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I grin lightly down at my sketchbook that rests on my thighs, my knees propped in the air as I sit comfortably on Harry's outdoor couch. The sun is warm against my skin that is burnt and tinted pink, the heat radiating from my sunburn through my shoulders and down my back. Harry stands with a towel wrapped around his waist, freshly showered as he holds his acoustic guitar to his chest.
His fingers pluck and strum the strings quietly but perfectly and smoothly. I can recognize the song he plays as blackbird by The Beatles. The sun casts over his body, the tan of his skin glowing as he stares out over the city, his curls being lightly assaulted by the small gusts of wind as he mindlessly plays his guitar.
My head falls to the side, my cheek resting on my shoulder as I watch him in awe. My pencil stops moving across the paper, forgetting the drawing of Harry while I take the moment in for myself. I take a mental photo, hoping to remember this moment forever as Harry continues strumming the quiet chords of the song.
The two of us have been busy soaking up the last of the summer sun all day as the season comes to a close. With classes starting in less than a week, Harry and I have spent all of our time together, simply enjoying the last of our all too short break before everything picks up again.
The ink that swirls amongst his skin is highlighted with the golden hour sun, my eyes raking over every inch of his exposed skin. The way his ribs stick out, how skinny his arms have gotten. I notice the loss of his love handles, something I had grown very fond of. Regardless of how skinny he is, I still stare at him with nothing but love and adoration.
"I haven't played The Beatles in years." Harry voices after awhile, his gravely voice stirring me out of my thoughts. I sit up straight, tossing my sketchbook to the ground while Harry wanders over to sit beside me.
"I thought you loved them." I point out, slightly referring to the albums in his music room and the photos of the band that decorate his empty apartment. He shrugs his shoulders, setting the guitar on the ground gently, the neck resting on the chair adjacent to us.
"I did," He nods, running his fingers through his now famous curls. "Their songs make me think of my mum though, she always had them playing over the radio when my dad wasn't home." He explains lowly, a small frown forming on my lips as I stare at him.
Harry's curls shine in the sunlight, his irises glistening as he turns to look at me. His eyelashes are thick and dark as he blinks at me innocently, my chest practically exploding with emotions. The way I feel about him is unexplainable and sometimes it's even painful. Not being able to express to him how much I love him is the worst pain I think I've ever felt.
"Your dad didn't like them?" I question, Harry chuckling at my words which only causes me to frown. He lets out a quiet sigh, his eyes dropping from our shared gaze, but I continue to watch him and his slow movements.
"He didn't like a lot things." He finally speaks, his hand reaching over and gently massaging my thigh. I watch his fingers mould the flesh of my leg gently, his rings cold against my warm skin. "He liked drugs and alcohol, that's it." He shrugs, looking up at me now.
Regardless of the halfhearted smile that plays on his lips, I can see the pain in his eyes. Even if he never admits it, no matter how badly he wants to pretend his fathers death and his actions while alive didn't hurt him; I know that they did. He was only a child, a ten year old, who was stuck taking care of his deadbeat father. He was just a little kid, what was he supposed to do?
"But I'm no different than him." Harry continues, my face falling as I furrow my eyebrows at him. He retracts his hand and adjusts his towel as he sits, staring forward aimlessly.
"You're not like him, Harry." I voice sternly. He shrugs and looks over at me, his lips hidden against his slouched shoulder as he stares at me for a moment. "I know you aren't." I mumble, my boyfriend sighing as he holds his arm out towards me as an invite, allowing me to move to cuddle into his side.
"Sometimes I wonder that if maybe I'd acted different then he wouldn't have died." He breathes, my frown only deepening on my face as I listen to him speak, his eyes still dancing around before him. "Or if maybe I had just kept quiet, he wouldn't have felt like he needed the drugs in the first place." He adds.
"It's not your fault, nothing you did would've made him want them any less." I argue quietly. Harry only sighs in response as he runs his fingers up and down my back. "Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who caused you to relapse." I whisper, Harry's body stiffening up beside me, his face snapping towards mine.
"Don't say shit like that." He grumbles lowly. I shrug my shoulders, his arm moving from behind me as his hand captures my jaw, forcing my face up until our gazes meet. "I'm serious." He continues.
"So am I. It's the same thing, Harry." I state, his eyes flickering between mine as my words soak into his mind. "You didn't cause your fathers addiction, and I don't want you to say things like that." I reply quietly, Harry swallowing thickly as he runs his thumb over my jaw. "Got it?" I ask him, my eyes trailing between his as he sighs, leaning forward to connect our lips in a gentle kiss.
"Got it." He answers with a small nod, mumbling against my lips. I pull away, his hand dropping from my face and down to my lap. "I don't want to hear you say you're at fault for my relapse, ever." He breathes lowly. "I mean it, Clo." He adds firmly, raising his eyebrows at me as he waits for my answer.
"I know, I know." I nod, reaching up to push his curls behind his ear. He leans into my palm, his warm cheek bringing a smile to my face. He stares at me with tired eyes, his blinking pattern slow with his gaze never leaving mine.
After a moment he sits up and finds his guitar again, my heart jumping in my chest with excitement. He swallows and allows me to get comfortable beside him before he looks over at me, the wind tussling his curls back out of his face, his dimples just barely etched into his cheeks.
"I'm going to write a song for you one day." He mumbles, his fingers beginning to strum the chords quietly in a random pattern. I grin and shake my head at him, leaning into the back of the couch with my knees hugged to my chest. "And you'll get to listen to it whenever you miss me." He continues, a small laugh escaping my lips now.
"You think I miss you? How cocky." I tease, Harry rolling his eyes at me, a grin plastered on his lips as he stares at me, lightly shaking his head.
"Shut up, you tell me all the time how much you miss me." He retaliates with amusement dancing in his features, his smile growing as his dimples sink into his skin. "Even when we're together." He continues, raising his eyebrows at me as if he's just outed my biggest secret to the world.
I gasp and stand on my knees, his lips parting as he laughs at me, his eyebrows raised up as I stare down at him. His fingers move delicately over the strings, the sound dying out to a very quiet melody that is almost inaudible to me.
"Be quiet, that's secret." I scold, Harry's eyes crinkling at the ends as he laughs. He simply shakes his head and sets his guitar back down, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me against him, my knees straddling one of his thighs. I laugh wildly, my arms wrapped loosely around his neck as he pushes his face into my stomach. One of his long sleeves is the only thing covering me next to my underwear and my socks.
"I miss you all the time, too." He mumbles into my stomach, pulling away just enough to allow me to sit on his thigh, our faces almost level with each other now, his leg still elevating me higher.
"What if one day you don't miss me anymore?" I ask, Harry shaking his head as he stares at me, his hands running over my thighs and squeezing the skin lightly in a calming way.
"Not possible, I'm always going to love you and miss you." He assures me quietly, his nose nudging my jaw as his lips meet the warm skin of my neck. "Forever." He mumbles, his breath fanning my skin causing me to shiver against him, goosebumps rising to the surface of my skin.
"That's a long time." I tell him, lacing my fingers into the curls at the back of his head. He shrugs and pulls his face back from my neck, our eyes meeting in a soft gaze.
"It's not long enough for me." He answers in a quiet tone. I feel my heart ache in my chest at his words, my lips connecting with his immediately as if I'm trying to tell him how much I love him through my mouth.
Harry's grip tightens on my hips as he shifts me further up on his thigh until our chest touch when we breathe. His head tilts back to reach my lips, his hands fisting the material of my shirt. I hear him breathe in sharply through his nose before he sighs out while pulling away, attaching his lips to my neck.
"Harry." I breathe quietly, my eyes fluttering closed as he sucks the skin of my neck, his lips trailing down to the collar of my shirt. His teeth nip at my skin, his tongue swirling over the sensitive areas as he pushes my shirt off my shoulder, exposing more of my body. My stomach pits and churns, butterflies erupting at my core making it hard to sit still. Just the feeling of his lips on my neck is enough to get me turned on.
I push my hips down on his thigh to get some sort of friction, a gravelly groan escaping Harry's throat at my movement and mixes with my quiet whimper. He sucks my skin harder, earning another quiet moan from me as I continue to grip his curls, my head becoming hard to hold up as pleasure courses through my body.
His hand reaches down between us, adjusting the towel around his waist before he slowly slides his hand up my inner thigh, brushing over my center with his thumb causing me to suck in a sharp breath, my hips jerking at the contact.
"I love you." Harry mumbles against my shoulder, the sides of our faces brushing as I slowly move my hips down on him. My teeth sink into my bottom lip, suppressing my moans from escaping. "Talk to me." He breathes, a breathy moan coming out instead of any words, Harry smirking against my skin.
Harry easily slips his fingers through the band of my underwear, pulling them down just enough to earn full access to me. He slowly circles his thumb over the nerves causing me to suck in a sharp breath, my fingers releasing their grip on his curls and instead they find their way to his shoulders.
"Harry, please." I whine, his thumb containing circle over me, but not going any further. I pull back to look at him, his eyes immediately finding my gaze as he drops the corners of his mouth.
"What? What do you want, baby?" He asks lowly, watching me with wild eyes. I lean forward and shove my lips to his, my hand traveling down between us, my fingers gliding over his bare torso before they find his hand.
"Oh my god." I breathe, Harry allowing me to guide his hand in the right ways, his fingers slowly gliding into me, Harry swallowing my moans as he kisses me hungrily. My hand grips his shoulder while the other falls from his hand that moves at a slow pace between us. "Harry, I want you." I whimper, my high hammering in my stomach as he continues his slow movements with his fingers,moving them exactly how I need. His rings connect with my heat with each thrust, causing my breath to hitch in my throat.
I move my hips in sync with his hand, forcing him into a faster pace, my high continuing to build in my stomach as he pulls his fingers out of me, moving his towel off of his hips. He pushes his lips against mine, our teeth clashing sloppily as he positions himself, my hips lowering onto him causing both of us to moan into each other's mouths.
"Fuck, Clover." He grunts, his hands gripping my hips under my shirt, his finger tips digging into my skin as he assists my movements. His head falls back as low groans and profanity's fall from his lips. "So fucking good." He breathes, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment as my lips part, Harry watching me intently with hooded eyes.
Sweat beads at his hairline as he clenches his jaw, his hands still helping me as my movements become sloppy and weak, my body growing tired. My legs begin to shake as I ride my high, Harry picking his head back up as I lean forward, his lips capturing mine in a messy kiss, his hips beginning to do the work as he nears his own high.
"I love you." I breathe, Harry moaning in response as he breathes heavily, his body tensing as his muscle flex and contract tightly. His eyes flutter closed delicately, his head falling back to rest on the back of the couch as he breathes heavily. I reach out to play with his cross necklace that rests against his sweaty chest as he comes down from his high, his body relaxing and his breathing becoming less rapid and uneven as he slowly calms down.
"I love you, too." He breathes, leaning forward to kiss me gently, our lips both swollen from the roughness of our last kisses. I slowly climb off of him, slipping my underwear back up my legs and sitting beside him as he wraps his towel around his waist again, his chest still moving up and down quickly. "I like you on top, baby." Harry mumbles after a moment, a laugh escaping my lips as I stare at him with complete amusement. Usually I don't like the top, but it seemed like the right choice tonight.
"I don't know, seems like too much work for me." I tell him with a small grin, laying down with my head resting in his lap, his fingers finding their way to my messy hair.
"I thought it was hot." He mumbles with a small smile as he shrugs, a laugh escaping my lips at his words and I shake my head. I grin lightly and reach up to gently stroke his jaw, Harry watching me intently with tired eyes before he sighs and looks out at the dark sky, the only light coming from inside of his apartment and the city lights. "I'll be right back, need some pants and a smoke." Harry rasps, allowing me to sit up from his lap and watch him disappear inside over my shoulder.
I move from the couch to stand at the railing of his balcony, my hands gripping the cold metal as I stare up at the sky that is decorated with millions of stars, some tiny and other big and bright, illuminating the space around it. The moon is just a small crescent shape, but still gorgeous, sitting high in the ear sky.
"Words can't even describe how much I love Harry Styles." I voice quietly into the quiet night, even the busy city below has died down, sirens being one of the few sounds echoing through the grooves of the city skyscrapers that stand tall. "He's so perfect, I just wish he could see that." I continue, my voice sounding tired and exhausted as it dies out in the empty air before me. "I'm trying to show him, he just doesn't believe me." I whisper, my eyes focused on a certain star that is bright and stands out from the others.
My stomach rests against the glass barrier, the sound of the sliding door being opened causes me to turn around, finding Harry walking out with a lit cigarette between his lips and a pair of sweatpants hung low around his hips and a hoodie over his head hiding his curls.
"Everything okay?" He asks, moving to stand in front of me. I nod, watching as he tilts his head back to blow the smoke away from my face, his jaw line sharp and prominent with the angle.
"Just thinking." I tell him, his eyes meeting mine again, his eyebrows slightly raising as a way to urge me to go on. I shake my head, watching as he takes another drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke away from me once again.
"About?" He questions, a small grin crawling onto my lips as he moves away from me to put his cigarette out, his hand reaching out for my own as he leads me back inside of his apartment. "Hm?" He hums lowly, leaning down to press his lips to my ear as he wraps his arms around my waist. I laugh quietly as I squirm in his tight hold, his quiet laugh tickling my ear as he squeezes me before letting me walk ahead of him.
"Nothing important." I shrug, glancing at him over my shoulder, his eyes filled with amusement as we make our way back to his bedroom. He sighs and flops on his unmade bed, his head resting on my pillow as he stares up at me with sweet eyes. "I have to pee, I'll be right back." I tell him, Harry nodding lightly as he closes his eyes, his arm rested above his head while the other lays open for me.
The white bathroom lights cause my eyes to squint lightly as I close the door, the mirror reflecting my tired image. My collar bones are bruised and red from Harry's mouth, along with my neck and whatever else beneath my shirt. I can feel the bruises forming from where his nails were dug into my hips, but I don't mind. I've actually learned to like having his marks on me. They're from him and they're out of love and pleasure, not hate or anger.
I finish peeing and washing my hands before slowly making my way back to Harrys bedroom where he snores quietly, still in the same position from when I left. I smile lightly as I turn the small lamp on the side table off before I climb in beside him, carful not to wake him up as I pull the covers over our bodies.
"I love you, Harry." I whisper quietly, cuddling into his side as I let out content sigh, allowing my exhaustion to take over as my eyes flutter closed.
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Happy update!!
I hope this was okay, I've literally never written smut before so if it was terrible, tell me so I can just rewrite the chapter without it!!
Vote and comment!!
Much love
~C