WEEK TEN
Prompt: "If I die tonight, donate all my organs to those in need—except for my middle finger. Give that to the King."
Warnings: the usual nonsense >.>
<><><>
"But what if the king doesn't want it?" asked Jeffery the finger puppet.
Sarah let out a long sigh, adjusting the sword at her belt. Jeffery was always bringing up hypotheticals to vex her. "He wouldn't dare refuse mine; he knows what it means."
Jeffrey raised his eyebrows and let out an unconvinced, "hmm."
It was fortunate that Jeffery was, in fact, the middle finger.
"But of course, it's best if I don't die tonight." Sarah let out a long, suffering sigh and peered out of the dirty window. There were lines smeared across the glass from her various games of tic-tac-toe with Jeffery. All while waiting, waiting for the backyard dogs to show up in the warehouse.
"Woof, woof!"
"Shut up, dog!" a non-lover-of-dogs human roared. The dogs growled in response, before turning into sexy werewolf bad boys.
"Oh, oh my..." the human whispered, as she flipped her hair and batted her eyelashes.
Sarah watched as the human charged across a field and jumped onto one sexy werewolf bad boy. She sighed. Now she'd have to slay them all, before their sexiness became too obnoxious to handle. It was a good thing she had an uncontrollable evil hand that would take them all out.
"Feel my wrath!" Sarah bellowed, charging forward.
"This is a horrible plan!" Jeffrey shrieked as she smashed through the window.
"This is a terrific plan, what are you saying?" Sarah shouted back, and Jeffrey's eyes widened as he was slapped against the glass of the window and the glass smashed.
Jeffrey landed in some mud outside and looked up to see a dragon standing before him. "....Ma-mama Cross?"
But low and behold, it was not Mama Cross, but rather, the lame dragon in the corner no one remembers.
"Who are you?" Jeffrey asked, in awe of the lame dragon.
"I am you," the lame dragon replied.
"Psh. I want whatever that lame dragon is having," one of the sexy werewolves said to a bartender nearby.
"I do not have anything alcoholic," the lame dragon whispered. "I just drink the blood of young humans. Keeps the flame burstin'. But I am full today."
The authors blinked, not knowing what to do next. One of the werewolves—the least sexy and therefore the most awesome one—thankfully came to the rescue, throwing a large lettuce at the dragon. The dragon perked up and swallowed the lettuce whole, mummering something along the lines of, "This smells like something edible."
There was a bomb inside the lettuce though, and the lame dragon exploded because, well, he's lame. Lame dragons always die in the story...
Sarah allowed a moment of silence for the dragon, she and Jeffery bowing in unison, before forgetting all about his existence and continuing with their day. One of the sexy werewolves got off their chair, following them.
Sarah stuck Jeffery up at the werewolf. Jeffery glared at the werewolf.
"Don't be like that, Onii-chan. I was just doing what Mummy told me," the werewolf said to Jeffrey, lifting his hands and backing a step.
Jeffrey grabbed his laser gun and shot the werewolf in the heart turning him into an adorable wolf pup.
"Onii-chan! Nani da hell?" the adorable weeb wolf pup said.
"Aww, cute!" Sarah exclaimed, bending down to pet him.
"Oi, me is not cute!" said the adorable wolf pup, trying to sound intimidating.
"You is vewi cute!" Sarah gushed, pinching his cheeks and ruffling his fur.
"Enough! No brother of mine is kawaii!" Jeffrey screamed before dashing away, wiping tears and snot from his face. Unfortunately, Jeffrey then remembered he was a finger puppet and might struggle to survive in the wider world all alone. He lept back and reattached himself to Sarah's hand, nodding.
The wolf pup gave Sarah a giant lick on the face. "Uhh, needs more salt and pepper," the wolf said, eyes closed and contemplative. But her bones should be nice and crunchy.
Jeffrey didn't like having Sarah's attention focused on one thing, so he released the powers of his laser gun and made all the werewolves turn into wolf pups. Instantly, fifty cute little wolf pups pounced on Sarah to lick her.
Then Pup the Author arrived and took all the wolf pups with her. "You are all my children now," she said as she placed all wolf pups in her huge flying carriage. She pointed to Sarah and continued, "Adopt, don't shop."
As if possessed, Sarah immediately began browsing local dog adoption listings on her phone and fell in love with a French bulldog named Pumpkin with a deformed jaw.
Pumpkin became a musical prodigy, and tickets for their world tour sold out within four minutes. Pumpkin was some pig alright. Which was why he was stabbed one night in a back alley by a jealous Doberman cellist. But Pumpkin was no ordinary dog, and turned super saiyan after his near death experience. Unfortunately, because Pumpkin was a dog and dog time is different from human time, the experience was short-lived.
Many years on, Sarah was at Pumpkin's funeral, Jeffery sobbing uncontrollably into an orange handkerchief. He blew his nose, letting out a loud, wet spray of nearly-clear snot, which turned out to be magical unicorn dust.
All it did was make him cry more.
Then Pumpkin burst from the ground in flaming glory as a newly created phoenix. He immediately realized that it would be much harder to play the piano with wings and a beak, so he became a kpop artist instead.
But he was instantly bullied for his appearance. So Pumpkin quickly went to learn the hammered dulcimer from the wizard, Terence, who lives high up on the tallest mountain.
During one of his practices, the King suddenly arrived and bellowed, "Where is my middle finger? Give him to me this instant or face death by tickling."
And so Pumpkin went in search of the King's middle finger. It was a treacherous journey involving fluffy kittens and tonnes of ice-cream. Annoyingly, Jeffery, the middle finger in question, had long since gone into hiding and could not be tempted into the open, not even by such adorable and delicious gifts.
Frustrated, Pumpkin decided to find a different middle finger instead, since the King shouldn't be able to tell the difference. Unfortunately, it seemed the King could read his mind.
"I'll be able to tell if you give me a different middle finger! My Jeffrey is special!" the King shouted at the leaving Pumpkin. "Tickle monsters! Come out!"
Fluffy red Elmo's crept out from the shadows, hands clawing out as they cornered Pumpkin.
Jeffrey, who now wore an expensive gold ring, snickered from behind the bushes as he watched the horrendous torturing-by-tickles.
Desperate laughter filled the air. It was the King, cackling madly as he searched for Jeffrey. The large, stone dungeon seemed to be caving in with each beat of Jeffrey's heart as he ran wildly through the passageways, because I guess he was magically teleported into a dungeon. Idk, roll with it~
The King laughed so loudly that the earth shook and the stone dungeon finally caved and collapsed. Soon after, small drops fell from the sky, burning everything they touched. Then from the ashes left behind rose living, breathing fingers, with finger puppets adorned of cheaply torn fabrics.
A finger puppet with an uncanny resemblance to Kermit the Frog latched onto the King's ankle and said, "Everyone, attack!"
And then the cheewas charged.
Before they knew it, a nuke fell from the sky. The President of a neighboring country had fallen asleep on top of the button that automatically sends a nuke to their kingdom.
The King, who had no idea what a nuke was (he wasn't very smart), blamed the dragons for the destruction of his kingdom.
The dragons were flabbergasted, and scoffed, "Please, it's that best friend of yours, Mr. President of Neighbouring Country, that did this!"
"Neighbouring country this, neighbouring country that, it's high time we got a name," the president wailed at the council of Countries With A Name.
One slightly bright chap banged his fist against the table and remarked, "What do you think about the name That Country Beside Us?"
"Nah, that name was already taken by That Country Beside Us. Our country got, like, four sides," the King responded.
Suddenly, a bright green sheep fell with a thunk onto their triangular table.
"I have come to deliver this message from Neighbouring Country; meeeeehhhh--?!" the bright green sheep bleated, and skittered around on unsteady legs. It crashed into the president of The Country We Don't Disturb, waking him up from his 200 year slumber.
"How dare you? The sheep I was counting were yellow, not green!" he bellowed.
Then a huge meteor crashed near the president's house and killed everyone except the adorable animals.
"This is your fault for being the wrong colour!" the president yelled at the sheep as he was crushed to death. Flying objects filled with green sheep suddenly started to follow the president around.
But the president was already dead like everyone other than the cute animals so the flying objects were just following dust.
But these sheep were blind so they didn't know that the president was no more.
Then the ghost of the dead President possessed one of the chasing green sheeps. "BHAHAHA, I am back!" he declared, or so he thought.
The president took a sip of water and choked, dying again.
"Whoever takes a freaking sip of water and chokes deserves to die--I mean, Baaaaaaa," said one of the green sheep.
"Baaaaaaaaaa bbaababababa baa baba bab ba baaa," the other sheep babbled. "Baa Baa Green sheep, have you any wool?" they then howled in unison.
"Na man, we're radioactive, no wool on us," one random one muttered.
The wolf pup called the rest of his pack, and they started eating all the sheep. One of the wolves died choking on the president sheep, who died choking on some water, which died choking the president who choked the wolf.
One of his fellow wolf pups immediately gave the pup a magical medicine that brought him back to life. Unfortunately, the wolf then choked again as some of the medicine got stuck down his throat. Luckily, his fellow wolf pups were smart enough to pat him on the back and save his life again: the strong bond between them made a divine power that made all wolf pups immortals who can never be killed.
Until the fluffy red Elmo's rose from the ashes of the middle finger Jeffrey's kingdom, who had the power to kill all immortal beings with their notorious tickling powers. Unfortunately for Elmo, dying in the kingdom made him lose his powers, so he sat helpless while the wolf pups tore him apart.
"Mwahaha!" cackled the wolf goddess from the clouds, satisfied that wolf supremacy had finally been achieved.
Jacob Black rose from the ashes at the call of the wolves.
"Not today, weirdo," said the wolf goddess as she sent Jacob back to Twilight hell where he or any other character from that awful place will never appear again.
(Editor Dreams - Ouch, poor Twilight. Though to be honest, it took me a minute to figure out who Jacob Black was~)
"Hey, did you writers forget about me?" Jeffery the middle finger yelled at the sky.
The wolf goddess hurriedly put Jeffery in a wolf finger puppet costume so that the wolves wouldn't eat him. Jeffery barked, but the wolves found the sound to be strange.
But as Jeffrey died earlier, it was actually his ghost flying around the place so the wolf costume just passed through him. The writers had forgotten Jeffery died in the attack and thus whacked themselves on the head with a brick.
(Editor Dreams shook her head, knowing that at this point in these stories there was no use trying to fix plot holes.)
Thankfully, the bricks were made of rubber and they did not behead themselves. The writers' friend knew they would do this again, so they switched it out as a safety precaution earlier.
Plus when the lightning rain began, the rubber bricks protected them.
"Get back to the story, we're bored over here," The wolves howled. "No one cares about you writers."
But again the writers forgot that the wolves are still small puppies so they are too young for normal words and can only say adorable weeb things. (hats off to this one person actually trying to keep things reasonable)
"UwU" said the wolves.
"UwU" said the writers in response.
The wolves were so cute the writers combusted into a pile of flowers and confetti.
"UwU" says the readers.
(Editor Dreams cackled at the readers for their early celebration. Little did they know that this chaos was only halfway done.)
((And then she cried, because that meant she was only halfway done editing))
The flowers and confetti were thrown in the garbage truck by the garbage man.
"How is this story still being written if the Dreamland writers are all dead?" the readers gasp in amazement.
A sneaky immortal writer hide behind a tree and continued writing ridiculous things. His wife smacked him upside the head and said, "Stop writing this ridiculous thingy and leave the readers and wolves alone."
"Never," he smirked.
Indeed, it was great that he continued the story; the story was so well-received on Wattpad it received the Wattys 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024 and 2025.
Wattpad refused to turn it into a movie, though, so the entire population on Earth—all 8 billion people—went on a protest, marching down the streets and demanded this story get the recognition it deserves, especially when that ghastly book called After existed.
But alas, the world refused, so a bunch of fans made a terrible b-movie rendition. The directors used the money instead to adapt all the werewolf stories of wattpad. Hestia is Bestia and The Shady Cousins' Fashionable Cousin lead the new revolution. And everyone was dosed with a hose because the directors loved their bad boy werewolf (naughty books) too much. The media was so filled with werewolf content that one day, the entire human population became werewolves for some reason.
Breaking News: it was because they were bedazzled by Sharms, who was the leading lady of all the movies.
The moon rose and everyone turned into vampires, who wanted to eat honey orchids for dessert. The majestic and amazing Sharms was unfortunately being mind controlled by the weeb wolves in the book world as punishment by the Dreamland writers for leaving them bored, but Sharms fashionable cousin Hestia had a plan to free her from the wolves control. The vampires and Sharms were saved by Jeffery the middle finger, who the fanfic writers resurrected once again. Jeffery then used the opportunity to become the next world ruler, demanding that the middle finger be offensive world-wide. Sharms and her fashionable cousin Hestia changed their identities and disappeared, never to reappear in this story ever again. But little did everyone know, Sharms and Hestia were killed by a hungry lion in the woods after trying to disappear quietly.
Dania, the lover of voices, tried to save them, but she got eaten as well.
Ha, jokes on them, Dania isn't a part of this universe so she is safely in her house eating cheesecake and laughing at the idiotic way they were trying to take revenge on her smart plot choices.
Little did she know, the moment she was brought into the story she could never leave, so the lions followed her to her house with Hestia and Sharm's ghosts riding them to bring her the adorable wolf puppies to play with.
Dania sat eating her second slice of the amazing blueberry cheesecake, laughing at the horrible attempts to make her a part of a fictional plot.
Glancing down from her tea party, the wolf goddess was appalled to see felines had entered the story, and instantly zapped them with a laser gun, therefore saving all the poor characters.
The adorable wolf puppies began to cry as The Lover of Voices Dania chose to stay in her make belief world and ignore them, unbeknownst to all the felines being zapped and to the sobs of the adorable wolf puppies.
Again, these hopeless attempts at making Dania a part of this fictional plot made her laugh as she drank some milk and watched cheesy Kdrama. She was watching Extraordinary You, and all of a sudden she found her world turning into a comic book as the characters jumped out of the screen.
Again, jokes on this weirdo trying to bring her to a fictional world, she was actually watching Record of Youth, so that silly attempt only led to failure.
Sharms manifested a white flag out of thin air and waved it solemnly. She had lost; there was no outsmarting this wolf.
Meanwhile, in his newly-built Pink House—an alternative to the White House—Jeffery watched it all play out on his Live TV Water. He was so angry he told Zeus to send thousands of lightning bolts down upon their heads. But, as this is not a PJO fanfic or a mythology storie, Zeus was actually Jeffrey's harmless adorable wolf pup, whose lightning was just snuggles and hugs and pets on the head for everyone. Jeffery was great like that.
Jeffery sighed as he was getting bored and thus flicked open a box with a shiny red button which destroys everything, every person , planet and universe ever created and so pushed it.
(((Editor Dreams voice could be faintly heard: "please...")))
Luckily for everyone the buttons were fake: no one was dumb enough to give Jeffrey a real box of buttons because he was insane. Jeffery grew mad that he couldn't blow up time and space so he flipped all the tables in the world all at once, and then again one by one when his frustration still wasn't satisfied, going into every house, school, garbage truck, planet, sun, moon and universe to flip all the tables he could find.
Luckily for the poor tables, Jeffrey was brought back to his middle finger form and so he was unable to lift any of the tables and instead broke his middle joint.Thus, Jeffery drank Mermaid man and Barnacle boy juice to make him gigantic so he could undergo his plan to flip tables. But the juice was expired so instead of turning gigantic, he turned so tiny that dust was bigger than him so he got blown away somewhere and was never heard of again.
The world continued on like normal, as it's not like anyone noticed the middle finger Jeffery anyway as they had their own middle fingers to worry about who caused way more chaos than Jeffery ever could.
Sarah then came out of hiding with a horde of adorable wolf pups, having become the alpha during Jeffery's reign of terror. "My plan was successful after all!" she announced. She then turned to dust and was carried away by the wind when the fanfiction writers fought over whether to keep her dead or not. Dust Sarah covered all the wolf pup's fur therefore living in a way in all of them.
It was the best way to live.
It was also what kept the entire Dreamland Fandom at bay from going into a Fandom war over this hated and loved character and from destroying the world with their keyboards. But close to these authors stood a dignified Momma Dragon who kept a close eye on them with her baby dragons and make sure they wouldn't ruin everything.
(Editor Dreams: I don't think Cross actually hangs out in contribution. That's probably wise of her. My brain hurts~)
She was a fierce and firm dragon, yet a fair one who had an air of gravity that drew you in immediately before she could even enter the room. (Somebody wants to get on Cross' good side... I kid, I kid XDD)
<><><>
Then all faded to black, before Sarah the kangaroo awoke to find herself in a chair with a gaming set on her head. Her elf assistant, Chime, helped her pick the best games to play. He stood over a chair to reach her, since he was so short he barely reached her knees.
Fan wars rioted on Twitter about the revival of Sarah and her assistant Chime, who called everyone Gremlins—which was the thing that really set them off. Though jokes on him, he is the real gremlin now living between all the gorgeous tall Chaos inhabitants.
The game beeped. And everyone bowed their heads low in silence, for it was a single, dead tone.
The blue dragon queen graced the land of the gamers. She handed out shiny silver doubloons full of applesauce. The great blue dragon queen then breathed her golden fire into the air with a majestic roar as all the characters, Jeffery the middle finger, the Elmo's, Pumpkin, Elf Gremlin Chime, Sarah the Kangaroo, The Adorable Wolf pups, The Dreamland Writers and all the other side and minor characters came together for one final appearance to fight over who got the biggest doubloon of applesauce as this story came to its chaotic end.
But, it wasn't the end, for version 2.0 was set to be released in a manner of hours, with new characters, challenges, and of course, chaos. Readers sat flabbergasted, and then flocked to social media to slam their hands against their keyboards in ecstatic anticipation for the next installment, which was sure to be as good as the last. Who knows... ;)
Once upon a time, there was a king, who identified as a middle finger, his name, Jeffery.
"If I die tonight, donate all my organs to those in need, except for my middle finger—give that to the king," said Jeffery and so the cycle began all over again.
"But, but, you ARE the King. What philosophical (doodie dingle dung) is this?" Sarah, the King's trusted advisor and sometimes hairdresser, said as she rolled her eyes.
That's when another meteoroid crashed near them and destroyed and killed everyone and everything in all universes, even the cute animals. (*gasp*)
The King's wittle mind was blown away by Sarah's words rendering him senseless, which ultimately led to the crumbling of his kingdom and henceforth the entire world.
THE END
THE END INTENSIFIES
BUGS BUNNY, MUNCHING ON CARROT: THAT'S ALL FOLKS