJ tying the mask in place, before his hands fell against my shoulders, and spun me to face him. He took a step back, and held out a hand for me. “Hello, I’m Theo. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance…”
I laugh. “What are you doing?” When he didn’t answer me, I held out my hand to him. “Cate. My name is Cate.”
He took my hand in his and pulled me into his arms. “Clean slate?” I nod, and much to my amusement, Theo sighs heavily. “I thought you were never going to come.”
“Well, I had to,” I say. “You’ve got something of mine, you see.”
He frowns. “I have? And what would that be?”
“My heart,” I smile up at him.
“Is that so?” He laughs sexily.
“Yes,” I smile up at him. “You always did have it.”
“Do you want it back?” He offers.
I shake my head. “No. I think it’s pretty safe in your hands.”
Theo goes silent.
“I’m sorry-” I start.
“Don’t,” Theo cuts me off. “Clean slate, remember?”
“Is it too soon to say that I love you?” I ask, hopefully.
“Never,” Theo smiles, bending down to plant a kiss on my lips.
I smile, return his kiss and tell him, “I’m in love with you, Theo Rushing.”
A new song begins to play and Theo smiles down at me. “Just listen to the lyrics. It says everything I want to say to you… but a lot more eloquently. And, just in case I’ve never told you, I love you too, Cate Westbrook.”
I will never let you fall,
I’ll stand up with you forever,
I’ll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
Cos you’re me, you’re my, my, my true love, my whole heart,
Please don’t throw that away,
Cos, I’m here for you,
Please don’t walk away and
Please tell me you’ll stay, woah, stay, woah…
*~*~*
Thanks for all your support over the last forty-five days! It's meant a lot to me, and I love you all for it! I cannot thank you enough for your encouragement.
Ok... gotta go find some tissues now. Bye.
Sarah, xx
(unedited!)