Elise loathed what she had been given.
Elise wondered, for a short amount of time, what she had done wrong in life. She must have done something to be given this amount of grief and sadness.
What had she done to deserve this? Did she do something? Say something? What did she do to deserve this pain, to deserve this tears, to deserve the scars, the family, Cleo.
And Hugo.
What had she done to deserve living this life and living in a life where you found a place where you finally belong but was going to be gone in a matter of time?
Some part of herself blames herself for getting Hugo killed, because let's face it, why did the boy die in the first place? It wasn't because he tripped and fell, right? It wasn't because he was stupid enough to get himself killed. It wasn't because he was incapable of surviving. Hugo was more than capable.
He had the chance to live.
He had the chance to go out and live his life and die in a proper place. He deserved to live. He deserved to fight for his own, to choose his own decisions, to be a proper adult, to love someone, to care for someone.
He didn't deserve to die in a bed filled with flowers with only the setting sun saying goodbye to him.
And Elise knows that it was his choice. Damn it, she knows that. Hugo was someone who could choose his own battles and he chose one to save her. She knows that.
But that doesn't make Elise feel any better.
He died for her. Hugo, her sweetest most understanding first friend, died. Because of who?
Who made him run through a forest just to get somebody safe because that person was too useless to do something? Who made him become a wall to protect someone? Who made him say goodbye? Who made him look at her with this sad fucking eyes, with tears blurring his vision, with a smile, with a sweet most genuine smile that Elise had ever seen?
Elise saw that sad smile. It was plastered on his face as the sun was setting. The gentle cold breeze caressed his white skin, causing his cheeks to redden at the bitter cold. Flowers of different smell and colors surrounded them, causing an epitome of ethereal beauty of scenery.
Who made him smile like that?
Who was that person?
Elise.
Who caused a war? A war, for them was when balance was broken. A balance that wasn't meant to be touched. If one human didn't survive the forest then the balance would have still been there, right? Peace would have still been alive. Marielle wouldn't have to choose between her mate and Elise.
And damn it.
Marielle had to choose, that much was so true and clear.
Selenophiles only have one chance at having mates. Unlike, wolves who could have second chances, selenophiles doesn't have that kind of luxury.
She had one shot at having a mate and she blew it.
For who?
For Elise.
For Elise. For Elise. For Elise that. For Elise this. Save Elise this. Save Elise that. I care for you, Elise. Yo are my source of happiness, Elise. Forelsket. Darling. Hun. I want you to survive.
I want you to live, Elise.
____
Elise was surprised when Hugo was there at her willow tree with a dazed look on his face.
She wondered why he was there in the first place. Was she missing some schedule here? Was Hugo supposed to meet her and she just didn't know about it? He didn't say anything in his letters. Elise was trying to look for any kind of clues that could explain why he was here.
The little girl was so surprised at seeing him that she just watched him from afar, wondering how she could approach him.
Seeing Hugo, she saw how fairytale-like he was. It made her smile because she knows that he would probably scoff at that, he would probably say that her words were nonsense if she were to tease him about it.
With beautiful long hair that he could tie up in a bun, eyes as deep as the ocean, as clear as crystals, a little smile plastered on his face in an ethereal way that made Elise shudder at the perfect way it looked. A faint flush was on his cheeks, creating color to his white skin.
He was looking at the falling leaves with a satisfied look plastered in his face. It was like he was happy, content even, to be standing there, looking at Elise's favorite tree.
But then of course, some things are not meant to be forever. His gaze changed to look at her like he already knew that Elise was there to begin with.
And his damn smile, that smile that was infectious, that smile that made Elise shudder with feelings surrounding her in this unexplainable warmth. This smile that felt like she was laying on a cloud, unable to escape its gentle embrace.
"Well, nice to see my lady at last." He smirked at Elise's surprised look.
____
What had she done to deserve that kind of kindness? She didn't do anything kind, she didn't save any beggar, she wasn't sweet, her words were sharp as knives.
Look at the innocence who didn't want to get involved. Had they asked for it? They were so innocent, so peacefully living, have Elise asked them if they wanted to fight a war for her or against her? What happened to them in the end? They died.
Because of who?
Who caused a war?
Wasn't it Elise?
And Elise didn't want to blame herself. She really didn't want to experience any emotion right now to begin with. But she felt like she needed this. This pain. This pain blames her and it felt so good to be blamed because Elise felt like she was at fault here. This was her punishment. This pain, this damn unending pain, will take her to the grave and Elise will forever think that she deserved it.
And she does.
Elise really does deserve it.
Elise deserved it. The little girl felt like she had shed so many blood that it tainted her soul, darkening it until it could drown Elise whole like a prey.
Elise made her tears fall as she cried silently in the dark. The moon at its peak, so bright and beautiful, with no stars or cloud making it disappear. Elise would have loved it, she would have poured her life stories towards the moon because ever since she was little, she was told that the moon hid someone who would listen to her intently.
She didn't need the moon anymore because she has a family to do that now.
This is why she hated loving someone. This is why she didn't want to accept the bond, this is why. This is exactly why.
Because in the end, who was hurting?
____
"It's so scary." Elise exclaimed to Serafino the first time the man had entered her room to welcome her a good morning. She hugged herself, feeling very small and childish. "What if I accept this bond and they—you— act suddenly different and then kill me or something? Or hurt me? Mentally and physically I mean. I can't— I won't let that happen again. I can't fall again into the hands of someone who'll do that again because I know how painful it is to get hurt by people that you loved."
(Chapter Seventeen)
___
She tried comforting herself like she had done before, telling herself that it'll be okay, that it'll be fine, that when she opens her eyes, she'll be in bed, dreaming all of this. That this was a nightmare.
(Prologue)
___
In the end, Elise was the one hurting, wishing that this was a dream.
It wasn't.
Why would it be? She deserved this. This pain. Besides, wishing that this was a nightmare means that she will wake up soon. And what will meet her when she opens her eyes?
Dead fucking parents? A whore? A drug addict? Those relatives who are so addicted to perfection. They want Elise to be perfect!
Do this! Do that! Fuck, you're not doing it right, Elise that! Why didn't you leave along with your parents this. Fuck off this! Do this that! Why can't you be perfect when everybody around you are one? Why can't you be like the others? Why are you a loner?
Fuck, I'm trying to do this. Damn it, I'm trying to do that. I'm trying my best to do what you want. I also don't know why I didn't join my parents in the after life. I'm trying to leave but you're not letting me. I can't be perfect because I'm only human and they're angels, perfect and graceful. I don't know why I'm a loner, nobody wants me, that's probably why!
"Elise?"
The said person looked up at the person who called her. Elise felt like a desperate sinner looking for more sins to commit. It was like a demon was urging her to fall towards an unknown sin. This adrenaline that makes her feel like falling towards death. A sin where she will never exit from.
And Elise fell. Like a sinner, she listened to the siren calls of the sin.
"Bella." Elise breathed out, maybe out of relief or nervousness, she doesn't know. But she felt alive as she stared at Bella.
The demon walked towards her like a snake, wrapping her around her arms in a tight embrace. Oh, and Elise hugged back.
She hugged back.
"Oh, Elise..." Bella whispered softly, rubbing her back comfortingly. The girl leaned towards the touch, wanting to feel human, wanting to feel clean. She wants to stretch her wings out and fly and be free from her chains and emotions.
She felt like a sinner, unholy and dirty with no meaning.
She just wanted to be free from Hugo and let go. From her family, from Cleo.
She sighed shakily, feeling oddly alive.
___
"In the real world, you won't know who's got your back because you don't know who'll betray you and who will stay with you until the end."
(Chapter five)
___
"I-I'm sorry..." Elise cried as she hugged Bella back. The older girl shushed her gently, like a snake hissing in the shadows, as Elise cried sadly, grief taking over her whole body.
Elise should have known better than to lean towards a snake.
She cried for her friends, for the innocence, for her family. For herself.
"I-I'm sorry..." Elise repeated, feeling very idiotic to cry in front of a stranger. If she were that same girl who survived the forest then she would have probably held it in. She would have looked blank, void of any emotions, not wanting to be imperfect. She would have barked at Bella to back off, would have told her to leave.
Bella shushed her gently, like a mother comforting her own child, and just hugged her just as tightly. "It's okay to cry. Let it all out, Elise, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here now. It's going to be okay. Shhh..." She repeated like a mantra, meant to comfort Elise.
And Elise just cried, wanting grieve but doesn't know how to. She wasn't even done grieving for her parents and now this?
She wasn't done with the scars of abuse and now this?
The need to be perfect, the want of bravery, the urge to fight was resurfacing in a bolt of energy inside her and Elise could not get it to stop.
"I failed him... I failed my family. I... I can't do this. Make it stop. Just make me stop feeling anything. I just want it to stop. I don't... I don't want to feel like I'm a failure and a coward. I'm not brave. I'm not anything! I don't want this anymore. I don't want this. Make it stop, please. It hurts. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."
What was she sorry for?
Where do she even start at apologizing?
That she ruined everyone's lives just by being alive?
That's a nice way to start it.
"It's okay. You didn't fail them, okay?" Bella said quietly. "They chose this. They chose this, okay?"
Elise shook her head, denying it.
They didn't chose this, that much was obvious. It was Elise's fault for existing in the first place. She forced them fight for her, to fight a war that happened because of her.
They didn't have a choice.
Because Elise forced them.
____
"Eli!" Lucian cried but was pushed in the face by Alice, who was currently holding Elise in his arms like she weighed nothing.
Lucian dramatically fell to the ground with a loud cry.
Marielle, who was just right behind Alice, snickered at the fallen man with an evil glint in her eyes. "That's what you get, idiot."
Kieran rolled his eyes. "Marielle, please, you're going to make Lucian cr—"
Lucian pouted, tears already forming in his eyes as he huffed. "Meanie! You're a meanie!"
The eldest gave Marielle a pointed look. "See what I meant? I didn't want to make him cry."
Alice growled. "Goddess, I always forget that he's older than me."
"I forget that he's older than me." Marielle mused with a shrug.
Kieran sighed. "I even ask myself if he's even related to us."
Elise gasped at Kieran. "That's rude."
Lucian cried. "Eli! They're being mean to me!"
___
Bella then let go of the embrace to cup Elise's cheeks. The little girl avoided looking at the older girl's face.
Bella huffed. "Elise, look at me."
She shook her head.
"Elise, please look at me. Just look at me, please?" Desperation was written all over her tone and Elise wondered why she was even caring for her in the first place. She was already a lost cost.
A pathetic good-for-nothing kid who got picked up by people who wanted nothing to do with her at first. She wasn't even supposed to be here in the first place.
Slowly, she looked at Bella's brown eyes with tears still blurring her vision and making her cheeks wet. Bella smiled softly at her as she wiped her tears gently.
"There you are... There's the Elise I met." Bella giggled gently, trying to lighten up the mood but Elise just sniffled sadly.
Bella hummed knowingly. "I know it's hard. I know it's painful now. But you will get over this, Elise. You will get over this, okay? It's not over yet. Not yet. You're not finished yet."
I should have known better...
___
Elise sighed, looking back at Cleo, who was following her like a lost puppy.
He has this big smile on his face that looked so genuine and gentle. He tilted his head to the side adorably.
"Yes, Aubrie?" He asks lovingly.
She only raised her brow questioningly. "Why are you in such a good mood today?"
"I'm always in a good mood whenever I'm beside you." Cleo said in confusion. He said it like it was a known fact.
Elise huffed, flustered at his sweet words. He really is a sweetheart, everyone should admit that.
"Come on, don't lie to me, Cleo." Elise pushed, not really convinced that he was in a good mood just because of her. That's not a thing.
Cleo giggled in this innocent, little adorableness. "I can't lie to you. You deserve my honesty, hun."
"Oh, come on!" Elise raised her hand in the air when she actually felt his truth. The genuine truth in him through the bond felt so good and so innocent and beautiful, like a flower or something.
"See?" He was so smug. Har-di-har-har.
She rolled her eyes, feeling slightly irritated at his smugness. She just wants to mop that away and then be the smug one. She just want to smirk and be all smuggy like him.
How would he like that, huh? She bet that he'll be stomping in rage and would just be throwing acorns at Kieran's jello head.
Cleo narrowed his eyes slightly and it was Elise's turn to actually look smug.
"You gotta be happy for something except because of me, right?" She asks.
Cleo chuckled and Elise swore that she saw stars in Cleo's golden eyes. Just the beautiful twinkle and his sun-like smile melted Elise like butter.
"Well, that's probably impossible, Aubrie." He said.
She crossed her arms, looking at him suspiciously. "Why's that, smarty?"
"Because you have always been my source of happiness, Aubs."
____
"They are sacrificing everything for you, do you hear me? Everything. And if you can't fight for yourself then their sacrifice was useless, okay? I know it's hard and it hurts like hell but this pain? Whatever you are feeling? It's going to make you stronger someday."
Elise shook her head in denial.
No. Everything she said was wrong. Everything was wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen to them, to Hugo, to Cleo. They didn't deserve this.
But fine, if they did fight this for her, what happens next then?
Will they blame her for the chaos she caused? For the pain? The losses?
They will, it's only a matter of time before they get to their senses and blame her.
____
"What are you doing here, Hugo?" Elise asked while walking towards him like he's some kind of predator. "Is it your birthday today? Crap, did I forget when? Is it your mother's birthday? Your granny's death anniversary? Uhh... Picnic day?"
Elise was too busy racking her brain for an answer that she didn't notice that the boy was already standing right in front of her.
She blinked at him and tilted her head to the side with a bashful smile.
He snorted. "That are bad guesses."
"Hey!" Elise huffed, poking his chest, which did nothing by the way. "I guessed, didn't I?"
"And it's none of those."
Elise winced. "Oh... So what is it then?"
He chuckled, shrugging nonchalantly. "I just came to see you."
___
"Hey, that's enough!" Elise laughed when they kept continuing the amusing bullying on Lucian, who was whining like a cat now.
Alice huffed and blew a raspberry at the second eldest.
Marielle crossed her arms. "That's what he get."
Lucian glared at her. "Rude! You're so rude assface-dummy-idiot-no-brain Mari!"
Marielle's aura rumbled in anger that Elise and the rest actually looked scared. The young woman rolled off her sleeves with a grim grin on her face.
"What did you just say?"
Elise had never seen someone kneel down as fast as Lucian. He looked like a puffer fish with how much he was huffing and puffing and pouting like a child.
Before Marielle could get her iron fist ready, Kieran held both of her arms to stop her from actually committing murder.
"Marielle." Kieran sounded like he was so used to this that he just sighed tiredly. "Even if I hate to admit it, alive Lucian is still useful to us."
Lucian squawked. "What?"
Elise had actually never laughed so hard.
___
Isobel always tucked Elise to sleep with Serafino kissing her forehead with a little smile plastered on his face.
He would say: "Good night, my dove." Or "We will be here to see you in the morning, sweetheart."
While Isobel would be waving frantically like Elise was three years old or something.
Elise loved it silently though and would always wave back, saying goodnight to them.
___
"Cleo." Elise giggled. She couldn't even be mad at what he said.
Cleo just flashed her this beautiful giggle where his eyes would twinkle some more, his nose would scrunch up adorably and he would try to hide it behind his hand.
"It's true."
Elise smiled at him. "Don't lie to me."
"Oh, Aubs, I can't lie to an angel." Damn his genuine tone and look. Have you seen Cleo? He was the angel.
Elise huffed, pouting. "But you're the angel."
"Really?" Cleo hummed lightly, looking at her with this knowing smile. "Huh. That's because I'm your guardian angel, darlin'"
Elise raised a brow. "An angel having a guardian angel?"
Cleo shrugged. "What can I say? I just want my angel to be safe."
___
"Maybe everything will be okay." Bella wished and Elise could hear the smile in her voice. That optimism that Elise had once hated because it felt unreal. She still hates it now.
That optimism isn't realistic.
"It won't..." Elise whispered.
"You're right." Bella sounded oddly sad. She looked sad, like she was the one hurting. "It won't."
Elise furrowed her brows in confusion. She sounded so sure. She sounded so cold that it made Elise have a shiver run through her spine. "What? What do—"
Elise felt nothing but pain.
Everything suddenly moved in slow motion. The light of the moon suddenly became bright, almost as bright as the sun and yet still so beautiful. The dust floating around the cabin suddenly became clear, like Elise suddenly had super powers and everything just became so clear, so bright.
The little girl looked at Bella first, assessing her carefully. The elder one looked at her sympathetically, looking guilty and sad, like a drenched puppy in a box.
Then Elise looked at where she was stabbed.
Blood was dripping fast, tainting her white dress in red. It was really a sight to see. Elise didn't really expect it.
Then, Bella twisted the knife, a knife made by a hunter, hurting Elise further. The burning feeling like fire spreading within her, like it was eating her fast. Red liquid slowly fell down of Elise's mouth as she tried not to cough up the flowers.
"W...why?" Elise whispered, suddenly kneeling down with a loud thud. She felt like she had lost the control of her feet, lost the ability to stand up and run.
To stay alive.
"Shhh... I know it hurts." Bella kneeled down in front of her with a little smile on her face. It was like she was comforting a small animal or something. "But, you were in pain. I had to end it there."
Elise's eyes burned with tears as she shook her head slowly. "Wanted... Wanted to live."
She wanted to at least say goodbye. She didn't want this. Why did she do this? Was she going to die?
Of all that happened, was this her time to go?
Elise's eyes burned more, blurring her vision. She was angry. She was raging! She couldn't believe it. She wasn't finished. She wanted to do something, anything! She never wanted to die, she wanted to live and see what will become of her.
She was even believing to actually be a real family with the Lazulis where they would finally say 'I love you'.
"You did but it was your time to go." Bella whispered.
Elise shook her head in denial, sobbing desperately.
She wanted a future. Wanted to live and die properly. She wanted Hugo to live. She wanted to see Cleo again.
She wanted a family where they would finally love her properly. She wanted to live for a long time, to bear the guilt and to grieve properly for Hugo or her parents.
She wanted to bury Hugo properly with flowers surrounding him and with the most beautiful scenery that he'll ever get to see in his coffin.
This wasn't happening to her.
She can't die here.
Elise gripped the knife embedded in her, huffing tiredly.
"Why me?" She sobbed, shaking her head in denial.
This can't be happening. She shouldn't die here. This shouldn't be happening to her. Where was Elise's happy ending? Where was all that happy ending?
"Because life is unfair, darling." Bella reached out to caress her cheek. "Life is unfair."
It was. Elise wanted so many things. She wanted to do so many things.
"You'll be happier without the pain." Bella said, looking like she was about to cry. "It's okay. It's okay to let go..."
"I wanted to tell them...to tell them that I love them...s-so, so much..."
"Shhh, sleep now. You'll wake up tomorrow and then you'll see them again with smile on their faces. Your life will continue on with nothing but joy and happiness coming in your way and you will get to live happily ever after."
Liar.
"Okay..."
I'm sorry.
"Okay..." Slowly, her eyes were getting droopy.
She wants to sleep. Wants to sleep so badly and wake up tomorrow and be happy.
Tomorrow, Elise will te her family that she loves them so much, that she's happy that she's finally in a family where they love her back.
Tomorrow.
There's no tomorrow.
Bella saw the way life was slowly disappearing in the other's eyes and she smiled gently.
"I didn't get to introduce myself fully to you, Elise." Bella then hugged her and leaned towards Elise's ear. "I'm Bella Winslow."
Suddenly, memories flashed back in Elise's mind like a tsunami.
Sœur.
(Sister.)
_________
Tadaaa! 🎉 Surpriseeee!
Were you surprised?
I hope you were :3
I'm so sorry for updating so late. I seriously couldn't come up with how to write this and I wanted it to be sad and sobbing sad and I have multiple drafts to prove it XDXD
But I truly am sorry. I do hope you would forgive me for making you wait.
Okay, so fact time first:
One: Elise did cause a war. A war for them was when balance was messed around with. In the olden days, they were not satisfied with hunters and golden eyed wielders living together with the rest and so war was created just because of that shit. The new generation doesn't have hunters anymore and golden eyed wielders are hiding somewhere
Two: Sœur means sister in french (don't attack me if it's wrong, I just google translate it) and that means that Elise's sister was Bella. How did Elise forget Bella? Remember, in my world, there are three kinds of diseases for unrequited love. Which means that Elise was suffering two kinds of diseases of unrequited love. The hanahaki disease and the forget-me-not disease.
Ask me anything you want! I want to clear up some confusion that you have! :))