Either I've seen the light
Or I'm losing my mind
There's something 'bout you
That's got me dazed and confused
I slowly start to wake up when I feel a particularly cold breeze rush across my back and hear a few birds singing nearby.
The sensation strikes me as odd until I blink my eyes open and realize that I'm outside. I also realize that it's morning. The watercolor sky is blanketed in whispy clouds, creating a beautiful sunrise.
It takes a few more moments for my mind to wake up and catch up with the rest of my body. But once it does, I realize the extent of the situation I am in right now.
Not only am I in my underwear outside on one of the beach chairs by the pool. But I also seem to be laying on a shirtless Harry.
I remember what happened last night. I wasn't drunk to the point of forgetting events. Some things are a bit more fuzzy than other things, though.
I remember swimming with Harry last night probably most vividly out of everything that happened last night. It was so intense.
It was like one moment we were singing and laughing and then the next moment I was wrapped around him, breathing heavily from how thick the air felt between us.
I wanted to kiss him so badly last night. I remember that very well. The urge to do so was so strong and my whole entire body was practically pulsating with need for him.
As badly as I wanted to kiss him last night, I wouldn't have initiated it. Harry seems like a very guarded person and I can tell that he is an anxious person too. I would never want to push his boundaries.
My head is currently resting on Harry's chest with my legs straddling him and my arms wrapped around his torso. It's almost like sleep me was scared that he would be ripped away from me.
Harry's arms are wrapped around me too. One resting along the small of the back and his other hand seeming to be resting just at the top of my ass.
I can tell from the little snores I hear above me, and the steadiness of his heartbeat, that Harry's still asleep.
With him still asleep, that gives me the perfect time to overthink about how I clearly have developed feelings for him.
The way that my stomach is fluttering from laying on him like this, listening to his calming heartbeat and feeling his warm skin against my own, is proof of the fact.
This is bad. We are a week into this trip and I now have a crush on Harry.
I didn't plan for this to happen.
What the hell do I do now?
Maybe he has feelings for me too. I mean, the way he was acting with me last night and the words he was saying leads me to believe that he might feel something for me.
The scary thing for me about feelings like the ones I have for Harry, is that they always leave me hurt. Nobody that I've ever dated has stuck around. Either they don't like that I spend so much time on work, like Eddie, or they can't deal with the fact that I'm more successful than them, maybe. I guess it can make a man feel emasculated when I'm considered the breadwinner in the relationship. Or maybe the people I have dated in the past have just found me weird after a while and got sick of me.
Any way you look at it, the result is still the same. They all leave.
And that's exactly what Harry can do at the end of this trip. Hell, he could even leave now if he really wanted to. It's not a far drive from The Hamptons and back to New York City.
Yes, Harry works for me. But he could easily avoid me at work.
What if he figures out that I have feelings for him now and it freaks him out and he doesn't want to see me again? That's happened to me in the past.
Or maybe my thought about Harry possibly having feelings for me is all wrong. He could just be a touchy and flirty drunk.
Now my mind is spiraling into a negative space. This is why I don't like thinking things through. Being impulsive keeps my mind from spiraling like this because I don't take the time to overthink my decisions.
I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. But my sister, who usually gives me advice, thinks that we're actually dating. And my best friend, Alayna, doesn't always give the most logical advice.
Maybe I could text Janet. I mean, she was the one that suggested for Harry to come with me on this trip.
I should have just woken him up instead of using this time to think. But then again, laying on him like this is too good of a feeling...I want to enjoy this for as long as I can. May as well be a fool and indulge in this closeness with him while I still can. Because, like everyone else, he will leave me in the end too.
I already know that Harry is going to freak out when he wakes up. This feels similar to when I fell on top of him a few days ago when he was getting out of the shower and he was just in his towel.
That was so awkward and he looked so panicked in that moment. But everything right now is so calm. I wish that whatever plagues Harry's mind would give him a break one of these days and he could experience this calmness. Because the only times I have seen him embody any level of peace is when he is asleep.
I don't struggle with anxiety like he seems to. I can only imagine how hard it is to fight that mental battle every day.
The level of tranquility I feel right now in all of my senses is exuberant. The sight of the sunrise, the sound of the ocean waves crashing and the birds chirping, and the smell of the salty morning breeze, are all so relaxing.
But what is most relaxing is what I feel. I feel Harry's chest rising and falling at a steady rate with each breath he takes. I feel his arms wrapped around me, his hands relaxed and rid of any tension. I feel his chin lightly resting on the top of my head. I feel the warm skin of his chest pressed against my own.
After a few moments of basking in this tranquil state, I feel Harry start to stir beneath me. He lets out a deep groan as he does so and moves his hand that is around the small of my back up to rub at his eyes. I mean, I can't see him, but he always rubs his eyes in the morning when he first wakes up, so I can only assume.
In attempt to not freak him out too much, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep. Maybe if he thinks that I'm still asleep, then he will have more time to adjust to waking up like this and can collect his thoughts at his own pace.
"What the-" I hear Harry say, his chest vibrating just the smallest amount as he speaks. His morning voice is deep and hoarse, his accent thicker than usual. The sound alone sends an electric chill throughout my entire body.
I feel his chin, that is resting on my head lightly, move slightly to the side, probably observing his surroundings. When he does seem to take in everything, I can hear his heart rate start to increase.
His hand that is resting at the top of my ass soon moves up to rest a bit higher, but still lower on my back. His other hand, that he moved to rub his eyes, very hesitantly falls back down to rest on the small of my back where it lay previously.
I have to pull all my focus towards refraining from smiling at the act.
His hesitation towards putting his hand back down on my back and moving the other one up higher off of my ass reminds me of our conversation on the flight to San Francisco. He doesn't want to do anything that I'm not comfortable with or do something without consent. It's clear that respect is a big this for him. And the way he continuously shows me respect only make me like him more.
His heart is still beating at a faster rate than when he was sleeping. But I still find listening to it incredibly calming.
Slowly, his one hand starts to venture up, ending up near my face where it gently pushes back the hair that has fallen into my face and tucks it behind my ear. His fingers then ever so softly dance across my skin, leaving goosebumps in their trail. "So beautiful," Harry says with a sigh, almost sounding mesmerized by me. That alone gives me hope that he might feel something for me as well.
But no matter how beautiful someone may think that I am...that's never enough to get them to stick around.
I'm confident in how I look. It took me a long while to get there, but I am. I wish I was just as confident in how I look on the inside. Because that seems to be what isn't good enough.
Instead of dwelling on that, I'm going to choose to focus on this temporary feeling of comfort that Harry is giving me from having his arms wrapped around me still.
"Hey, Gray," Harry says after a few more lingering moments, gently rubbing my back. Like always, him calling me that causes my stomach to flutter like crazy. "Wake up, love. It's morning."
I need to play along with this fake sleeping thing. With that in mind, I turn my head to snuggle deeper into Harry. "Five more minutes." I groan.
"Look who's suddenly not a morning person." Harry chuckles, his chest rumbling from the act.
"I'm still a morning person." I retort before looking up at him. "I'm just comfortable. Don't feel like moving yet."
"Okay, love," Harry hums. "Five more minutes. Just let me grab my glasses first. I can't see shit."
I turn my head to look around for his glasses. Because, let's face it, he can't find where they are when he can't see, so he's going to ask for my help anyway. When I see them on top of a pile of our clothes on the floor next to us, I reach out to grab them and hand them to him. "Thanks, Gray." Harry says with a light laugh as he slides on his glasses. "So, uhm, did you have fun last night?" He adds, sounding nervous.
"I did." I reply. "I like spending time with you." I add, being honest. In saying that, I hope I get some sort of sense about what he's feeling based on how he responds.
His hand continues to trace mindless patterns on my back. And if he keeps that up, I swear it will put me right back to sleep. "I like spending time with you too." His deep and raspy morning voice is still very much present. "I was really nervous about coming on this trip with you. But I'm glad I did. I'm having a good time."
"I really didn't expect you to come. But I'm really glad that you did as well." I quip, my eyes watching the sunrise but my mind focused on Harry's hold on me. "What's your favorite thing that we've done so far?" I ask out of curiosity. I feel like we have done a lot this past week.
"If I'm being honest," Harry trails off and takes a breath, seeming to be working up the courage to say his answer. "This is my favorite thing that we've done. I feel very relaxed and happy right now."
My heart skips a beat at him not only saying this moment is his favorite of the week, because it's mine too, but also because he said he feels happy and relaxed right now. Harry deserves to feel happy and relaxed all the time. "You're relaxed right now? You're heart is beating like crazy." I retort.
"Well my heart should be beating, Gray." Harry quips with a laugh.
"I know that, smart ass." I say, bringing my hand up to playfully smack his chest. "It's just beating pretty fast for someone who is relaxed."
"My heart tends to do that when you're around." He says quietly, almost like he was saying it more to himself than to me. He then pats my back a few times before he starts to sit up. "Come on, five minutes is up. We should head inside."
"Okay," I frown as I lazily climb off of Harry and stand up next to the chair we were laying on. I then bend down to grab our clothes and phones. When I pick up our clothes, I notice that they're fairly wet for some reason.
I look to Harry and see him with his arms wrapped around him in attempts to cover him up some way. "We are going to have to make a mad dash inside and hope everyone is still asleep." I tell him as I hand him his clothes and phone. "I'm don't think we should put on cold wet clothes. I'm not trying to get sick." I add before turning to start walking towards the back entrance of the beach house, assuming that Harry is in tow.
"You know that being cold and wet doesn't make you sick, right?" I hear his voice from behind me and soon see him standing next to me now out of my peripheral.
"Details." I wave off his comment. "I still don't want to put on cold wet clothes when I don't have to. I will stick to being dry and warm when I have the option." I add, not telling him about how I don't want to put on cold wet clothes because I don't want to get rid of the warmth I still feel in my body right now from being curled up on his chest moments ago.
When we get to the sliding glass door that enters into the house, I slowly slide it open enough to peek my head in to make sure that nobody is inside the kitchen area the door leads to. Once I see that nobody is in there, I turn back to look at a very hesitant and nervous looking Harry, giving him a nod to let him know the coast is clear.
With that, we both quietly slip inside. We remain quiet as we start our journey from the back of the house towards the front where the staircase is, in hopes that we don't wake any of my uncles who might be asleep on one of the couches in the nearby living room.
Thankfully, we make it across the house and to the staircase undetected. But our room is on the third floor. So we aren't in the clear yet.
As we make our way up this first flight of stairs, I curse to myself at every creek the floorboards make. But I audibly let out a "fuck" when Harry and I get to the top of the stairs and I see all of my aunts in the second floor lounge area sipping on mimosas.
I'm going to get so much shit for this.
"Well look who finally decided to come inside." My aunt Alie quips when she spots us.
I feel Harry go tense and quickly step behind me to cover himself up before he reaches his arms out to wrap around me and cover me up as well.
I completely forgot that we are in our underwear here for a moment.
Alie's words gain the attention of all my other aunts and my mother who is sitting nearby. I can imagine how flushed Harry's cheeks are right now with embarrassment from all these eyes on us. But I will stay standing in front of him to keep him covered.
To try and bring him some comfort and ease his anxiety, I bring my one hand up to rest over top of his that is wrapped around me, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, good morning." I say with an unsure smile.
"What were you two love birds sleeping out there for?" My aunt Emma chimes in.
"We just, uhm, we," I stammer, trying to think up an explanation. "Yeah we were, hmm-"
"Night swimming." Harry cuts in.
"Yes, night swimming!" I exclaim. "Must have dozed off when we were stargazing after." I hum, turning my head back to look up at Harry. "Right, babe?"
"Right." Harry plays along with a nod. Because I'm not really planning on telling my family that we helped Bella sneak out of the house to go to her girlfriend's birthday party where we ended up getting drunk.
Oh shit. Bella.
Welp. I hope she got back here alright.
"You two looked so adorable sleeping all cuddled up, I didn't want to wake you." My mother interjects. "I even took a photo to show you. Thought you might want it."
"That's creepy, Karen." My aunt Maria quips.
"Yeah, what the fuck, Karen?" My aunt Cassie speaks up.
"Okayyyyyy," I trail off, wanting to get back to Harry and I's room as soon as possible so he can get dressed and feel more comfortable. "We are going to go now." I add, starting to walk forward with Harry still holding onto me from behind.
Once Harry and I round the corner and start up the next flight of stairs, he lets go of me and we make the rest of the journey to our room in silence. It's not awkward silence, though. For me, it's comfortable silence. But I know Harry is freaking out mentally right now. So I doubt the silence is comfortable for him.
When we enter our room, Harry quickly grabs a fresh set of clothes and makes his way into the bathroom. I hear the water to the shower turn on shortly after he enters.
I hope his mind is kind to him right now. He's probably just now processing all that happened last night. I hope he doesn't come to the conclusion that he actually regrets being so touchy with me or us falling asleep together like we did.
While he is in the shower, I put on my oversized Snoop Dogg t-shirt as I wait for him to get out of the shower so that I can shower.
With this downtime I have, I may as well text Alayna like I thought about earlier and see if she can give me some advice on my situation.
After a few minutes, she replies to my text with not so helpful advice. But I'm not surprised. Alayna isn't exactly always logical.
Lay
Update on the trip, I have a
crush on Harry now. Fun.
As you should.
Okay...but what do I do?
What do you mean?
Kiss his face or something.
That's what I do when I like
someone.
Since Alayna's advice got me nowhere, I decide to go against my better judgement and text the only other person I can really talk to about the situation I'm in...Janet.
Janet Gibson
Hey, Janet.
Grayson! Hey!
How's the tripppp?
Uhm it's great.
Care to elaborate on that?
Can you promise not to
tell Harry that we talked
about this?
Yes.
...really?
Yes. Pinky promise.
Okay. Well, I uhm yeah,
Harry's cool.
Mhm, shore...you
think Harry's cool.
Yup. So I think he's cool
and I don't know what
I'm doing.
Well, knowing him...
I think he thinks that
you're cool too.
Just so we're on the same
page, I'm using cool instead
of another word that I won't
be saying.
Yeah, I got that, boss.
And I'm still saying that
I think he thinks that
you're 'cool' too.
My heart skips a beat when I read her text. And I nearly drop my phone when I hear the bathroom door open. When I look up and see harry walking out of the bathroom in a fresh pair of clothes, his glasses on, and his curly hair wet, my stomach flutters.
I hope that Janet is right and that Harry likes me too.
✰✰✰✰✰
A/N:
Just in case you missed it...I made a twitter. I've been posting teasers and stuff on there for upcoming chapters. If you want to check it out my handle is @/ maryjanedoe_wp
Thanks for being patient with me and my inconsistent updating schedule. Life has been crazy.
Love you guys(:
-M