a/n: alright friends, brace yourself for lots of angst, violence, mentions of past abuse, lots of Russian translations, and some cute fluff at the end.
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Atticus had grown into her role as Avtortiet (Authority) almost too well. And every night when she came back to the penthouse Hotch had set up as a safe house, Spencer got a further taste of just how hostile of an environment she must've grown up in.
The first day she had as the boss, her men showed her their lab. Being a chemist, she could see about 15 things that were done incorrectly.
"Неудивительно, что вам нужен лидер. Это место в нескольких днях от взрыва. Жалкий. (No wonder you people need a leader. This place is days from blowing up. Pathetic.)"
Running the drug portion was almost second nature to her. That was the easy part. What wasn't easy was dealing with those who dared to disobey her.
"Ты не думаешь, что мы должны доложить твоему отцу? (Don't you think we should report back to your father?)"
"Нет. И знаете почему? Потому что сейчас я говорю о тебе. И на вашем месте я бы дважды подумал, прежде чем сомневаться во мне и не обращаться ко мне по титулу. (No. And you know why? Because I call the shots now. And if I were you, I'd think twice before doubting me and not addressing me by title.)"
"Правильно. Приношу искренние извинения, Авториет. (Right. Deepest of apologies, Avtoriet.)"
The other easy part was wearing nice clothes and jewelry, and just being able to walk around the nicer parts of Jersey with Spencer.
"I won't lie, Bubba, it's kinda impressive how well you've earned these people's trust."
"Yeah, well it's easy when they're all mindless sheep who do anything I say, that and you could say it's in my blood."
Her phone rang in his pocket and he placed it in her open palm.
"God damn it.", she muttered, reading the Russian contact, "Какие? (What?"), Spencer instantly recognized the venom that filled her voice, as he and the team had been listening to it for the past 2 weeks.
"У нас проблемы. (We have trouble.)"
"Ближе к делу. (Get to the damn point.)"
"Мы так и не получили денег от нашей последней поставки. (We never got the money from our last shipment.)
"Проклятые идиоты! Разве ты не умеешь что-нибудь делать правильно?! (You damn idiots! Don't you know how to do anything right?!")
"Извините, Авториет-- (We're sorry, Avtoritet--)"
"Не надо. Вы знаете, где меня встретить. (Don't. You know where to meet me.)", she promptly hung up.
~~~~~~~~~
"I don't understand why you need people to babysit me.", Spencer pouted once they got back to their penthouse.
Atticus sighed while strapping herself up, "Because. While my leadership may not be exactly real, my enemies definitely are. Especially now that they've decided to not pay up."
There was a knock on their door and four of her men entered shortly after.
"Вы двое, оставайтесь и берегите его. (You two, stay and keep him safe.)"
"Зачем нам? Он не один из нас. (Why should we? He's not one of us.)"
Before she even realized what she was doing, she whipped her switchblade out of her holster and pressed it against his throat, "Потому что я, блядь, тебе сказал. Никогда не забывай своего места, ты жалкий, жалкий, низкий. И если я вернусь и увижу на нем столько же царапины ... (Because I fucking told you to. Don't ever forget your place, you meager, pathetic, low grade. And if I come back and see as much of a scratch on him...)", she chuckled and for a second Spencer caught a glimpse of real rage in her eyes, "Что ж, вы действительно не хотите знать, что будет после этого. Ты? (Well, you don't really want to know what happens after that. Do you?)"
He gulped, "Нет, госпожа. (No, Misstress.)"
"Вы двое-- (You two--)", she tilted her head to the side slightly and just that simple gesture had them scrambling out of the room behind her.
She banged on the front door of her latest enemy's front door. It swung open and stood before her was a tall man with dark hair and a disgruntled expression on his face.
"Who the fuck are you?"
"Your newest fucking problem."
"Really? Is that so?"
"Listen, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, your choice."
"Hmm, I think I'd prefer the hard way.", he extended his arm to touch her. She quickly gripped his arm, spun him around, pinned it behind his back, and slammed him down against his own porch.
"Give me my fucking money, you revolting son of a bitch."
"At least I'm not the daughter of a bastard.", at that, her men didn't skip a beat pressing a Glock against each side of his head.
"Ok, ok--I don't have it here. I-it's in a safe at our mansion."
"Well, then it looks like we're going for a ride."
They had him sit in the front seat, one of her people driving and the other in the back with her, pointing a gun straight to the back of the man's head. Atticus found herself getting lost in her own thoughts and anxieties as they pulled into the driveway, but she knew she couldn't crack. And she won't.
"Mikhail you go in with him. Make sure he gets the right amount. And don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Yes, ma'am."
He came back just a few minutes later, and she figured the people in there knew better than to fuck around, knowing that her mob was one of the most powerful. They run the biggest cartel, they have the most alliances, and the strongest loyalty (although she knew it was faux) they would do anything to please and obey her.
He handed her the stack and she quickly counted out all 500,000 dollars, "Nice work. No trouble I'm assuming."
"Not on their end, no."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"They won't be messing with us again any time soon.", the sentence sent shivers down her spine though she disguised it well. See, that's part of what she hated. She hated knowing that she was a part of all the unnecessary violence. She didn't want to think about the body count her people might've built up.
"Turn around. And hurry up. I have someone to get back to."
"Yes, Avtoritet."
~~~~~~~~~
Once she had arrived back 'home', she gave a stern 'Go.' that once again left the men that were almost twice her size scrambling to obey.
"Are you ok?", she cupped Spencer's face as she straddled his lap.
"Mmhm.", he gave her his attempt at a smile. But it was hard to do considering that he could see the pain peaking through her eyes and the way she swallowed thickly, "Baby, what's wrong?"
That simple question caused the dam holding back all her thoughts to crack and tears to slip down her cheeks, "I fucking hate this. I hate knowing that I'm a part of who knows how many deaths or at least life-threatening issues. I hate hurting all these people--and even though their criminals and murderers, I still feel so guilty.", Spencer tried to wipe away the tears that were rapidly falling down Atti's face. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, dampening the collar of his shirt, "I hate that they worship my dad and worship me for acting like him. I can't stand that everything I've ever done, I did on my own. Everything I have I worked my ass off for because my dad was too busy treating them like family to love his own fucking flesh and blood!", she was trembling at this point, "And after years of abusing me every way he possibly could think of, he has the audacity to finally admit I'm his fucking daughter! And say that he sees the same evil I see in him!"
Spencer had grown accustomed to her holding in her emotions until her rage boiled over like this. He was even used to seeing her tears. Granted they were mostly happy tears or from laughing too hard. But he hadn't ever seen her break down and sob like this. And it crushed him to see what a toll this was truly taken on her. Of course, he had noticed some changes. She had grown slightly more distant and quiet, but she's learned to disguise her emotions even from him by maintaining composure. That's the way it's always been for her.
"Atti...", she didn't respond or even react, so he knew that she was falling down to that distant space, "Atticus."
That snapped her out of it as she looked at Spencer like he had lost his damn mind. She could count on both her hands the number of times he had called her her full name.
He took the opportunity to gently pull her closer by wrapping his arms around her waist tighter and kiss her tear-stained cheeks and kiss away any more stray tears.
"I-I don't feel like me. What if he was right? I hate how quickly I fell into this role. It feels so easy b-but it tears me up inside.", she managed to huff out between breaths.
"Atti, I face the concept of evil every day and you...you are the farthest thing from it. And you're right, it's not fair that you had to suffer and survive on your own as a kid. It wasn't fair for your dad to break you when you were just a kid and then leave you to fix it on your own. He's a narcissist. He's not capable of that kind of love. He could only own up to you when he connected the two of you by delusion. His idea of you is his idealized version of himself. But he doesn't know who you really are. That even though you took his place, you're doing it to make the people around you safer. And the violence, no matter if you were in the picture or not, it would happen. That's what they do. You--you're trying to put an end to all of this. And if my 3 PhDs have any credibility, I can confidently say that you are not your father, you are not evil the way he is, and there is absolutely nothing wrong or unloveable about you. You bend the idea that nobody is perfect--because you are.", she pressed her forehead against his, a small giggle escaping her lips, "I love you so much, Atti."
"I love you too, Spence.", she looked back down and Spencer could tell that she was still holding something back.
"What else, Bubba?"
"I just--I miss being me. I miss making music. I miss tattooing. And as ridiculous as it sounds, I miss our house. I miss...home. And even if it's pretending, I don't know how much longer I can take this."
"It's ok. We only have a few more days until we execute our plan. And we can have Penelope send over your guitars or something from home--whatever it takes for you to be you...I know this is exhausting. Especially considering that this isn't even your job, you're not trained for something like this and you're doing better than any of us have ever done undercover."
"You are too cute, you know that?", she laughed.
"I've been told that over the years.", he huffed out a laugh and kissed her sweetly.
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a/n: not me pulling an all-nighter until 8 AM to write these last two chapters--oop. also, i never know how to end chapters so idk wtf that's about lol.