I went to bed surprisingly early, expecting to wake up easily and in a cheerful state. But to my dismay, things didn't go as planned. As I opened my eyes and turned off the alarm, I made my way to the shower, only to be greeted by a lack of hot water.
"What the heck! Where is the hot water?!" I exclaimed in frustration.
The morning didn't start off well. After quickly drying my hair with a hairdryer, I headed to the kitchen to make myself a hot cup of coffee. I hadn't been a coffee drinker before, as I found it bitter and unpleasant, but I realized its energizing effects, especially in the mornings.
During my commute on public transport, I often found myself observing people. Some were in a hurry, clearly running late for work, while others stood freezing at the bus stop, eagerly awaiting the arrival of their bus. Kids ran around their mothers, not giving them a moment's rest. Inside the bus, most people dozed off, occasionally glancing around, hoping not to miss their stop. A girl sitting across from me was engrossed in a novel, probably one of those stories that end with "and they lived happily ever after." And there it was, the prevailing trend of our time—everyone wearing headphones. I was no exception. However, unlike many others, I was aware of the harm it could cause to the body. As a biology student, I had learned about the potential negative effects. But did that knowledge stop me? Unfortunately, not.
Everything proceeded as usual at the university. The week went by steadily.
On weekends, my classmates tried to take a break from the daily grind of school, seeking relaxation and sleep. I used to be part of that group, but something had changed. Why did I still want to go to the university? Was it because of her? No, that couldn't be true! It was just a passing thought. My mind was playing tricks on me, right?
Over the weekend, Woodz tried to call me several times, but I chose to ignore his calls. Why should I talk to him? Moreover, he hadn't shown up at the university all week.
I couldn't help but wonder if she was married. Why did I even care? Who was I kidding? Yes, I couldn't deny the curiosity.
Monday was always a challenging day, but today it felt particularly difficult.
Throughout the first class, I could feel Woodz's eyes on me. However, I had no intention of reciprocating even with a glance. His actions had hurt me deeply. He had acted inappropriately, said hurtful words. Why should I continue to engage with him after all that? Besides, it seemed clear that he didn't want to be friends, and I had no intention of falling in love with him.
Siyeon was right; sometimes it's better to remove a person from your life immediately to avoid further damage to the relationship. As an introvert, I enjoyed talking to myself, although some may find it strange. I didn't need a crowd of fans or friends; a few close ones I could trust were enough for me. Woodz had started to earn my trust and had almost become a part of that circle of "relatives" that included Siyeon. But he had erased it all. I didn't love him, and I didn't want to deceive myself or give him false hope. Perhaps it would have been better to say "no" from the beginning, but back then, I didn't see any problem with friendship. Now, maybe it was time to put an end to it and move on. The decision had been made.
As the bell rang, I gathered my things and noticed Woodz standing in the corridor. I couldn't just pass by him.
"Yoohyeon, wait," he called out, approaching me.
"I wanted to apologize," he began.
I looked at him, and he didn't seem to be doing well.
"I'm truly sorry. I'm at fault here. Can we still communicate? Can we go somewhere you want?" he pleaded.
"Woodz, no, please, stop! I'm not angry at you anymore, and in a way, I'm also to blame. But I'm not going anywhere with you," I replied firmly.
I wanted to leave, but he stopped me by grabbing my elbow. Was it just my imagination, or was history repeating itself? I turned and looked up at him.
"Woodz, it hurts," I said.
He let go of my elbow, but he spoke again.
"Yoohyeon, give me a chance. I want to make things right," he pleaded.
"Let's not start over. Your actions have shown me who you really are, and I don't want to go back. I'm sorry," I said, and without waiting for his response, I walked into the classroom. The bell had already rung. It was time for my biochemistry class, but my mind was still burdened with unnecessary thoughts and torment.
As I looked at the board, I realized it was dirty. I had been warned about it, but we didn't have assigned duties, so I would have to take care of it myself.
A couple of minutes later, Miss Minji entered the classroom. After surveying the room, she fixed her eyes disapprovingly on the blackboard. Unaware of what awaited me, I entered the classroom in a hurry. Quite literally, I stumbled through the door, managing to regain my balance just in time.
Half of my classmates didn't notice the embarrassing situation I stumbled into. Some were too busy, glued to their phones, while others were dozing off. But of course, Miss Minji noticed it all. A mischievous grin appeared on her face, and she found the situation amusing. I couldn't help but feel an intense wave of embarrassment, causing my cheeks to turn red. She continued to look at me, and then her gaze shifted to my hand as I started erasing the old notes from the board.
"Thinking about you, Kim Yoohyeon, and here you are," Miss Minji said with a playful sparkle in her eyes and a sly smile.
"Thinking about her?" Woodz blurted out my thoughts.
"Of course, how could it be otherwise? I walk into the classroom, find the board dirty, and the class representative is absent. And then, like magic, she appears," Miss Minji replied.
I quickly took my seat, feeling captivated by her voice. I could listen to her endlessly. And that look, does she really look at everyone that way? I understood that she was somewhat teasing me, but strangely, I didn't mind. I even found it somewhat endearing. But why was I the one receiving her attention? Enough, Kim Yoohyeon, enough! You're fabricating so many things in your head, and then you suffer. It means nothing. You're just the class representative.
Soon, I realized that my thoughts had distracted me, and I hadn't fully engaged with the task at hand. I managed to jot down everything quickly, but without truly comprehending it. Miss Minji looked at me with a grin and a hint of surprise.
"Kim Yoohyeon, I assigned the task of redrawing the Krebs cycle. Are you even listening? Or am I lecturing to myself?" she scolded me.
I lowered my gaze to my notebook and began rewriting the tricarboxylic acid cycle. It was truly embarrassing. I was so preoccupied with her presence. She probably thought I was some kind of crazy student. I sensed her amusement, but I wasn't offended. I simply yearned to catch every glance, every smile, and feel her warmth. Stop! Am I going completely mad? Feeling her warmth? Craving her smiles?
The bell rang. How did the class go by so quickly? My thoughts were interfering with my ability to absorb the material. Or were my thoughts the problem? Enough. She was just a teacher, and I was just a student. Nothing more.
Just as I was about to approach Miss Minji, Woodz appeared at her table. What on earth did he want? I handed over my grade book, and that's when Woodz began his speech.
"Miss Minji, I must apologize to you. I shouldn't have said that," Woodz spoke up, his eyes glancing at me.
"Oh, come on, Woodz. Just don't tell me it's because of me. It won't change anything. Today, you once again demonstrated that you resort to force for your own purposes. I don't like it," I replied, trying to express my disapproval.
Miss Minji seemed to understand my sentiment and signed in the grade book.
"Kim Yoohyeon, wait," her voice caught up with me at the door. She then continued, addressing Woodz, "Woodz, I heard you. If the situation repeats itself, an apology won't be enough. You are free to go."
Her voice sounded authoritative. This woman was driving me crazy!
As the door slammed shut, I approached her table, wondering what she wanted.
"Kim Yoohyeon, write me a list of the group members and their preferences for the course and future thesis topics," she instructed me.
"Um, that is..."
"Well, why don't you understand? Write down their surnames and, instead, an approximate topic or area of interest. It doesn't have to be precise. For example, Vernon - mushrooms, Sorn - birds. Got it?"
"And what's the deadline for this?" I asked.
"You have a week. Write it earlier and bring it to me. You can find me at the department. I'm at the university every day. Okay?"
To be honest, her request left me a bit perplexed. We didn't know what we wanted to do for our thesis. Personally, I had no idea. Although, I secretly wished to study under her guidance.
"When will we choose our thesis advisors?" I inquired.
My question seemed to amuse her.
"And who told you that you get to choose us? You will bring the list, and we will decide among ourselves in the department. You know very few of us, and we don't want to spend extra time with all of you. Any questions?" Miss Minji responded, looking away from me.
"It seems not. May I go?" I asked.
"All the best, Kim. I'm waiting for the list!" she replied, still avoiding direct eye contact.
My thoughts were consumed by her request. What bad luck! What should I write about? I have no idea. What am I supposed to do? Should I write about biochemistry? She would only laugh at that.
The next day at the university, I decided to inform my classmates about the list I needed to make. Although I knew many of them would be indifferent, while others would have doubts about their choices.
"Guys, listen," I began, speaking quite loudly, although not everyone was willing to be distracted from their apparently important tasks. "Yesterday, I was given a task to create a list. I need to know the topics you are interested in."
"What are the options? Is there an option to sleep?" someone shouted from the back desks, sparking laughter and turning the discussion into a joke.
"If you don't know specific topics, you can write general areas of interest. I'll put a piece of paper on the desks. For example, you can write 'botany, physiology, anatomy,' or just 'science' if you don't even know the specific field. Take it seriously. I need it soon," I explained.
I could see that many were deep in thought, and I found myself lost in contemplation as well. What should I write? Writing about biochemistry would be incredibly foolish; she would definitely laugh. Besides, I'm a biologist, not a chemist. But what if I write about what I truly wanted to do? Yes, perhaps that's the right approach. I want to delve into something more profound than mere observations and calculations. I want to conduct experiments, work with a microscope. I'll write "plant physiology." It aligns with my interests and is related to her field. Who am I kidding, though? I want to work with her, but she simply doesn't want that.
And so, I distributed the piece of paper through the rows, and almost everyone wrote down their chosen themes. Surprisingly, I'm not the only one interested in studying plant physiology. It's a relief, as I won't stand out too much. Unfortunately, Vernon didn't come to school today; he must be sick. We'll have to postpone the trip to Miss Minji until he returns. But I can't help wanting to see her and hear her voice.
"Yoohyeon, if you want, I can ask Vernon," Woodz offered, approaching me.
"Woodz, it's not that urgent," I tried to refuse, but deep down, I really wanted to bring the list to Miss Minji as soon as possible. It's my official reason to see her.
"Vernon is sick, and he probably won't be at school for a week. But if you don't want me to ask, that's okay," Woodz replied, seeming disappointed.
"Woodz, wait. A week is a long time. If you can find out for me, I'd appreciate it," I told him.
After the fourth class, Woodz approached me again with the information:
"I called Vernon and found out. Write down that he wants to study reptiles—snakes, lizards, and other creepy things."
"Thank you," I replied.
I was about to leave, but Woodz started again:
"Yoohyeon, please forgive me. I'll change. Let's go somewhere, give me a chance..."
I interrupted him, feeling tired. It seemed like he didn't want to accept my stance:
"Woodz, you don't understand. I'm not angry with you anymore, but I have no desire to continue our relationship. I don't love you. Let's not have this conversation again."
"Is there someone else you love?" he asked.
"What difference does it make?" I responded.
I wasn't prepared for such a confession. I understand that a simple "yes, I love someone else" would be enough, but I don't want to lie, even in this situation.
"If there's someone in your heart, I'll accept it. But if there isn't, I won't back down!
Woodz's voice sounds confident, and I can't help but wish I had even a fraction of his self-assurance. But in a way, he's right. There is someone who has taken up residence in my heart. She lingers in my thoughts, her image follows me everywhere. When I close my eyes, I can see her gaze once again. I dream of being able to bask in her smile, catch the scent of her perfume, and feel the warmth of her body. I need her. I've needed her from the very moment I first laid eyes on her, heard her voice, and caught her gaze. I've never experienced anything like this before. It wasn't this difficult and complicated for me in the past. I've become infatuated with her.
"Yes, there is someone who has captured my heart, but it's not you," I said, feeling the weight of my words. After uttering them, I left, heading home. I understand that I'm hurting him, but leading him on with false hope would be even worse, in my opinion.
When I arrived home, I called Siyeon. Her cheerful voice echoed through the receiver:
"Please don't tell me something happened!"
"No, Siyeon, everything is fine. What are you up to?" I asked.
"Um... I'm out for a walk," she replied hesitantly. What's going on? I don't recognize my usually confident friend. Is she feeling embarrassed?
"Whoa, who are you with? Just don't tell me it's a secret," I teased, pretending to be offended.
"With Bora," she confessed.
What a twist!
"Wow. I'm waiting for all the details," I exclaimed into the phone, feeling my mood drastically improve.
"Come over sometime. Let's talk. Okay, goodbye," she said, and the call ended.
I'm honestly shocked. That evening, I realized that Siyeon was more drawn to Bora's personality and demeanor than to her own brother, even though Siyeon wasn't ready to admit it.
As I mentioned, my mood lifted. It's hard to pinpoint the exact reason, but I simply felt better.
It's around seven in the evening now, and I have no desire to sleep. I decided to watch a movie instead. I opted for a romantic drama, and as expected, I found myself tearing up halfway through the film. My mother came into my room a couple of times, asking if everything was alright. But once she realized the reason behind my tears, she simply said:
"It would be better if I learned something. I'm sure there are plenty of tasks waiting for me."
Here come my parents! They always prefer it when I study, read, and stay at home. But at my age—by the way, I'm 19 years old—I want to have fun, or at least watch a movie about unrequited love, especially when it feels so relatable.
The next day.
After my first class, I went in search of Miss Minji. I needed to give her the list. Unfortunately, she wasn't in the building. I was informed that she would arrive after the fourth class. It turns out she has classes in another building. I contemplated whether to wait or not. I didn't really feel like sitting for an hour and a half, but the thought of seeing her warmed my soul. So, I decided to wait. To ensure I wouldn't miss her, I sat down on a bench near the stairs. There weren't many students left; everyone was quickly leaving the university grounds. A couple of friends asked why I wasn't going home, jokingly saying, "It's not time yet." After their departure, doubt crept into my mind. Would she even come? And then I heard the familiar sound of heels clicking against the floor. You know, in that moment, I felt a sense of unease. But what could I say to her?
The sound of footsteps was approaching rapidly, and panic started to set in. Why? That's a good question, one I don't have an answer to. And then she appeared. She wore elegant black shoes on her feet, a skirt and blouse that accentuated her figure gracefully. Her jacket was unbuttoned. I looked at her and couldn't utter a word. She caught my gaze and said:
"Kim Yoohyeon, why are you sitting here? Waiting for someone? Hopefully not me?"
There was a playful glint in her eyes, and a half-smile formed on her lips. If she only knew how she affected me! And here I sit, like an awkward schoolgirl, unable to utter a single word.
"Um... Miss Minji, if you're busy... I can come back another time," I said, filled with regret. Why on earth am I stumbling over my words like this?
"Kim Yoohyeon, be brave. I've told you, I don't bite! Follow me," she replied, striding along the corridor.
She stopped at a teaching room and began unlocking the door with a key. Are we alone here? Has everyone already left? I didn't expect this. I really wanted to be alone with her, but the thought also frightened me. What if I say or do something foolish?
She entered the room first, placing her bag on the nightstand and arranging a stack of notebooks on her desk. She sat on the edge of the desk and looked at me. How I longed to touch her, to feel her soft, delicate lips. Her gaze held an element of curiosity, and a smile graced her face. The once cold and stern voice had now softened:
"Well, as I understand it, the list is ready?"
"Oh, yes, I brought you the list. Here it is," I handed her the neatly written sheet with the surnames.
She took it, scanned her eyes over it, and chuckled before looking back at me. For a couple of minutes, she observed me in silence, seemingly pondering what to say. Then she spoke:
"Quite quick, good job. But you didn't have to wait for me for almost two hours just to give me the list. You can go now."
I wanted to leave, but there was a part of me that desired to stay with her, even if just for a few more minutes.
"Miss Minji, when will we find out which teacher we've been assigned to?"
"Eager to get started, aren't you? I'll let you know. We still need to discuss this among ourselves. Not all teachers are willing to take on students as their mentees. Some are very busy."
"Are you busy?"
It seems I've become quite audacious. I didn't expect that from myself, and it appears she didn't expect it either. She looked surprised and something else was reflected in her gaze. The woman chuckled and asked:
"In what sense?"
I need to rectify the situation somehow.
"Well, I meant as a scientific advisor."
"Yes, I am. And I also have high expectations, and I appreciate boldness."
As she finished her sentence, she grinned and winked. So, yes? Maybe I don't want to back down.
"Will you not take anyone from our group?"
"I'm not planning to. Do you think I should?"
Is she teasing me?! Anyone would understand where I'm going with this. Even from her expression, I can tell she's playing around. Inhale. Exhale. Just tell her already.
"Take me. Please."
After uttering the words, I quickly lowered my gaze, then raised it just as swiftly, and once again dropped it in embarrassment. I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato. I didn't expect such a reaction from myself. And it seems to amuse her. I look up at her, and she looks back at me, a smile not hiding on her face.
"Kim Yoohyeon, I'll consider your proposal. You certainly surprised me. Alright, I have some things planned for the day. Good luck!"
I nodded timidly and left. I couldn't even manage to say a simple "goodbye." I didn't expect to find such courage within myself. Although she mentioned that she dislikes cowards. I don't think this was an act of cowardice, or am I mistaken? Oh, how I wish I could work with her, spend more time together.
Now I'm back home. I'm plagued by the question of how I'll face her again. What if she can see right through me, through my silly infatuation? What if she judges me or laughs? I don't like that prospect at all. Her opinion and words hold great importance to me. The only comforting thought is that I'll see her again on Monday. By then, I hope I'll have gathered my thoughts and won't appear like a foolish person in love.
It's very pleasant to receive comments. Thank you for reading! I'll see you next week.
(editing the grammatical mistakes in the book)