"Oui, everything you want." Anastasia smiles, though the grin may be more addressed to her phone and the text appearing there than to the one imposing her what she will have to do today.
"Great! So you'll also come with me on the Pendulum ride."
'Pendulum ride', the words make Anastasia snap her head up with a turn of her stomach.
"I need an adult with me, and it's sure Mom and Dad won't go there. But you will." Archie's hazel eyes are unequivocal; Anastasia recognizes the same look as when she knows she has already won.
However, today, it's Archie who is winning. It is happening more and more these days, and the irk growing on the tip of her tongue is tempting her to make his excited smirk disappear. She is about to when her gaze falls for a second on her phone's screen again and the reply she has been about to send.
'Of course, I'll be front row to watch your demonstration!
And maybe after we could get a few minutes alone so I can congratulate you ;)'
This sight is enough for her to bite back the words on her tongue, and she swallows the screams of revolt and her ego as she puts up her smile again. "Of course, anything for my little brother."
"Thank you! It's gonna be so fun!" Archie grins before running out of the room, leaving her alone to not only gulp her annoyance, but also another turn of her stomach.
Pendulum ride... It's gonna be 'so fun'...
"I must have misheard!"
The thrill is already too much for her when her mom appears down the stairs, and she almost drops her phone with the jump she makes.
"You? On a Pendulum ride?" Her mom's lifted eyebrows are enhancing the clear green of her wide eyes, which Anastasia is avoiding carefully as she nods. "One of those attractions that swing all the way up to spin you around and go back even lower?"
"Yes." Anastasia swallows again as her stomach is already picturing the journey from the high peak to the abrupt fall, and she can see how pale her face is turning with the images as she pretends to arrange her hair in the mirror, even though she has already checked her whole appearance more than necessary while getting ready. "Why not? Archie has no one to go, so I'm just trying to be nice."
"You would never go on those things even if your life depended on it." Her mom catches easily her gaze through the mirror.
"Maybe I'm changing, you know, getting older..." She shrugs, trying to convince herself at the same time.
After all, she has tried a lot of new things that she would have never imagined recently, and the frisson can be exciting. Flying high and feeling your head spinning, she already knows these sensations. It is kinda the same thing, isn't it?
"That much, I think it's impossible!" Her mom shakes her head with a knowing smile, almost as if she could hear the protests in her daughter's stomach. "So what does your brother is threatening you of? Is he blackmailing you? What crime have you done? I need to know if he helped you bury someone in the garden!"
Her tone might be light, but it falls on Anastasia's chest like a ton of bricks, and her playful smile doesn't last as she realizes her joke doesn't pull out the laughter expected.
In a just few seconds and drops of cold sweat trickling down Anastasia's back, the warm hallway of the house is turning into a suffocating interrogation room.
"Well... I haven't killed anyone..." she mumbles, yet it is loud enough for her mom to widen her eyes, the same way Anastasia's own eyes grow larger with shock.
Why has she said this out loud?!
"Ana, mon ange, what do you mean? You're scaring me?" Her mom's calm tone echoes almost as much as the silence following.
She has already talked too much. It is like the words have been pushed out of her chest under the crushing weight of guilt and pulled out by her mom's gaze looking for the truth. She knows her too much anyway.
"Anastasia?" She searches for her eyes through the mirror, and Anastasia is well-aware that she won't be able to put up another lie in front of them. Her mouth has already let out too much and taken a decision with a few words.
So she takes a deep breath, which of course, doesn't reach her lungs through her closed-off throat and compressed ribcage, and she turns to face her mom.
"I will tell you. But first, I need to ask you a question."
Her mom nods softly, probably noticing the distress growing on her daughter's frown, and it just confirms to Anastasia that the confession which has escaped her chest is not totally mindless. If there is one person she can trust to let it all out, it's her mom.
"Have you... Have you ever felt attracted toward someone else than Dad?" Her shaky fingers are instinctively playing with her new pendant as she waits expectantly for her mom's answer.
She remembers too well what has happened the last time she has tried to talk about forbidden matters, and the lump growing in her throat would still remind her if she didn't. Yet her mom doesn't snap or tense like her dad has last time. She just let out a heavy sigh, maybe as resigned as Anastasia in front of her hazel eyes, which are piercing for the truth the same way as hers.
"Yes, I have," she pauses, leaning against the console table behind her. "I hadn't been matched yet. I was barely 18, and I met this boy at my cousin's birthday party... and I don't know... it just flashed..."
The hint of a smile forms on her lips, and Anastasia tries to picture the scene as her mom's eyes are gleaming with the memory.
"I think he felt it too because we spent the whole night talking," she concludes, but Anastasia is left hanging, her pragmatic brain wanting to know more, or maybe it is her heart?
"And?" she presses as her mom doesn't seem to tell more.
"And that's all." Her mom shrugs, her gaze coming back with seriousness to her daughter. "Nothing else happened. I never saw him again, and I learned that he got matched a few months later."
Anastasia's chest tightens to crush her thudding heart a little bit more. She should have known that there is no happy ending, and at least, this one hasn't ended in cruel pains.
"Do you regret it?" She has promised for one question, but her mom's answer has hit too close to home, to her heart, and not only because of the emotions she glimpses in her green gaze.
Regret is also a question she has asked herself a billion times, but her mom's story has just confirmed that her answer will always be the same: No, she doesn't regret it. She regrets the law, defending this unfairness and the reason for so many sad endings. She regrets not having the choice. But she doesn't regret meeting Nathaniel, neither walking the line and breaking the law.
She can't even imagine a possibility where she would have not given in to the attraction. Nearing death in that steam room has been worth it, since it has made her realize why she has a beating heart.
"It's the law. I never had a choice." Her mom pulls her back to the cold reality, and her simple shrug makes it look like breaking the law has never even crossed her mind, reminding Anastasia that no matter how pure it feels, it is a crime. "But I don't regret anything in my life because I've got the most beautiful thing I could ever wish for: two amazing children." She smiles sincerely, and Anastasia can only avoid her shining gaze.
She won't think this when she will realize one of these children is a criminal.
"Besides, I love your dad, I really do," she continues, holding Anastasia's gaze to make sure it is clear. "He's like my best friend, and we're really close... It's just not..."
"Not an irresistible attraction?" Anastasia finishes for her, and as her mom nods, she lets out a breath she has been holding for too long.
For a second, she lets the relief wash over her, forgetting that she has to confess and enjoying to not appear like an alien or a crazy person. This attraction can be felt by everyone one day or another; it is just that not everyone chooses to give in to it.
"Now, can you tell me what you've done?"
The moment of relief is too short for Anastasia's liking, and the pressure comes back on her chest as her mom steps closer to her.
She closes her eyes the same way she would probably do before stepping into a scary Pendulum ride.
"I know what this attraction feels like," she whispers, clutching her pendant and finding a strength she could never explain. "Because I'm seeing another man."
'Seeing', 'fucking', 'dating'... She can still hear Andy's voice in the back of her head, but she focuses on her confession of the moment, and actually, the words have come out naturally, surely thanks to her mom's answer to her question. Yet she still isn't ready for what she faces when she reopens her eyes.
The disappointment filling her mom's gaze is blurring their clear green, though it doesn't look like it is directed towards Anastasia, and it is even more unsettling, as there is no hint of shock, when this confession sounds as improbable from Anastasia's mouth as going on a Pendulum ride.
"Do you mean like... having an affair?" she asks quietly, and as she lets out a resigned sigh, Anastasia understands the look in her mom's eyes.
She has noticed Anastasia has been changing. 'You're different', she still hears her words. Her mom has guessed it, yet she has been hoping it wouldn't be as far as stepping over the line of the law. Maybe she has even shared her story in the hope of stopping her. However, nothing can stop this attraction, not even the law and its shadows.
"Yes," Anastasia replies as quietly, the word 'affair' making her wince as her fingers are grazing the 'let it be' engraved on the back of her compass pendant. "We've tried to resist, I swear," she adds, needing to plead her cause as if she was standing in court. "This is not something mindless, you know how I am. But we couldn't resist... And we're being careful."
She knows her arguments would be rejected by any jury, but she hopes that her mom won't judge her as harshly.
"Is it the Captain from your work? The one who brought you back your phone some time ago?"
Anastasia widens her eyes. How does she know? She hasn't planned to reveal who it is, and her heart is roaring in a protective instinct in front of her mom's gaze piercing for the truth. She doesn't want to drag Nathaniel into any danger because of her, but she trusts her mom. "Yes."
"I knew he was trouble." Her mom shakes her head, and the knowing look in her eyes is the same as when she has warned her about Nathaniel.
They are standing in the same hallway as that day he has interrupted her wedding dress fitting. Yet so much has changed, and it isn't only because Anastasia is now wearing a bright red short skirt and loose gray top.
She has made a promise to her mom that day, and she hasn't kept it. However, now she isn't lying anymore.
"He's treating me well. He's really sweet and kind, strong yet tender, protective, and always surprising with crazy ideas ..." She could talk forever about his qualities, who he is, things that she would have never answered in the Matchmaking test, things that she would have never thought she would like. Through the 49%, he is everything she hasn't known she has needed.
"And I love him." Maybe it just comes down to this. "I love him," she whispers to herself again, biting on the bottom of her smile as her heart is thumping loudly against the compass of her pendant, and she is sure Nathaniel can hear the echo on his own pendant.
It is so liberating, like her ribcage has just been opened fully after so long of glimpsing a gleam of light.
When she thinks she has been so scared and confused by this word the first time she has read it in the blank-covered book. There is love, and there is LOVE. The nuance is tiny, but it makes all the difference, and now, she understands what the law doesn't allow; she feels it in every cell.
She has already known it when Nathaniel has told her he loves her yesterday; she has had no doubt she feels it back. Yet pronouncing these three little words takes them to another dimension, and it is a freedom. Nathaniel has unlocked something in her chest with these three words, and that's surely why everything flows out so easily straight from her heart, even her confession to her mom, who speaking of...
Anastasia comes back to her before her heart can soar too far, and it is the descent of the Pendulum ride approaching as she takes a big breath.
"Are you mad? Disappointed?" She can't read her mom's expression, maybe because she has never ever seen her wear it in all her life.
"I'm just worried."
Worry, it is worse than any angry words or sermon, the concern in her green eyes making Anastasia's heart shrink back in her ribcage.
"I think I can understand..." her mom continues with a sigh, pursing her lips to search for the right words because she surely never has planned for this kind of discussion with her daughter. "But it doesn't change the fact that you're breaking the law." Her voice is dropping in empathy, yet for Anastasia, it resonates too loudly in the silence around.
"Je sais, I thought enough about it, but I can't stop." Anastasia's tone is even more determined than when she has used her 'lawyer' voice during all her classes; it comes from the heart.
"I guess I can't do anything. You're a grown-up woman now." Her mom's eyes are watering, and Anastasia knows it isn't pride gleaming in them. It makes it harder to hold her gaze as she adds with a heavy seriousness, "I just don't want you to do something crazy."
"I won't."
All the pressure comes back on her chest with those words, and her mom doesn't even know about the darkest dangers of breaking the law. For this, she will never admit the truth. There are enough clouds of worry in her mom's gaze; she won't bring up the smoke of 'hell'.
Instead, she swallows the sour guilt and fear, forcing a light smile. "Just going on a Pendulum ride for my little brother!"
But her mom's lips barely twitch up in return. "Does he know?"
"No!" Anastasia immediately replies, the thought of telling her little brother that it's okay to break the law making her stomach knot.
He is too young and innocent. Yet another thought comes in to twinge another part inside her chest. What will happen when he will be older? She doesn't want him to ever experience the pains of feeling trapped.
"He just helps me sometimes when I lie to Fergus about where I am," she explains, even though it doesn't sound really better. "As long as I'm his personal driver, he doesn't ask questions. I don't think he knows... enfin... je sais pas..."
Her mom's lifted eyebrow is echoing her doubts. Archie is smart...
"I think it's best for you if we pretend he doesn't know."
"I promise I won't ask him to cover me anymore." Anastasia smiles, determined to at least keep this promise.
"And you?" her mom asks, resignation mixing with the worry on her features. "How long do you plan on keeping up all those lies?"
If Anastasia has thought she has gone down the Pendulum ride of emotions before, she has been wrong. Now, her heart comes back all the way down to crash in reality.
"I don't know... I don't know what is going to happen after the wedding..." This is their deadline, even if they have never spoken it out loud. Nathaniel and she are both aware of it.
"I'm so scared." She lets out a shaky breath with the word that can't even describe the uncertainty, the dread, and the turmoil consuming her, and in spite of everything, her mom still pulls her in her arms as if nothing had ever happened, lovingly.
"I just want you to be happy and... safe." She leans away to hold Anastasia's blurred gaze.
"Nathaniel makes me happy... even if it's just temporary..." Anastasia closes her eyes to trap the tears inside as her mom gently brushes her cheeks.
It may be a subtle gesture, but the fact that she still comforts her after all she has confessed, it is all the support Anastasia has needed. It doesn't solve her problems, neither does it gives her a miraculous answer, yet it takes off some of the lies and their heavy weight.
Besides, it is different than when she has talked to Andy because her crazy and adventurous best friend always supports her, but her mom is more rational, and not having her call her 'crazy' or 'foolish' proves that she isn't doing something as wrong as it appears.
'HONK HONK'
She jumps at the loud sound coming from outside, and for a second, it resembles a warning reminding her that no matter how many people are supporting them, it is still breaking the law and the consequences won't change, until she realizes it is just the horn from their car.
"Come on, today is a beautiful day! So I don't want to see tears, we should celebrate." Her mom wipes the single tear rolling on Anastasia's cheek, brushing softly until a smile finds its way back on her face, though it might also have to do with the ringtone of her phone letting her know she has a text.
She will enjoy today and stop thinking about a pending downfall.
"Besides, you have a Pendulum ride to attend!" Her mom grins as another series of 'honk honk' is heard. "Your brother seems pretty excited."
He must be because it is clearly him who is beeping the horn, and Anastasia easily imagines that their dad is scolding him for the noise, even if everyone is being loud for the International Day.
"Aw, no! Can't you forbid him from going?" she pleads, leaning on her mom's shoulder as she is already pulling her towards the door.
"Oh, no, you promised, and you proved me that you're a grown-up woman so you own up to your decisions,"
From the twinkle in her eyes, her mom is enjoying this punishment a little too much, but at least, there is less worry in them for the moment.
After the emotional ride she has just faced, a Pendulum attraction is nothing, Anastasia tries to motivate herself as they pass the door, holding her pendant like she has been during the whole conversation. Though she lets it go to grab her mom's hand.
"Merci," she whispers when they are nearing the car, and she has to add in front of her mom's gentle smile, "Can you please not tell anyone?"
"Of course." There is no hesitation in her mom's voice, as if it wasn't making her accomplice to a crime, or maybe it is precisely because this is something illegal.
"Not even Dad," Anastasia almost begs as she glimpses her dad checking impatiently his watch.
He would never denounce her, yet it isn't for herself that her stomach is knotting, nor that she is letting out a sigh of relief when her mom nods.
***
"There are even fire throwers?! They've really outdone themselves this year!" Pamela points a freshly-manicured nail to the large platform in the center of the square, the polish in the colors of the World Nations contrasting with the bright flames the dancers are juggling with meters away, though even dressed in all gray, she is catching attention with her elegant presence and loud voice.
"They had to do something exceptional. It's the 65th anniversary, and I heard that some of the world leaders are here," Charlotte, Pamela's new best friend – since Madison has lost her friendship when she has chosen champagne over Pamela's perfect speech – comments.
"I know, but I don't think they've arrived yet."
Nate is wondering the same question, but he doubts Pamela is talking about the one he has in mind as his gaze goes back to scan the crowd of people like he has done for the past twenty minutes that they've arrived at the celebration.
There are so many people walking around. The whole district is here, everyone strolling around the main streets, even if it's the most privileged ones who will get the best spots.
"You definitely have to win your fight demonstration. That's the best way to get noticed and make a good impression!" Pamela tugs on his arm to bring his attention.
"Oh, right, your demonstration is on the main stage?" Oliver, Charlotte's husband, asks with an impressed nod to the large platform. "That's some pressure to come up after them!"
Nate just shrugs as they walk to the counter to access the VIP seats and he looks more closely at the flames dancing in the air between the jugglers. Usually, he would already be preparing and stressing out to make the best impression. But not today, even if he's still planning to win the fight. He'll never lose his competitive spirit, and there is a special someone he wants to impress.
"Are you gonna use fire too, since it seems to be the theme this year?" Oliver continues, and it's clear that he's trying hard to make conversation with Nate, as he's realized that his direct proposition to 'help' him to invest some of his fortunes in his 'fruitful and promising' real estate projects wouldn't work.
But, despite the fact that Nate admires his motivation, he still isn't interested in any of that; he has other preoccupations.
"No, not playing with fire." At least, not this kind because he definitely feels the burn of flames when like ignited by his thoughts, his fire appears at this moment.
"They're arriving!" Pamela exclaims, making his smile freeze before even forming fully.
What?! How does she know? The questions are rushing as fast as the cold dread in his veins, and he's already searching for pleas and arguments when Pamela points to a gathering of armed men forming a circle and walking towards the most VIP area.
Of course, it's the world leaders that have caught her attention, like everyone's around, trying to peek – everyone except Nate, whose smile comes back larger than ever with a sigh of relief as he turns to the most important for him.
Anastasia is arriving. She's appearing a few feet away, on the other side of the VIP gate, but he doesn't see this detail between them as their gazes meet. The people everywhere, VIP or not, the International anthem echoing from various fanfares, the flags floating everywhere along with a few torches fixed around all the stages with various demonstrations, all those details disappear. There is only Anastasia and him.
He's surprised he doesn't run up to her because his heart is already leaping there, yet maybe he's too awe-struck. She's wearing a red skirt and a gray shirt, with her free golden locks and red lips standing out, and she is looking angelic and dangerous, exactly herself. But it's something else that catches his gaze and breath: the fire in her eyes.
He's burning just holding her gaze, and it's in a rushed daze like steered by the spring of a wildfire that his fingers reach for his phone.
'You look éblouissant, my angel.
I might not be able to wait for after my demonstration... Could you give me some motivation before? ;)'
He quickly throws a glance around to be sure no one is looking at him before clicking 'send', and as everyone is still staring at the leaders taking the best seats, he keeps his eyes on Anastasia, how carefully she glances around too, and when she has to nod to what her fiancé is saying.
That's only then that Nate notices him. Of course, he is there, always too close to Anastasia.
But he won't let jealousy get the best of him this time. At least, he'll try as his fists are already clenching at the sight of Fergus's hand sneaking around his angel's waist, and he has to take a deep breath before suffocating in the now-familiar sourness, although it isn't the air reaching his lungs that is loosening the painful vice-grip around his ribcage; it is the sight of her compass pendant over her heart and all the memories from yesterday it brings back.
He has no reason to add more clouds haunting him because no one can take away what Anastasia and he are sharing, this special connection, the love he has for her, and he is clearly enjoying seeing the way she's leaning away from Fergus's touch.
Besides, the text appearing on his phone's screen finishes to dissipate any shadow of jealousy.
'Gladly because I have something to tell you...'
The luminous smile he meets as soon as he lifts his gaze from his phone is illuminating the whole place, brighter than all the torches in the gloomy weather.
He has no doubt he'll like what she has to say. She doesn't even have to say anything to make him happy, just the way she is nibbling on her red and tempting smile is enough, and while everyone is still distracted, he takes a few more seconds to enjoy and savor this moment of just sharing their foolish smiles, their little bubble of happiness and freedom.
Yet all of these are fragile, and he's reminded of it in the most brutal way when a siren makes it all crumble down, along with his heart.
At first, it's quiet and faraway, drowned out under the crowd's hubbub and the brasses of the fanfares like a haunting whisper growing steadily, but he could never mistake this unique and bloodcurdling sound that he's battled to keep locked in the back of his memories. Thus, the realization hits him much faster than all the gasps are heard around, and mostly, sooner than Anastasia.
He watches her smile crumbling down, her soft eyes widening, and the blood leaving her face the same way everything has already occurred in his body. It's even more gut-wrenching through her face, yet he doesn't even blink away. He knows what's happening around: the armored trucks, the armed men spreading out all around the area, and what's to come...
"Special Forces of Arrest, don't panic, ladies and gentlemen. We're here to arrest two criminals who have violated the Decree 123-51316. Don't move and everything will be kept under control."
Even in the distance, Nate can see Anastasia's heart stopping in a shallow gasp like his has some seconds ago already. Now, they both know.
It's usually the moment he wakes up in all his nightmares, right when smoke from hell engulfs Anastasia's angelic figure. But as much as Nate wishes he will wake up in a sweat, even praying to be in his marriage bed, the fright is too real, weighing in every inch of him and anchoring his heart down.
If he was still breathing, he would suffocate with all the clouds already invading his veins. They may be invisible for now, yet they're everywhere around with the maddening echoes of rushing footsteps and the panic freezing the crowd on spot, and it's worse than any nightmare taking Anastasia away; it is real.
They should run. He should rush to protect Anastasia. But where to? How to? There is no escape. The whole square is already surrounded. No one ever escapes.
Cliffhanger!!! Please, don't hate me!! 😬😱
What do you think will happen? If you've read my other stories, you should know that when they say 'I love you', it's generally when trouble comes... 😈💔
Anyway, while we're waiting and stressing about what's about to happen next, what do you think of this chapter? And her confession to her mom about her 'crime'? At least, she didn't kill anyone 😅😏
I hope you liked this chapter, and if you can't wait for the next, don't forget to vote ⭐ and comment!! Your comments are making my days way brighter 🌞🥰❤😘 You're the best!!
PS: For the French lesson of the day, we have a few: Je sais = I know, Enfin, je sais pas = well, I don't know, Merci= thank you, and éblouissant = dazzling 🤓 By the end of this book, you'll speak perfectly French, right? 😅😉