I prefer to be oblivious than realistic.
For with this present knowledge, I am unable to cope.
______________
24. Floating in Oblivion
Numb.
A feeling of emptiness, that causes one in most cases to be held in one position for very long. I can still hear it everyday. Those four little words, such small words uttered from his mouth and yet they caused great damage.
I couldn't care less that Rebecca is pregnant, I mean deep down I honestly expected it.What puzzles me is the fact that Levi is the father.
How is that even possible? How could he have been so careless? Why did it have to be with Rebecca? I would've been a million times more happy if it had been with a homeless old man living on the corners of Brooklyn, who thought that ducks were the rulers of the world and it was indeed okay to eat shoe polish.
I know it's out of the blue and absolutely ridiculous, but even so I would've been content. It's just Rebecca is so, so...disgusting, repulsive, grotesque.
I eased back in the large, tan leather couch and continued to let my pool of thoughts engulf me. Never before had I been so worried, confused, furious and everything in between.
“You're not still thinking about it, are you?” Jacques asked as he turned down the television and directed a worried gaze towards me.
“No,” I lied. “Of course not.”
“ You're a terrible liar,” he chuckled.
“Fine,” I said releasing an unknown sigh. “ I'm thinking about it, it's just so messed up.”
“Who is this Levi?” Jacques asked as he flipped through the channels on the television.
I looked up from my position beneath his arm, snuggled close to him on the sofa. Right there I felt so warm, and cared for as if everything was perfect, though it wasn't.
I remember exactly how upset I had been that day, when Levi dragged me outside the cafeteria and told me. I was so shocked and infuriated that I marched straight to Jacques' classroom, and left Levi there hanging.
I had thrown myself down on his desk and started crying, and I wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe it was because somewhere deep down inside, there was a part of me that still wanted Levi and I to be more than just friends.
But of course, Rebecca the girl who hadn't learned the art of using a contraceptive, had to ruin that for me, like she ruins everything else.
I returned my gaze towards him and studied his face intently as he focused on deciding what his choice of entertainment for the evening would be.
“Levi is my friend,” I stated for what seemed like the millionth time, “Are you even paying attention Jacques?”
“Huh?” He asked finally glancing at me, “Sorry, okay, where were we? Oh...yes, so this Levi is your friend,who is now also a father, right?"
“Yes.”
“And this bothers you because?”
“He's too young an he's not ready yet,” I replied thinking about it all again.
“Your friend should've been more careful,” he replied leaning into me.
“But that's the thing, it's Levi. He's always careful, which is why I just can't understand why this all happened, it's just so mind boggling, y'know?”
“What's mind boggling is how they still haven't found out who 'A' is yet,” he said as he decided on Pretty Little Liars, “I mean come on, all the signs are right there.”
“Jacques,” I said a bit irritated at his short attention span.
“Explain to me again why this is so important,” he said twirling my hair around his fingers, whilst trying to calm me down.
“Because,” I said feeling as though I was finally loosing it, “Rebecca is a filthy whore.”
“Whoa there,” he said sitting up, “What does she have to do with any of this?”
“She was Levi's last girlfriend and according to calculations...she's the mother.”
“Wait—what?” Jacques asked completely astonished. “What do you mean? Rebecca as in Rebecca Davies?”
It was quite obvious that I had gotten his full attention as his eyes went wide with disbelief.
Everytime I mentioned her name, his eyes always had a certain glint, that's just distinctly different from when he looks at everyone else.
“That's awful,” he finally commented.
Well, no shit Sherlock.
“ Ashlynn, do you like Levi?” Jacques questioned.
And in that specific moment, my mouth became increasingly dry. I did not expect him to call me out like that. Am I really that transparent?
“ Do you like him?” he repeated tilting my chin upwards so he could stare directly into my eyes.
“No,” I said at last, “I don't like him Jacques.”
“Why did it take you so long to answer?”
“What are you implying Jacques?”
“I'm just observing,” he said carefully weighing his choice of words, “Most women readily answer that question when asked, without hesitating.”
“I think I should go,” I said shifting from under his arm.“Call me when you're ready to stop interrogating me and act like my boyfriend.”
I watched him as his eyes grew wide which each sounding letter of the word. Boyfriend.
They are certain things that I have come to notice about Jacques over these last few weeks. He's an introvert, caring and always wants to ensure the well being of everyone . He wasn't born in France or a french speaking country for that matter. He was born and raised in Florida and just spent his last years of university in Belgium, which explains his occasional thick accent.
“ Je suis désolée,” he said pulling me in and placing a soft kiss on my forehead, “I didn't intend to upset you.”
Maybe I was overreacting about this whole situation. This is all Levi's fault so it's also his problem, and it doesn't concern me, right?
“ Jacques,” I said looking up at the silver clock on the center of the wall before us, “It's getting late, I should get home.”
Jacques gave me a concerned look. “Fine," he said deciding maybe it was for the best. I wasn't angry at him, I just needed to be alone.
***
Jacques had just dropped me at the end of the lane leading to my house, after deciding that it was best for him to go unnoticed. After saying our goodbyes, I slowly rounded the corner and made my way up street. The first thing that caught my eyes was the presence of an exquisite new, black Audi just sitting on the driveway of my mother's place of abode.
That was bizarre as to the best of my knowledge, my mom couldn't afford such luxuries. I mustered up as much confidence as I could and began to pull the handle of the door, knowing full well that this could mean only one thing.
My mother had found herself another 'Paul'.
I took a deep breath and gently turned the handle of the door and stepped inside. The house was quiet, almost too quiet. Closing the door, I tried to go upstairs unnoticed, but yet again, I failed.
“Ashlynn?” my mother called out, “Ashlynn is that you?”
No mom, it's an orange dinosaur that just happens to look like me.
“Yes.”
“Are you alright?” She asked walking towards me.
“Yes,” I replied solemnly, “I'm only here to get some extra clothes.”
“You aren't leaving this house,” she said before quickly marching off into the kitchen.
My instincts told me to follow her, and as if someone was dragging me by my hair, I quickly followed suit.
“Dad?!” I shouted, the air almost being knocked from my lungs. “Why are you here?”
“Hello to you too Ashlynn.”
Why is he here? Why did she call him?
“Your mother called me frantically last night and told me you were missing,” he replied calmly, “So I took the first flight over here this evening after work.”
“I'm not missing, and I'm perfectly fine.”
“We've been trying to convince him of that for the past hour,” said a familiar voice.
It was then that I inspected my surroundings. There around the dining room table, were seated quite uncomfortably, Baxter, Tyler and...Rebecca? Why is she of all persons here?
“ Crap,” I muttered whilst dropping my bag, “Why are you guys here?”
“That's what I'd like to know,” Tyler replied with knitted brows.
“I had your friends picked up to question them about your whereabouts,” Dad explained as he began striding across the room.
“I'm not your daughter's friend sir, ” Rebecca said disgusted with the thought.
“Would you just shut up?!”
“Was I speaking to you Tyler?”
“No, but you just irritate me,” he said glaring at her. “Just keep your mouth shut! Your input isn't needed.”
“Dad is this really necessary?” I asked frustratedly.
“Yes, I was so worried about you,” my mom interrupted, “And you never answered you're phone.”
“ You were so worried it took you all of two weeks to search for me, ” I stated. “ You're a sad excuse for a mom.”
“Ashlynn, you need to treat your mom with respect,” Dad said pinching the bridge of his nose.
“No, I don't,” I said pissed as ever, “Did you know she's dating Paul again dad? He's basically living here.”
“I'm a grown woman and I can do whatever I want,” my mom stated placing her hands on her hips.
“Not when it involves my daughter,” Dad addressed her, “What were you thinking allowing him to live here Laura? After all he's done, do you think that's good parenting—”
“Don't you dare come up in here lecturing me bout parenting!” Mom snapped, “Did you think it was good parenting ignoring her when she told you she was bullied?! You're the reason she tried to kill herself!”
There was a sudden hush of silence that descended on the room. My dad looked irritated and just about ready to smash my mom's face in and she seemed prepared to gauge his eyes out. The tension between them was terrifying .
I watched the expression of my friends among themselves and to me, as we all wondered who should talk up first. Thankfully, it was my dad who made the move.
“Laura,” he feigned being calm despite his eyes told a different story, “This is not the place nor the time for us to discuss this.”
“Whatever,” she said as she walked away, lighting a cigarette.
“Excuse me Mr. Frathurt,” Tyler barely spoke, “My mom just texted me and said I need to get my black ass in the house now. She's really pissed sir, may I please leave ?”
“Oh, uhmm, sure....I'll have officer Parker escort you home,” Dad replied as he got out his phone, “What did you say your name was again?”
“Tyler sir.”
“ I need to get home too. I don't know why I was even brought here, because this has nothing to do with me,” said Rebecca.
“This has everything to do with you dumbass,” Dylan said annoyed, “You know Ashlynn, so it was necessary for you to be here. How do you even excel in school?”
I've been trying to figure that out since day one.