GLORY OR VALHALLA
— 10. Another Loss
It wasn't long before Ylva, Gunnhild, and their shieldmaidens had arrived at Lagertha's farm.
Asa had been kneeling before a goat, feeding it when she saw the riders approaching. She immediately stood up and ran over to her grandmother's home, not knowing who it was.
As their horses came to a stop, Ylva was the first to climb off her horse, wasting no time rushing over to where Lagertha stood. "Thank the gods!" Lagertha called out to Ylva, smiling at the sight of the woman, "You are here."
The women embraced each other and as they did so, Lagertha's smile faded as she became filled with guilt. "But why?" She asked, pulling away from the girl.
"Gunnhild and I had a dream, Lagertha," She informed the woman, who gave her a saddened look, "And in our dream, your village was attacked. So, I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be with my children and my niece and nephew," She paused, smiling widely as she began to look around, "Where are they, by the way? I expect Gyda to avoid me, but where are Erik and Thyra? What of Hali and Asa?"
Ylva was about to walk forward in search of her youngest son and daughter when Lagertha grabbed her arm. She stopped, turning to face Lagertha as her smile gradually faded.
"Ylva..." Lagertha trailed off, a saddened look on her face, "Erik and Hali are dead."
Hearing the revelation, Ylva's face fell. She froze in place, trying to contain her sadness. Her son was dead and not only that, the only son her brother had before he died was dead as well.
"What?" Ylva asked, speaking in a soft whisper as tears formed in her normally cold and expressionless eyes.
"It was my fault," Lagertha admitted, looking ashamed, "I did not protect him. I failed you, Ylva."
"My son is dead?" Ylva asked again, unable to process the information as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
"He's buried not far from our village. Hali has died as well. Both trying to protect this village. With all the others who also died in the raid," She explained and Ylva sighed in defeat.
"So it's true?" Ylva questioned, an unreadable look on her face.
"Your dream? Yes," She replied, nodding her head, "We were attacked by bandits. The same bandits that Bjorn branded and released."
Hearing the revelation, Ylva became consumed with anger. After all, she had been the one to arguing against him releasing the bandits.
"Then this is Bjorn's fault. This was brought on by his mistakes," Ylva complained, a cold look on her face, "He should never have released them! I told him not to—"
"Don't talk of mistakes! We all make mistakes, sometimes for bad reasons and sometimes for good ones," She explained to Ylva in a calm tone, "In any case, it is not important anymore."
"Not important?" Ylva asked, letting out a large scoff, "My son and my nephew are dead, Lagertha! Someone will pay for this."
"Would you rather dwell on losing your son or would you rather help me make the preparations so that you do not lose any of your other children?" Lagertha suddenly asked, causing Ylva's face to fall, "I am certain these bandits will return since they did not manage to steal our grain. And soon. We must do what we have to. To protect the children we still have left. And I hope that you will help me."
"Is that even a question?" Ylva replied, turning to glance at Gunnhild, "It is a good thing that we are here. We have to make plans."
"Even with your shield-maidens, I'm not sure we can resist Whitehair and his bandits, not a second time," She explained, causing Ylva to smile sadly.
"This must not be real," Ylva complained, causing Lagertha to frown in confusion, "Those are not words I ever expected to hear from you, Lagertha, the great shield-maiden."
Lagertha sighed, placing her hand on Ylva's face affectionately. "Perhaps that Lagertha is already dead. She has experienced far too much loss to ever be that same Lagertha she was so many years before," She explained, sighing in defeat, "And I have a feeling you understand that."
"I do," Ylva admitted, slowly nodding her head.
"I can see your pain. And I understand it. I know what it's like to lose children and I promise you, no matter what people say, it won't get better. It won't go away. You just learn how to live with it sooner or later," She explained and Ylva remained silent, taking in what Lagertha had said.
The moment Lagertha walked away, Ylva looked around until she locked eyes on Gyda, who was standing by the water.
"You shouldn't let her get away with this," A voice spoke up, causing Ylva to sigh in annoyance when she saw her father standing before her, "She has wronged you. Your youngest son is dead because of her. She is a disgrace to your family. A stain of your family name. The House of Dread."
"Shut up," Ylva rolled her eyes as she grew sick of her father's company. It was worse than when he was actually alive.
"You know I'm right," He continued, causing Ylva to turn and glare at him.
"Shut up!" She shouted, only to look around to see Gunnhild and numerous others staring at her.
She scoffed and walked toward Gyda, an angered look on his face. "So much for them being safer with you," She commented, causing Gyda to turn to her and sigh, "What happened to you protecting them, Gyda? You said you'd protect them!"
"I tried, Mother!" Gyda shouted, staring at Ylva in disbelief, "You don't think I tried?"
"Well, you didn't try hard enough. They are my children. Mine!" She snapped at Gyda as she slapped herself on the chest, "I wanted them with me but you insisted on them remaining here with you. Look how that ended up."
She scoffed, beginning to walk away without another word said.
"If they had been left in your care this whole time, they would have been dead long ago. I mean, you thought for an entire year that Halig was dead when he was actually alive. He's practically mad now. And so was Freya. That blame is placed on you, Mother!" Gyda shouted, glaring at Ylva hatefully, "So even if we survive long enough to reach adulthood, we're bound to be as messed up and mad in the head as you!"
"Don't let her speak to you like this," Sigefrid demanded, causing Ylva to stop in place and turn to him, "You are the mother, she is the child. How dare she speak to you like that?"
Unable to stop herself from obeying her father, Ylva whipped herself around and moved toward Gyda. "You ungrateful little bitch, you don't know anything!" She shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Gyda, "None of this would have happened if you had just listened to me! But why would you, huh? I'm only your mother. You know, one day, you won't have your father and I here to guide you."
"Oh, I count the days!" Gyda scoffed as she watched Ylva begin to walk away.
"Do it. Do it. Don't her let speak to you like that."
Without hesitation, Ylva had whipped herself around, unable to control herself before she backhanded Gyda across the face. She watched as her daughter stumbled back and the moment she did so, Ylva's eyes widened since she hadn't meant to do that.
"Gyda..." She trailed off, uneasily moving toward Gyda.
Gyda shot Ylva a hateful glare, scoffing before she stormed off without another word said. She was on the verge of walking into her home when she stopped. She turned, finding Thyra staring at her with an unreadable expression on her face. "What?" She asked Thyra in an aggravated tone.
"You deserved that. To be struck," She suddenly confessed, causing Gyda's face to fall, "She is our mother, you know. You shouldn't speak to her the way you do. If that were Father you were speaking to, he would have disowned you."
"You know nothing," Gyda snapped at the young girl through her gritted teeth.
"I know a lot more than you all think I do," Thyra commented, walking away without another word said.
_____
That evening, Ylva sat at the window of Lagertha's home, looking outwards at the beach with tears welled in her arms.
Hearing someone walk up to her, she turned, finding it to be Gunnhild. The woman walked over to Ylva, sighing as she placed a hand on her lover's shoulder.
"When I was a girl, before I was aware of how cruel my father truly was, I used to sit at a window like this every time he'd go out to battle. I'd watch him leave and then wait here for days on end, waiting for him to return. He was a horrible father, but somehow, I found a way to love him. I did the same with Freya and now Hvitserk. Whatever they did, whatever atrocities they committed, I'd love them no matter what. I sit at this window and I am reminded of that young, naive girl, waiting for her father to return. I wonder..." She trailed off, lowering her head in shame as she began to cry, "I wonder how many times Erik, Thyra, or any of my other children stared across the shores of Kattegat, waiting for me and their father to return."
Ylva began to cry and Gunnhild sighed, wasting no time hugging her in comfort. "I will never see Erik again," She admitted, a heartbroken expression on her face, "My son, my poor son."
"Erik may be gone, but you still have Thyra," Gunnhild reminded her, cupping Ylva's face in her hands as she forced her to look her in the eyes, "You might have lost Freya, but you still Gyda. You still have Halig. And you still have Rorik."
"The Seer..." Ylva trailed off, looking hopeless, "He said I'd lose my sons. All of them. He said one would be blinded by loyalty, another by bravery, and another by lust. Everyone here loves to say how brave Erik was. It was what took him from me. And now, my other sons will either be taken by lust or loyalty," She paused, lifting her head to give Gunnhild a knowing look, "You know the rumors about Rorik. Dozens of his bastards are running around both Norway and in England. He thinks with what is in his breeches. He is blinded by lust. One day, it will be his downfall."
"Don't think like that, my love," Gunnhild pleaded, moving closer to Ylva with a pleading look on her face.
"What? It's true," Ylva complained, tears spilling down her cheeks, "All of my sons will die and it will be my fault because I did not listen to the Seer when he warned me."
Ylva sighed, shaking her head at Gunnhild. She stood up, walking away without another word said.
___
In Kattegat, Halig stood off to the side, watching Hvitserk and some other men drag a large plank of wood with a rope through the muddy ground.
Halig tilted his head, watching the group of men curiously. He had no idea what was going on but he could tell Hvitserk wasn't in his right mind at the moment. He was on drugs.
It wasn't long before Ubbe and Torvi walked over to join Halig, watching Hvitserk as well.
Unable to take it anymore, Halig sighed and walked over to Hvitserk. "Hvitserk, what is the meaning of this?" He complained, an aggravated look on his face.
"This is one of the iron gates that Ivar made to protect the town," Hvitserk informed Halig confidently.
"But that doesn't explain why you have it," Halig reminded him in a calm tone, "What do you want it for?"
Hvitserk stopped and turned to face Halig, moving toward him. "I need it for my own protection! It's the only way to keep out the ghosts," He told the younger boy in a low growl before moving back toward the rest of the men.
"The what?" Halig asked, confused at the mention of ghosts.
With that, Hvitserk returned to the other men and Halig sighed. He turned to Ubbe and Torvi, a defeated expression on his face.
Ubbe immediately walked away while Torvi stood in place for a brief moment, exchanging a look with Halig.
_____
At Lagertha's farm, those who remained worked tirelessly to build fortifications to protect them from the bandits. Lagertha found herself walking over to Ylva and immediately helped her carry a section of the wall.
They grunted and carried it over to the grain stores, both of them smiling when they saw some young women making noises similar to that of a bird's. "They won't expect this," Ylva commented and Lagertha nodded in agreement.
"No, but who knows if it's enough," Lagertha replied as she let out a large sigh.
They put the wall into place, just before beginning to walk away. "Have you heard anything from Bjorn?" Lagertha asked and Ylva sighed, slowly shaking her head.
"I know he will return. That's all that matters," Ylva responded in a calm tone.
"Yes," Lagertha told her softly and Ylva smiled sadly.
"It feels odd, though. To not be with him. We are always together, especially on journeys such as the one he has gone on. To not be at his side, I feel almost lost. I never noticed how much he and I are one until now," Ylva explained and Lagertha smiled at the thought, "But it's worth it. Because I get to be here. I get to protect my children. I have lost Freya and Erik. I refuse to lose anyone else."
"I am proud of you both, you know," Lagertha admitted, smiling as she referred to Ylva and Bjorn, "Twenty years you have been together and still, you aren't sick of each other."
Ylva quietly laughed at Lagertha's words, turning to watch as Gunnhild walked over.
"Look," She told the two women, causing them to turn to see Asa and Thyra fast asleep on the ground together on a bed of hay.
Ylva smiled at the sight of her niece and daughter, exchanging a look with Lagertha. The two women walked over the young girls, wasting no time picking them up.
Ylva grunted as she picked up Thyra, seeing as though the girl was much bigger than when she last used to carry her daughter around. She smiled, pressing a kiss to Thyra's forehead before she carried her in the direction of the cabin.
"You are getting too big to be carried like this. But I shall let it pass this once," Ylva whispered to her daughter and from afar, Gyda glared at the sight.
____
That night, Ylva stood with numerous shieldmaidens in front of the fire. She stood beside Gunnhild while Lagertha said near them, wearing fur.
Just then, she stood up and turned to face some of the women walking over, smiling widely. "What is it that you see?" She asked them curiously.
"I see myself, Lagertha," One of the women, Runa, confessed as she looked toward the young shieldmaidens surrounding the fire, "That's how I was, all those years ago."
"That's how we all were," The second woman, Eira, agreed and Ylva smiled at the thought as she listened in.
"It's like seeing ghosts," Runa added in, letting out a large sigh.
"For some reason, I want to weep," Eira confessed as she sighed deeply in defeat, "For as much joy to see myself again."
Gunnhild and Ylva turned to each other, exchanging a smile before they walked over to the two women Lagertha. "Come," Gunnhild encouraged the woman as she placed a hand on Runa's shoulder, "Join our feast. We will be shield-maidens together."
"Yes!" Lagertha exclaimed as all of them walked toward the fire, making bird calls, including Lagertha.
Ylva laughed at the sight and did the same, smiling widely as she raised her cup of mead. "Skol!" She shouted out and the rest of the women raised their glasses as well.
Ylva laughed and wrapped her arm around Gunnhild, the two of them sharing a smile.
Just then, hearing the sounds of hooves pounding on the ground, the women turned to watch as a man approached on horseback in great haste.
"Queen Ylva! Queen Ylva!" The man shouted out as he climbed off his horse and rushed over to her.
Ylva's smile faded and she frowned, moving toward the man. "What is it?" She asked the man in concern, "What's happened?"
"King Olaf the Stout has summoned all Jarls and Kings and Queens of Norway," The man informed Ylva, seeming to be out of breath, "You have been summoned with great urgency to attend this meeting."
"What kind of meeting?" Ylva asked, frowning in concern.
"The meeting that will decide who will be our next King of all Norway," He informed her, and Ylva's eyes widened in surprise, "Or Queen. Your husband is already there. Many believe it isn't fair for you not to be there. While you might be considered a simple consort in Kattegat, you rule Ashton and numerous lands around it in your own right. It is only fair that you attend this meeting representing Ashton while your husband does the same for Kattegat."
Ylva remained still as she took in what he was saying. She knew she promised to stay with her children to take care of them, but she felt the need to go. To represent her kingdom and to take Norway for her family, her children, her heirs.
She slowly turned to Lagertha and Gunnhild, who nodded in encouragement. They clearly wanted her to go.
She turned again to Gyda, who was glaring. She clearly didn't want her mother to go. She thought it would prove what she had always been saying. Her mother cared about her crown more than her own children. It wasn't true, though. Ylva wanted the crown of Norway for her children. She wanted them to be protected and as the children of the ruler of Norway, they would always be protected no matter what.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
who is ur favorite child of ylva and bjorn?
Gyda?
Rorik?
Halig?
Erik?
Thyra?