Silence had habitually taken over the meeting.
A series of frenzy emotions switched over on Jin Ling's face. One moment, he was thrilled. His heart raced and drummed against his chest. The next second, he felt disappointed. He had spent so much energy on hosting the meeting, only for an atrocious matter to be announced. Afterwards, he felt tired. He was fed up with Sizhui's antics.
Jin Ling's face changed from red to dark to green.
None of the Sect Leaders dared to let out a peep. They were afraid for Sect Leader Jin's face to blow up with a variety of colours. They knew the underlying truth of him being a cut-sleeve, and didn't needed to be reminded by seeing a rainbow across his face.
Abruptly, Wei Wuxian let loose a whistle. He found the entire situation very entertaining.
Jiang Cheng heard it loud and clear. He shot Wei Wuxian a 'not now' look before returning to check on his nephew's condition.
Jin Ling hid a clenched fist underneath his long sleeves.
He really didn't dare to mess anything up.
His sharp glance swept over Sizhui. What was he supposed to do with his misbehaving lover? Sometimes, Jin Ling had the idea to punish Sizhui with a thousand knives cut. But then he'd torment himself by saying that it was too torturous. However, right afterwards, Jin Ling would be reminded of all his past troubles.
He really wanted Sizhui to know what it meant to mess with the wrong person!
Perhaps, Jin Ling should just chain Sizhui to the underground chamber and slash him with a thousand whips! But his heart would always soften.
And Jin Ling would remind himself that he wasn't a sadist.
He tried to calm and steady his breathing. He wasn't in the mood for a proposal! He needed some time to prepare! Jin Ling's eyes widened as he scavenged for the missing appeal in the image. Where was his ring!?! Don't tell him that Sizhui didn't prepare a ring for the proposal! What about the matchmaker? The betrothal gifts? The exchanging tokens?
Just thinking about it made Jin Ling's blood rush to his head in anger.
This was clearly a rushed proposal! He didn't think Sizhui was the type of person to mess such an important ordeal up!
Behind his fan, Nie Huaisang's hand shook. He coughed while nervously averting his eyes away from the kneeling Sizhui. He nudged towards Jin Ling, "Sect Leader Jin, how will you react to Lan Sizhui's proposal?"
Jin Ling wanted to blow up right then and there.
What else? He was going to show what a real proposal should look like!
However, just before he opened his mouth, he realized something was wrong. How come his thoughts were all messed up? Shouldn't his normal mindset be to reject Sizhui and pursue the justice and righteousness in life?
Immediately, Jin Ling shrank back in discomfort.
There was definitely something wrong with himself! Regaining and recollecting his thoughts, Jin Ling tapped the surface of the table repeatedly. Those taps resounded in the room, and the Sect Leaders all brought their attention to the panicking Sect Leader Jin.
The Sect Leaders and representatives were originally shocked to the core by the outlandish proposal! However, they were even more bewildered when they noticed Jin Ling's two pearly ears turn red!
Nie Huaisang's jaw had already dropped to the floor five times while hiding beneath his fan!
Jiang Cheng's glance turned stern. How come his nephew wasn't responding? At that moment, Jin Ling looked like a robot who just broken down from having to compute too much information.
Frustrated, Jiang Cheng tried to reprimand him.
However, before he even got the chance to do that, he was stopped. Sitting across him was Lan Xichen, who mouthed to him two words, 'don't worry'. Instantly, the concern that lumped in Jiang Cheng's throat had died down and disappeared into thin air. He calmed down and smoothed out the wrinkles between his eyebrows.
Jiang Cheng was a bystander. He mustn't get his temper riling up.
Seeing that Sect Leader Jiang calmed down, Xichen smiled. It was like coaxing a kitten to put back their sharp claws.
The rest of the representatives were unaware of their interactions. Especially Sizhui, who was gently staring at Jin Ling's flustered look. A feeling of satisfaction broke out in Sizhui's chest. He enjoyed the sensation of watching his beloved from a low angle! He always enjoyed taking in his beloved's every expression!
Jin Ling pinched himself on his palm. A red mark blundered on his pretty hands.
He finally took a deep breath. He really needed to calm down!
Jin Ling coughed. His golden phoenix eyes swept over to look down at Sizhui. He opened his mouth with an unamused expression, "Sizhui. Is now really the time?"
Sizhui wore a gentle look. He expected that response. "Can Sect Leader Jin think about it?"
Jin Ling's face went red. He had already thought about Sizhui's proposal over a thousand times in his mind! However, he coughed instead. "Very well then."
A surprised look was shown on Sizhui's face. Was Jin Ling actually going to agree?
Of course, that thought was turned down as Jin Ling stood up from his seat. "Let's talk out in the courtyard." Jin Ling turned to look at Shao Qing. "Please entertain our guests well, and make sure to pass around the tea and snacks."
Shao Qing nodded without a hurry. She didn't need to be told twice.
Jin Ling swept his gaze to Sizhui again. "Let's go."
Chills ran down Sizhui's spine. He stared lifelessly as his breath was taken away by his beloved's unrivalled beauty. If he could, Sizhui would've locked Jin Ling in a room so that only he could see him. He bit down the urge, and Sizhui lowered his head. He didn't want anyone to notice the fiery look in his eyes.
The two cultivators walked. Their heels clicked against the marble floor.
Soon, they entered the courtyard, and the door shut on their backs. In the courtyard, several flowers bloomed and blossomed while bathing underneath the sun's rays of light. They swayed back and forth while humming to the breeze.
Sizhui's eyes widened at the gorgeous sight.
Unprecedentedly, Jin Ling seemed to read his mind. He spewed unhappily, "Who's more beautiful? The flowers or me?"
Looking upwards, Sizhui had to take in a tremendous sight. Sunlight fell down upon Jin Ling's locks of chestnut brown hair, making it appear like gold simmering in a brilliant halo. Jin Ling was originally pale, but toppled up with the blinding sunlight had only made him even more. The sunlight contorted his expression, and softened his outline.
His robes were swept along with the breeze. His hair passively moved as well.
Jin Ling waited for an answer.
At that moment, Sizhui was unsure of how to breathe. His eyes felt like they caught onto fire, and burned with tears. "You're the most beautiful." While in seclusion, Sizhui had long buried the tormenting sensation of missing his beloved. He finally remembered how much he missed Jin Ling. He missed hugging the shorter cultivator and planting satisfying kisses on their skin. He missed breathing the same air that they breathed. He missed hearing their cheerful voice. He missed Jin Ling.
The heart of a certain young man had skipped a beat.
Jin Ling couldn't look any much longer and hurriedly reached out a hand. With a slender finger, he wiped away Sizhui's flowing tears. His stern expression softened exponentially as he laughed, "You're still such a crybaby. And here I thought I was supposed to be crying with happiness from your proposal."
"...you didn't mind?" Sizhui whimpered. Although he found himself extremely embarrassed at how his eyes won't stop running with tears, he needed to prioritize the proposal!
Jin Ling turned away haughtily. "Of course I did mind! However..." A small smile perched on his lips, "Your proposal was very moving."
He turned back to face Sizhui. "Anyways, why are you crying?"
Sizhui choked on his tears. He hiccuped, "You were too beautiful to look at. My eyes won't stop sweating." The truth was that he wanted to hide his weak side away from Jin Ling. However, seeing that his beloved wouldn't stop doting on him, he didn't shrink away.
Jin Ling, "..." All of a sudden, he had an unknown premonition.
He coughed, "Let's get back to business, okay?"
"Okay." Sizhui wiped away his tears. His eyes went red from becoming teary, and then he calmed down. "I proposed to you today, Jin Ling; for the sake of wanting to tell you something in advance." Originally, Sizhui appeared charming. He was the most handsome disciple of GusuLan. However, as he sincerely smiled, that face was able to capture and stir Jin Ling's heart into ripples.
Jin Ling opened his mouth. "What did you want to tell me?"
Beforehand, Sizhui asked, "You don't blame me for leaving you, right?"
Jin Ling lied without batting an eye, "I don't."
Sizhui's smile vanished. "Jin Ling, you've changed."
Jin Ling froze. His body was stiff, and numb. "What about it?"
"I don't want you to change." Sizhui took Jin Ling's small slender pearly hands into his own, holding them gently and warming them up. "I loved you the way you were before. You were so very adorable when embarrassed." His gaze softened, and their foreheads pressed. One warm collided with one cold. "Do you remember when we took the punishment for walking around late at night in Cloud Recesses?"
Jin Ling's eyes remained unfocused.
Sizhui continued on. "You were proud and prideful. You didn't want me to help you, and I fell in love with your confident attitude. Even though you were weak, you covered it up. Even if you were bullied, you didn't care and stayed strong. You were arrogant and loved to brag. That was how Jingyi and I got along with you. But I knew that there was something more to our relationship."
Jin Ling's eyelashes quivered. He found himself feeling distraught.
"Why?" Sizhui grasped firmly onto Jin Ling's hands. He didn't want them to slip out from his hands. He was afraid of losing him again. "Why did you change, Jin Ling? Nobody is asking you to stay upright. Nobody is asking you to change. I missed you. I want the original Jin Ling. I don't want you to force yourself."
His eyes closed. His heart pained. It felt like someone was pulling himself apart.
He wanted to hold onto Jin Ling to make sure that he was there. Sizhui had already lost count of how many times he woke up in seclusion only to realize nobody had answered his calls. His voice went hoarse from how many times he called for his beloved. The place next to him remained cold and lacking of someone's warmth. It was then Sizhui realized how truly painful it was.
"I miss you. I miss you. I miss you." Tears rimmed the corner of Sizhui's eyes, but he pulled them back. "You're acting like me when we just met. Emotionless and calm. You're relying on yourself and not willing for me to lift you up. But I know how much it hurts. Jin Ling, you can let loose. I'm here to catch you when you fall."
Their breaths merged with one another. "If you don't like the rain, I'll pull out the sun. If you don't like the sun, I'll block it with the clouds. If you need a supporter, please remember that I'll be there. Don't be afraid to tell me everything. I'll be the person you need."
Sizhui leaned in closer. Their chests pressed against one another, and narrowed the distance in between. Without much hesitance, Sizhui gently planted a kiss on Jin Ling's quivering nose. "If you fall, I'll catch you. If you cry, I'll wipe away your tears. If you're tired, I'll be your pillow. Okay?"
He waited for Jin Ling's words.
"You don't know anything." That was what the latter said. Jin Ling understood the other, and decided to open up. "I didn't want you to leave. I didn't want to be left alone—to be abandoned again and again and again..." His voice was nasal and had a tint of sadness. "I wanted you to accompany me. But I know that we had to separate. I knew that you wanted to be strong enough to protect me. I knew that that was what you felt, and I needed to respect that."
"But look at me now, Sizhui." Jin Ling whimpered. "I'm strong. You don't need to leave me again."
Sizhui's eyes widened. His lips parted faintly as he said, "Did you change for me?"
Jin Ling shook his head. "No." His hands were shaken out from Sizhui's grip as he continued. "You don't understand. I grew up listening to people trash talking me. I didn't have a mother to teach me manners. I didn't have the thing a leader needs. But I needed to be a Sect Leader. I needed to lead the people that bombarded me with insults everyday."
His hands began to shake. His shoulders quivered. All along, he felt like a mountain was placed upon himself. And now, he was about to break. He couldn't hold it up anymore.
"I learned to change. I learned to teach my people that I can change. They loved me for my change, and loved me for my new self. There is no other reason. If I have to revert back to my old self... to myself that only wanted to be fed fried rice everyday... then all my hard work will be gone." Jin Ling's phoenix eyes brimmed and glistened with tears.
A layer of mist formed in Sizhui's own eyes as he listened. His chest felt like it was torn apart, with a fountain squirting a puddle of disgusting emotions.
Jin Ling stepped backwards. "So I will not change. What good is there about the past?"
"...you didn't want others to help." Sizhui stated. He knew that he had to persuade Jin Ling. He knew something that he didn't know. "You didn't give up on writing down the rules in Cloud Recesses. You didn't want others to know your helplessness. You stayed strong."
Jin Ling wanted to retort, but was enveloped into a tight embrace. Sizhui held his beloved in a hug. He knew that they couldn't separate anymore. Not again. Besides, he would never leave him alone anymore. Sizhui spoke, "You were more than enough."
Jin Ling heard his own heartbeat. He also listened to Sizhui's. They pulsed at the same time, and gradually merged into one another. It was music to his ears. Jin Ling felt his quivering shoulders regaining a hint of strength. That strength was passed from his lover.
He closed his eyes. Jin Ling wanted to laugh. He understood.
"I'm tired." He decided to stop. However, his sweet words did not. "Sizhui is more than enough too." The said person was astonished when he heard that coming out from Jin Ling's mouth. Sizhui asked, "Why?"
Jin Ling felt warm. "You didn't need to leave. It wasn't that you weren't strong enough. You couldn't see that with you by my side, I was strong. Because of you, I was more than enough. We're both... more than enough."
Hearing those words, Sizhui couldn't comprehend his own emotions anymore.
He had a strong urge to gobble the other person up. "Then... will you forgive me?" Sizhui asked softly. He nudged the other person in his arms. Jin Ling responded with a small "mn". He buried his head deeply within Sizhui's chest, inhaling the sweet fragrance of sandalwood. "Will you forgive me too?"
Sizhui bowed his head. "Mn."
He kissed Jin Ling's earlobe, bringing a wave of heat to the latter's head. However, Sizhui didn't wait for Jin Ling to respond. He quickly crouched down and pressed his lips onto Jin Ling's inviting pair. The two lovers crashed unto one another. Their lips and breaths intertwined, and they felt themselves becoming into one.
Their sad thoughts dispersed into the thin air, and never appeared again.
Slowly, Sizhui parted his lips from Jin Ling's. His eyes reflected his inner thoughts of lust and disobedience. "A-Ling." He groaned. "I really want to eat you up."
He expected a shy response. He expected for Jin Ling to bashfully hide and cover his face into his pair of slender hands. Sizhui was waiting, and licked his lips greedily. However, he didn't expect that a small muffled cry had escaped from Jin Ling's throat. That small cry gradually began to expand itself into an alarming wail. Sizhui's eyes widened with panic.
"A-Ling?"
Jin Ling didn't respond and instead; drilled himself into Sizhui's arms.
He cried and got rid of his grievances.
Unfortunately for Sizhui, there was no time that night for lust.
Only reconciliation.
Jin Ling found himself whimpering one last sentence before continuously crying. "I'll wait for your next and official proposal."