CHARLOTTES POV
I woke up after having the best night's sleep in years. Two of my brothers cuddled into me and I smiled, feeling like today was going to be a good day. After everything, after all the abuse, the trauma, loosing Nate and the continuous loneliness that burnt in me, I began to believe that maybe everything will be ok. That life isn't as meaningless as I have become so accustom to believing.
I want to tell my brothers. I want to tell them everything, I just don't know how.
I don't want to lose them. I have lost everything already and if I lost my brothers, I don't think I could cope. I lost my soulmate, my mother, my innocence. Everything. I have even lost my brothers once; I can't do that again. I know it is stupid and I shouldn't feel anything good towards my brothers, but I can't help it.
They are growing on me.
After much of a struggle, I squiggled out of their arms and went into the bathroom. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and hair. Wrapping a towel around me, I walked into my bedroom to see both brothers gone. They must have woken whilst I was in the shower.
Walking into my closet I couldn't help but gasp at the beautiful abundance of clothes, perfectly and neatly decorating the room.
I changed into my outfit for the day. Which was a tight fitting white crop top with long sleeves, yellow plaid pants and white Air Force 1.s I finished the outfit off with gold jewellery and sun glasses.
I felt like an absolute baddie and I loved it.
The outfit also fit well enough to hide the scars i wanted hidden. To be honest I didn't mind my physical scars that much, as they showed off how much i had been through and that i survived. They were my life, my story and I couldn't hate them for that.
Luckily, the scars i wanted hidden - my mental scars - were easy enough to hide. And i was planning on hiding them until I found myself a stable life and stable home. Maybe one day, that can be with my brothers.
Anyway... today I managed to dress up my outfit with a smile, not a fake plastered smile. But a genuine smile. I was smiling for the love my brothers showed me last night, I was smiling for the future, I was smiling for the faint glimmer of hope I had.
Skipping down the stairs and into the kitchen, Xavier was the only one present, I assume the rest are either still asleep or have gone out. "Good morning fratello" (brothers) I poured a glass of orange juice and popped some toast. "Not that I am complaining or anything, but What's got you in such a good mood" Xavier smiled as he stuffed his face with coco pops. "I had a good sleep, and I can feel todays going to be a good day." I responded, now spreading strawberry jelly onto my toast.
"Do you want to come to the park with me Charlie" Xavier asked, hope in his eyes. "I'd love to." I sat next to him. I grabbed my bag and threw my sketchbook in, just in case.
After breakfast we walked into the garage, he chose his red Ferrari 458. I Smiled at his choice, Nates favourite colour was red. "Are you okay?" Xavier asked as he picked the keys up. "Yeah, I'm good. I'm just thinking about an old friend, they loved cars and their favourite colour was red." I sighed.
"Maybe you can call this so-called friend and invite them over." He asked, curiosity laced his tone.
"Oh... I don't think that would be a very good idea." I replied. "Oh... well why not?" he turned the engine on.
"I- I...I don't think he would answer" I looked at my hands and bit my lip. Keeping the tears at bay. I don't get why I can't talk about him without crying.
"They are he?" he looked at me, oops.
"Yeah, erm, can we talk about something else please?" I begged, tears threating. "I suppose so, but I don't like the fact that this friend is a boy." Anger was in his voice.
"It doesn't matter anyway." I snapped.
"And whys that?" he pushed, as he pulled out of the drive.
"Because he's dead okay. He killed himself last year. Now drop it Xavier." I spat at him; a single tear rolled down my face. So much for it being a good day.
"Charlie I'm sorry." He put his hand on my knee, sympathy in his eyes.
"Its okay. I just miss him a lot you know. He was my first and only friend." It felt good to talk about him, even if I was leaving out a few details. "I see the way your eyes light up talking about him. Are you sure he was just your friend?" Xavier interrupted my thoughts. "I guess not. I loved him, I loved him with every part of my soul. He is my soulmate. He was everything to me and I was too selfish to realise he was hurting, it was my faut Xavy." Tears rolled down my cheeks.
"I don't know what happened, or what he was going through. But bambina, I promise it wasn't your fault. The way you are talking about him seems you loved each other a lot, I don't think he would want you to blame yourself." He gave me a small sad smile.
"Thankyou Xavy." I wiped my cheeks. "You don't need to thank me. Just know that I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about him."
I smiled at his foreign gesture, for the first time since Nate I felt cared for, I felt that I didn't need to hide my emotions.
These boys are slowly breaking down my walls, I just hope they manage to break my walls before I break.
We pulled up into the park. It was quiet, I like the quiet.
Walking into the skatepark, a group of boys on their skateboards flew up and down the ramps. "Guys this is my sister, Charlie. You all better be nice and respect her unless you want a broken nose."
I giggled at his threat; however, I don't feel like he's joking.
"Hey." I smiled at his friends. "I'm going to skate for a bit, will you be ok?" Xavy asked.
"Yeah go have fun, I'll be over there." I pointed towards a bench which overlooked the lake. "Okay." He ran off with his friends, he acted like a little child and it was hilarious.
I walked towards the bench, cherry blossoms falling around, I pulled my sketch book out.
As I began to draw, I thought about Nate. Just Nate. As I threw my emotions into the book, I felt tears well up in my eyes.
I haven't cried as much in my life as I have in the past few days, I know that I'm just overwhelmed but I hate this feeling of vulnerability and being seen as weak. I don't like it. I wish I was stronger; I wish I could handle myself better.
Before I knew it, the tears were rolling down my face and I had finished my sketch.
"Wow, you're really talented." A foreign voice stated, startling me.
I turned to see a girl, she looked about 16 had long black hair with bangs, a nose ring and freckles across her nose.
^^ACACIA (KK/CIA) 16^^
"Thankyou" I smiled at her before looking back down to notice my very depressing sketch.
"I'm Acacia" she shook my hand, "Charlotte"
"So, Charlotte, what's got you so sad on this beautiful day" she sat next to me. "What makes you think I'm sad" I laughed.
"I don't know, perhaps the tear stains or the sketch, don't worry I won't say anything." She rested her head on my shoulder and smiled at me. Her puppy dog eyes, she was enchanting, like she was compelling me to spill my life to her.
"I moved away from my brothers when I was little, my mom and step-dad weren't exactly poster perfect parents, I fell in love and he died. Now I'm back with my brothers but I feel more alone than ever." I looked down at her, I smiled. "What about you?"
"Dad left; mom died. I live with my 80-year-old nonna and my three little sisters, working 2 jobs to provide for them as well as studying and dealing with my own mental health." she furrowed her brows, "here comes little Toni" she sat up as a 5-year-old little girl ran up towards us, "KK!" she screeched and jumped into her sister's arms.
"Toni this is Charlotte." She introduced; the little girl hid behind her sister before jumping. into my arms "Lottie" she jumped onto my knee. I laughed at her; she was so sweet.
"I like her KK" she giggled. "I like her too Toni" Acacia whispered into the little girl's ear before smiling at me. "Can I get your number"
I passed her my phone and watched her input her number into my phone. ACACIA <3 she texted herself so that my number was too in her phone, she saved it as CHAR <3
"Come play with me" Toni giggled and pulled onto my arm. I looked at Acacia, I looked back at Xavy who was still skating and laughing with his friends "Sure why not." After packing my sketchbook and pencils away, I took Toni's hand and Acacia took her other hand and we walked towards the children's park.