Everything about you is so overwhelming
When I think about you, it gets overwhelming
I haven't gotten much sleep tonight. And I know that Harry probably hasn't either.
Kissing Harry felt so right and almost magical. It was like coming home after being gone for a long period of time.
And that's exactly why I'm overthinking and can't sleep right now.
I'm cuddled into Harry's side and pretending to sleep right now, though. He doesn't need to know how in my head I am right now. Because, I have a feeling that he's pretending to sleep right now too. I can just tell by the way his body is resting next to mine that he is awake and overthinking as well.
I wish that his brain would be more kind to him.
My overthinking doesn't tend to lead to a dark place most of the time. But I know that isn't the case for Harry. The way he views himself shows that he is plagued with negative thoughts.
I hope that he doesn't come to regret the kiss we shared when all his overthinking comes to an end.
I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I feel Harry's body slowly move away from mine and he puts a pillow in his place. I remain to pretend to sleep, feeling a little sad knowing that he was in fact awake and probably over thinking. I also feel a little sad that his warmth has now been replaced by a cold pillow.
I wait until I hear him exit the room before I sit up and open my eyes.
The room is dark and when I look out the window, I notice that the sun hasn't even risen yet. It must be early as hell. I wonder what time it is. To get my answer, I reach over to grab my phone off of the bedside table to check the time, seeing that it's four-twenty-five in the morning.
I twiddle with my thumbs for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Should I go follow Harry and check on him? Should I try to go back to sleep? Should I stay up and over think some more?
You know what...screw those options. I'm going to be an annoying little sister and wake up Audrey and talk to her. She's always good at talking me through things before I get overwhelmed.
With my revelation, I slide out of bed and head down to the second floor towards Audrey and Davis' bedroom.
When I get to their room, I quietly open the door and peek my head in to see if there is any chance that they're awake this early. I'm mildly confused when I don't see Davis in bed. But I do see Audrey sprawled across the bed. And judging by the loud snores I hear, she is definitely asleep.
It's probably better that Davis isn't in here right now. He doesn't need to hear me freaking out over Harry. Especially since they have seemingly struck up a good friendship during this trip.
Preparing myself for Audrey to smack me with a pillow for waking her up, I walk over to her side of the bed and start to gently shake her awake. "Audreyyyyy," I sing out cheerfully. "It's your favorite little sister coming to you with a crisis." I add, smiling even though she can't see me.
"Fuck off." Audrey groans, rolling to the other side of the bed to get out of my reach.
I crawl onto the bed and sit next to her before nudging her a few more times. "Audreyyyyy."
Next thing I know, I'm being whacked with a pillow right in the face. "Grayson, you have ten seconds before I go back to sleep. Use it wisely."
"Harry and I aren't really dating. Eddie was my real boyfriend but he broke up with me a few days before the trip and I didn't want everyone to know that I fucked up another relationship. So I asked Harry to come with me and be my fake boyfriend. But now I really like him. It's almost scary how much. And we kissed last night. It was, yeah, it was great. And now I want to kiss him again and I'm scared of all these feelings." I say so fast that I'm out of breath by the time I'm finished.
I hear Audrey let out a huff before she slowly moves to sit up next to me. "Davis told me that he thought that you two weren't actually dating." She says, turning to look at me with a sympathetic smile.
"Damn it." I snicker. "I thought that we were acting pretty convincing."
"Maybe to the rest of the family who are always oblivious to literally everything." She laughs. "But you forget how well I know you."
"Yeah," I sigh.
"As for this Eddie character and that whole situation," she starts off. "Nobody would have thought less of you if you showed up here alone."
"Deep down, I know that. But I didn't really want to deal with the sad looks and comments about it. It's exhausting to feel like I'm never enough for someone to want to stick around." I hum, turning my gaze to look down at my hands in my lap.
"You just seem to attract shitty men." She laughs, trying to lighten the mood. "There's nothing wrong with you. I've told you that once and I will continue telling you that until you believe it."
"You might be telling me that for a long while then." I laugh dryly.
"If it makes you feel better, Harry definitely likes you. Like, he likes you way more than you probably think he does."
"What makes you think that?" I question, turning to look at her again.
"Grayson," She deadpans, sending me a warning look. "I love you, but you're stupid and blind as hell if you don't see how Harry looks at you like you have the ability to walk on water. He's looked at you like that since the first day you two got here."
I feel my cheeks heat and my stomach flutter as I think about what she just said. Recently I have noticed the way that Harry looks at me and how different it is compared to how others look at me. Maybe that look is admiration, and that's why I never recognized it before. Nobody has ever looked at me in that light before.
But if he's been looking at me like that since the day we got here, that has me thinking.
Suddenly, words from when we kissed replay in my mind.
After a moment, we both pull away just slightly. Our lips ghost against each other's as we both let out a deep breath we seem to have been holding in. His hand still rests against my cheek and my hand stays on the side of his neck. Soon our foreheads lean forward to rest against each other's. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that." Harry breathes out with a light laugh.
"Then what are you waiting for?" I say in the same tone of voice. The atmosphere feels so light now, no longer tense and fragile like before. "Kiss me like you've been wanting to."
That seems to be all it takes for Harry to crash his lips into mine.
It's true. I guess I really have no idea how long he's been wanting to kiss me.
How long has he been feeling like this?
The unspoken question has me feeling so many things. One feeling is relief in the confirmation that he does like me back. I mean, I won't get true confirmation until Harry tells me himself. But this is good enough for now. Another feeling is, I guess, sad that I didn't realize or know this sooner. If I did, I could have explored things with Harry way sooner and been with him already.
Harry makes me feel so good and so happy.
But I can understand why he didn't make a move before this whole trip. We were just acquaintances and coworkers a mere two and a half weeks ago. Now, we're so much more. Plus, I'm his boss and Harry is shy. I understand why he didn't ever ask me out or anything in the past.
"As for your feelings and you being scared of them," Audrey says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Don't be. Sometimes it's like that. I don't think it's a bad thing."
"Audrey, I just started to get to know him not even a month ago. And now he is literally all I think about. I'm like overwhelmed by all this. This shouldn't be okay." I retort.
"We all make our own timeline." She quips, using the same words that my mother said to me. "Time doesn't mean anything as long as you're happy."
"I guess you're right." I hum, not feeling like arguing this. Especially now that she's the second person who has told me this.
"Also, Harry and I were talking the other day. It was just small talk. But he was telling me all about the concept of time and how it's relative to the observer or some shit. Something about an Einstein theory I guess. And then he told me about this twins in space thing to support it. I don't know, your man is a genius." She rambles, making me laugh. And the way she said 'your man' has my heart fluttering. "But I will choose to translate that to, he doesn't care about a timeline either."
I laugh in reaction to her words. That sounds just like Harry to make small talk about science theories. "So, what do I do?" I ask.
"You two kissed. Kiss him again and tell him how you feel." She shrugs. "There's no harm in it. Plus, he definitely likes you back. So I'm sure it would make him feel really relieved and really good to know you like him."
I take a deep breath and muster up my confidence as I think about going to find Harry right now to tell him. "You're right." I quip, making my way off of the bed.
Before I exit Audrey's room, I turn back to look at her with a soft smile. "Thanks, sis. You're the best."
"Yeah, I know." She waves me off before laying back down and snuggling under the covers. "Now go get your man."