Can Marcy still have children? (@XXXX-XX)
Yes she can!
Why are you so damn awesome?
I am definitely not as awesome as you think but thank you so much!
How old am I, where am I from, Is my boyfriend hot, How do I get Matty to have sex with me?
What's up I'm Jared I'm 19 and never learned how to fucking read
How to trick and/or convince a boy to like me?
Hypnosis
How many more chapters?
Haha I have no clue. I don't want it to drag, but I also kind of want each part to be even? So maybe ten to twenty? Probably less?
Have you ever been to a 1975 concert? (@Neelimarejeshh)
Yessir
Who are your favorite authors? Where did I find out about The 1975? (@daisycuts)
Ohh, jeez, I know its silly but I adore the Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus Series, so Rick Riordan, is one. Cassandra Clare - I may have based Jamie a tad bit on Magnus and Jace from her Shadow Hunter series. I definitely enjoyed Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick - but only the first book. Kendare Blake - the Anna Dressed in Blood duo was definitely something I will never forget. There's probably a ton more, I can go on for days!
As for the 1975, I saw a recommended video on YouTube, where I swear, in the thumbnail he looked way too much like Harry Styles - and he sang robbers, flipped his hair around and then I heard his What Makes You Beautiful cover and yeah. It spiraled lol.
What was your first time like? What's your boyfriend's favorite chapter of this book? How'd he even find it and what was your reaction from him? (@wildthing21)
He said can I go deeper and I said wtf there's more??
My boyfriend found the book in my history. At first I was apprehensive, but this is my boyfriend he's done worse than read my fanfiction lol.
His favorite chapter is "Babe, You Look So Cool" and interestingly enough "Told You From The Start."
Are any of these things based on true events? (@alexramonxxx)
Yessir lmao
Another shout out to @Sanguaiera Thank you for the ship name, M&M's, I think it's adorable!
And now, without further ado:
-
/ / W O R R Y I N G A B O U T M Y B R O T H E R F I N D I N G O U T / /
The first time I brought Brian home to meet my parents, they absolutely adored him. He was charming and charismatic and he mentioned something about walking a LGBTQ parade, immediately gaining their satisfaction and praise. He had a near perfect grade point average, played on a sports team, babysat on the weekends, coached a fucking little league - he was a golden boy. We all definitely fell for him in that moment. I remember that I had been so enamored and utterly obsessed with his goals and aspirations, so impressed with what he's achieved - how he's never done drugs, only drinks at family gatherings, never gotten into any trouble and.
And he cherished me. At least, at the time, I think he did. He brought me flowers, lilies, because they were my favorite, he bought me things I didn't think were necessary "It's just money, Marc, I'm practically drowning in it," he insisted when I had gotten overwhelmed with all the expenses I had been costing him. "I want to buy you things, baby, you deserve it." He'd always find time to watch the football match with my papa or learn to cook from my dad; I had even felt like an outsider during those moments, but I was so happy, so happy that my parents loved and adored him, that they were so supportive of our relationship and they cared about him like he was their own.
I don't know their feelings about him now; I had been avoiding the topic of anything pertaining to my relationships. I just wanted things to get back to normal. Jimmy wouldn't allow me to work until I'm completely recovered; Anna and Jamie treat me like I'm a porcelain doll ready to fall. They look at me oddly, they look at me like they pity me, and then they hate themselves for doing just that. Louise brings me flowers a few times through the week since I've been off. It's a nice gesture, but even she looks at me with panic at times, filtering her words. Natalie calls me every once in a while, but I never answer. Brian has gone MIA and part of me wonders about him, part of me aches that perhaps he's completely cut me off now. I shouldn't mind it, I should be ecstatic, but with a relationship that lasted as long as ours did, it feels like he's thrown everything away once he's spotted Matty.
I've been staying at my parents' place for a few days now, only actually leaving the house to attend classes. The friends I made there asks about where I've been and if I'm okay, but I can't bear to tell them anything about it, instead I say that I've gotten sick. It's nice though, they consider it for moment and wish me a speedy recovery, then they're back to bantering. It's the only sense of normalcy I've been given.
I'm lying in my old bedroom; Ari is with me, sleeping on top of me. I make sure to keep her away from my scar, the stiches haven't quite dissolved yet, but the pain is fading considerably. Ari gives me peace, I find. I like feeling her body rise and fall with her breaths and her heart is beating into my chest and her little chubby fingers clutch my shirt. One hand is placed on her back, securing her, the other hand is linked with Matty's, who is fast asleep beside me, mirroring my sister almost.
He hasn't met my parents yet, but when they're at work, and I'm all alone with Ari, Matty comes over. We talk idly, usually; he opens a window and smokes a few drags before flicking the cig out my window. He tells me he loves me often and I genuinely smile at that. Sometimes he'd lie on my bed and talk to Stefani while I sat beside him playing with Ari. I don't mind it as much as I thought I would. I even enjoy the banter they have with Matty glaring at my wall, muttering through clenched teeth, "We are not naming him Yevgeny - with a silent "Y" - that's so flipping pretentious. You're not even flipping Russian." He censors his words when he's around Ari and it's cute, I find.
Matty doesn't treat me different, sometimes George is on the phone and overhears a sided conversation between us and tells Matty off for being so insensitive, talking about babies around me when I've technically lost one just days ago. But I assure George that I'm fine with it, that I'm proud of Matty for trying to be active in his son's life despite the distance and slice of doubt.
I've asked if he was willing to meet my parents for my birthday and he's replied with the affirmative. He seems calm and collected, even a bit excited; but I'm anxious. They adored Brian, their golden boy, but Matty is nothing like him. He smokes and drinks and acts out sometimes, he gives no shits about school, not a Man U fan, for one - that's already a schism between him and my papa - and well, Matty's never usually around. I don't think my parents would feel strongly about a long distance relationship - that and the eight-year age difference would probably be a set back.
I sigh and turn my head to him. He's on his stomach, his face pointed in my direction, a slight pout to his lips and soft little snores eliciting from him. He frowns slightly and his grip tightens a bit before he's calm again. This is the longest he's ever stayed with me, and not even an argument about how terrible he is for me has taken place. The Friday after I left the hospital was the day of his last concert before a bit of a three-month break; they restart in February all the way in Tokyo. It seems like a long while, but three months can go by quickly if it's wasted. I try not to think about it much; scared I'll finally crack with anxiety. I know he won't leave me again, he promised and I believe him. I'm not terrified of him finding someone else or forgetting about me, I'm scared of the wait until I see him again, the long days when he won't be able to send as much as a text to me, when it's three in the morning and he's just gotten out of bed. But we did it before; I have faith that we'll make it.
"Hey," he murmurs, pulling me from my thoughts. He lets go of my hand to rub his eyes before placing it on Ari's back, overlapping my hand. "That's quite creepy, Marcy," he says, a smile tugging at his lips as he props himself up with his elbow. "Staring at your boyfriend while he sleeps and stuff," he explains. "It's like reverse Twilight or something."
I raise my eyebrow, half amused and half annoyed, "You've read Twilight?"
He scrunches his nose and makes a face, "Fu -dge no. Ross and I watched it whilst baked once. Adam never lets us live it down but I feel that Ross has gotten into some weird obsession with werewolves since then," he considers thoughtfully. I giggle a bit.
"That's cute, Matthew," I reach over and kiss his cheek.
He rolls his eyes but he's grinning, "Nah, but you're cute." He bites his lips before saying, "I told my brother about you," he says it quietly and if I didn't know any better, I'd think my boyfriend was being shy.
My eyes widen just slightly and my heartbeat picks up just a little, "What?" I ask warily.
"He's probably gone and told Mom," he admits in thought.
"Matty..."
"Don't worry, Louis kind of has a crush on you. I gave him your Insta when he badgered me, asking how you looked." He chuckles a bit in reminisce.
I groan a bit and look away from him, "Jesus, Matty - I...feel so unprepared, when did you even tell him?"
He reaches up and grabs the side of my cheek, forcing me to look at him. His eyes shimmer in amusement at my reaction, but he tells me honestly, "After I left you at the hospital, I kind of felt bad for not talking to him much, you know? I called him and he asked me if I was all good. At first I thought he knew, but then I realized Ross had tweeted the reason for canceling our last two shows was due to illness. I confessed then, told him, 'it's not me that's ill; it's my girl, Marcy. I had to come see her.'" I must have a look of panic on my face, because he assures me, "Louis thinks you look pretty and have nice eyes and that he's proud of me for picking right this time." He rolls his eyes at that but his smile is still intact and I tell him I love him real quiet that I almost think I didn't actually say it out loud.
He goes to reply but I hear the door turn from downstairs and both of us stare with bewildered expressions. Ari's head shoots up and she looks at me dazed before smiling at me and wiggling around.
"Mars, Ella, we're home," Daddy calls from the foyer.
"Shizzle," Matty whispers and I don't have time to even comment. I shove out of bed, grasping Ari securely. She's getting all active and wiggly and squealing. I hear footsteps come up the stairs and I begin to panic. Matty gets up, pulling his shoes on quickly. I glance at the window, then at the door to my bedroom as my parent's footsteps sound closer and closer to my room.
"The closet," I whisper at him, "Get in the fudging closet, Matty!" I shove him towards it and rush to the door, opening it just slightly before Papa can even turn the knob.
"Oh," he says startled, "Hey, were you coming down, we brought pizza," he grins; giving me a nudge as Ari wriggles into Daddy's open arms.
"Um...yeah, I um...I'm a bit tired, and I need to finish homework, and I'm not too hungry," I admit. "I'll come down later," I say, praying that they buy it.
"Of course, sweetheart," Daddy says, pulling me into a side hug and kissing my forehead. "Do you want a cup of tea?"
I shake my head, "I'm good."
"Alright," Papa says suspiciously and it probably doesn't help that I'm quick to slam the door before they even make it a foot away.
I press my back to the door, letting out a sigh. Matty waits a beat before slowly getting out of the closet, a flimsy looking material in his hand. "George is gonna get a kick of that. Me coming out of the closet."
"Shhh," I tell him, worrying about the range between my parents and us.
He ignores me, holding the material out in front of him so I can see, "I like this."
I can't help the smirk, "I don't think it would fit you, babe."
He grins, tossing the lacy red dress on the bed, "Damn, I shouldn't have eaten such a large breakfast. Think I can lose weight before your birthday?"
I walk to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, looking up at him. He holds rests his arms over my shoulder, "That'd be a sight. My parents first impression is that you're a cross dresser."
"Hey," he kisses my lips, "If I wear the lace I wouldn't mind you wearing the tie," he kisses me again, "You can use it to tie me to your bed and fuck me later."
I smack his chest. "Daddy kink's over? You want to cross dress now? You need to get your life sorted, Matty," I snicker.
He laughs quietly, "Where's the fun in that?"
"In what?"
His eyes sparkle, I swear, "Doing what you're told."
"Shut up," I mutter, walking him back until he's near the window. "You should probably go."
"Out the window?" he asks, incredulous.
"Well, definitely not the front door," I reprimand.
He rolls his eyes, pushing me back and plopping down on my bed, "I'll wait till they're asleep."
"But I wasn't lying when I said I had to do homework," I insist.
He grabs my textbook from the bedside table and grabs my hand, pulling me to sit between his legs.
Soon, my back is to his chest and my legs are criss-crossed on the bed, Matty's legs bracket around mine, his hands are just under my shirt, unconsciously rubbing his thumb along my skin. I write down notes as I read the text, Matty is only slightly distracting but I can tell it isn't purposeful. His chin is on my shoulder and he's reading the text with me. His thumb grazes really lightly along my scar. I stiffen almost immediately, but fluidly, he kisses my neck and moves his hand up. It's a silent apology, not wanting to break the silence of the room.
I pull my bottom lip in before tilting my head up and kissing just under his chin, where my mouth can reach. "Is it weird that I want to shave your stubble," I murmur.
He quirks an eyebrow, "Have I neglected shaving that long?"
I shake my head and shrug, "No, It's just something I want to try." I flush a bit, "Real intimate, innit? I'll let you shave my legs."
He chuckles, pressing his lips to my skin to stifle his laughter. He pulls away, "No thanks, love, you can do that bit yourself, but I'll let you shave my face if you really want to," he chuckles again. "I think you need to get your life sorted."
I roll my eyes and revert my attention back to the textbook.
-
"Jamie," I whine into the phone, "Come over," I beg.
"You want me there? You've been avoiding me and basically the whole outside world," He mumbles a bit bitter.
I frown, "Only because every time you look at me you make this face like you want to give Dr. Phil a ring."
He sighs, "I'm sorry, babe."
"It's alright. I miss you, and Anna. Louise gives me flowers and braids my hair, you guys hardly send me text messages."
"Shit," he mumbles, "We're sorry Marcy, we thought you'd want to be alone. I don't know, this is new..."
"It's new to me too, Jamie," I don't mean for it to be as harsh as it sounds but it is.
"Fuck, we suck, don't we? I'm sorry, we'll come over right now, okay?" I nod my head, even though he can't actually see me.
True to his word, they're both here within the hour and we're sitting around the kitchen island, eating cold pizza from last night. They laugh as I recount the tale of last night's escapades, leaving out a few intimate touches for myself.
"Jesus, it's like you're in high school again," Anna mumbles. I don't think they're too keen on Matty at the moment, but it's understandable, I'd probably be the same if it were one of them. I know I probably shouldn't have let Matty in so quickly, but I love him and trust him with a lot. The fact that he had even made it to the hospital in the first place, that he didn't condemn me or blame me, that all he ever did was try to comfort me and understand how I was feeling, was enough for me, though it probably wasn't for my friends. I think it would be hard to explain it to them, to tell them how I feel about him and why, even if he did hurt me. But lying is forgivable; he promised he'd try to get better for me and I believe him.
I chuckle at her statement, not disagreeing at all. We talk like nothings happened, and I think for a moment, they've forgotten about it all together. I tell them about Matty and Stefani's arguments and Jamie doubles over, "Yevgeny! Shit, good thing Matty talked her out of that. Poor kid would be bullied into adolescence."
"What would you name him?" Anna asks after Jamie's settled.
I'm taken aback for a moment, "Why would it matter? He's not my kid."
Anna purses her lips, "Yeah but, you know, you're technically gonna be his step mom when Matty marries you."
"Marries me?" I ask, testing the words like I've never heard them before. "I don't think Matty believes in...marriage?"
"Jesus, Anna," Jamie groans, flicking her arm. "She just went through massive trauma, let her breathe."
She shrugs and plays with a candle in the center of the island. "Axel," I mumble.
They look up at me, startled. "Guns and Roses?" Jamie asks. "Babe, you know like, one song from them, 'Welcome to the Jungle.'"
I narrow my eyes, "And 'November Rain' and 'Sweet Child O' Mine' - but no, not because of that. Maybe? I mean, it's better thank Yevgeny, it'll probably give the kid street cred, plus it's Scandinavian. Stefani is Scandinavian."
"Huh," Anna says, "That was thoughtful, Mars."
I roll my eyes. But Jamie frowns, "Shit, sorry, Mars, we didn't mean to - you know, with you losing -"
I cut him off, "Jamie, stop, it's fine." I sigh, "It was never going to make it anyway. It had a heartbeat, Dr. DILF told me so," I explain, "But it was hardly even a baby - it was...an overgrown cell or something." I grimace, "Does that seem insensitive? I was really sad about it before, don't get me wrong. I mean, I had gone through a good week or so actually believing it would have made it. I thought about an abortion, I did, but then I thought that I'd never see Matty again and maybe this child would be the last bit of him I get to keep for myself. It was selfish, but I had the right to be, didn't I?" I glance down at my fingers, playing with my nails before glancing back up at each of them. "An ectopic pregnancy isn't a real one, you know? I've let that sink in. I was never really pregnant. There was honestly nothing that could have helped."
Anna grabs my hand; Jamie notes this and grabs the other. I giggle despite myself; they'll find a competition anywhere. We're pulled out of our thoughts when my phone rings. I hope it's Matty, but I find its Natalie and ignore the call. I sigh, "Have any of you spoken to Natalie? Papa told me she was there at the hospital."
"Bitch knows not to approach me," Jamie mutters. "Yeah, she called the ambulance then your parents and Brian. Then she dipped. She was all 'Marcy's my friend too,' and I'm like 'nah bitch you ain't shit to her anymore, see you next Tuesday.'" I give him a look and he amends, "I asked her if that what she was telling herself when she and Brian had sex."
I blink and Anna rolls her eyes, "Why is she still trying to talk to you?"
I shrug, "I don't know. She told me one time that it wasn't what I was thinking, but...I mean, guys, I was there - in the other room. I listened to them through the wall. He called out my name, but I mean, that doesn't justify anything at all. I don't understand how it isn't what I think it is." I sigh, "I don't really want to get into it. I just want to get through my birthday dinner."
"Halloween's in a few days," Jamie states, "Come back home, we'll binge on junk food and watch all fifty of the Halloween Saga."
"I don't think that'll help me unwind," I say. "Scary movies are scary. I have enough heart problems from this month alone."
Anna bites back a smile, "Oh come on, even you can see that after the first two movies it starts to get funny - I mean Halloween: H2O - what the hell does that even mean?"
"Invite Matty and his band - we've never actually met any one outside of George," Jamie contemplates, scrolling absentmindedly through his phone and I'm surprised he even wants to see Matty. "It'll be fun," he adds. "Plus, I suppose I have some apologizing to do." He stops scrolling and looks at something before handing me the phone. He shows me my likes from Instagram. I haven't posted a picture in ages, but there's one person who's liked everything, the name Healy in their screen name.
I stifle my laughter and send a screenshot to Matty on Jamie's phone. He replies almost instantly "my brother thinks he's slick."
___________________________________________________
As you can see, I'm finally getting my timeline together in this book.
Thank you for your votes and comments and reading, as always! :) x