Devon can sense that something is wrong the moment I rejoin her side.
She eyes me with a worried gaze, cautiously approaching. I can't seem to get out of my head, even with Devon's comforting presence next to me. My eyes shift around the gym, trying to spot Delaney. I hate that I can't seem to pick her out a crowd almost as much as I hate feeling her beady little eyes watching me from a distance.
"What is it?" Devon questions softly. "Did something happen?"
I open my mouth, prepared to spout a lie and reassure Devon that I am fine. Yet lying doesn't feel right in the moment, because the truth is that something is wrong and something did happen.
"I ran into Delaney," I admit.
Devon shifts, crossing her arms over her chest. Her mannerisms make it clear that she knows something is off. "What did she say?"
"She asked if I was having fun," I tell her in a daze, continuing my search of the gym. I should know better than to look for Delaney. After all, snakes are excellent at hiding.
"So?" Devon asks. I'd almost forgotten we were speaking, lost in thought. "What else?"
"I told her I was. Then she told me that my night was going to become more fun. Whatever that means."
Devon stiffens, furrowing her dark eyebrows. Pursing her lips, she turns to glance over her shoulder. I wonder if she is looking for Delaney as well, or if she can also feel Delaney's cold stare watching from afar.
"Don't let her get to you," Devon says. It feels as if she's saying the words more for herself than for me. "She's ruined too many experiences for you. Don't let her ruin tonight, too."
I nod, knowing Devon is right. I deserve to allow myself to have fun; to have one decent night without the stress of worry looming over my head. After all, it's not as if I can prevent anything that may happen from playing out. I can only go with the flow, learning to work around blows as life throws them at me. As long as Delaney is in my life, I'm certain I'll have to dodge many metaphorical punches.
"Dance with me," Devon offers. "Forget about her."
She takes my hand in hers, sending a ripple of electricity down my arm that consumes my entire being. For a brief moment, I push Delaney to the back of my mind, along with all of my other worries. Locking gazes with Devon, it is suddenly just she and I. Even in a room full of people, she somehow manages to make me feel as if the two of us are alone together, locked away in our own little bubble of life.
I loop my arms around Devon's neck as her hands snake around my hips, pulling me in close. When she smiles at me, the simple action is so incredibly sexy that all I can think about is how much I want her and how badly I ache for us to be truly alone. It's as if she can read my thoughts. She tightens her grip on my body, her lips moving in close to my ear so that I can feel her breath against my neck.
In the background, I hear the music coming to a stop as the winners of this years homecoming court begin to be announced. Yet Devon and I don't refrain from swaying together in slow motion, lost in our own world.
I'm not sure how I sense that something is wrong. It's as if I can physically feel a shift in the air around me, heightening my senses. I halt, taking in the scene around me. The trance Devon's gaze had put me under breaks free as I glance throughout the gym, noticing an odd amount of people reaching for their phones and studying their screens. Confused, I return my attention to Devon, only to find that she seems to have also noticed the strange behavior of our peers.
Eyebrows strewn together, Devon pulls her phone out of her pocket just as it lights up with a text. I watch in curiosity as she stares down at her screen, expression puzzled as a frown etches onto her lips. I can see in her eyes that there is something wrong. Anxiety courses through my veins.
"What?" I question as panic starts to rise in my chest. "What is it?"
"Do you have your phone on you?" Devon asks in a shaky voice.
"No. Just tell me, Dev."
Wordlessly, Devon extends her phone to me. Her stance reveals that she doesn't want to be showing me, which only adds to my worry. I take Devon's phone and gaze down at the bright screen, uncertain as to what I'm about to see.
My heart stops as I study the image pulled up before me, dropping all the way to the pit of my stomach. My hands tremble as I take in the picture of Devon's lips locked with mine, the picture taken from an angle that makes both of our identities clear. Fear and rage set into my bones as I realize that I have just been outed, no doubt to the entire school.
I know exactly who would be cruel enough to do such a thing. Delaney. Her odd remark from moments earlier suddenly makes perfect sense. I should have known.
I think for a moment, trying to process the damage that has been done. I calm down slightly as it dawns on me that I have been dancing alongside Devon all night, in plain view of anyone watching. Besides, I'm sure rumors about the two of us have started surfacing amongst our peers by now. People have to at least suspect something is going on between the two of us. Maybe things aren't as bad as I first feared.
Yet sadness still eats at me, mixed with frustration and confusion directed toward my own emotions. I'm angry because it was supposed to be my decision as to when I wanted to officially come out to others about my sexuality. The choice to do so has been stolen from me. I now have to live with the way people will treat me for loving who I choose, without my consent or preparation to deal with the aftermath.
"Hadley," Devon murmurs, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I am so sorry . . . I had no idea she would do something like this. I understand if—"
I cut Devon off with a tight-lipped smile and curt response. "No. I don't want to end things, so don't even offer. Remember what you said earlier? I'm done letting Delaney ruin things for me. Fuck her. I'm over it."
Devon stares at me like I've gone mad. "It's okay to be upset, Hads," she mumbles. "What Delaney just did is seriously fucked up. It was your decision to . . ."
Devon continues speaking, though I absentmindedly tune her out. I am suddenly hyper-aware of everything around me. I feel stares, the eyes of my peers spotting me in the crowd, no doubt recognizing me as the girl in the picture recently sent to them. From a few feet to my left, I hear someone mutter, "I didn't know she was a lesbian." The room around me feels much too still, yet entirely overwhelming all at once. My breath becomes labored as my hands start to shake by my sides.
"I have to go," I tell Devon with no explanation. "I have to—"
I stop short when I catch a glimpse of Delaney, staring back at me with a gloating smirk and arms crossed over her chest. Bianca and Grace stand on either side of her, though I hardly notice them. In fact, I can't make out much of anything at all. I'm not in control of myself as I purposefully stride toward Delaney, unaware of my feet moving. I don't stop walking until I am standing before her.
Delaney holds my stare unblinkingly. The smirk plastered across her face appears permanently painted onto her skin. My hand twitches at my side, raising slightly as if I'm going to slap her. She flinches, though just barely. A gleam of fear flashes through her gaze, disappearing as quickly as it surfaced. She knows I won't hit her, even though I want to. The only comfort I find in the moment is knowing that I'm not low enough to stoop to Delaney's level.
"You were my friend," I whisper, voice cracking. I don't know if the statement is enough to inflict any sort of pain on her or to surface any form of remorse. All I know is that it hurts me enough to make up for whatever she lacks.
I turn my back to her, once and for all. I exit the gym. And I don't look back. Not even once.
___
a/n: i am so excited for the re-recording of taylor swift's fearless album i can't even breathe