A/N: Hello everyone I am finally back with an update to this story and let me just start out with a major major apology for not updating this story in a long time.
This story is really hard for me to write not physically but emotionally and it takes me a long time to recover from it and be able to write another chapter.
Some of you know I suffer with mental health issues my self and that's why I have such a hard time with this story, it's just really emotional for me.
But I will try and do better when it comes to updating and thank you all so so much for all of your patience and kindness and understanding and support💜 it really does mean the world.
Alright guys I've kept you waiting long enough so I'm going to stop talking and let you read now.....
Simon's POV
"He's doing really well all things considered, we have a psychologist on his way up now to give him an evaluation and then we can decide the best course of action in regard to his care."
I nodded at the doctor as he spoke, it was the morning after Ant's suicide attempt and we had helped Dec bring him into hospital and then gone upstairs to check on Stephen.
I had been shocked to see just how fragile he still looked and then my shock had turned to into fury when I noticed they had tied his hands to the bed, he was so weak that I didn't understand why that was necessary and I had demanded they be removed.
The doctor had been reluctant but since David and I would be in the room with him he had done as I asked and removed the restraints, Stephen had smiled in his sleep after the removal but still hadn't woken up yet and while we were waiting the doctor had decided to brief us on his condition.
"I must warn you Mr. Cowell his heart stopped twice...he's going to be very weak for a while and if it stops again I'm sorry to say that I don't think he will make it. If the psychologist decides to send him home someone would need to watch him and care for him until he gets his strength back; you need to decide if that's something you would be willing to do."
I bit my lip as the doctor finished speaking, Stephen would need someone to care for him; I had expected as much and seeing as he lived alone I knew the task would fall to us.
I sighed as I began to worry and questions spun around in my mind.
Would he want to come home with us? He had attempted to kill himself rather than simply talk to us so what made me think he would be willing to let us take care of him?
What about Ant? Ant had to be watched 24/7 how could we possibly manage to keep an eye on both of them especially after last night when Ant had managed to hurt himself again; if we could barely watch him how on earth were we supposed to watch Stephen as well?
I shook my head before I spoke again, "What if we don't take him back with us, what will happen to him then?"
The doctor smiled sadly, "They will most likely send him to a long-term care facility for people with mental disorders. Mr. Cowell I know it's not my business to tell you how to handle this but can I offer you a bit of advice?"
I nodded at the doctor and he smiled once more before he spoke, "I've dealt with a lot of suicide patients and in my experience the ones who end up in the care facilities take longer to recover than those who have someone to care for them. I know you might be reluctant to take on the task but I think his best chance of recovery would be somewhere with friends who care about him instead of a care facility with strangers."
I sighed again and felt David rest his hand on my shoulder as he spoke, "Why don't we think about it and then when he wakes up we can ask him?"
I nodded and was about to say something else when I heard a sound come from behind me and as I turned to see what the noise was, my heart missed a beat as I saw Stephen watching us; he was finally awake.
I breathed a sigh of relief and went to speak but I stopped as I saw his eyes widen when David turned around and he finally seemed to realize who we were.
I thought at first he was just shocked to see us but then I saw tears in his eyes and he moved to cover his face as he began to tremble and I was shocked to see tears running down his face from behind his hands.
My heart broke as I was reminded of Ant and the way he had been afraid of me and I walked over to the bed slowly and carefully until I reached Stephen's side and I placed a hand on his shoulder gently running my hand over his upper arm as I spoke.
"Don't cry Stephen it's alright, everything's alright no one is mad at you I promise."
He shook his head and I saw a few more tears fall down his face which only succeeded in breaking my heart further as the doctor spoke again, "I'll give you some time alone with him, the psychologist should be up soon."
I heard David thank him and I nodded before I turned my attention back to Stephen who had started to tremble even more now, was I really so mean to him and Ant that they feared my very presence?
I moved my hand away from his shoulder and stood up backing away from him as I spoke again, "Take it easy Stephen, everything's fine I promise. No one is going to yell at you and no one is upset, we are just worried; you gave us one hell of a scare."
I saw his head snap up and he looked at us with an almost shocked expression as he cleared his throat and spoke his voice weak and shaky, "You were worried...about me?"
I heard David gasp and my heart broke as I answered his question my voice shaking slightly, "Of course we were, why wouldn't we be?"
He didn't answer me he just shook his head again and I frowned as I realized that Stephen had actually thought we didn't care about him.
What had we done or in this case not done to make him think that we wouldn't worry about him or miss him if he died?
I sat down in the chair next to his bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling him towards me as I spoke again.
"Of course, we were worried about you Stephen."
He didn't say a word but I felt his body start to sag a little as he continued to cry and I noticed that the sobs were getting weaker and weaker.
I pulled back and looked down at him to see that his eyes were drooping and his body slumping as he continued to cry quickly running out of energy; the doctor told us he would be weak but I didn't realize it would be this bad.
He had only been awake for about 10 minutes but as his eyes drifted even further shut I smiled sadly and stood up before I gently eased his now limp body back onto the bed.
"Hush Stephen it's alright, everything's alright. Just relax and get some rest David and I will stay here with you and then when you wake up again we can talk if you feel like it."
I pulled the blanket back up around him being careful of the bandage on his arm and he let out another hiccupping sob before his eyes closed completely and he slumped into the mattress falling asleep almost instantly as tears continued to run out from underneath his closed eyelids.
My heart broke even further and I took his hand in mine as I sat down in the chair again hoping that it might comfort him a little to know that someone was still here with him.
The room was silent except for the beeping of the monitors hooked to Stephen and the sound of David's phone going off caused me to jump as it broke the uncomfortable silence that had been forming between us.
David pulled his phone out and glanced at the screen frowning as he spoke, "Dec said to tell you that they are taking Ant down to the burn unit."
Stephen twitched in his sleep and I hushed him softly before bringing my finger to my lips warning David to keep his voice down before I spoke, "Does he need us to come down there?"
David looked away and typed a quick message on his phone before he came over and sat down beside me holding his phone as he waited for a response with a very sad expression written on his face as he stared down at Stephen.
"Do you think he's going to be alright Simon?" David's voice was filled with worry and it made me feel even more guilty for letting things so out of control; I should have done something before it got this bad.
I looked over to see that David was watching me now waiting for an answer and I sighed taking a deep breath before I spoke, "Which one?"
David's face looked even more sad and I was sure I saw I saw a tear forming before he blinked and brought his hand up to rub at his eye, "All three of them, do you think that they will be ok? That we will all make it through this?"
I could feel my heart aching at his question and I had to fight a few tears of my own before I finally found my voice swallowing the lump in my throat and running my thumb over Stephen's knuckles in an effort to calm myself down and keep him asleep at the same time.
"I don't know David I wish I had an answer but I don't, I have no idea what condition Stephen will be in when we take him home...if they let us take him home. As for Dec well you saw what he was like a couple years ago, he just got Ant back and I can't even imagine how he feels right now; what he's going through."
"He needs Ant David, Ant could help him far more than we ever could but I don't see that happening anytime soon, worse than that I'm afraid Ant might not be with any of us much longer at the rate he's going."
It hurt me to say that but the time for sugar-coating and false hopes was long over and I heard David suck in a breath turning to look at me shock and disbelief written on his face as well as in his voice.
"How can you say that Simon?"
"Look where we are David, look what's happened all in the span of less than 5 days!"
I hadn't even realized I was shouting until I heard Stephen let out a sound and his eyes opened ever so slightly as he attempted pull his hand out of mine struggling weakly, there I went losing my temper again just like I had done earlier with Ant.
"Easy Stephen it's just Simon and David, I didn't mean to shout; go back to sleep everything's fine." I tried to hush him giving his hand a gentle squeeze and trying to lower my voice and soften my tone in hopes that he would stop struggling and go back to sleep.
It didn't work and his struggles turned frantic making the heart monitor jump a few numbers as I saw a tear run out of his eye and down his face landing on the pillow as he began to cry softly big tears running down his face, why was he crying?
Was he really that afraid of us?
I heard David stand up and he quickly moved over to the other side of the bed taking a seat and grabbing onto Stephen's other hand being extra careful of the bandage as he wrapped his fingers around the shaking hand running his thumb over top of it.
"hush Stephen it's only us just relax we aren't angry not with you, you know how Simon is; he gets a little dramatic every now and then."
I rolled my eyes but was pleased to see Stephen's body relax a little as he stopped struggling and his tears slowed down to the point that they were just sluggishly running down his face instead of pouring.
"That's right Stephen take it easy just calm down a little, everything's alright now; no one's angry with you take some deep breaths and try to relax a little."
My heart twisted as I realized that David sounded almost exactly like Dec whenever he tried to comfort Ant and as Stephen's body relaxed back into the mattress his tears slowing even more as his breathing evened out I realized that if I wanted to have any hope of comforting the boys I had some serious work to do.
Stephen's eyes fluttered a little drifting shut again as his body relaxed completely and David laid his now limp hand back down on the bed making sure to keep his fingers loosely clasped around it as he spoke once more.
"That's right Stephen just relax and go back to sleep we aren't going anywhere; we will be right when you wake up."
Stephen's eyes fluttered once more before they closed all together and I breathed a sigh of relief as he appeared to slip right back off into sleep his chest rising and falling gently as the heart monitor slowed down again beeping softly.
We both stayed silent not wanting to wake Stephen up again, he looked so tired and so weak he needed all the rest he could get.
Silence dominated the room for what felt like forever and just as I was about to say something David's phone went off again and he pulled it out silencing it as he glanced down at the screen before mouthing the word "Declan" and walking out into the hallway with the phone pressed against his ear.
I heard a small moan and I looked down at Stephen's face bringing my free hand up and pushing his hair out of his eyes as he twitched in his sleep, he looked so helpless so defeated; just like Ant and Dec had last night.
There was a very real possibility that one or even all of them were going to die and I felt my eyes burning as I tried to imagine what it would be like without the three of them in our lives.
The thought was too much for me and I shook my head pushing it away just as David entered the room and I looked up at him raising my eyebrows in a silent question.
"Dec called to let us know that Ant has 2nd degree burns on his legs and a couple of minor ones on his arm, it's nothing too serious but they are going to keep him overnight and they are sending a psychologist up to give him an evaluation."
I shook my head and let out a deep sigh before I spoke again, "How is Dec taking it? Does he want us to come down there?"
"He said he was ok and that he could handle it on his own but honestly Simon he sounded pretty bad, maybe one of us should go downstairs and check on him? See how he's doing?"
I bit my lip as I nodded someone definitely needed to go and check on Dec, he said he was fine but he had witnessed his best friend try to throw himself off a building and then a few hours later that same friend had lit himself on fire in the hotel bathroom.
There was no way Dec could be coping well with this on his own and I looked back from David to Stephen as I realized that now I was going to be forced to decided which one of the boys needed our help more.
Stephen was asleep but we had promised him we would stay here with him until he woke up again, however Dec was downstairs in the burn unit probably barely holding himself together while waiting on a psychologist to evaluate his now suicidal best friend.
It was a difficult choice and just as I was about to answer David pulled his phone out again tapping the screen a few times before he stepped out into the hallway again holding the phone to his ear, I wondered who he was calling and was about to go and find out when I heard a soft noise come from the bed again.
Stephen was mumbling something his lips moving but the words unintelligible as he continued to mumble and I went to hush him only to freeze as he finally said a word I could make out, one that caused my heart to miss a beat.
"Ant.... don't....."
I stiffened, why was Stephen talking about Ant and why was he saying he don't?
Stephen continued mumbling as David stepped back into the room, "I called Amanda told her we might need a little help, she said she can come and sit with Dec while we stay here with Stephen."
I mentally shook myself nodding as Stephen mumbled again, louder this time the words becoming more intelligible, "Ant...come.... back......don't...."
I saw David look at me and I shrugged hushing Stephen softly and squeezing his hand before I spoke, "He started doing that right after you left, I don't know what he's talking about though it doesn't make any sense to me."
David sat down again his face turning thoughtful as he held grasped Stephen's hand once more, "Maybe it doesn't mean anything, he could be dreaming; he heard us talking about Ant so he had a dream about him."
I nodded it sounded like a good theory and I went along with it especially when Stephen fell silent once more quickly settling down again as he drifted back into sleep, however; I couldn't help feeling like there was something more to this whole thing, something we were missing.
I didn't know what it was and at the moment I was too stressed to try and figure it out so I simply nodded at David once more before sliding my chair forward and leaning back into all while holding Stephen's hand.
Maybe when he woke up he would be more alert and then maybe he would tell us why on earth he had done this and more importantly why he was suddenly afraid of us acting as if he expected to be yelled at any minute.
I saw David copy my action and Silence fell over the room again neither of us speaking as we continued to listen to the beeping of the heart monitor as we waited for Stephen to wake up.
********
Dec's POV
I sat curled up in the little plastic chair in Ant's room my arms wrapped around my knees and my head resting on my forearms as I watched Ant sleeping on the small hospital bed a few feet away from me.
The doctor had checked all of his burn wounds saying that while they were serious in some places that none were any higher than a 2nd degree and if they were looked after properly then they should heal without any complications and minimal scarring.
I shivered a little as my eyes traveled over the stark white bandages which were covering almost all of Ant's skin starting at his leg and then his stomach and finally his arms, one was burned and one was cut and the bandages were rolled over both of them.
The white of the bandages made Ant look so pale and I felt my heart ache in my chest as I once again was rewarded with the awful memory of Ant's body dangling over the ledge of the building and his sad empty eyes looking up at me.
How had I let this happen to him?
After everything last year, I had promised myself I would look after him take better care of him and yet here we were sitting in a hospital while doctors threw around the words "Suicidal" "Mental Breakdown" "Dangerous" and other things like it was nothing.
They acted like they were simply discussing the weather like Ant was just another patient and not my best friend in the entire world, my soul mate; the person I couldn't live without.
I felt the tears falling again for the millionth time today and I buried my head in my arms crying softly as I waited on the psychologist to show up praying that they would know what to do, that they could fix him before I lost him for good.
I don't know how long I sat there crying into my arms before the door to Ant's room opened causing me to look up expecting the psychologist only to freeze as Amanda stepped into the room instead, what was she doing here?
I went to speak choking back the lump in my throat but Amanda beat me too it offering me a cup of coffee as she took a seat next to me, "David called me he and Simon thought you could use someone to sit with you, keep you company while you wait."
I sighed looking down at the cup in my hands I had been really desperate for some company earlier just another person here to make the room feel less empty, less intimidating, but when David had asked me I instantly said no.
I didn't want to cause any more trouble for anyone than we already had, Ant was my responsibility not theirs I was the one who had allowed him to end up like this so I was the one that needed to deal with it.
I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up to see Amanda watching me with a concerned gaze, "Dec I know what you're thinking and don't even start up, you two are our friends and we want to do everything we can to help you get past this. This is hard enough without having to face it all on your own and the last thing we want is to make you feel like you don't have anyone to turn to; I know I'm not Ant and I'm not trying to be but you can talk to me if you need to I don't mind listening."
I felt Amanda run her hand over my shoulder and I gave her a sad smiled before I looked back down at my coffee cup trying hard to keep my voice from shaking as I spoke.
"Thanks Amanda I know you want to help but I just I don't know what to say...a few days ago everything was fine and then St-Stephen d-died and I thought he was g-gone."
"And then I g-got him back and now A-Ant's going to d-die....."
I trailed off just as Amanda squeezed my shoulders pulling me against her as she spoke her voice firm yet gentle, "Hey listen to me Dec, Ant's not going to die; we won't let that happen. Ant's not going anywhere Dec I promise."
I sniffled against her shoulder shaking my head before I spoke, "Please d-don't do that A-Amanda; don't g-give me false h-hope."
I heard suck in a breath beside me and just as she was about to say something else the door opened again and I looked up to see a woman standing in the doorway, she had long brown hair and wire rimmed glasses and she gave us both a reassuring smile as she stepped into the room offering her hand.
"Hello there, I'm Alexandra Blake and you must be..."
"D-Declan but you can call me Dec, this is A-Amanda."
I saw shock cross her features and she glanced down at the file in her arms before she looked back up at me a shy sympathetic smile on her face, "Mr. Donnelly I'm sorry I should have realized who you were when I read the patient file, I'm a big fan you; both of you."
I gave her the closest thing to a smile I could manage, "It's ok don't worry about it..."
My voice sounded sad and empty and I felt Amanda squeeze my shoulders again as Alexandra gave us both another smile before she pulled over a small stool and took a seat in front of us opening the file.
"Dec, my job here at the hospital is to counsel patients and their families in regard to mental health; all I want to do today is just to try and determine what Anthony's current mental state is and then we can discuss what the next steps should be, does that sound alright?"
I nodded and Alexandra smiled encouragingly as she pulled out another form as well as a pen offering it to me, "Dec you are listed as Anthony's emergency contact so I would need your permission to perform a psych evaluation on him, I know that sounds scary but all It means is that I need your permission to ask him some questions that can help me determine his mental state."
I nodded signing the paper and passing it back without a second thought, as much as it terrified me to know exactly where Ant's head was it would be nice to find out exactly what we were dealing with and more importantly how to fix it.
"Thank you Dec I promise it won't take long and you are both more than welcome to stay here while I do it or if you would rather step outside that's ok too."
"I would rather stay here I think it might help if he knows I'm here for him."
"Ok then Dec that's fine, why don't you move you're chair over by his bed and I'll call in the doctor to give him something to bring him around so that we can go ahead and get this over with, does that sound ok?"
I nodded and stood up on shaky legs moving my chair across the room and taking a seat by Ant's bed grasping his hand gently in my own as I looked down at his face.
He looked so sad and so helpless, broken.... defeated; I brought my hand up pushing his hair out of his eyes as I gently ran a thumb across his cheek not missing the deep dark circles under his eyes or the frown lines that looked like they had been permanently carved into his face.
Ant normally looked so happy and I found myself blinking back a few tears as I found myself longing to see his bright smile I just wanted my best friend back and I felt the ache in my chest right where my heart used to be as I realized that there was a very real possibility that it might never happen.
There was the possibility that Ant...my Ant the man who had been by my side for the last three decades was gone, for good this time; to a place I couldn't save him from.
I looked up wiping my tears away as a doctor stepped into the room checking the restraints they had put around Ant's wrists and Ankles before he nodded and injected something into Ant's IV line as he spoke, "he should wake up in a few minutes, if he seems confused or disoriented press the call button and I'll send someone in to check on him."
Alexandra nodded and gave me a reassuring smile before she slid her stool over to the bed and balanced her clipboard on her lap just as Ant let out a moan and his eyes flickered open as he slowly came around.
Ant's POV
I opened my eyes slowly moaning a little as the bright light sent a pain through my head and I attempted to bring my hand up to cover my eyes only to panic as I realized that I couldn't move an inch, I was pinned down to something and just as I started to struggle I heard a voice close to my head.
"Easy Ant you're alright just relax."
I flinched at the sound of the voice filled with love and concern my heart aching as I once again reminded myself that I didn't deserve that love and concern; I was worthless...pathetic.
I felt someone holding onto to my hand and I attempted to pull it away, he shouldn't be touching me, I didn't deserve to have my held to be comforted like this; why had Dec saved me yet again.
Why couldn't he just let me die?
I crunched my eyes shut again, I didn't want to wake up I didn't want to be here anymore; I wanted to go away somewhere I couldn't hurt the people I loved anymore, where I wouldn't be such a burden.
"Come on Anth open your eyes for me, I know you're awake.."
I groaned before I slowly yet surely dragged my eyes open frowning as I caught sight of Dec's face hovering over me less than a foot away from my own, he looked so happy to see me and I felt another stab of guilt in my heart as his eyes shone with relief.
Why was he so happy to see me? Why couldn't he understand what kind of person I was? Why didn't he understand that all I wanted was to die?
"Mr. McPartlin? Anthony? Can you hear me?"
I turned my head in the direction of the voice and my eyes widened as I noticed a woman sitting by my bed dressed in a white coat with brown hair and glasses giving me a warm smile as she peaked over top the frames.
Who was she and what was she doing here?
"Anthony, my name is Alexandra I'm a psychologist here at the hospital specializing in mental health disorders, do you know what that is?"
I nodded of course I knew what mental health was who didn't? What I couldn't understand was why she was here and why she was being so nice to me; I didn't deserve any sort of kindness from anyone; screw ups like me don't get kindness or love.
"Very good, now then I was asked to come and speak to you ask you some questions so that we can determine the best course of treatment for you; do feel up to answering them right now or would you like to wait a few minutes?"
I sighed feeling Dec's hand squeeze mine as all the pieces fell into place and the penny dropped, Alexandra was here to question me so that they could lock me up in a mental hospital, someplace where I couldn't hurt myself; I didn't actually want to go there but at least if I was there I wouldn't be burdening Dec or anyone else anymore.
They could all move on with their lives and forget about me just like they should, it was the best thing for everyone especially Dec and with that thought in mind I nodded; might as well get this over with.
"Alright Anthony you're doing great now then would you rather me ask Declan to step outside or would like him to stay here?"
I turned my head away from her glancing over at Dec and feeling my heart break and my guilt increase tenfold as I took in his tearstained face and messy hair, Dec looked like he hadn't slept a wink and worse than that he looked so pale and I could feel his hand shaking as he held tight to me his eyes wide and pleading filled with pain.
Oh kidda I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you I just wanted to protect you; to save you from me....
The apology flashed through my mind and I almost said it out loud but I knew that no amount of apologizing would make this right, it wouldn't make up for the fact that once again I had hurt Dec just like I always did; why was I such a monster?
I turned away unable to look at his face anymore as I shrugged my shoulders, it didn't matter if Dec stayed or not; I would be locked up soon somewhere I couldn't hurt him anymore so why not allow him to stay it didn't matter anymore; nothing mattered anymore.
"OK Anthony let's start with something easy I'm going to ask you some questions and what I want you to be just the questions as best you can ok?"
I nodded it sounded simple enough, "Very good Anthony now I need you to be completely honest with me I'm not here to judge you I just want to help you ok?"
I nodded again and Alexandra pulled a paper out of the folder placing it in front of her before she spoke, "Ok first question do you feel like you something to live for? A reason to stay alive?"
I felt Dec's grip tighten on my hand as I thought the question over, I used to live for Dec for our friendship; but after the last few days I had realized what a horrible friend I was and how much better his life would be I was gone.
I knew my answer was going to hurt him even more but Alexandra had asked me to be honest and at least this way maybe Dec would understand just how much I wanted to die just how ready I was to leave all of this behind; so, he and everyone else could be happy.
Alexandra was waiting for an answer and I took a deep breath before I spoke, "N-no."
I heard a small sniffle beside of me and the hand holding mine became even tighter as Alexandra wrote something down on her clipboard before she looked up again asking the next question.
"Anthony do you think that the people in your life, your friends and family; would be better off if you were gone?"
"Yes" I choked the word out around the lump forming in my throat and I heard Dec suck in a breath next to me before he let out a quite sob, "Anth please...don't say that I love you so much; I don't want you to die."
I shook my head as Dec spoke and Alexandra let out a hmm of sympathy as Dec began to sob loud and harsh and I heard another set of footsteps crossing the room and I looked over to see Amanda wrapping her arm around Dec's shoulder pulling him up as she spoke.
"Hey Dec let's step outside for a minute give Ant and Alexandra a little privacy hmm?"
Dec shook his head clutching onto my hand even tighter and Amanda sighed before she reached down and gently began to pry Dec's hand away from mine, it took a few minutes but eventually Dec's hand was free and Amanda yanked him up out of his chair wrapping her arm firmly around his shoulders as she led him out the door.
I watched them go feeling a rush of gratitude for Amanda, at least she was keeping her promise and looking after him just like she said she would.
I laid back against the pillow once more feeling a tear run down my face as I heard Dec's sobs carrying through the door from out in the hallway, I hated hurting him like this but I had to tell him the truth; he needed to know.
"We are almost done Anthony I just want to ask you one last thing.."
I looked over at her and raised my eyebrows waiting for her to continue.
"Anthony if you were alone in this room right now and you weren't retrained would you be looking for something to hurt or even to kill yourself with?"
I bit my lip nodding slightly as tears began to roll down my face I knew it was wrong, I knew it was selfish, I knew it would hurt Dec but I couldn't help it.
I was hurting so much and had messed up so bad I didn't just deserve to die, I wanted to die; I wanted all of this to go away I wanted to stop being this.
This screw up who ruined everything and everyone he touched, the screw up who had almost destroyed his best friend's life and then caused his other friend to end up in hospital on life support.
I should have been the one who cut my wrists that day, I should have been the one who died; I deserved it for all the pain and trouble I had caused all my life not just to Dec but to everyone else as well.
All I wanted was to die...why couldn't they just let me die?
"You did a very good job Anthony; I'm going to step out and talk with your friends now; I'll have the doctor come in and give you something to help calm you down."
I didn't even bother to respond I simply continued to cry tears rolling down my face as I heard a pair of footsteps crossing the room and then I saw the doctor injecting something into my IV before the room began to blur and I found myself drifting away into the darkness once more.
Amanda's POV
I stood outside Ant's room talking to Simon on the phone as I waited for Alexandra to finish up with Ant, I had sent Declan outside to the waiting room to sit with Alesha for minute while he calmed down a little.
"...how did Dec take it?.."
I rolled my eyes at Simon's question before I answered, "How do you think he took it Simon? His best friend just told him that he wants to die that he has no reason to live anymore..."
I heard Simon sigh on the other end of the phone, "where is he now?"
"I sent him to the waiting room with Alesha after I basically dragged him out of the room, the psychologist is still in there and I'm outside waiting to hear what she says."
Simon started to say something but then I caught David's voice in the background I couldn't quite make out what was said but I heard Simon say that he would be there in a second before he spoke to me again, "Listen Amanda I have to go, I know it's hard but thank you for staying there with Dec he really needs someone right now."
"I know Simon...It's just so hard to see them this way."
"I know but we have to try and stay strong, for their sakes; I have to go now but please let me know what the psychologist says and I'll try to come down there in a little while to talk to Dec."
"OK, see you later."
The phone hung up and I shook my head wondering how on earth I was supposed to help Dec, what do you say to someone who just heard his best friend say he would rather be dead?
I heard the door to Ant's room open and I looked up to see Alexandra coming out of the room with a deep look of sorrow on her face, my heart dropped as I realized that this was not going to be pleasant.
"Amanda do you know where Dec is? I would like to speak with you both in regard to Anthony's condition and the options available in regard to his care."
I bit my lip before I spoke, "He's in the waiting room with our other friend; I sent him to calm down a little."
She nodded looking thoughtful, "The waiting room is usually empty this time of day so I think we can go ahead and talk about Anthony's condition in there if that's alright."
I nodded and began to follow her as she turned and began walking in the direction of the waiting room looking around for Dec as we walked in the door.
He was curled up on a sofa next to Alesha his head on her shoulder and his hands clutching the cup of coffee I had given him earlier; he looked so pale and I could hear the sniffling sounds from all the way over here.
I started to tell Alexandra this wasn't the best time to be discussing this with Dec but before I could say anything she had walked over to the sofa and knelt down in front of him placing a hand on his shoulder as she spoke.
"Declan I know this really hard for you but you are listed as the emergency contact and that means that in order to treat Anthony we would need permission from you in order to do so."
Dec nodded and I took a seat on his other side adding my own arm around his shoulders as Alexandra sat down on the chair and continued speaking.
"Based off of Anthony's responses it seems that he is what we would call deeply depressed with a very high risk of suicide."
I felt Dec flinch and I hugged him gently running a hand over his back trying to calm him as Alexandra continued, "Normally with patients who are depressed we can prescribe medication and treat them on an outpatient basis, however with Anthony being at such a high risk for suicide my recommendation would be sending him to a long-term care facility specializing in mental health cases."
"They would be able to take better care of him and provide him with the treatment and protection he needs, you wouldn't be able to visit him for the first few months but I honestly think that this would be your best option at the moment."
"Y-you want me to s-send him away. To l-lock him up somewhere a-alone where I would n-never see him again?"
Dec sounded as if he was on the verge of bursting into tears and I quickly turned my attention to Alexandra, "I think we need a few minutes to calm down and talk things over."
She nodded looking sympathetic as she pulled a business card out of her pocket offering it to me, "I have another patient to check on but feel free to call me when you have reached a decision."
"Dec..."
Dec's head shot up and he looked at her with watery eyes as she continued, "I know it's hard to think of sending him away but you have to think about what's best for Ant right now; if you take him home with you, you will have to watch him 24 hours a day. He would need to be restrained most of the time in order to stop him from hurting himself or hurting others and you would need to bring him here three times a week for therapy appointments."
"It's a big responsibility and I just want you to weigh all of your options before you make a decision, I'm not saying it will be easy; but he's relying on you to do what's best for him."
Dec nodded and Alexandra gave him one last smile squeezing his shoulder before she stood up and left the room leaving us alone to comfort Dec and discuss what we planned to do about Ant, I knew what Dec was going to say and I sighed as I prayed that we would find some way to talk him out of it.
There was no way any of us were ready to handle something like this.
A/N: Well guys I am sorry but I think that's all I can manage right now, I know this story didn't have much of Stephen in it but I promise we will see a lot more of him in the next few chapter. I know this is a hard story to write so I can just imagine what it's like to read, but if you made it this far thank you all so so much 💜💜💜
I can't promise you when there will be another chapter only that there will be one and in the meantime please feel free to check out some of my other stories, once again thank you all for all of the amazing kindness and support and patience😊😊
Special thank you to daphreak and Hvitserk100 you guys are amazing when it comes to ideas and getting me out of my head (😂) when it comes to this story, you are both so amazing.
OK everyone as always until next time, Stay Safe out there💜💜💜