TW: Mention of sucide and mental abuse from past parental figures. Mention of Alcohol abuse as well.
Blair's POV:
I slowly peel my eyes open and groan. I try to lift my arms up to rub my morning eyes because of how bright it is outside when I realize that there is someone on top of me.
Fuck.
I look down at my stomach to find Harry's head laying on the middle of my stomach. I tense up immediately feeling panic shoot through me fast.
I barely remember anything from last night, the last thing I remember was telling harry to fuck and let a women drink.
Did we sleep together? Did he try and take advantage of me? Why am I in his fucking house. I gotta get out before I have a panic attack.
I slowly get out of the bed lifting his head up swiftly and lightly trying so hard not to wake him up. If I can get out of here without waking anyone up that will be the best escape I've ever done.
I realize i'm still in the same clothes from last night, but my makeup is off? I don't think I would've taken my makeup off unless I just randomly decided to get up and take it off which could be the case. I also pull my phone out getting myself a uber to take me back to work to grab my car.
I slowly make my way out of his room and open the door revealing a german shepherd.
I pat it's head not knowing what it's gender is yet. I should really invest in getting a dog.
I make my way to the front door seeing my shoes by the door and grabbing them as well as my keys and wallet, I start unlocking the door and opening it. As soon as I open it a alarm goes off.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I wanna die. I can't talk to him, I can't do this. My hands start shaking and I feel a lump in my throat form. Here comes the anxiety attack.
"Blair?" I hear a voice behind me say as he turns off the alarm.
I just stand there with tears in my eyes as one slowly falls down my cheek.
"Blair, are you okay, why didn't you wake me up?"
I just start shaking more and more tears start coming out of my eyes. I refuse to turn around and look at him right now to show how much of a panic I am in.
"Blair, why are you shaking so badly?"
"N-no please I just ordered an uber to take me back to the car. I d-don't wanna talk."
I feel a hand on my shoulder spinning me around to him. He has a very worried expression on his face.
"No what's wrong I can take you to your car."
"No you won't, you will not be going anywhere near me I don't remember last night and I just wanna go home. I mean fuck I woke up in your bed to us fucking cuddling. I need to leave. I don't know what went down between us last night and I don't want to know."
"We didn't have sex or kiss or anything like that I promise I would never take advantage of you while drunk that's what dickheads do."
"I-I just need to go I can't d-do this right now"
"Hey please breathe, take a inhale through your nose and exhale out your mouth 5 times. Then start listing what you see around you like the grass outside right now is sharp and ripe green looking."
I do what he says taking 5 deep breaths and I list off a few things I see and he does it with me. I slowly start calming down.
"I'll let you go home just please at least take my number and let me know that you got home safely."
"Fine but I doubt we will see each other after this"
He takes my phone typing in his number and giving it back to me and I send a simple message that just says hi. So that way my number goes to his phone automatically.
"Thank you Harry."
He just nods and gives me a little smile showing some of his dimples. He turns around walking back to the door and walking in waving goodbye to me with a slight smile.
I frowned. I caught myself frowning that he left me. But I was just freaking out over it not even 3 minutes ago. What is happening to me.
I truly don't think he would do anything to me like that and he helped calm me down when I was having my panic attack and simply left.
I pull my phone out tracking my uber seeing its 5 minutes away so I sit down on the curb outside of Harry's house and wait. I text Louis and Ivy that I'm on my way home.
Louis:
Perfect see you soon babes:)
Ivy:
Bet I hope you had fun B!
I close my phone just looking outside and admiring this pretty day. I see my driver heading my way and he stops right where I am. I get up opening the passenger door and sliding in.
He starts driving and we sit in silence all the way there while I get on Instagram and scroll through my feed. I decide to look up Harry's cause I mean why not.
I look him up finding him as the first one to pop up.
He has about 2,012 followers and only has about 10 pictures up of him. Half of them posted from when he was younger in 2013 and then the other half of now. I saw one with a younger female so I click the image to see if there are any tags and I found Gemma Styles.
She hasn't posted anything since 2013 as well being the same picture of her and her brother considering they have the last name. Plus they kinda look alike. I finished stalking both of their pages and when I looked up we arrived at the front of my shitty apartment building. I felt that same emptiness almost so empty it feels heavy on my chest. It's something I'm very used to now but I hate the feeling of it.
Today was so embarrassing that I sat there and cried like a little bitch. My mom never fully listened to me when I tried to tell her how fucked up I felt. At times she would force her to tell me what's wrong with me or else she would ground me for two weeks. Once I would tell her what's wrong with me she would deny everything. I was too much of a pussy to tell her it's the fact she won't stop picking at everything I do. She was very absent most of my childhood emotionally for me. My father on the other hand was an angel of a man but unfortunately alcohol won at the end of his life. He often would come home from work come to talk to me about my day and you could tell he was hurting so bad in his eyes. He didn't want this life. He worked for me and my sister but my mother was a manipulative bitch. She hated him but she also fucked some random dude.
Dad was always there for me and my mother was there for my sister. I was just like my father, even though I didn't have the best life we were very lower middle class. We lived in a very run down 3 bedroom house that had one bathroom, a kitchen, and a small living room. Mom would scream at me for being a failure telling me that I am just like my father. When I was at the age of 15 my father started drinking. He had lost his job that year and went downhill from there and we could barely afford the house we had. My mother started working again which was better for me because she was never home during the day. She was an accountant for a paper business that made a good amount of money. I never knew why she didn't work before my dad went downhill. I guess fucking that man whore and getting money from him secretly was enough. And she definitely didn't give a fuck about her kids so she spent it on herself.
Once dad found out he started drinking even more and he hated my mother and she went crazy asking for forgiveness. They would argue in front of me and my older sister all the time this went on til I was 17, my mom bringing me into the argument and my sister just stood there silently letting it all happen. I never understood her. And I still don't. My father admired me and after one of the arguments with my mother I had enough and tried to commit that night at the age of 17 with pills which led my dad to find me half breathing on the floor. He took me to the ER in which I was almost sent to a mental hospital but my father refused and we left after I got everything I needed.
My mom yelled at me when I got home that night in which my father got in her face. How he told her that if she didn't leave me the fuck alone he would take me and move somewhere and she will never see me again. She slapped him across the face and cussed him out, which he walked away from. With fists at his side and a clenched jaw. I walked to my room that night and sobbed myself to sleep. Dad drank a lot that night.
He died when I was 18. I don't remember that day at all until I walked into the room where he was laying in a puddle of blood surrounding his head and my mother silently looking at him with shock and my sister following from behind me. After that day She never talked to me other than about school. She won't look at me in the eyes. I blame myself. If I would've died that night maybe he would've moved out of the house and gotten help or something.
When I snapped out of my thoughts I had already ended back up in my room in my apartment staring at my bed and I hear someone calling my name very loudly.
I jump and snap my head to the right of me seeing louis standing in the doorway.
"When did you get here I didn't see you in here."
"I called your name when you walked in but you didn't respond so I kept calling for you and I came in here and you've been staring at the wall for about 2 minutes now. Are you okay you don't seem okay to me."
I clear my throat already feeling a lump in it from thinking about my dad and my fucked up mom and sister.
"Um, Yeah i'm okay."
He raises an eyebrow at me and frowns because of how monotoned that sounded.
"Sit down on the bed and talk."
I roll my eyes sitting down.
"I should've died that night when I overdosed Louis."
Don't cry. Don't cry. Fucking hold it in be strong for one damn second.
"Ya know babe, It's crazy to think about it but being constantly torn between life and death it's fucking draining. I've been there once and sitting and thinking about the good and bad about your pumping heart and the precious breath you have stopping one day. I can tell in your eyes even though people can't see the emotion in them and the way your body moves you hate your life. I do too. I can tell when you stared at that wall you dreaded having to see the next person walk into your apartment today whether that was me or Ivy. But you can't keep thinking that you simply have to live life. You need to get out and find those soulmates whether its friendships or relationships. I know you blame yourself for your fathers death but either way Blair the sad truth was he was an alcoholic who would've killed himself either way. But promise me even when you're in the darkest moments you will turn to where the light is and follow it. And you won't leave this life until you reach that precious light."
Tears are pouring out of my eyes. Louis is the wisest person I've ever met and even passes my own father. He also went through hell and back to get where he is today.
I just stare at him broken and I start to sob. He grabs me and pulls me into his lap while I sob into his neck. This isn't the first time this has happened but it's very rare this happens. I hate showing my vulnerable side; it lets them take advantage of my life. But I always seem to open to him more about my past cause he understands. He went through the same thing basically. And in return he opens up to me.
"Blair I understand what it's like. It's like being held hostage but by something that goes wherever you go. And sometimes it can kill you." I squeeze him tighter knowing he is right.
"Thank you Louis so much." I sob.
"You know I love you so much I could never let you go through this alone. I know you have Ivy but she went through a different life and different than ours."
We stay like this for another 10 minutes of me just calming down.
I eventually crawl off him and leave the room as he follows behind me.
I look around the apartment wondering where Ivy's been and how she didn't witness any of that.
"Where's Ivy?"
"She went to the store to pick up food since there's shit here."
Fuck I forgot about food. I'm a fucking awful friend.
"She said she didn't care Blair you always pay for everything around the house she will be okay buying food for the rest of the week."
"I know I just feel like I should do that for her she deserves it."
Damn it my car is at the club still. I didn't think about that when I was in the uber cause I was a emotional wreck.
"Fuck Louis I need you to take me to the club so I can get my car I left it there last night."
"Oh yeah I can. Also how was that dreadful date you were talking about last night."
"Oh yeah I actually kinda had fun but I don't wanna see him ever again."
"Why? If you had fun why don't you go out with him again?"
"Cause I think he is annoying and he paid for all my alcohol last night and food so that's why it was fun. I honestly don't remember anything cause I got pretty drunk and I needed it."
He chuckles.
"What's this lad's name anyways?"
"Harry Styles."
"Hm. Haven't heard of him before"
"Yeah I think he is knew to town or some shit I don't know but he won't leave me the fuck alone and he is kinda scared of me so it's funny."
"Yeah you are pretty intimidating."
We grab our shoes and he grabs his keys and we head out the door going down the steps and take his car. I slide into the passenger seat and feel how the car is pretty warm because of the sun beaming down into it. He starts the car backing out and heads toward the club. I freak out for a moment thinking I left my keys at home and I realize they are still in my pocket from earlier.
About 30 minutes pass and we are their I thank Louis and tell him to meet me back at the apartment and we can have a movie night and I can cook us pasta. He turns into a literal toddler with how excited he was telling me he will drive faster and quote on quote, "If I wreck and die he will personally slap me back to life and kill me again if he doesn't get the pasta"
I started laughing and shaking my head as I turned around making my way to the car and getting in the driver's side and started driving.
I sit and think about the date. I don't wanna admit it out loud but I actually really liked it. Although the last thing I remembered was him staring at me like I was literal gold to him.
I think I want to go out on another one with him but I just know he is going to hurt me at the end of the day.
I need him to stop coming around me.
I need him to stop laughing at my dumb ass jokes.
I need him to not look at me like I'm gold.
And I can't fall for Harry cause once I'm in too deep.
I can't get out of it.
*******
I personally put my heart and soul into this chapter.
How do you guy's like wise Louis?
This chapter was 2,845 words all together.
I hope you guys loved tonight's chapter and if you see any mistakes feel free to comment on it!
*Sending 133 nose kisses*