*~*~* Cate *~*~*
“Why are you so quiet?” Dean Brewer asked over lunch.
I shrugged and played dumb, but I knew why I hadn’t said much all day. Ever since yesterday outside Mr. Hall’s class, I’d been kicking myself about running away and hiding from Theo. Ok, so I wasn’t a hundred per cent sure that the boy inside- Theodore- had been Theo, but everything that had been said had been too much of a coincidence to make me think otherwise.
With hindsight I should probably have stayed, but running away from difficult situations had always been was like a default setting built into my core. Running had seemed like the easier option. After all, I had TJ now. I had moved on… right?
Wrong. Yesterday afternoon I had walked around in a daze and I’d been terrible company for TJ throughout the afternoon and night, barely mustering any enthusiasm over anything he said or did. Even when I kissed him, it felt alien. And all because of Him.
He was in my head and no matter what I did; I couldn’t shake the idea of Theo away. There were a ton of what-ifs relaying around in my head and it just reminded me of the time in the closet. So much of mine and Theo’s relationship was based on possibilities. Even the notion of being in a relationship was based on the possibility of finding one another outside that little bubble we had created on New Year’s Eve.
Theo had been so sure about us in the closet and wouldn’t let me slip through his fingers. He’d insisted that it was impossible for any of my scenarios to exist. He’d been adamant that he’d like me outside the closet, that he wouldn’t meet someone else that was better than me, he was sure that his friends would like me… he had insisted that what we had wasn’t a mistake.
Theo seemed to know what he wanted.
Me? I didn’t have a clue. Theo had matched every one of my what-ifs with his own, and as I think back on them now, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut.
What if you leave here, and tomorrow you’ll be full of regret?
What if in a few years’ time, you look back on this moment, and think ‘I was wrong’?
What if I am the right guy for you?
What if you never feel this with anyone else?
I was in that situation again- what should I do? I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t go on Saturday and find out who Theo really was. I knew I’d think back and know I’d made the wrong decision if I didn’t meet him. He had been the right guy for me, and I never thought I’d have that same connection we’d shared with anyone else.
I had believed all of that… until TJ came into my life. Now all I could think about was how TJ was the right guy for me, and how I had never felt love like I did with TJ. My life revolved around TJ now, and not Theo.
But I would still regret not ever knowing what could have been.
Should I go on Saturday? Would he think I didn’t care for him if I didn’t show up? Would he hate me for the rest of his life if I broke his heart?
Of course he would. That’s a stupid question. I mean, if the roles were reversed and I was the one being stood up at a very public Masquerade Ball, I’d hate him too for the rest of my life. In fact, I would probably buy a voodoo doll and curse him to Hell and back for the humiliation and heartbreak.
“Ok, seriously,” Dean said again, cocking his head to the side and watching me carefully. In fact, all the guys around the table were watching me like a hawk, TJ included. “You’re being very nebulous, Cate. I don’t like it.”
Landon snorted. “Do you even know what nebulous means, Brewer?”
“Unclear,” Brewer nods and rolls his eyes as if it was a word everyone should know. “Vague, tenuous, unformulated-”
“I get it,” Landon snaps, a deep blush glowing on his cheeks. “I’m sorry I asked now.”
“I only look like an idiot,” Dean smirked at his friends before turning back at me. “So, what’s going on?”
Before I got the chance to answer, Lindy Schaller, the school’s biggest gossip approached the table and set her impeccable form down in the seat opposite me. She smiled brightly and gave me a flash of her perfectly white teeth before she launched into the real reason she was sat here with us.
“You used to date Adam Dayton, right?” She asks curiously. When I nod slowly, her grin widens. “Then you’ll know the truth. See, I heard a rumor that Adam had a steroid abuse problem and that his daily hit had affected his… package, as it were. Care to comment?”
I stared at her in disbelief as the guys around the table erupted into laughter. I’m not a prude or anything, but it’s not really appropriate to be talking about a man’s ‘package’ with other people. I open my mouth to utter my response, but Lindy held up a tiny hand and cut me off.
“It’s ok,” she sighs. “I’ve heard that it’s true from a reliable source. But isn’t it a shame? I mean, of course he’s a jerk, but he’s a good looking jerk.”
I blinked. “Um, Lindy-”
“Say no more,” she cuts me off and winks at me. “This won’t go further.”
Famous last words. It’ll be the talk of Capshaw by the end of the day and the thought that I was being dragged into the gossip made me groan. I hated it when rumors spread around the school like wild fire, especially when I was inadvertently involved. I would have to suffer through hundreds of people asking me if what they had heard was true or not, and I wasn’t about to start commenting. In high school, a no comment may as well be confirmation. No matter what I could possibly say or do, gossip like this was always considered true and the rumor would linger like a bad smell for days, if not weeks or months.
Adam probably won’t be able to live this down.
“Is that true?” Dean asks from across the table. Landon, who sits next to Dean, reaches over and smacks him around the side of his head. Dean claps his hand to where he’d been hit and sends Landon a glare. “I was just wondering. Jesus. So, Cate? Truth or just a rumor?”
I stare at Dean until he has the decency to mumble an apology and turn away from me. I look around the table and see Landon, Zachary and Colton Spiller all suppressing their laughs, while TJ just stares down at his lunch with his muscles clenched. He looked ready to launch himself onto the next person to speak, but I didn’t react.
I was too conflicted about my feelings to even think straight, something that became blindingly obvious as the afternoon wore on. My afternoon classes were a blur, and I didn’t remember anything that I was supposed to have learnt in today’s Calculus class. I probably knew how to do the work, but I just don’t remember the teacher going over any of it.
My thoughts kept whirling back to Theo and the predicament that I now found myself in.
I had decided that I owed Theo an explanation. This meant that I’d have to skip out on Libby’s wedding at some point. I thanked God that she and David had rethought their plan on getting married in Napa and were keeping it local at the Hastings Country Club. This meant that I could conveniently sneak out at eleven thirty and return by twelve thirty, and hopefully no one would notice my absence.
Only, TJ would surely notice. How could I begin to explain it to him? How could I turn around and tell him that I was leaving him to go in search of another guy? What if he asks me who I choose? I’d already told him that he won, but had I meant those words?
Every detail I knew about Theo were coming back to me, and I was starting to get a clear picture of him in my mind again. I hadn’t been able to see him like this in weeks, but there he was, back in the closet, holding me in his arms as he told me that he loved me. Even the sensation of him kissing came flooding back to me. He was strong but sensitive. His voice was gentle and his lips were soft. The way he whispered my name and the way my body reacted to his tickling breath…
Damn it, Theo.
“What are you doing to me?”
*~*~* TJ *~*~*
“What’s going on with Cate?” Brewer asks as the guys and I make our way to Freddie’s diner in town. We’re riding in my car and Brewer’s question has Landon, Zachary and Spiller’s attention on me. “She’s been acting weird all day.”
“She’s just nervous about Saturday, that’s all,” I explain.
From the back seat, I see Spiller nodding in understanding. “Makes sense,” he says. “She’s going to have to choose between you and you.”
I slam on the breaks- thankful that there isn’t a car behind me- and turn to face Spiller with a frown on my face. “What are you talking about?”
“The Masquerade Ball,” he states simply. “Why, what were you talking about?”
I groan. I hadn’t even thought about the Masquerade Ball. Maybe Spiller is right- that’s what’s been bugging Cate. She didn’t know that I’m Theo and it made sense that she would be worrying about having to choose, but I was pretty confident that she’d choose me in the end.
But then I’d have to find a way to tell her that I’m Theo. She’ll find out eventually. It wasn’t like I could hide it for much longer. I’d already told Anna. Anna will probably let slip about my name to Cate. She’ll be pissed. Like, really angry. But I’ll charm my way back into her good graces. After all, she loves me. Love conquers everything, right?
Damn it. I haven’t really thought this through, have I?
“You ok?” Brewer asks me from the passenger seat. His face has genuine concern written all over his features and it was alarming to see him this worried about anyone other than himself. “You’ve gone kinda pale.”
“I’m fine,” I say quietly as I put the car into drive and continue on towards Freddie’s diner. I park as close to the door as possible and slowly follow my friends inside, my mind still focused on the conundrum building up inside me. It wasn’t until we were sat that I finally looked around at my friends and let out a long, drawn out sigh. “I’ve screwed it all up. I should have told Cate who I was as soon as I found out who she was. How do I get myself out of this?”
Four sets of eyes blink back at me.
“You’re talking to the wrong people,” Zachary spoke for the group. The others nodded in agreement. “You need a woman’s advice.”
I couldn’t eat. As I watched my friends tuck into their burgers and fries, I kept running through all the possible ideas to get me out of my predicament. It proved useless because I just kept coming back to the fact that I somehow had to find a way of telling Cate about my identity and the fact that I’ve known about her being Catherine for weeks. Honesty was the best policy, my brain kept telling me.
I dropped the guys at their houses and drove home on a mission to talk to Amanda about what was going on between me and Cate. I walked through the door and found my step-mother of sorts sitting at the couch, helping Noah go through his homework. I took a seat opposite her and stared until she looked up at me.
“You ok, Theo?” Her voice was filled with worry as she saw the look of despair I wore.
I shook my head. “I need your advice.”
“Is this about Cate?” Amanda asks. I nod solemnly and drop my head into my hands. Amanda let out a defeated sighed. “Theo, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather not talk to you about your love life with one of my students.”
I looked up at her pleasingly. “Amanda-”
“Theo,” she whispered out my name and shook her head. “Maybe you should talk to your Mom about it. I’m sure she can offer you some advice.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. After a beat, I said, “Never mind.”
I headed for my bedroom and bypassed Elliott’s room as I went. His bedroom door was open and I could see him sitting at his computer desk, spinning a pen between his fingers as he read a textbook that was open in front of him. I knocked on his door and waited until he turned to face me. We hadn’t spoken much recently- not since I found out he’d slept with my sister- and I wasn’t sure where we stood anymore. Elliott’s eye widened when he saw that it was me that had interrupted him. He closed the textbook and waved me in, motioning towards the bed. I sat facing him and smiled.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hi,” Elliott returned the gesture. “Can I help you with anything?”
“Doubt it,” I say with a shrug of my shoulders. 2You’ve got your own girl issues, you don’t need the burden of mine on top.”
Elliott nodded and reached back towards his desk, taking his cell in his hands and typing out a message. After he pressed the send button, he threw it on top of a pile of books and found some work to be getting on with. Seeing as he didn’t kick me out, I wasn’t in a rush to leave. Sometimes it was just nice to hang out with Elliott, and for half an hour I forgot that he was the one who took my sister’s innocence.
“Ok, so I’m here,” I heard Genevieve’s voice speak from the door. She was stood on the other side of the threshold, her arms wrapped protectively across her chest as if she felt vulnerable here. I guess that she did- she and Elliott hadn’t been in the same room for a while and you could feel the awkward tension in the air. It was suffocating. “What did you need me for?”
Genevieve spoke to Elliott and her voice was cold. I frowned at her and then turned to watch Elliott as he motioned towards me. Ah, so it must have been Genevieve he’d text earlier. This was interesting. Suddenly, my problems seemed to pale in significance to what I was witnessing.
“And?” Genevieve rolled her eyes.
“He needs relationship advice,” Elliott answers in a monotone voice.
“And?” My sister asked again. My eyes darted between the pair like a tennis spectator, waiting to see who would throw the next volley. “What am I? A relationship expert?”
“No,” Elliott’s tone was getting angry now. “You’re his sister.”
“And?” Genevieve asked again. I had to wonder if this girl had any other words in her vocabulary. “You’re his… whatever you are.”
There was a silence in the room, and I couldn’t help but notice that neither Elliott nor Genevieve had moved from their original positions. Elliott was still sat in his chair and Genevieve was still stood on the other side of the door. Neither was going to give in to the other.
“Look, Gen,” Elliott huffed but before another word passed his lip, my sister threw him a glare.
“Don’t call me that,” she growled.
“Fine,” Elliott rolled his eyes. “I won’t. But, Theo needs out help.”
“Our?” Genevieve laughed bitterly. “There is no us, Elliott.”
Interesting.
“I don’t even know why I’m bothering,” Elliott threw down his pen and slammed his notebook shut. He got to his feet and stalked his way towards Genevieve. He stood in front of her and looked down at her. “Whatever your feelings are towards me, your brother needs your help.”
Genevieve stomped her foot petulantly, side stepped Elliott and walked into his bedroom. She looked at the bed and frowned. I looked behind me, remembered that this is where she and Elliott had… whatever… and I quickly got to my feet. I walked towards Genevieve, pushed her out of the room by her shoulder and them guided her towards the den. Behind me, I pulled Elliott. I forced them both to sit on the couch in the den, and then I proceeded to pace the room.
As I paced, I filled them in on my turmoil. Elliott seemed disinterested and yawned a few times, but Genevieve just sat and nodded as she listened. Eventually, I stopped talking and threw my arms up in the air in frustration.
“Well,” Genevieve sat back on the couch, her body subconsciously leaning towards Elliott. “You’re going to have to tell Cate, obviously. And I agree with you when you said that she’d be pissed. She’s going to be way beyond angry. Betrayed, is a better word, perhaps.” Elliott nodded in agreement, sending Genevieve a supportive smile. She ignored him and turned her attention back on me. “Maybe you should tell her tomorrow on her birthday. If she takes it as good news, it’ll be the best birthday surprise ever.”
“And if she takes it in as bad news?” I tempted fate by asking this question.
I think, somewhere in the back of my mind, I already knew the answer.
Genevieve remained silent for an excruciating two seconds. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that, shall we?”
*~*~*
Ok, so I might not have made it clear, but to recap-
TJ knows Cate is Catherine.
Cate does not know that TJ is Theo.
And, no, there won’t be any twists in this story like there was in YH1NM. It’s black and white in Leap of Faith.
So… yeah. How do you think Cate’s gonna take the news that TJ is Theo? Comment.
You’ll find out tomorrow, anyway.
Sarah, xx