I'ma stop singing this song because
I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
I'm surprised but I'm also not surprised by how Grayson reacted to seeing me with her aunts and mum.
Grayson has given me no reason to doubt her character. She hasn't judged me once.
But for a brief moment there I thought she would be mad that my nails were now painted and I was looking a bit, I guess you could say girly. I don't like to call it that, though. Bothers me how everyone makes everything so gender based.
I couldn't help being scared there for a moment, though. Just another demon from my past trying to get in my head.
I learned in therapy that I have to think about it that way.
My anxiety always tries to rear its ugly head in the way of everything for me. Which, frankly, is bloody exhausting.
But as I walk upstairs with Grayson, I start some of the exercises I learned in therapy so that I don't tumble into a self pity or negative spell.
Three things I'm thankful for, I think to myself. I have a great family, I have financial stability, I'm healthy.
Good job, Harry. Feeling better already and starting to not focus on the trigger.
Three positive things going on in your life right now, I think this time. My work presentation went well last week, I'm getting to spend time with Grayson, yesterday Grayson told me she missed me when we didn't spend time together for most of the day.
I feel my heart rate start to calm down, thankfully.
Three self affirmations, I start the last exercise. I'm smart, I'm understanding, and I'm worthy of happiness.
"So, take off your glasses so I can wash this face mask off of ya." Grayson says to me when we enter the bathroom.
I do as she tells me, taking my glasses off and setting them on the bathroom counter while she wets a washcloth.
I may be nearly blind without my glasses on, but I can still see her struggling to reach up to clean off my face because of how much shorter she is than me. "Squat down, you're so damn tall." She huffs in frustration when she rises to her tippy toes to try and clean off my forehead.
I snort out a laugh at how adorable she is trying to reach up so high. She is nearly a foot shorter than me. "Here," I say as I reach out to grab her hips and pick her up to sit her on the bathroom counter.
"Ope," Grayson exclaims in surprise from my sudden action.
But it's my turn to be surprised when I feel her pull me closer and slot me between her legs.
She has been getting a lot more, I guess you could say, touchy with me recently. I really like it, I'm not going to even try and lie to myself about the fact. But I don't want to let myself think that it means anything. I'm sure most of the time it's just to keep up the fake relationship facade.
Once she finishes cleaning the face mask off of my face, she tells me to put my glasses back on so that I can see again before she moves to take the rollers out of my hair. "I like how they put rollers in your hair to curl your already curly hair." She laughs, starting to undo the first roller.
"Like I said, clearly 'no' is a word that is missing from my vocabulary." I say honestly. Because, it is true. Especially when it comes to Grayson. I mean, I wouldn't be here with her on this trip right now if I had the ability to say no.
"It's gonna look kind of like an afro when I take these out, babe. But we can tame it down with water if you want." She says mindlessly, focusing on taking out the final few rollers.
I instantly freeze and my eyes go wide in reaction to her calling me babe.
We're alone right now. She doesn't have to keep up the act.
"What?" She asks me with a concerned look when she notices my current state of shock.
"You, uhm, you just called me babe. And we're alone." I voice my thoughts.
"Oh, uhm, must have slipped out of habit. Sorry." Her cheeks blush and she seems to be avoiding eye contact.
"It's fine, love." I assure her. "It's like, uhm, like practice." I come up with an excuse on the spot because I'm a fool who is letting himself temporarily indulge in this fantasy when I know it will be over in a week and a half. "Yeah, practice." I repeat.
"Yeah, practice." She says, finishing up taking out the last of the hair rollers and turning to wet her hands in the sink before running them through my hair a bit. "I mean, we should practice or whatever. Want to make sure we come off as a real couple or whatever." She reasons.
"O-okay. Sounds good to me." I reply.
I stand there for a moment with Grayson sitting on the counter in front of me. And if my life wasn't usually filled with moments of awkward silence, I would consider this to be an awkward moment of silence.
"So," Grayson says, breaking that silence. "I thought that we could maybe go for a walk on the beach and give you a break from everyone."
"I would like that." I tell her honestly. But my honesty is more so coming from liking the idea of spending alone time with her. Not as much wanting a break from her family. Even though it will be nice to get a break and recharge. Human interaction can tend to be exhausting for me after a while.
"Awesome!" She cheers with a smile and puts her hands on my shoulders before she moves to hop down from the counter. "How about you get out of the robe and slippers and then we can go?"
I do as instructed and take off the robe, leaving me in just my plain white t-shirt and black linen shorts that end around my mid thigh. I then take off the slippers and decided to forgo shoes since we will be walking on the beach. I don't really have an interest in getting sand in my vans.
I fold up the robe and set it on the bathroom counter and check my appearance in the mirror, running my fingers through my hair a few times to tame my wild curls as a result from the hair rollers and pushing up my glasses that are falling down the bridge of my nose slightly before exiting the bathroom.
"Ready?" Grayson asks with a smile when she sees me.
"Ready." I nod in response and start walking with her out of our room.
We walk back down the first flight of stairs from the third to the second floor and I think about how I'm glad that Grayson and I got stuck with the room on the third floor. It's nice because it's the only room up there and I like how private it feels.
Half way down the stairs from the second floor to the first floor, I take every ounce of courage that I have and put it towards reaching my hand out to intertwine with hers.
In reaction to my gesture, Grayson whips her head to the side to look at me with a shocked expression on her face. "Practice?" I quip nervously with a shrug.
"Practice." She agrees with a smile and continues our walk down the stairs.
We walk past a few of her family members on our walk through the house and out to the back entrance towards the boardwalk that leads to the beach. They don't pay much attention or ask where we are going, mostly just smile and nod at us in acknowledgement as we pass through.
It's a beautiful day out. The sun is shining onto the ocean, making the water sparkle. I hear birds chirping and waves crashing in the distance. The salty ocean breeze blows lightly against me and the sun rays shine down to warm my skin.
Once we make our way down the beach a bit, definitely out of sight from anyone at the house, I'm surprised when Grayson doesn't make any effort to unlock our hands. But I'm not going to be the one to initiate something like that.
Like I said, I'm a fool who is starting to enjoy playing into this too much. And the way her hand feels in mine is just too good of a feeling to end.
The sand between my toes and the sounds of nature around us feels very refreshing. I didn't realize how much I needed this alone time with Grayson until now.
But the main thing that I find calming me down from my recently overwhelmed state is the girl who is still holding my hand twenty minutes into this walk while we make small talk.
I keep taking quick glances at her, hoping she doesn't notice. And damn she is beautiful.
The salty ocean breeze seems to have made the fluffy waves of her hair even more defined. Every time she smiles and her eyes crinkle at the corners, I find myself smiling as well.
And her laugh. Music to my ears. I swear, every time I hear it my stomach flips.
I'm suddenly snapped out of my trance when Grayson stops abruptly in her tracks. "Harry!" Grayson exclaims in a hushed tone. "Please, oh my God, pleaseeeee tell me I'm not seeing what I'm seeing right now."
I furrow my brows and look around to see what she is freaking out about. All I see are some people and what looks to be a camera crew a short distance down the beach from us. "What are you seeing right now?" I ask for clarity.
"I-I think I see Snoop Dogg." She breathes out in shock.
And then I see him. I see Snoop Dogg, leaning back in a chair near the shore line with a beer resting in his hand as he turns and looks in our direction.
"Holy shit." I whisper and turn to look at Grayson, meeting her wide eyes of excitement and shock. "What do we do?"
"What do you mean what do we do?! That's fucking Snoop Dogg! We're gonna go say hi!" She retorts like the answer was obvious.
"Oh, I don't know. He looks busy. There's a camera crew and-" I start to say but am cut off when Grayson starts walking forward and drags me by the hand to follow her.
"I don't care. This might be my only chance to meet him." She says before turning to look at me while she continues to walk us towards where Snoop Dogg is sitting. "Harry, it's the motherfuckin D O double G. I love him."
"Okay, anything you want." I say, going along with her spontaneity. I'm sure if I saw Stephen Hawking or someone like that, I would be acting a similar way of freaking out. So I understand her excitement. But I would never have the courage to go up to them like Grayson seems to have.
I guess that confidence boost didn't last for her, though. Because when we get nearly ten feet from what seems to be a filming set of some sort, Grayson freezes.
"Gray," I say, turning to look at her to get her attention. But she doesn't look at me, her full attention is on Snoop Dogg who is sitting a few feet away. She looks starstruck. "What are you doing?"
"I'm rethinking my entire existence." She states simply before turning to look up at me.
"Why'd ya stop? I thought you want to meet the motherfuckin D O double G?" I quip, taking her words from a few moments ago.
"I do, I do. But, how do I just go up to Snoop Dogg?" She retorts. She looks like she is running through a million scenarios in her head about how to go about this.
"Or Snoop Dogg can just go up to you." A deep raspy voice catches my attention and causes me to immediately whip my head in the direction it came from. And when I turn my head, I see Snoop Dogg smoking a blunt right in front of Grayson and I.
"I-I-I...Hi." Grayson stutters out in shock.
"Hi mister, uhm, mister Dogg?" I say and immediately feel like jumping into the depths of the ocean over the fact that my brain thought to say that.
Snoop Dogg chuckles and takes another hit of his joint, holding the smoke in for a moment before exhaling. "Now, who are you two?"
I think Grayson has lost her ability to speak. So I guess I have to step in here. "I'm Harry." I introduce myself. "And this is Grayson." I add, gesturing towards her with my hand.
"Nice to meet you, Harry and Grayson." He says, flicking the ash off of his blunt. "Just out for a walk? Enjoyin the weather?"
I look down to Grayson and see her opening and closing her mouth, trying to formulate words, but failing miserably.
I feel the need to cut in once again and help her out. "Sorry, she's a huge fan." I say to Snoop Dogg. "But, yes, just out for a walk. We're on vacation."
"Oh, that's nice! A little couples getaway." He smiles and winks at me before taking another hit of his blunt. "I'm just filming a little commercial." He adds matter-of-factly when he exhales.
"That's really cool." Grayson squeaks out.
He smiles at her and then flicks his eyes to me for a brief moment, seeming to be thinking of something. "You guys wanna be in it?"
I instantly feel Grayson tightly squeeze my hand that she is holding. "Yes." She blurts out without thought.
I would normally be opposed to this. But I can't ruin this moment for Grayson. More specifically, my anxiety about being in a commercial that the public will see, can't ruin this for her.
"Perfect!" Snoop Dogg exclaims. "We could use a cute couple in there with the extras." He says before turning to look over at the group of people scattered behind his chair that he was sitting in when we first saw him. There seems to be a tiki hut like bar set up with people around it and some other extras that look to be just relaxing in the sand. "Just go over to wardrobe and they will get you something to fit in. And there's free weed in the craft station if you're into that. I'll catch up with y'all in a bit." He adds before walking off to go talk to what I assume to be a director.
When he walks off, Grayson looks up at me with a huge smile on her face. "Pinch me. I'm dreaming." She says, beaming up at me.
"You're not dreaming, love." I reply with a laugh.
Suddenly, she squeals in joy as she jumps up to hug me, wrapping her legs around my waist like when she guessed Isaac Newton in charades the other night. But, this time, I'm surprised and nearly pass out when I feel her place a big kiss on my cheek.
I don't even think that she registered what she did or noticed. Because when she pulls away and looks at me, still with a big smile on her face, she seems unphased. "Let's get to wardrobe!" She quips, hopping down off of me and grabbing my hand to drag me along before I get the chance to say anything. Yet alone, process what she just did.
We eventually find our way to wardrobe and are given sunnies and a floppy sun hat for Grayson to wear, and a hawaiian shirt for me to put over the white t-shirt I'm already wearing.
After wardrobe, we start to make our walk to where all the extras are gathered. But, suddenly, I feel Grayson stop me again. "You okay?" I ask her. But when I look at her, she has a mischievous grin on her face that tells me she's up to something.
I then take a glance beside us and see the craft services station. And on it's own table, with a sign saying 'free weed, help yourself', I see a tray filled with blunts, joints, lighters, and some ash trays. "Gray, I don't know about that."
"Harry, the king of weed offered us weed. We have to."
I haven't smoked weed since my first few weeks of uni. It was before everything happened with Lindsey. "Have you smoked before? I don't think you should try it for the first time here if you don't know how you will react to it, you know?" I say, hoping to be a voice of reason here. Because I remember smoking with a few friends in our dorm one time and one of them having a bad reaction to it. They got super paranoid and freaked out.
"I smoked a few times in college." Grayson answers me. "It was my rebellious stage during the first month."
I take a glance at the table for a few moments and then look back at Grayson, trying to figure out what to do. But, once again, I find the word 'no' not being in my vocabulary when it comes to her. Especially when she is looking up at me with sunnies on, a big floppy hat, and a smile that has me melting. "Okay." I sigh, agreeing to this against my better judgement.
This should be fine. Just a little weed. Nothing bad will happen.
Before I know it or get the chance to make a mental pros and cons list of doing this, Grayson and I are standing in front of the table of weed. "Do you know how to light it?" I ask Grayson when I see her fiddling with a blunt and a lighter.
"Nope." She quips, popping the 'p'.
I shake my head and let out a laugh as I grab the blunt and lighter from her. "Are you sure about this?" I ask one more time.
"Positive." She assures me with a nod.
Going against everything in me that's telling me not to do this, I quickly roll my thumb over the spark wheel before holding it on the red button to make a flame appear. I then hold the end of the blunt over the flame, spinning it to get an even burn like I remember. Once the end turns to a grey ashy color, I bring the other end of the blunt up to my lips and inhale. I feel the smoke enter my lungs at a steady rate for a few moments before I decide to stop, holding the smoke in for a few seconds before I exhale.
As I do so, I hand the blunt over to Grayson and go to grab my own. "Oh, we can share one." She says, stopping me and bring the blunt up to her lips to inhale her own hit before handing it back to me.
I take the blunt back from her and slowly bringing it up to my lips once again to take another hit. And the entire time I force myself to ignore the fact that her lips were just touching this. This is probably the closest I will ever get to actually kissing her.
After a few more hits, I'm starting to feel the effects of the drug. But it's a different experience than I remember. I don't remember feeling like such a heavy weight had just been taken off of my shoulders. Then again, my anxiety wasn't nearly this bad when I smoked at uni.
I feel free and almost floaty. I haven't felt this relaxed in years.
"I knew you were some cool cats." I hear Snoop Dogg's voice, gaining my attention. "I talked to the director and we're gonna have you two just sittin in a chair near the front actin like the cute ass couple you are." He adds, taking a hit of his own, seemingly never ending, blunt.
"We can do that." Grayson giggles, taking the blunt from me once again.
"Yup," I add, popping the 'p'. "We're really good at that."
"Great! Well, ash that and I'll take you to the director so he can get y'all set up."
I do as he says, sticking what is left of the blunt in one of the ashtrays and taking hold of Grayson's hand, without thought this time, before following Snoop Dogg.
The director gives Grayson and I a quick rundown. The whole thing seems pretty self explanatory. We don't have any lines. We just sit and act natural with a beer in our hands.
It must be the weed in my system. Because the fact that the director has positioned me in a beach chair with Grayson sat comfortably in my lap, in the same position as earlier when she found me in the living room, doesn't have me over thinking or feeling anxious at all. I'm just enjoying it.
We were also told to try and be happy and flirty, but don't make it subtle so that it comes across on camera. I have to admit, I'm liking this director.
Grayson has her right arm draped around the back of my neck and her hand is playing with the curls at the nape of my neck. Her right side is also leaned into my chest and it all just feels right. Having her so close to me like this is like a dream come true.
My left arm is wrapped around her waist to hold her close to me while my hand rests on the outside of her left thigh, tracing random patterns on her smooth skin. My other hand is resting on the arm of the chair, holding the glass bottle of beer.
Because she is sitting on my lap, for once she is the one looking down at me. But I do have to admit that with her wearing the sunnies, I find myself missing her light green eyes that I'm so fond of. That green color is always filled with so much happiness and hope.
"Action!" I hear the director shout suddenly.
"Time to flirt, encyclopedia! You better put on your best show for Snoop Dogg." Grayson quips excitedly, shimmying in her seat on my lap.
"You want me to put on my best show?" I retort without thinking. It's like all my anxiety and the inner voice I have that always holds me back has left. "I'll put on my best show for you."
I feel Grayson's fingers slowly move from the curls at the nape of my neck, up to tangle in the curls at the back of my head and tug on them just the lightest bit. A chill instantly runs down my spine from the act. "Me too. More practice for us, I guess."
I move my hand on her thigh up just the slightest and let my thumb dip below the bottom hem of the jean shorts she is wearing. "You know what they say," I speak, ghosting my thumb along her thigh and feeling myself grin when I notice her skin erupt in goosebumps under my touch. "Practice makes perfect."
"You know," Grayson quips, bringing her hand that is holding the beer bottle up to pull back the top of my shirt a bit to expose one of my swallow tattoos. "I think your tattoos are actually pretty hot." She continues, tracing the lime wedge that is sticking out of the neck of the glass bottle over the tattoo. "Still haven't picked a favorite yet, though. I'll have to study them some before I make a logical decision. You know, like a research report."
Okay. Fuck. That was hot.
I can't believe I'm not freaking the fuck out right now over how she is being with me.
I feel like Grayson and I are in our own little bubble right now. Like it's just us and nothing else exists.
I can't even process that she thinks my tattoos are hot. Nobody has ever told me that before.
At first, I got them for fun. And because I was being a spontaneous young adult. But I really do despise them these days. It's one of my biggest regrets.
But, Grayson thinks they're hot?
I lean forward a bit and slowly graze my nose along the length of her jaw, ending near her ear. "Your research would be incomplete, love." I whisper deeply in her ear. "I have some in places you haven't seen." I add before moving my head back so that I'm in her line of vision once again.
When she slowly leans forward and nudges her nose with mine, my breath hitches in my throat. "Can't have incomplete research can we?" She grins, pulling back slightly. "Guess you're just gonna have to show me those hidden ones."
Oh lord.
I open my mouth to reply but before I get the chance to speak, I'm cut off by the sound of the director shouting again, "Cut! That's a wrap! Great job everyone!"
It's like a bucket of water was just dumped on me and I'm snapped back into the reality that we aren't alone. "Uhm, good job." I tell Grayson and clear my throat.
"Yes, very good job." She replies and gets up from my lap.
I soon get up from my seat as well and scan my eyes around in search of a place to put these beers before going back to wardrobe to return what we borrowed.
In the midst of my search, Snoop Dogg's voice catches my attention. "Hey! I didn't really see you guys too much, but I'm sure you did great."
"Thanks." Grayson replies sheepishly.
"Thank you for letting us be in the commercial." I say, wrapping my arm around Grayson and pulling her into my side. "You really made my girl's day." I add, once again seeming to not be thinking about what I'm saying.
Does that weed we smoked have magic anti-anxiety and overthinking powers or something?
"More like made my year!" Grayson exclaims, correcting me.
Snoop Dogg smiles at the both of us and takes a hit of a blunt which I have no idea where it appeared from. "I'm glad. Well, I gotta bounce. But thanks for being in the commercial. I hope you guys have a great rest of your trip." He adds before walking off.
"Bye," Grayson breathes out with a wave as he walks away, once again starstruck.
Eventually, we find our way back to wardrobe to return our borrowed items and also a place to set down our beers.
After that, we start making our way back to the beach house. The walk is way longer this time, though. Grayson seems to find herself getting distracted by the waves and various seashells she spots to collect pretty often.
And with about a quarter mile left of the walk, she ends up talking me into giving her a piggyback ride the rest of the way. Because, once again, 'no' isn't in my vocabulary when it comes to her.
By the time we walk back into the house, we are both bloody starving. I feel like I could eat a full course meal.
When we both spot the many pizza boxes scattered on the kitchen island with all of her family members gathered around, grabbing slices, you would think that we both just witnessed the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
We are quick to rush over and grab plates to start filling with many slices of pizza. Probably grabbing way too many slices. But when has there ever been a thing such as too much pizza?
"There you two are!" I hear Audrey's voice speak as I stack my fifth slice of pizza onto my plate.
"Here we are!" I reply, not even bothering to look at her. All my attention is on my stacked pizza tower, making sure it is architecturally sound and won't topple over. That would be a travesty.
"You guys were gone forever." I hear Davis chime in. "Where did y'all even go?"
"Just, uhm, just a fun walk on the beach." Grayson answers. "Move over, encyclopedia. I want some of the cheese too." She adds, nudging me from the side.
"Okay, babe. Chill out. There's plenty." I retort.
"You two really gonna eat all of that?" I hear Audrey again.
Grayson and I both pause what we're doing and turn to look at Audrey and Davis before speaking our reply in unison. "Duh."
As we continue to stack our own leaning tower of pizza's on our plates, Grayson speaks up again. "Oh, and we met Snoop Dogg."
"Yep," I add. "In his new commercial and everything."
When Grayson and I finish filling our plates, we turn to walk off and see Audrey looking at us with a slack jaw and Davis grinning at us. "Are you two high?" He asks.
"As a bloody kite." I reply.
"Shhhh." Grayson adds. "It's a secret."
We don't wait for their replies. We just walk past them, giggling to each other while we find a place to sit down and eat.
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A/N:
The commercial I used for inspo