"Homeward bound, I wish I was, Homeward bound.
Home, where my thought's escaping, home, where my music's playing,
Home, where my love lies waiting silently for me."
(Simon and Garfunkel)
"Fuck off, she doesn't want to talk to you." Bob's raised his voice and that's not a good sign—he's an even-tempered guy so he must be angry.
I hear Rick answer, but I don't catch the words. As much as I would like to avoid him, I don't want things to get worse so I throw on Bob's robe and walk down the hall to the landing. I tighten the belt of the robe around me, it goes around my waist twice.
I look at them standing there and ask Rick, "What do you want? What are you doing here?"
Rick looks up, "I've come to take you home, Dacy. Pack up your stuff and let's go." He holds out his hand, like he expects my immediate compliance but too bad, I'm not feeling compliant.
I walk down a few steps, then sit down. I close the robe which is gaping at the top, giving them an inadvertent glimpse of my breasts. I look from one to the other before I speak.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Rick?" I repeat, "How did you find out where I was?"
"I called the hospital, you hadn't been there in over a week, so I called your neighbor and she told me how to reach you in San Francisco."
I'm going to kill Kat, but I didn't think to tell her to not let Rick know where I was. I had no idea he'd try to find me. I hadn't expected to hear from him and now he's looking at me like he'd like to rip Bob's robe off. I don't want him to look at me like that.
"Dacy, you've got a job and a house you've got to get back to," I think he's trying to show me how sensible he's being. "The hospital didn't know what was going on since you hadn't checked in." He looks at Bob and gives him a dirty look that says, "this is all your fault."
"Are you here to apologize for how you treated me? I'm still waiting to hear you say you're sorry."
Bob is giving me an "atta girl" look. I don't feel inclined to go with Rick, but he's right about one thing—I need to get home and take care of my life. I've got to straighten things out at work and tell them I'm leaving. I'm going to find a real estate agent and put my house on the market. And I have to pack and ship things to the Bay Area.
"I have to talk to Bob—alone," I tell him. Bob comes up the stairs and helps me to my feet. We disappear into the bedroom and I sit on the bed and pat the covers. I need him to sit next to me.
"I don't know what he's doing, he was angry at me and accusing me of trying to come between him and Elizabeth. Now he's acting like nothing happened," I sigh, I want to start crying but no way. "I've got to return to New York." Bob starts to say something but I put my fingers on his lips. "I need to take care of business, then I'm coming back. Can you find a storage unit for me?"
He nods, "I'll give you my spare key, we've got some shows and I might not be here when you return." He puts his arm around my shoulders to reassure me, "Don't let him bully you, make him say he's sorry. Men aren't good at that sort of thing, but you deserve an apology, so make sure you get it." He hugs me, "Are you sure you're all right?"
I nod, "The only thing I can really do is leave with him, I have to tell him I'm moving back to California—and he's not going to like it."
Rick looks at me as I walk into the living room. "I have to take a shower and pack, can you please come back in an hour?" He gives me a dirty look and I'm tempted to reciprocate but I don't. "You show up here unannounced and expect me to go back with you when I thought we were through? This isn't easy for me, I'm angry with you, you hurt me. Come back in an hour."
He gets up and looks at Bob, "Don't touch her. Dacy, be ready to leave when I get back."
"Is that an hour Danko time?" I ask under my breath and I'm relieved when he doesn't seem to hear me as he goes out the door.
Bob picks me up and carries me up the stairs. We make love in the shower and I hope I've watched most of the evidence away. Rick will want to fuck; I can almost count on that. Whether or not I will say yes is another matter.
Rick shows up an hour later, I'm surprised he's on time, but I think he wants to get me away from Bob. He doesn't say much when I hug Bob and kiss him goodbye, "I'll be back as soon as I get things straightened out. I hope I haven't been fired from my job."
Rick takes my hand but I jerk it away as he tries to pull me out the door. He's silent as he settles for taking my suitcase and putting it in the trunk of his rental car.
"Get in," is all he says and the tone of his voice is not friendly but I am not intimidated. I'm not twenty-three and afraid of displeasing him. I climb in the car and fasten my seatbelt; I'm still debating as to whether I will wait for him to speak first or if I will be the first to open my mouth.
We're a ways from the airport so I have time to give him a chance to speak but he's still giving me the silent treatment. Fortunately, I know the cure for that—break the silence.
"Why fetch me from Bob if you're not even going to speak to me? I thought things were over between us, Elizabeth knows about me, now we don't have that comfortable anonymity. I hardly see you anymore, you're too busy touring. After all this time you must know I wouldn't jeopardize your relationship with Elizabeth."
"I'm sorry," he says, maybe to shut me up. That "I'm sorry" must have hurt to say. "I didn't know what to think, and Elizabeth was ready to kill me." I don't blame her, I think. "I went to look for you and couldn't find you. Finally, I asked Kat if she knew where you were and she told me you were in San Francisco. I felt bad, I wanted to tell you I knew you didn't do it but..."
"You should have known I wouldn't do it. Twelve years, Rick, is a long time to get to know someone. Maybe we've been lucky that we haven't had something like this happen before."
I'm quiet for a moment, but I have something I have to say, "It's always been you who broke things off, maybe it's my turn now."
"What are you saying?" he turned to look at me, almost hitting a car coming in the opposite direction. '
"I'm saying I'm thinking that it's time for me to leave Woodstock. This place is like one giant small town, eventually everyone knows everyone else's business. I don't want to be a source for local gossip, and I bet people are talking. I don't want people to stare at me when I go to the store, or shopping, so I'm leaving."
"I don't want you to go, we can get past this." He reaches out a hand and touches my cheek. I try not to jerk away.
"How? I'm sorry but maybe this is a sign we need to cool things. We've had a good twelve years." I sigh, not believing what I was saying, "You need to let me go. I can get a good price for my duplex, and there are a lot more job opportunities in California. I can make a new start and maybe better money."
"With Weir?" his voice has a bitter tone, but I don't blame him.
"No, Bob and I are friends, we're occasional lovers but we're just friends."
"Yeah, I bet. Men and women can't be friends."
"Says you. I've always had male friends. You're just jealous. And besides, Bob isn't ready to settle down. I'm going to stay with him until I find a job and a place of my own. I don't know if it will be in San Francisco or if I'll go back to Los Angeles."
He signals and leaves the fast lane where he likes to drive and pulls off the freeway and drives to a small restaurant. "You need to eat, the food's good here if I remember."
Damn him, this is one of the things I love about him, he remembers the little things. I do need to eat, if I don't, my blood sugar goes crazy, followed by me doing the same. He puts his arm across my shoulders as we wait to be seated in the little diner, things like this make it hard to let go.
I eat breakfast, he watches me, and drinks coffee like we've done so many times before. We get back in the car and he drives to a hotel near the airport.
"We're flying the red-eye; I didn't know how long it would take to find you. I'd like to say I'm sorry for waking you up so early, but I'm not." He grins and I stick my tongue out at him.
Bob and I were up late, it was early when Rick pounded on the door and I'm tired. He pulls the curtain shut and gestures towards the bed. I kick off my shoes and lay down and he lays next to me. He wraps one arm around me then with his free hand pulls my hair aside and plants his lips on my neck.
"Don't," I tell him but he ignores me. I try to pull away but he's got me pinned. "Don't worry," he whispers, "I won't do anything you don't want me to."
I can't do this—I've already had sex with Bob this morning. The last time I did this was—with the same two men in the same order.
I'm angry with Rick; I love Rick. He's taught me most of what I know about men and lovemaking. He's the first man who showed me what an orgasm was. When he touches me, he makes me weak, and damn him, he's doing it again.
He's pulling off my clothes and I'm not resisting. It's easier to give in than it is to resist. It feels good to be skin to skin with him and I've been here many times before.
I must have been tired because I find myself dreaming without even being aware I fell asleep. I'm not in this hotel room, I'm lying in my bedroom and Robbie's lying next to me telling me I shouldn't move to New York.
"He's not good for you, Dacy, don't do it. Don't uproot your whole life for him." He bends down to kiss me and I close my eyes, waiting.
Then I open my eyes...I'm lying in this dark hotel room. I sit up, the dream had seemed so real. I'm lying next to Rick in this strange place.
"What's wrong?" Rick's awake, I didn't mean to wake him, "Are you all right?"
"Yes, no, I just had a dream that was a little too strange. I didn't know where I was when I woke up and it spooked me."
He looks at his watch, "Try and sleep a little more. We'll go to dinner in a couple of hours, then drive to the airport." He peers closely at me, "Are you sure you're all right?"
"No," I want to say but I nod and tell him I'm okay. What I really want to do is cry, I'm overwhelmed. I'm angry that he came to San Fran to take me back, I'm angry that I'm going along with it. I can't win.