"Felix!" I called out over car horns and the sound of tires slushing through puddles. Headlights burned my vision as I frantically tried to keep my eyes on him. I didn't want to lose him in the sea of black umbrellas from passing people.
It was almost evening time and the dark grey sky continued to sprinkle Paris with freezing rain. I shivered, regretting that I didn't bring an umbrella. Then again, I didn't have time.
As it turned out, Felix left my house when he finished his shower. Meanwhile, I had been taking a shower in my parent's bathroom. His blood had dried on my skin and was difficult to scrub off, so my shower took a little longer. Then I had to blow dry my hair. When I couldn't find Felix anywhere in my house, I rushed to the window and happened to see him walking down the sidewalk with my mom's red umbrella wearing the clothes I'd given him.
I ended up chasing him three blocks, and he had somehow managed to stay ahead thanks to all the stupid green lights that kept me from crossing the street.
But now I was so close! And a good thing too! I was extremely out of breath and tired. There was no satisfaction in filling my lungs since the icy November air only caused a stinging sensation.
Much to my relief, Felix stopped walking and was now waiting by the public bus stop. I rushed up to him and firmly grasped his shoulder from behind. He cocked his head to the side to meet my gaze, before turning his body until we were face-to-face.
Frightening. Without sunlight, his eyes were dark - almost completely black. His hair was excessively curly, and his skin and lips were still white as snow.
"Where are you going?" I exclaimed.
He frowned as his eyes washed over my body (which was burrowed in a thick navy hoodie and multi-colored yoga pants).
Without warning, he reached for my waist and pulled me towards him. I lost balance and fell into his chest, the side of my face buried in his breasts. He smelled like my shampoo: coconut almond butter.
"Stay out of the rain," he said. I felt the vibrations in my ear.
This was so cozy...especially since he was wearing my dad's extra soft hoodie. The rain could no longer reach me, now that I was under Felix's umbrella. He released his grip and guided my shoulders away from his body. It was just enough so that he could look me in the eyes but also stay within the umbrella. Either way, we were close, and the privacy here somehow felt romantic. But no. I couldn't be thinking stuff like this now.
"I don't need you catching your death," he said, adjusting the umbrella so that I was fully covered. His back was now being drizzled.
"Well, I don't want you catching yours either," I said, pushing it back towards the middle.
He sighed, "You shouldn't have followed me."
"You literally almost bled to death. And now you're wandering the streets in the rain. Of course, I'm going to follow you! For all I know, you're still out of it," I exclaimed.
"I can assure you that I have returned to my normal state of being," He said in a monotone voice.
I grunted as I threw my head back.
"Why? Why'd you leave? You said that we were going to talk. You were going to tell me what happened," I placed my hands on my hips.
"Frankly that entire conversation was a blur for me," he rose his brows as he shrugged.
Just then the public bus pulled up to the designated bus stop. When the doors automatically opened, Felix placed his cold hands over mine as he gave me the umbrella. Then he stepped out of the umbrella's shelter and strode towards the bus.
Why would Felix ever use a bus when he had his own private drivers he could call? Besides, wouldn't he consider that beneath him? For me, the public bus was a life saver and my main form of transformation (besides walking). But he was rich.
I grabbed his wrist before he could leave me.
"Where are you going?" I said with slow and firm words.
He sighed as if finally surrendering to my persistence.
"The hospital," he said, a sudden weariness swimming in his eyes.
"Why?" I asked, feeling sick to my stomach. I eyed him over, looking for any gaping wounds.
"It's my father. He had a stroke."
Everything in my world went silent - except for the sound of rain pelting against the umbrella. His eyes carried a somberness that caused my stomach to sink. It was intimately sad.
"When?" I forced myself to say as I stiffened my back.
"Not sure exactly. Natalie called me when you were still in the shower."
"Is he okay?"
"I have no idea," he shrugged.
"I'm coming with you then," I said, rushing to his side.
"Just go home. This doesn't involve you. Besides you should rest," He said at a very slow pace. He was clearly exhausted.
I tightly wrapped my arm around his. He sent me a confused look.
"You can't make me leave you. In your own words, we're flesh and blood. So, I'm coming and that's final," I said, glaring at him.
He sighed as his gaze focused on something behind me.
"Fine. Only because I don't have it in me to..." He stopped, clearly losing his train of thought.
He was winding down.
"Come on, let's get on," I said, wanting him to sit down immediately. He needed to rest.
It was eerie how abandoned it was on the inside. The lighting was dim and the windows were tinted. The elderly bus driver nodded and smiled at us as we made our way up the steep steps.
Felix sat himself down at the very back of the bus, near the window. I took my seat right next to him. He closed his eyes and rested his head back.
He looked unguarded. Obviously, he trusted me enough to close his eyes. For someone who always tried to have the advantage, I felt flattered he would let me see him in a defenseless position.
"I'll wake you when we get there," I said, "So you can sleep."
"No need. I just want to rest my eyes. We're getting off after four stops. It's Trousseau Hospital. So keep an eye out."
He sighed deeply, his chest rising and falling. I couldn't help but compare our bodies since we were right next to each other. His legs were so thick compared to mine. All around, his frame made me feel small. Despite his muscular build, my dad's clothes were too large on him. The hoodie could fit an entire other person and the sweat pants were baggy. He wore his business shoes which highlighted the tackiness of the outfit.
I stared past Felix, out the window. I always loved the way city lights flickered against the night sky. Except I was a little too stressed to enjoy it tonight. My mind drifted into thought over all the day's crazy events. The closet. Felix's bleeding. Mr. Agreste's hospitalization. Was it somehow all connected? Or was this just an uncommonly bad day?
Perhaps I was thinking too hard because that strange pain in the back of my head returned. It was the same pain I had felt in the closet. I leaned forward, placing my head into my hands as I inhaled. It turned into a throbbing headache. That's when my vision started cutting in and out.
A full blackout.
I breathed hard and my nose was overwhelmed with the smell of dirt and rose petals. Then the image of a grey sky flashed in my mind.
"I'm so sorry," a female's voice said. I couldn't see anything except the sky. Who was speaking to me? And were my eyes seeing this? Or was this only a delusion?
When I shook my head, my vision snapped back. I was still in the bus, next to Felix. My heart was racing, my stomach felt sick, and my entire body was shaking. Was I coming down with the flu? Was I having a fever dream?
"You okay?" Felix slowly opened his eyes.
I sat on my hands to hide the shakiness.
"Yep! Never been better!" I smiled, ignoring the throbbing.
"Ms. Dupan-Cheng, if you feel even the slightest bit unwell, tell me immediately," he said, sitting up in the seat.
"Ok fine. I have a little bit of a headache," I said, leaving out the part of my 'dream.'
Without warning, he placed his palm over my forehead as if checking for a temperature.
"That's not good. If it worsens, let me know. Deal?"
"What I'd really like to know is why I have a headache in the first place," I muttered, massaging my temples. It helped a little.
He angled his head. The details of his face were cloaked in shadows, occasionally lit up by streetlights filtering through the window.
"You have been unusually patient. So, I suppose you deserve the answers now, considering we won't be able to openly talk at the hospital."
I leaned in feeling eagerness stir within my gut, as I ignored my head's pounding. Maybe knowing the source of this headache could help me stop it and explain what I had just seen.
"Well..." I said, trying to push him to give me answers quickly.
"Long story short - we were akumatized," he said in a low voice.
We swayed in our seats as the bus's tires passed over uneven road.
What? No.
I felt the blood draining from my face. Instinctively my hands reached for my earrings! There was sheer panic raging inside before I realized my Miraculous was still here.
"What did we do? Who stopped us?" I asked quickly.
"Lower your voice," He scolded.
The bus had reached its second stop, and a few new people got on and sat near the front. Thankfully, we still had some privacy, but we didn't have much time. We would be at the hospital in less than twenty minutes. So I'd have to squeeze all my questions in before then.
"Did Hawk Moth possess us?" I whispered.
"No," he said, bringing his head closer to me, "It was a phycological Akuma. So, he was merely attempting to probe our minds. Nothing too exciting happened."
A phycological Akuma...that would be a "Silver Akuma." They were extremely rare - there had only been three instances over the past five years of my time as Ladybug. Unfortunately, Silver Akumas were a special type resistant to my powers and I assumed Chat Noir's powers as well. They were invincible. Permanently tainted. And deadly.
All three people who were infected ended up either brain dead or with severe brain damage. I assumed using a Silver Akuma also hurt Hawk Moth (or at least significantly drained his energy) considering that normal Akuma activity ceased for about two weeks after a Silver Akuma was used. But why? Why would Hawk Moth want to enter Felix's mind?
"How are we even alive? No one survives those hardly," I said, feeling a lump in my throat.
"We didn't walk out of this unharmed. Which explains our headaches. It will probably get worse before it gets better. As far as why we survived, I believe it was because we were struck by the same Akuma, so its power was disturbed between both our minds. It first entered me, and then you."
"So, if I wasn't there to take part of the hit, you would have- "
"- Probably."
That was a very depressing realization. Why would Hawk Moth risk destroying the life of a young man? Someone who had an entire future ahead of them.
I lowered my head in thought. If Felix was in the closet, he must have known the Akuma was coming for him...so he waited, not wanting anyone else to interfere.
I guess that made sense. From my limited understanding, a Silver Akuma was like death - you couldn't run from it, or fight it, or even delay it. It was inevitable. All you could do was wait. And that's what Felix seemed to be doing. Waiting. Hoping he had the mental strength to survive with minimum harm.
Tears pricked my eyes.
"You really thought you were going to die," I said, it was both a question and a statement.
"There was no guarantee," he said, "But you would have better off if I had."
I felt anger. He had planned to die behind closed doors - alone. What a terrible way to go! And why would he make such a disturbing joke? Did he think I hated him so much I wanted him dead?
"That's not funny! And don't do that ever again!" I exclaimed, drawing the attention of a few other passengers.
"I'll be sure to notify you next time I feel death creeping up on me," He said sarcastically.
I took slow breaths trying to calm myself. He was right. His akumatization was outside of his control. But still, it was the concept that he was willing to die alone in the dark that bothered me.
"Why the closet?" I asked, feeling as if my throat was swelling.
He focused his gaze out the window, turning away from me. We sat in silence. After taking a heavy breath he answered:
"I didn't want you to be the one to find my body - I know that would have-," he stopped, "- If I was in the closet, it would've been Natalie. Or it was supposed to be until you ruined my plans."
"I'm confused though. How did you know it was coming for you?"
"It's hard to describe. It was like watching a bullet coming towards me in slow motion. Except, no matter where I moved, it followed. So, it was best to isolate myself to avoid risking other people's lives. Near the end, it came faster than I expected."
"So, you could physically see it coming? Like through the walls?"
"It was strange. I couldn't see it, yet I vaguely knew where it was. As if it had already connected to my mind and that connection was a two-way street. Perhaps it's just how phycological Akumas work."
"Hmm. I guess Silver Akumas are too rare to know for sure. But my next question is why? Why would Hawk Moth target you?"
He glanced down at his hands.
"Before I proceed: I'm trusting you to keep this confidential. Everything I've said and am about to say is strictly between you and me. Do you understand?" He said.
"Yes, you have my word," I said.
"I need more than your word. I want your unconditional loyalty. Otherwise, I won't tell you."
"You have me," I said, "I mean - my unconditional loyalty...you have. Sorry!" I suddenly felt awkward.
He chuckled. It was the first time I'd heard him laugh in a while.
"I made a good choice," he said, sounding as if he was wearily smiling.
A pause. I was confused. What was a good choice? Whatever. I just wanted the answers.
"So...Ummm...what's confidential?" I asked, trying to redirect the conversation away from my slip up.
He drew in a deep breath,
"You asked me why Hawk Moth wants me. It's because I know too much. I investigated. And I'm close. So close to exposing him."
"Do you know his identity?" I asked, feeling my stomach twist.
I heard him swallow.
"I have my theories. But I need more evidence. The only reason I'm telling you any of this is because I will need your help with gathering this evidence. Is that understood?"
"Yes, So...what are your theories? Who do you think he could be?"
"Listen. I don't have it in me to discuss this anymore. Everything about this ..." he paused, his words were angry, "I despise ...it's just...it's ruthless."
My heart sunk. So he wasn't going to tell me. Well, maybe he would in time. After I'd earned his trust. I guess I'd just have to be patient. Or wait for him to slip up. Either way, I -
I was jerked forward as the bus slowed to stop. We were here. At the hospital. Instead of rising, Felix remained in his seat as if he didn't want to move.
"You ready?" I asked, standing.
He gripped the seat in front of him, as he frowned.
"Nothing has changed. It makes me end where I've begun," he muttered as if reciting something.