Andante con Brio

IV

"Eddy, do you have a sec?"
Eddy looked up in surprise on his way past his sister's door to the stairs. She wasn't home very often now, because she was studying in Sydney, but she had come home for her baby brother's eighteenth birthday.
"Sure, what's up?" he said, neutrally enough, but there was something inside him now, a shiver of fear. He knew what they had done in his room yesterday... and she had been home.
Fuck, had he been too loud? Had she heard him?
"Come on in." she said, and he obliged. She shut the door behind him and gestured for him to sit on her desk chair, taking a seat on the bed herself.
"Erm, you're freaking me out, sis. What's going on?"
She seemed to hesitate for just a moment.
"Eddy... I know there was a time we didn't speak very much, but I am your sister. Right?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Of course! What do you mean?"
She lowered her voice until it was barely a breath.
"I mean, baby bro, that you were... yesterday... I mean... I heard."
Eddy's heart plunged out of his chest, through the floorboards, through the earth and went on its way to England while his sister put her hand on his thigh and eyed him seriously.
"Was that just a mutual guy masturbatory thing I don't understand, or are you..."
Eddy's eyes shot to the door. It remained shut, thank God. His mum was safely downstairs and wouldn't hear what she was saying. But he had never felt more helpless than he did right this moment. His sister knew? What the fuck was he going to say to her?
His hands went up to his face as if he could somehow hide from her and he rubbed his eyes with his fingers.
"I... I'm sorry you heard." he whispered after an eternity.

He peeked up at her through his fingers. Her eyes were blazing fire.
"You shouldn't be sorry I heard, you should be sorry you never talked to me. Is this what has been bothering you for ages?" she hissed.
"Sis... I... look, you know how it is, in our family." he stammered. Fuck, did he not have anything more intelligent to say? But what? What could ever fix this now? 
"So you're... like, you're together?" she said in a low, ominous tone. 
Eddy looked down at his legs as he tried to hang on to his consciousness. His heart was thumping out of his chest and he reminded himself he had to breathe. Then he nodded morosely. What could he say? Lie to her face? Try and salvage what he could? Deny Brett? Deny himself, and her?
"Yes. We have been together for years." he said flatly. 
"Look at me!" she hissed again. Shit, she was so pissed, and to be honest he could barely blame her. It's true, he'd hidden this from her as well, and they had been close, as kids... but surely, she should be able to understand why? He dropped his hands in his lap and looked up at her.
"Are you gay, Eddy?"
The vehemence had left her voice very suddenly, and she almost sounded sad.
Well. There it was, right? The question he had never wanted her to ask him, the question that was making all of his insides shiver right now. The question that could decide everything. He didn't say anything, he just looked down at his knees and nodded again. Then he looked up at her, and the words flew out of him in a rush. 
"Yes, I am. Look, sis, you must understand why I never said. You know what she's like. If... if mum finds out, if the family finds out?"

His sister looked away at the desk she used to sit at all the time, her eyes like slits, moist with unshed tears. 
"I'm so mad at you right now." she spat then, her eyes shooting fire as they landed back on him. How she was able to put quite so much contempt in words so soft he would never understand. "Eddy, seriously. How could you fucking keep this from me? I'm not mad because you're gay, because who gives a flying fuck about who you like? But because you never trusted me enough to tell me. Yes, I get why you didn't tell mum, but me? That's low, Eddy, that's low."
Eddy felt his bottom lip starting to quiver.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered, and at that moment he knew he couldn't stay, because he was about to crumble and he couldn't crumble here, not in front of his sister, not within earshot of his mum. He got up with a shock and almost ran to the door. He turned back with his hand on the door handle.
"Please. Just don't tell mum. You'd destroy my life if you did."
She blinked at him and hissed.
"If you think I would you don't know me at all, do you?"
Without another word he rushed out of his sister's room and down the stairs, slipped into his shoes and ran all the way to the park.