I got home later that night, after a wonderful day with the Weasleys. I drank tea with Molly and Bill and Fleur actually joined us too. They had been outside, talking to Harry who was staying there until he and Ginny found their own place.
Around six, I ate dinner with Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Harry and Ginny. Ron wasn't there, neither was Hermione. They recently bought a house not far from here London after Hermione graduated this month. They could afford it due to Ron's job as an Auror.
When I stepped out of the fireplace in my own loft, Charlie was sitting on the sofa. It was around eight at night so he would've been home for two hours.
He looked like he was crying silently, and when I noticed the book in his hands, I noticed why. Charlie looked up at me when he saw the green flames from the fireplace, and immediately he stood up, hiding the book behind his back as he wiped his cheeks with the other.
"Why do you have that?" I asked. "Charlie, give that back... right now."
"It's almost full." He said, trying to stop his crying. "You've filled almost every page in it."
"Charlie!"
I lunged forward to grab the book, but he moved it further away from me while stepping back.
"Eleven weeks?" He asked. "That's how far along you were? That's how long you had to tell me you were pregnant."
My face dropped for a moment before I frowned at him, stopping in my tracks.
"Are you serious?" I asked. "You are not about to blame me."
"Eleven weeks, Ember!"
"Oh my god!" I laughed, bringing my hands up to my hair. I ripped the bandana out of it, holding it my hand while I walked to the room, shaking my head at him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked and followed me. "You could have told me, Em."
"How?!" I screamed, turning towards him in one quick turn. "Tell me how?! I was taking care of you, Charles. Every day, I went to work, I earned the money while you were on temporary leave so you could grief your brother! How could I possibly tell you that I was gonna bring a new human into this world — the same world that took away Fred? The same person that took away Tonks!"
I immediately stopped talking. That was the first time since the war that I had mentioned Tonks. She was my best female friend in school and after. Losing her was as hard as losing Fred.
The only difference being that I haven't talked about her since and if anyone mentions her, I just shut up. I haven't seen her son either. He lives with Tonks' mother. The last time I saw him, was before the war when he was about a month old. Now he's almost fifteen months old — probably walking by now.
"I don't want to fight with you again." I said. "Give me my book. You had no right taking it or reading it. You obviously went through my stuff."
Surprisingly, he did what I told him to and handed me back my books. I looked at it for a moment, running a hand over it before I looked at Charlie again.
"I was looking for some parchment." He said. "I ran out and I knew you had some. I didn't mean to find it but then I got curious—"
"Oh, you got curious?" I asked. "So you thought it was a good idea— no... you though it was okay to read my diary?"
"It's not exactly a diary." He huffed. "You're writing— it's almost like letters to me that you don't plan to send."
"That was the fucking purpose!" I yelled. "Because I was so fucking broken and needed something to relieve the pain!"
I need a drink.
"You're unbelievable." I breathed and walked over to the desk to put away the book. "I would never read your shit without your permission."
"I know." I heard him say. "Babe— I just thought it could give me an insight. I have no idea what you're thinking half the time and you're giving me all these mixed signals."
I closed the drawer and turned around to look at him, leaning against the desk.
"I'm sorry." I breathed. "I don't mean to send mixed signals but you're not the only one who's confused. Half the time I wanna kiss you but the other half I want to kill you for what you did. I love you but I'm so fucking angry with you."
Charlie slowly walked over to me, placing himself right in front of me. He leaned down to my level, placing a hand on the desk on either side of my body, locking me in place.
"I'm sorry I read it." He said. "And I'm sorry about the things I said yesterday and also now about the pregnancy."
"It always comes down to that." I sighed. "It's nice that we're both able to apologise but what happens then, huh? We just go on and act like this loving couple until the next time we fight? Then we apologise again and it just ends up being this evil circle."
His right hand came up to grasp my jaw, his eyes staring at my lips as he rested his forehead against mine.
"I know." He whispered, nuzzling his nose against my cheek. "But I really am sorry, my darling. About everything. I didn't know I hurt you that badly before I read your feelings."
"No, it's not like I told you about a million times after you returned." I said. "Told you how hurt I was. Told you how broken I was. I had and still have nightmares about the war but the only difference from the ones before you left, is that in these... you're the one who died and not Fred. I'm sorry I've been sending you mixed signals but it's only because I have mixed feelings towards all of this."
I placed my hands on his, forcing them off of the desk before I gently pushed him away, then I myself moved away from the desk so he couldn't pin me against it again.
"That's why we're in couple counseling." I said. "Because we have no clue what we're doing. We don't know how to get through this and we can't get through it. Not without help."
"Babe we don't need help!" He raised his voice. "How is a stranger supposed to do shit to help? She doesn't know us. Doesn't know our backstory. All we need is—"
He took a deep breath.
"We just need to communicate better."
"That's not gonna work." I sighed. "That always seems to be the solution, doesn't it? Just communicate better. Maybe what we need is a fresh start."
Charlie frowned at me as he stepped closer to me. He ran his hands up through his hair before resting them on the back of his head, his biceps showing.
"A fresh start?" He asked with a shrug. "What? Want me to move out? Is that what you want?"
I sighed again.
"So let me get this straight — you are angry at me — and with good reason may I add — for leaving you for six months." He said. "But now— now you want me to leave?"
"I don't want you to leave."
He let out a cackle. He kept his arms on the back of his head. It was like he knew what he was doing. His biceps looked big and I could see the skin of his lower abdomen because of the shirt that had ridden up, along with the trail of hair from under his belly button, leading downwards.
"You want a fresh start."
"And you automatically thing that means I want you to leave?"
"What else is it supposed to mean?!" He yelled, letting his hands drop. I flinched at how suddenly his voice raised along with the sudden action of his hands. Charlie saw my reaction. He frowned and after just watching each other for a moment, he started tearing up. "Ember what the hell?"
I slowly wrapped my arms around myself and my eyes dropped to the floor.
"You're falling out of love with me." He spoke, his voice soft and fragile, making me look back up at him.
"I'm not falling out of love with you."
"Yes you are." He nodded. "I can see it in your eyes. The way you look at me. You thought I was going to hit you."
"I didn't think that."
"You flinched, Ember." He commented, gesturing towards me. "You thought I was going to hit you. I'd never do that! You know I'd never do that. I've never laid a hand on you. Never."
I didn't think he was going to hit me. I was just surprised by the sudden movement.
"Charlie, I didn't think you'd—"
"I'd never hit you." He repeated. "You're everything to me. Y-You're everything."
"Why're you being so dramatic?" I asked. "I know you wouldn't hurt me. You just scared me with how sudden you dropped your hands, but I didn't think you were going to hit me, so just drop it, yeah?"
Charlie took a deep breath. His eyes never left my face as I walked over to sit on the middle of the bed.
"Where were you today?" He asked in a calm and steady tone, completely changing the topic. "You didn't say you were going anywhere, you weren't home when I got off work and you got home at half past eight."
"At the Burrow." I said. "Your mum invited me a couple of days ago. Ginny showed me her dress, I got to tease Harry about his scar and I got to talk to Bill and Fleur about their baby."
Charlie nodded slowly and folded his arms over his chest. His eyes flicked to the floor. His jaw was tense and I noticed how he gulped harshly.
"You didn't tell me mum had invited you."
I shrugged.
"Guess I didn't think about it."