Set up your music player, find the song and listen to it while you read the story part of this novel. Set up your music player, find the song and listen while you read the part of the story of this novel.
1. Yook Sungjae – From Winter
2. Plastic – Gangnam Exit 4
3. THE BOYZ – Good Bye
4. MXM – Good Day
5. MONSTA X - Gravity
6. Im Hanbyul – Heejae
7. Chunji & Eunha – Hold Your Hand
8. BLACKPINK – Hope Not
9. SEVENTEEN - Hug
10. MONSTA X – I Do Love You
HWAN EUNYUL'S POV
"I'm sorry Dongsun."
I feel so sorry. I should have been able to take advantage of this summer break which was only two weeks by dating with Dongsun, but in fact, on the first day of holiday, I went back to campus instead. There is a lesson plan that I must finish as soon as possible because Kang Gyosunim is already waiting for that report. I forgot that the deadline was last Thursday and I feel bad if I have to ask for another extension.
"It's okay noona, after all the holidays are still quite long," I heard Dongsun's voice from my cellphone.
"Yes, I'll try to finish today so we can be together tomorrow."
I walked into the quiet campus area after greeting the security guards on duty. At far back, I heard a scream.
"What is that? What happened?"
"Oh, don't worry. It's only Donghyun and Chungdae who are in a game battle."
I laughed, "can they act like a college students?"
I pressed the number 7 on the elevator which would take me to the lecturer room.
"I'm sure they've stopped growing since they entered high school. Yes, physically they do look like college students, but in character, they are only junior high school students."
"It's sad, but I agree."
We laughed together.
"I've arrived, then I'll work first."
I entered the lecturer quiet room and turned on the light.
"Happy working, noona. I think I'll interfere them."
"Or you will act the same as them too if you play with them."
Dongsun laughed again and I was very happy to hear it, "rest assured, noona, I... might be the same as them."
"Enjoy your leisure time. I'll call you later."
"Fine, noona, see you!"
"Eunyul?"
I almost dropped my cellphone when I realized that the lecturer room was not empty. No wonder the door was not locked, but only the lights were not turned on. Hyunbin oppa are sitting in the corner of the room.
"Oh, Hyunbin-ssi?"
"I was surprised that you came too. Are you going to work overtime?"
"Yes, I have to make a report for Kang Gyosunim."
I sit at my table in the middle of the room. Ouch, this is so bad. Why do I have to be alone with him at a time like this? Luckily the places we sat quite far from each other. I put down my bag and set my table. This sitting position is also quite profitable for me because I turned my back to him.
"But I don't think Hyunbin-ssi was chased by reports like me, right?"
I heard him laugh.
"Nope. I'm just not used to relaxing. There's nothing I can do at home, so I just came here to work."
I turned to him, "wow, what a workaholic."
"I've never changed, have I?"
I didn't know what the question meant so I cleared my throat and started turning on my laptop. After being checked by Hyeil last time, my laptop became very healthy. I don't know what he did, but I didn't have to pay anything and suddenly it seemed like I had a new laptop. Again, I was absorbed in my work and I was shocked when Hyunbin oppa's voice penetrated my concentration.
"...Eunyul? Hwan Eunyul?"
"Oh, yes? Yes, what is up?"
I turned to him and his face looked surprised, "I've called you several times, you know."
"Oh sorry, what's wrong?"
"It's five o'clock. Do you want dinner? I'll order ramyeon."
"I'm not hungry."
Hyunbin oppa looked at me with a look of skepticism.
"You're still like that, huh?"
"What?"
"Forget to eat when you're busy?"
"I... well..."
"I ordered food. How about the drink? Tea? Juice?"
"Alright, apple juice."
"Is the ramyeon the spicy one?"
"Yes always."
Soon I was back busy working with my report and again I barely heard Hyunbin oppa had come out of the room and my cell phone vibrated violently. Apparently Dongsun called me.
"Noona, are you still on campus?"
"Ah yes Dongsun... I really want to finish it by today."
"Don't forget to have dinner. Want me to order you something?"
"I'm going to eat ramyeon."
"Okay. Noona want me to pick you up?"
"It's okay, Dongsun, I can go home alone. You better save your energy to take care of your two brothers."
"Yes, but when you going home, let me know noona."
"I promise."
"Our Ramyeon is coming."
Hyunbin oppa came back with a big bag and he sat at the empty table to arrange the food. I couldn't help but sit next to him now, and I didn't want to take the risk of having ramyeon marks on my laptop and desk. I sat across from him. The smell of ramyeon finally piqued my taste buds. I feel hungry.
"Happy eating. Thank you for the treat."
"How about next time you will treat me?"
"Hmm... alright. Maybe with a menu from our cafeteria."
"I'll order a lot."
We laughed for a moment before getting busy with our dinner again.
"You haven't changed much, Hwan Eunyul. For example, you still like spicy food."
"It's my habit that can't change, it seems like that."
"And you're still beautiful. No, you are getting prettier."
I looked him straight in the eye. What did he want to say after this? Why does he keep asking me to reminisce?
"Actually I miss you. I don't know how to find you because you've changed all your contacts," said Hyunbin oppa slowly, "don't you think we're destined to be, because we meet again?"
"No," I said while looking at my red ramyeon with lots of chilies, "I think this is all coincidence."
"You... still can't forgive me?"
I tried to suppress the anger that had suddenly surged in my mind and made my stomach feel uncomfortable. I ate the ramyeon a bite but my mind was sucked in by the dimension of time, going back to a few years ago when I flew to England to confirm the situation with my own eyes.
I don't know how I actually followed Gari's advice to be here, in London, right now. Honestly, I rarely travel abroad, the numbers can be counted by the fingers, but suddenly there is a stamp of this great country on my passport. All my departure costs are borne by Han Gari, my rich friend. She even let me stay in her apartment during my plans to be here for the next 10 days. As planned, I didn't tell my boyfriend Hyunbin that I was in London. On my second day in London, Gari took me to her campus and I was envious, the campus looks really cool and old-fashioned at the same time. Gari holds my arm tight as if afraid that I will just disappear.
"I don't know where Hyunbin-ssi is now, but I'm mustering some of my acquaintances in case they see him now. The campus is too wide for us to explore together."
"But is it possible for Hyunbin oppa to be with that girl now? What if he doesn't? What if it's all wrong?"
"Well, I think you can just ask him directly while showing the photo," suggested Gari, still looking around, occasionally glancing at the cellphone she was holding with her free hand.
"Isn't that means I'm accusing him?"
"Hwan Eunyul, I thought you were smart. You want to be lied to by him, do you?"
With hands on her hips in front of me, Gari looks very restless. Just as I was about to reply her, her cell phone rang and with one hand stretched out in front of my face, the other picked up on the call.
"Hello Ian. Yes, that's right. In front of the library? Oh really? Okay we'll go there. Thanks for the information."
Gari then took my arm again.
"Let's go to the library, Ian said he saw Hyunbin-ssi there," she said, half dragging me.
Honestly, I sometimes can't sleep well after I saw the photo Gari sent me. I don't want to believe what I saw before I saw it myself. Hyunbin oppa is a loving person. We've known since I entered high school and we met at a reunion held at school. At that time, Hyunbin oppa had just graduated two years from high school. Since then he has contacted me frequently, often came to school, he even tutored me for free. Finally our relationship improved in my last year of high school. But unfortunately after a year and a half our relationship was running steadily, he graduated from college and took the graduate program by receiving a scholarship. But we still keep in good touch even though sometimes we can't meet face to face with video chat often. I trust him, he can't possibly betray me.
"That's him, right?"
But I have to correct what I just thought. A girl with blonde hair spoiled into his arms as the two of them walked out of a building. Hyunbin oppa smiled very broadly and occasionally stroked the girl's hair and they spoke quickly in English. But when they stepped closer to Gari and me, they suddenly stopped. Am I making time stop moving? Currently in my world there is only me, Hyunbin oppa and that girl. His eyes looked straight at my figure. I don't know what kind of expression to put on right now.
다 말뿐인 세상에 넌 나에게
In a world that's only words
진실된 하나 단 하나의 답
You're the one and only honest answer to me
날 살게 했던 Woo yeah
Woo yeah that let me live
그랬었던 네가 없는
In a time, without you
시간 속에 나는 이제
Who used to be like that
메말라 가 널 만나기 전처럼
I'm parched, like what I used to be before I met you
Baby 여전히 난 아직도
Baby forever, I'm still
반짝이던 둘만의
Stood still
그날 속에 멈춰있어
In that twinkling day that is only yours
길 잃은 아이처럼
Like a lost child
난 말 없이 너를 그려
Silently, I miss you
여전히 널 닮은 겨울 속에서
Forever in this winter that looks like you
Woo ooh
외롭던 나의 세상 속에
In my lonely world
넌 기적처럼 날 비춰줬어
You shine on me like a miracle
어둡던 내 맘을
My dark heart
그런 널 사랑하는 건 당연한 거야
Of course, it's natural for me to love you
어쩌면 또다시 돌아온 이 겨울에도
Maybe even in this winter that's coming back
Baby 여전히 난 아직도
Baby forever, I'm still
반짝이던 둘만의
Stood still
그날 속에 멈춰있어
In that twinkling day that is only yours
길 잃은 아이처럼
Like a lost child
난 한없이 너를 그려
I miss you endlessly
여전히 너라는 겨울 속에서
Forever, in this winter called "you"
Woo ooh
(Yook Sungjae – From Winter)
"Hyunbin, is there any problem?"
"Eunyul..."
I don't even know what words to choose right now. I don't have to ask. I already know my heart is betrayed. No normal man in a relationship freely indulges another girl. Finally I just smiled.
"Oh oppa. Congratulations, you've found a replacement for me when I can't always be by your side."
And I turned my body and then ran away. I heard Gari shouting and chasing me. But I hope Hyunbin oppa is chasing after me, but he didn't do that. What he did after that was try to call me and send me a chat. He didn't even try to meet me. I don't have to read everything because I know it must be just an apology that will not change the fact that he is double-blinded me. I also know that he didn't want to see me, it's obvious he chose that girl over me. It's okay, I'll be fine, as time goes by.
"Oppa want you to forgive oppa?" I asked breaking the silence.
"Yes, I actually... I really made a mistake. I admit I was wrong. But I guess over time that..."
I looked up and stared at him, my voice trembling holding back anger, "with time then I will forget the hurt? Fine, I might be able to forgive oppa, but I won't be able to forget the feeling of being betrayed."
"I want to apologize to you once again, Eunyul. I'm really sorry. I've chosen someone else and wasted you who being so nice to me."
"I told you, I have forgiven you, but I can't forget that hurt, oppa."
"Let me help you forget the pain."
I really can't believe I'm in a situation like this. So that meant getting close to me all this time. At first he used work as an excuse, then now his real plans are revealed?
"It's not oppa's responsibility anymore for that," I concluded while continuing my meal.
My appetite is a bit lost, but I have to eat, because I know Dongsun will worry about me if I don't eat.
"He's your boyfriend, right? Min Dongsun," said Hyunbin oppa slowly, "he's one of my students too. You're dating a man who is so young?"
"Oppa, it's not oppa's business that I'm dating what kind of man now. To be sure, Dongsun is very good with me and we enjoy our time together."
"Fine, I know that. But that doesn't mean I'll just give up."
I swallowed the ramyeon broth rather hurriedly and my throat hurt.
"And don't get me wrong because I've called you oppa again, our relationship is closer than colleagues."
I quickly finished my food and tidied up what I could before thanking him and getting back to work at my laptop. It's past 7 o'clock this time and we didn't talk about anything after that. Actually I don't like the atmosphere to be awkward right now, but I still feel very hot remembering all the memories and the words he said earlier. He thinks it's that easy for him to just want to come back to my life after dumping me like that? Moreover, I now have Dongsun. It's crazy that I want to leave Dongsun to come back to him who, I don't know, what his character is like now. My stomach feels uncomfortable again. Maybe I was too hungry and ate late. I better just go home, after all I just finished my work. Actually I wanted to stop by Dongsun's place, but with my situation like this... I have to postpone it until tomorrow.
"Oh, Eunyul, are you done?" asked Hyunbin oppa breaking the silence.
I'm busy clearing my desk right now.
"Yes, so I'm going home. See you again."
"What are you saying? I'll take you home."
"I don't want to bother you, oppa. I can catch the bus and I'll be home fast. I live not far from here."
"Does your stomach hurt?"
Shit, how did he know? Even though I tried not to hold my stomach. Is it because my voice sounds weak? Hyunbin oppa came over to me and supported me.
"Let's go to the hospital," he asked, "if you're really okay after that, you can choose me to take you home or not."
"I'm not that sick to go to the hospital now, oppa."
We came out of the room and Hyunbin oppa still carried me. This incident reminded me of Christmas Eve. Will Dongsun appear again like that time? Should I call him? But I'm afraid I will end up worrying him and ruining his holiday. My stomach does hurt but it doesn't usually hurt this much. I even obeyed when Hyunbin oppa carried me into his car.
"Do you often have stomach aches like this?"
"Yes... not very often. I think maybe my ulcer has a problem."
"I've already advised you to eat on time."
I don't have the energy to argue with him. I do have a bad habit of forgetting to eat when I'm focused on doing something, and my stomach has started hurting since I broke up with him nearly twelve years ago. But this pain has become more frequent since I was busy working and after I consulted the doctor, I did experience stomach ulcers which were quite annoying. I should have taken medicine, but I left it at home. I often forget to bring it. Besides, I don't think I need the medicine, it's been a month since my stomach has been fine.
"Do you want me to take you home?" asked Hyunbin oppa bringing my thoughts back to reality.
I am currently sitting in the hospital bed after a lengthy examination process. I was pensive looking at my cellphone which now shows almost 9 pm. I sent a message to Dongsun when Hyunbin oppa drove me to the hospital, just asking him how he was, but he didn't reply. It felt so strange that Dongsun didn't reply to messages for nearly two hours, because after all I had told him to get rid of his bad habit of just leaving his cell phone somewhere and ignoring it. Did something happen to him? Ah, but what could happen to him? There can't be anything bad right? But why do I feel so bad? I took the medicine given by Hyunbin oppa and felt less pain in my stomach.
"I think I want to stop by somewhere, oppa."
"But it's late and you're sick."
"But I have to go there."
"Fine, I'll take you there, then. I'll leave you there."
I'm lazy to argue again and I let Hyunbin oppa take me to the front of Dongsun's apartment. During the trip, I tried to call Dongsun but I have made five calls, none of it he answered. Finally I sent a message to Donghyun.
Donghyun, sorry I bothered you this late
Is Dongsun there?
I called him but he didn't answer
Oh it's okay noona, I'm helping out on Million Stars
Is it true? I saw him come back home just now when I was going out
Wait, let me call too
Donghyun's reply to my messages appeared less than five minutes later.
Maybe hyong overslept, noona?
I also can't ask eomma and daddy
They went out of town three days ago and will came back the day after tomorrow
There are relatives who got married outside the city
Ah alright Donghyun
I think I'll go to your apartment to check things out
Seng my greetings to Choeun
Alright, noona
"Thank you for the treat and help today, oppa," I said after getting out of Hyunbin oppa's car.
"Don't forget to take the medicine regularly and don't worry me."
I ignored the "don't worry me" part and waved at him. Why is he worried about me? I'm even more worried about Dongsun now. I went up to his apartment and rang the doorbell on his apartment door, but after four rings of bells there was no sign the door would be opened. Did something really happen to Dongsun? It didn't think he would sleep like this. After all, he wasn't Donghyun who slept more like a dead person... or Chungdae, which according to Choeun, was almost impossible to wake him up. Finally I pressed the password for the apartment. Since I often stopped by their apartment, finally Hyereum-ssi decided to share their apartment password with me, according to her to make my visit here easier. The headlights turn on when I walked into their apartment, but their living room was lit by only a dim light. I changed my shoes to house slippers and walked slowly.
"Dongsun? Dongsun-ah?"
I knocked on the door to the Min brothers' room, but there was no sound. Finally I opened the door and the room was pitch black. I turned on the room light, then saw Dongsun's cellphone lying just like that on the bed. Why did he leave his cell phone? Where is he going? To confirm the situation, I checked the guest room, but it was empty too. I don't think I need to check his parents' room, it would seem rude, especially when I know his parents aren't home. I don't know how to contact him now, I can only wait for him. I decided to lie down on the soft sofa in the living room and watch TV. Dongsun... where are you? I'm worried about you. And my stomach started to feel uncomfortable again.
***