"Hazel?" Damien unscrews my water bottle and presses it to my lips. I take in big mouthfuls of water as he rubs and pats my back gently.
How does Damien know Maven?! What am I talking about, Mavens a drug dealer and Damien's brothers an addict. I suppose that's why Damien was vigorously typing on his phone before; he was finding out who sold the drugs to his brother.
Hayden narrows his eyes at Hannah. "You know Maven, don't you?"
Hannah scratches her head. "Erm... I... he..."
"He, you, what?" He demands.
Dazedly, I pull the bottle out of Damien's grasp and place it on the table now that I'm not choking to death. Damien continues to rub my back and I don't stop him, my gaze all too fixated on Hannah. She best not tell them how I know Maven and how she knows him because of me — she has a tendency of blabbering when she's nervous and she most definitely is nervous right now.
"The video!" I blurt before I can stop myself. "Everyone knows him because of the video."
"The one where he got knocked out?" Hayden asks.
I lower my gaze, ashamed for bringing it up. I blame myself till this day for him getting beaten up. Hannah and Sarah repeatedly tell me it wasn't my fault, but I know it was.
"Yup that's how we know him," Hannah answers for me.
Damien looks at me curiously, as if he can't believe I just said that. Yeah neither can I.
"Didn't he go to Cresent May?" Damien questions.
I startle slightly and I know Damien felt it because his hands still on my back.
Hayden shakes his head, disgusted. "Yeah. That schools fucked."
Hannah asked me before she told Hayden about the teacher. I was a bit indecisive at first but agreed when she promised she'd tell him without mentioning me, said she wanted to stop as many kids from going there. Apparently, Hayden's fathers a big businessman in this country and his word means a lot.
I nervously fiddle with my fingers. "What... what are you guys going to do to him for giving your brother drugs?"
"Nothing that concerns you," Damien tells me.
I shove his hand off me. "You can't beat him up. Didn't you see what happened to him in that video?!" Once again I hate myself for bringing the video up.
"He needs to learn his lesson," Hayden deadpans. "This is the fifth time he's done this."
"What do you mean he needs to learn his lesson?" Hannah mimics Hayden's voice. "If you touch a hair on that guy's head I'll break your balls."
"I didn't say I was going to do anything. And you're not going anywhere near Damien's balls."
"Ew shut up."
"That's what I thought."
A threat tickles the tip of my tongue for Damien but then I think better of it. Hannah can threaten Hayden like that because she's his girlfriend. I'm not Damien's anything.
But I can't have him hurting Maven, especially since this time I can prevent him from getting hurt. Before I can stop myself, I'm turning my body toward Damien. "Please don't hurt him. You'll get arrested."
Damien narrows his eyes at me. "What's it to you if I get arrested?"
It'll hurt me more than you'll ever know. I don't say that though. "Damien please don't do this," I whisper, my eyes pleading.
Damien ignores me and looks at Hayden. "You know where he lives?"
Hayden nods his head yes.
I grab his hand. "Please, Damien. He has little siblings." He wouldn't hurt him in his own house would he? I can't believe he would do that. Scratch that I know he wouldn't.
'You didn't expect him to go to Olivia's either? Yet what did he do?' They're never going to let me forget what Damien did. I know it. They've found a new way to torment me as if they didn't have many before.
"You should stay out of this, Hazel," Hayden's tone is light.
Damien leans into my ear. "I'll let him go if you forgive me."
Is he being serious?! I move my face back and our lips brush but I'm too mad to care. "That has nothing to do with this."
His eyes flit to my lips, which are pursed with rage. "Tell me. Would you?"
"No."
A bitter smile curves his lips. "That's what I thought, he flatly states. "The way you can't forgive me for what I did, that way I can't let him go for giving my drug addict brother drugs."
"You—."
"Hazel come to the toilet with me," Hannah interrupts me.
I don't take my eyes off Damien's as I respond. "Not now, Hannah."
"No now, my dads ringing me and he doesn't know I'm not at home and If he finds out he'll never let me see you again and never let me go out..."
I know she won't stop so I give in. "Okay fine. Come on."
"Thank you."
Hannah doesn't wait for Hayden to get up and moves off his lap.
I, however, wait for Damien to get up. He does so without argument and I slide out of the booth. He best not think this is over and that he can get away with hurting Maven. I won't let him.
"You best not cheat on me with Hazel," Hayden taunts Hannah.
Laughing, Hannah shoves Hayden's shoulder. "Shut up."
I walk ahead of Hannah. The quicker she talks to her dad, the quicker I can convince Damien violence isn't the answer.
Hannah walks into the bathroom a second after me and opens her mouth to say something but I beat her to it. "Let's get this over and done with please."
She gives me a puzzled look. "Get what over an- oh my dad never rang me."
"What? Then why did you drag me in here?"
"Because Mavens not as innocent as you think." She lowers her head like she's ashamed.
"What are you talking about?" I've heard Maven uses girls but that doesn't mean he deserves to get beaten up. Unless he does so without their consent, then that's a whole other topic. Though I highly doubt he would after what he did for me.
Closing her eyes, Hannah takes in a deep breath, composing herself before opening them again. "Do you remember when I owed those bad guys money?"
"Yeah..." I don't understand what this has to do with Maven but I wait for her to go on.
"It was a gang I owed money as you know and I had many encounters with them threatening me as you also know but what you don't know is that one of the guys that threatened me was... Maven."
My mouth falls open. "What?" He's apart of that horrible gang? No, he can't be. I don't believe it. He can't have gone off the rails so much... He can't have hurt my best friend.
Hannahs at my side in two quick strides. "Sarah and I agreed not to tell you because we knew you'd blame yourself."
I shake my head. "He wouldn't... he's probably being blackmailed..." I trail off. I'm trying to justify his actions when I know full well I can't. Those guys brutally terrorised Hannah and her family and one of them was Maven.
Hannah tries wiping a stray tear away before I can see it but it's too late. "Some of the guys were blackmailed, I could see it in there eyes... but he... he enjoyed it hazel... he thrived off it."
I pull Hannah into a hug. I know she hates affection but I also know it gives her comfort when she's hurting. "I wish you'd told me."
She hugs me back without argument. God, how long has she been bottling this up for? "Believe me, I so badly wanted to... I needed to confide in you but I was scared you'd blame yourself."
"I get where you're coming from but it's my fault, Hannah, you can't tell me otherwise. He fought him because of me. Because he loved me. If I didn't tell him Arthur touched me without my permission he wouldn't have confronted him. Arthur was twice his size and he didn't think twice about it. What's worse is I didn't feel the same way about him." Or maybe I did but my fear of love overrode it. I guess I'll never truly know because I didn't even give him a chance.
"He wasn't like this before, he was kind and sweet and he always made me laugh. He was my best friend and I miss him so much. Miss the person he used to be. But I don't have the right to feel that way because I'm the reason he's like this today."
Hannah practically yanks herself out of the hug. However, the fury in her eyes is what causes me to flinch. Hannah can be extremely scary when she's angry. "Stop it! He chose this path hazel. He chose to do drugs and sell them. He knew the risks and the things he was required to do in gangs, he's not a fucking baby. He wanted this life. Sometimes you think you know someone but in reality, you don't. He could've embarked on another path, a better path, but he didn't. He chose this one because he wants to hurt others it's just the way it is Hazel and you need to come to terms with it and stop blaming yourself. It's been years. I'm beginning to think you purposely hurt yourself and not just physically."
Out of everything she's said, the last sentence hits home. But I'm not ready to admit it out loud. "I don't want him getting hurt again." It's the only thing I can think to say, albeit its true.
"Hazel you're being delusional if you think that's the worst he's been through. I bet you he's been hurt multiple times in this gang, worse than then. When I saw him he had a slight limp."
She's right. "I know but I can stop it this time. Last time I couldn't because that bitch lied to me, said she talked him out of it." If only I didn't believe her. She wanted him to get hurt so she could comfort him and make him fall in love with her and out of love with me. She managed to make him fall in love with her but when I told him what she did he broke up with her.
"He's left Hayden no other choice. Hayden warned him multiple times with words but he didn't listen. Everyone else in that gang avoids dariel like the plague but Maven insists on giving dariel drugs, he fucking gives him a discount." Hannah's eyes turn bloodshot. "Dariel can die Hazel."
"Why don't they get the police involved? Send in an anonymous tip about him or something. It'll give him a scare, hopefully enough to make him stop."
She begins pacing, an indication she's extremely frustrated. "It's not that simple. If they do that he can drag Dariel down with him. There's no other way around it." Suddenly, she stops pacing and looks at me with pity in her eyes. " I know you're clinging on to the idea you can prevent him from getting hurt this time. You think it'll give you peace of mind, think it'll dim the guilt that's been running through you for years but it won't, only you can do that and it starts with you not blaming yourself for his decisions."
She's right again. Damn her. "I'm supposed to be the therapist here." I laugh.
She rolls her eyes smiling. "What can I say, you've rubbed off on me."
"Look," she grabs my shoulders. "You can try to stop Damien or I could convince Hayden to threaten him some more but I love Dariel like a little brother and I'm sick and tired of mavens bullshit. Personally, I think Damien roughening him up a little will stop him."
I gape at her. "Damien doesn't roughen people up. I've seen him fight and he's merciless. Get Hayden to blackmail him some more."
"Talking about Damien, what happened between you whilst I was gone." She wiggles her eyebrows.
I frown. "Nothing." I'm not ready to talk about it yet, or ever for that matter. I just want to pretend it never happened. Pretend I never met Damien.
"Oh come on. Tell me."
"Why would you leave him with me?" I don't mean to look at her so accusingly. Also, so much for pretending I never met him. I didn't even last ten seconds.
"Because of the way he looks at you." She looks at me like I'm stupid for not figuring it out sooner.
My eyebrows bunch together. "What's that supposed to mean?" She chooses to be vague at the worst times.
"Meaning he looks at you like he wants to peel open his skin and tuck you in so no harm beseeches you."
I cringe at the metaphor but the leap of my heart in my chest is unmistakable. "That's the worst metaphor I've ever heard." Hannah says the strangest things sometimes.
"It's the best metaphor I've ever used thank you very much." She flicks her hair behind her shoulder proudly. "If I used that in an essay I'd get an A-star."
"You mean a nine. We use numbers now."
"Stupidest fucking thing the governments done considering they've done many."
"I agree."
Hannah shakes her head. "Stop changing the subject, tell me what happened."
I sigh. "Nothing happened like you're hoping. And if anyone should be asking questions it's me. Why did you say to Hayden I'm a heart breaker." I've never broken anyone's heart, not purposely at least — in the past, whenever guys liked me and asked me out, I kindly declined, telling them I just see them as a friend. I've never been mean or made fun out of anyone, it's not who I am.
She opens her mouth to argue. I hold a finger up, stopping her. "And don't say it's because he wanted to get me with his ugly friend. I know you well enough to know you purposely spilt Hayden's drink. Now begin spilling why you told him that."
Hannah groans. "It nothing really."
The weight of the question that's been pressing down on my heart from the moment Hayden said that, sputters out of me. "Did Damien say to his brother I broke his heart?" I expected the weight to ease but for some reason, it increases.
"The opposite. Hayden told me I should warn you against Damien because Damien would break your heart. As per, my anger got the best of me and I blurted that you've broken more hearts than Damien has."
I don't know why, but I start laughing hysterically. Hannah regards me like I've grown two heads. "I'll never give Damien the chance to break my heart." My laugh quickly morphs into a sob which soon turns into full-blown weeping. I cover my face as tears begin vigorously wracking through me.
I'll never let him break my heart? He already has and I've been kidding myself by thinking he hasn't. He's ripped my heart out of my chest without knowing it.
"Woah what just happened?" Hannah try's pulling my hands away from my face. "Hazel, why are you crying?"
The tiny fragment in me that always fights the voices, hoped he said, I think I love you, last night. Hoped that when Hayden said I broke hearts' it was because Damien told him I broke his because he loves me. Hoped that despite all the brokenness I am someone loved me. Hoped because I love him.
"Hazel! Look at me!" Once Hannah manages to pull my hands off my face, she gasps at my state.
I push away from her and my back collides against the counter. My legs give out on me and I sink to the ground, a heaping mess.
Hannah bends down and cups my cheeks, forcing me to meet her worried gaze. "Hazel, what just happened? Why are you crying?"
"I... I love Damien."