Charlie
Have you ever looked at someone without having any idea what's going on inside their head?
I know her and I used to be able to read her expressions, but now she was so different that it hurt.
She's cuddled up on the sofa underneath a blanket, staring at the small television screen with no expression whatsoever.
At night or in the mornings, she'd be extra cuddly and in a better mood, but as soon as she was out of bed, it was like she stepped into a new reality.
The real reality.
The reality where she was struggling because she felt violated by her own grandfather. The reality where she is terrified of the future, terrified of raising babies in this world.
She wouldn't admit it, but I know her. Sometimes she just lies there and looks down at her tiny bump. I've heard her talk to them when I'm not in the room.
She's scared that they'll even be hurt in the way we've been hurt.
"Whisky?" Ember's fragile voice sounded from behind me, causing me to smile as she hadn't called me whisky for a while.
I turned around and looked at her and the pile of papers she was carrying in her hands. I put down the shirt I had folded it after I had taken it down from the clothing line.
Since what happened, I've taken on the chores. Before we used magic or split the chores, but now we're trying to do minimal magic and I've taken on all the chores, knowing that she doesn't have the mentality for it right now.
I caught her trying to fix the doorknob to our bedroom the other day and she broke down crying after a couple of minutes, out of frustration from not being able to do so.
I looked at Ember as she stood in the doorway to the laundry room. Her face was red and tear stained and her lips were swollen.
She was sniffing softly.
"What's up angel?" I asked with a smile, pointing to the papers in her hands. "What's that?"
"It's my—" she looked down at it. "... I finished my self biography."
I slowly put down the shirt I had folded and turned to walk towards her.
"Oh shit." I mumbled. I watched as her eyes flicked up to scan my face while she handed me the pile of papers, all attached to each other. "Really?"
The journey of becoming...
"I'm not so sure about the title." She hurried to say and used her sleeve to wipe her cheeks before wrapping her arms around herself. "Usually I don't have this kind of struggle with naming my books, but this is about me... it's frustrating."
"I like it." I told her and brought a hand up to cup her jaw, my thumb stroking her cheek while I placed the manuscript on the side table in the room. "And if you're not sure about it, you can change it. It hasn't been published yet."
"It won't be published." She started tearing up again and her bottom lip trembled. "Not for a while. How can I possibly publish it when he's out there somewhere planning who knows what."
She had made progress. She's capable of being in a different room than me, but she still has to hear my voice at least every tenth minute so I make sure to go check on her
Today, she had been sitting with her biography, desperate to finish it.
"Ember." I called softly, continuing to rub her skin. She looked up at my face, scanning it. "Look at my eyes, baby. Look at my eyes."
She did.
"Relax." I said in a whisper. She had started to freak out and I hated seeing her like that. "Take a deep breath."
I guided her through a deep breath, her eyes staying on mine. Afterwards, I ran my hand down to her arm and rubbed it before pulling her in for a hug, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
She automatically wrapped her arms around my back, hugging me tightly as she buried her face in my chest.
I ran my fingers into her hair, playing with it because I knew it relaxed her. It always relaxed her.
I love this woman to death.
Her birthday is soon — in a couple of weeks. I really want to give her a pet. She loves animals and I know pets can be great support animals when you go through a difficult time.
First I was considering a dragon but then I remember when I brought one home and she yelled at me because we can't keep a dragon as a pet.
Ridiculous.
"You smell good." I whispered against her hair. She pulled her head back to look up at me, resting her chin against my chest.
"I doubt that." She said. "I haven't had a shower for two days."
"Well, you smell good to me." I told her and kissed her forehead. "Do you think you might be ready for eating in the garden? It's totally fine if you're not. You've already taken a huge step by being in the bedroom on your own."
She looked at me but didn't say anything. I knew she wanted to be able to spend some time outside to make me proud but I needed her to know that it was completely fine if she wasn't ready.
"No?" I asked, shaking my head slightly and when she shook her head as well, I nodded and smiled comfortably at her. "That's okay."
She tried to force a small smile and reached up to plant a kiss on my lips while running her fingers shortly into my hair.
"I think I'll take a nap." She said before looking to her manuscript. "Do you want to read it? I'd like your opinion."
"Of course." I told her. "I'm sure it's fantastic."
She let out a breath.
"I hope so." She said, glancing up at my face before she turned around and walked out of the room.
My smile immediately dropped and I instead frowned at the aching feeling in my heart.
I wish I could take away all the pain she was experiencing. The only thing I could do was be there for her with support and respect when it came to her feelings and her boundaries.
I got finished up in the laundry room before I grabbed the manuscript and left the room. On my way to the living room, I checked on Ember, seeing her asleep on her side of the bed, her back turned to me and the duvet pulled up and over her shoulders, but her leg was sticking out, the sleeve pushed up over her calf.
I pushed the door open a little further, walking over to her side of the bed. I put the manuscript on the nightstand before I pulled down the sleeve to cover her leg. It was one of the things she'd obsess over.
If she woke up and she wasn't covered, she'd stare at the area and sometimes cry. She was completely traumatised by having him see her naked body.
I understood why but it harmed me to see her so broken and I wanted to make it better.
I gently pushed her leg under the duvet and pushed the sides of it underneath her body so it hopefully wouldn't slip off of her.
After I planted a kiss on her forehead, I grabbed the manuscript and left the room, leaving the door open.
I took a seat in the armchair, reading through her self biography. I found myself smiling at some parts and wanting to cry at other parts.
She wrote about everything. From her childhood with her siblings and her parents, including the part about visiting her grandfather in prison, to what just had happened.
She had added the part about the cameras, about him stalking us and us having to hide.
She definitely couldn't publish it until it was safe. It would put her in great danger so he had to really be locked away for good.
It was a great biography. It was written really professionally which I had expected. She's talented — always has been.
The part where she mentioned me leaving, was what almost made me cry. Once again I got an insight in how she felt during that period and it hurt that I did that to her, even if it was her grandfather's fault, I was still the one who left, the one who hurt her.
Another thing that almost made me cry, was when she wrote about Fred. She captured his personality perfectly and she did a great job at honouring him.
When I finished reading it, it was dark outside. I noticed that one of the curtains were open, which caused me to quickly put the manuscript aside so I could close it.
When I turned around, Ember was standing in the doorway to our bedroom, staring at me with a blanket wrapped around her body.
"I read your manuscript." I told her with a smile. "I love it."
She frowned.
"You do?"
"I do." I nodded. "And I'm proud of you. I know how long you've been working on it."
She smiled a little, trying to hide it but I recognised that smile. She was proud of herself, and she had every right to be.
"Do you want dinner?" I asked. "I can cook us something."
She pulled her lips to the side before she looked towards the kitchen, then looked at me.
"Can I cook tonight?" She asked, rubbing one of her eyes with the palm of her hand. "I miss cooking."
I was taken back. I hadn't expected that, but it warmed my heart because it felt like progress.
"Sure." I smiled. "I mean— of course you can cook, angel."
-
I'm thinking about doing Charlie's POV for a while to see Ember's progress through his eyes.