AN: I'm so sorry for the absence lately. I decided to take a small hiatus. My reason for publishing less frequently is because I am waiting for the manga to end since I am still convinced Yams has something planned for Historia involving her pregnancy. Not long now, but I will try and do what I can until that pivotal moment. As soon as we find out what's really going on with Hisu, my fingers will be flying over the keyboard...
Also, if you haven't read Her Majesty's Knight, I pretty much summarize the story in this chapter. It may be a spoiler if you plan on reading it.
Song inspired for this chapter: Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. It's perfect for this chapter and Levi and Historia. I've added music links to all my chapters of Her Majesty's Knight and Her Majesty's Baby. I picked songs that I thought most fit the scenes of those chapters. I think I did well, but I was definitely thinking of James Blunt when I wrote this. It's one of the saddest songs ever written...
A storm cloud gathers over the farmhouse, chasing away the glorious sunshine from the last few days, and it almost seems ironic.
I always thought that I brought rainclouds wherever I went, but now I leave them behind in my wake.
The farmhand had gone and collected Silver like I asked while Historia and I said our final goodbyes, and now I suck in a deep, trembling breath as I take the leather reins from his giant hand.
The big lug watches me for some time, concern colouring his round, dumb features. He goes to open his mouth to speak, but then thinks better of it and keeps his silence. Next, his eyes search the porch where Historia waits with the children, and I'm too afraid to look at her.
Because if I do... I know I will run straight back to her, lifting her up in my arms as I spin her around, and it will be like a scene from a fairy-tale.
But real life isn't a fairy-tale. It's a dark, miserable place where dreams and hearts are broken, and I tighten my grip on the reins, pinching my eyes tight shut.
Mustn't look at her. Must ride forth and see what old beard face wants...
It's obvious why he has summoned my presence. Historia and I aren't stupid; he wants to know about the nature of our relationship and how it will impact the military's plans for her.
The last thing they want is little old me getting in the way. After all, my place is at the Survey Corps—not by the queen's side. I shouldn't be interfering in her affairs. Not anymore.
We're nothing to each other. Or so they want to believe...
Finally, I swing my leg over Silver's saddle, casting my eyes on the horizon. All the while, I can feel her ocean blue eyes on my back, and I don't have to look at her to know what kind of face she's pulling.
I can feel her emotions, hear her thoughts...
"Why won't he look at me?"
The guilt rips me apart as I try to keep my steady gaze on that distant line where the sky meets the earth, but she must understand... It's easier this way.
As I said, if I look at her, I may not have the strength and resolve to go on. I will only want to run back and sweep her up in my arms, but in the end, it's not about me; it's about her. So I will put my own feelings aside and spare her one last glance.
We may never see each other again. Well, not in the real world. We have our Path, but you never know when war could strike. It could be next year, next month, or even next week.
This is one of the reasons why the Scouts don't start families. It wouldn't be fair to our loved ones if we didn't return home one day, yet still... I harbour no regrets. Not a single one.
As Erwin always advised, I chose the path with the least regrets, and now I finally look back, settling my eyes on her blonde, ethereal form.
I will never regret falling in love with her. She made my broken, dead heart beat again for the first time in years, and for that, I will always be grateful.
So for her, I will live through this war... I'm a fighter, an Ackerman, and I will survive...
Her gorgeous eyes take my breath away, sending my heart into a spasm as my tongue swells twice its size, and it's true what they say...
She truly is a goddess — my goddess.
Tears drip down her cheeks, and how I wish I could be the one to dry them for her, but go forth I must.
The farmhand watches her miserably, and once again I see the pain in his eyes of wanting something he will never have.
Because Historia will be mine. Always.
I'll come back one day, I swear. We will see the other side of this ugly war. And then I can give her that baby that she so rightfully deserves.
Her eyes on a little version of me, or mine on a tiny version of her, it wouldn't matter. It would be our child, and I will love it fiercely. I would protect it with my life, just as I protected hers.
My gaze finds Tilly's tear-stained cheeks, and a new sense of determination washes through me. For that darling little girl, I'll come back.
Because she's just as much as my child as any future progeny of mine or Historia's. Tilly is my daughter, regardless of DNA.
Out of all the children, Tilly is the only one who knows that I have to leave, and her grasp on the world is truly remarkable.
I take the time to look at each of the children, and I know for a certainty that they will all find the homes that they rightfully deserve.
They don't understand yet that I won't be returning, and I don't want to be the one to break the bad news.
Historia will fill them in when I'm gone, and once again I will have to break more hearts.
Those kids idolise me after all. Many of them have lost their parents to a titan, and here I am, Humanity's Strongest—the man who has slain hundreds and hundreds of those naked beasts.
To them, I truly am a hero, and never before have I appreciated that title until I saw the awe in all of their innocent eyes.
I guess it's cool being some little kid's hero. Fifteen of them, in fact.
Next, my eyes find Erwin II perched upon a fence, and surprise, surprise, the cat couldn't give two shits that I'm leaving. He's too busy licking his ass.
If that's how he feels, then fine. Maybe I should take him back with me since it's about time Hange reunited with her pet.
Lady, however... the sweet little puppy scampers up to me, barking at me to get down from my horse.
After all, I was the one who saved her from that pet shop window. From one runt to another...
The spaniel will keep Historia company while I'm gone since she's a great companion.
The soldier mutters that it's time to leave, and I lock eyes with Historia for the last time, hoping she may hear the words that I wish to say out loud.
"So long, my queen..."
It takes her a moment to respond, and when she finally does, my heart skips a thousand beats.
"And you too, my knight..."
...
"Enter."
I enter the creepy old bastard's office, spying the emblems of each military regiment on the far side of the room, and there are the Wings of Freedom. The same wings that adorn the back of my blue coat and the pommel of my double-edged sword.
It's the same sword Historia knighted me with, and I clutch it to my side. It still hangs in its sheath, and it looks as if I will be switching back to ODM gear pretty soon.
Silence trickles through the spacious room, broken only by the sound of an ominous clock. I try not to show this man my true feelings as he's Head of State; he pretty much rules the walls while Historia acts as his pretty little figurehead, and the blood simmers in my veins.
I hate him. I hate them all. I know they'll throw Historia's life away the first chance they get, despite the contract we made with Azumabito.
After all, it's only a matter of time until Zeke steps foot on the island again, and not for the first time, I think of my vow to Erwin.
One day, Erwin... I'll kill him. Just as I promised...
But first, I'll bide my time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. The hairy bastard thinks he can help our humble island, and he may just be right... So it looks as if my promise to Erwin will have to wait for a while.
Beardface keeps his hawk-like gaze on me, forming his hands into a steeple shape. He may have come to the Survey Corps' aid once during our coup of the old regime, but right now, he's my enemy.
He's the one who makes the final call on Historia's life. I've been seeing the way those MPs have been eyeballing her lately, scheming away in their miserable little corners, and now that asswipe Nile Dok comes to mind.
Although I've never seen eye to eye with the wretched fool, I do have faith in him. I know he doesn't want any harm to come to Historia. He cares about our queen too after all—a queen his late friend Erwin helped to cast into the limelight.
Just like how he cast me into the limelight all those years ago. Just like Historia, I come from humble beginnings, and how ironic. Seems Erwin saw something in us both...
"Please sit, Captain Levi."
"That's Sir Captain to you, beardface..."
I'm just glad he can't hear my thoughts. He's such a perverted freak—he almost makes Kenny look like a saint with his fucked-up fetishes. Coprophagia for one, and sadism...
I do as he instructs, taking a seat across his desk, and the old man's watery blue eyes try to pierce through my machine-like façade.
"So... I guess you are curious about the nature of this sudden meeting, Captain."
I don't give anything away; I remain stoic and calculated. "No, Sir. As Head of State, you have every reason to demand my immediate presence. Times are uncertain after all."
Good. That'll show him that I'm still duty-bound as ever.
"Hm. Well, so long as you're obliging... Now that you're finally here, Captain, I would like to discuss with you the nature of your relationship with the queen. You have been her knight for some time now. You two must have become rather close..."
My heart hiccoughs then, but as always, I show no emotion. I try to think back to when I became her knight. I saved her in Orvud District back in September of 852, and we are now in March of 853.
Six months. Six months I have been her knight, but it feels like so much longer. Sure, I've known the woman since she was fifteen, yet still... I can't believe it's only been half a year.
Out of nowhere, a montage of all the times we spent together plays like a sad scene from one of those moving pictures that the volunteers showed us once, accompanied by the heart-breaking melody of a piano, and I almost lose my nerve.
In my memory's eye, I see the time I rescued her from the zealot with the gun back in Orvud. Then I see her knighting me before the throne, and the time we spent at the orphanage. And then I see our first kiss, and me pushing her away as I leave her at the mercy of a cold-blooded murderer, but I soon came to her aide, and now he sleeps with the fishes under that cold lake outside the farmhouse.
The MPs still don't know about that last guy, and they never will.
Next, I see us camping out in the woods, celebrating Armin's birthday, and now I see the moment I shielded her body from an archer's arrow (and then there are some not so pretty memories, too, as I see myself cutting an innocent man's ear off). Then fast forward to the time she gave me the sketch of my mother on my birthday, and then again to her birthday where we danced at her eighteenth birthday ball.
I still don't know if anyone realised that I was the masked stranger who stole her away that night, but now my heart aches when I see her lying below me again as we make love for the first time, and how the earth moved... Then I see her in the underground inside Chantal's brothel, wearing that sexy corset, and then I see us flying through the underground city, heading to Wolfgang's address where we eventually learned the identities of the men who had been trying to kill her.
Although there had been sad times, all my heart can focus on now are the good times. All the times I made her laugh or smile, or scream when I made sweet, sweet love to her, and it's a good job that this disturbed old bastard can't read my thoughts.
Six months. But it felt like a lifetime...
Finally, I meet the Premier's eyes, betraying nothing. He will be none the wiser of my secret marriage with the Queen Historia Reiss.
Yet, I can't stop the pounding of my heart as Historia's blue eyes won't leave me.
My heart has a mind of its own now, beating only for her...
"That's right. Six months to be exact."
He takes a moment to consider my words, pondering now. "And how long has it been since you found and arrested the lords who had been plotting her murder?"
A silent spell stretches between us, and like hell does he need me to answer that. He knows exactly when it happened because he was the one who gave those fucklords the punishments they so rightfully deserved, and then they were hanged for their crimes shortly after.
Lords Adler, Fischer, Lang, and Krause are no more, yet their daughters are still behind bars, being looked after by the delightful Hitch Dreyse. I hear she's deprived them of oils and moisturizers, while she'll happily apply her own products right outside the door of their cell, and Historia and I can sleep easier at night knowing that her former ladies are getting the torture that they rightfully deserve...
A heavy breath leaves me, and now I give the man his answer, "Two months, sir..."
He takes another few moments to think it over. "And in these two months, has the queen come under any new threat?"
Only the threat that you and those MPs impose, beardface.
"None whatsoever, sir."
He nods. "So, you stuck around out of habit. Fair enough. After all, the knights of old often stayed indefinably by their monarch's side, especially during times of war. But we are not living in old times now, Captain Levi, so I hereby declare that you are exonerated of your duties to the queen. Now you are free to return to the Survey Corps. I will have my men sent in your stead to oversee the queen's safety, just like the time when she first ascended the throne..."
An awful, prolonged silence passes through the room, but all I can feel is the dipping of my heart. Lower and lower it goes, falling into a deep, bottomless black hole, and it was the moment I feared the most...
Historia and I really will be separated. In just a few words, my short, sweet stint as her knight is all but over, and once again I will be back with my comrades, heading straight into battle.
It's like I have been split in two. One side of me is the soldier, the one who served Erwin Smith for years, and the other is a character you only see in fairy-tales, a shining, gallant knight protecting his queen, and I wonder which one will win.
After all, they're both as headstrong as the other, bound by their duty to protect their queen/commander, respectively.
But it's fine. Because both soldier and knight have one common goal: keep Historia safe. If I fight to keep Paradis safe from the rest of the world, in effect, I will be ensuring my queen's safety.
Maybe then she won't have to inherit the Beast Titan. Just... maybe...
For her, I will fight to the bitter end. Not only will I fight to protect her from that Beast, but I will fight to save Paradis.
My home.
"That'll be all, Captain."
He excuses me at last as I rise to my feet, clutching the hilt of my sword, but then Premier Zackley's eyes drop to the blade, and my body stiffens. For a moment, I think he is about to suggest that I hand it over, but like hell will I ever give up my blade.
It was a gift from Historia. I may no longer be by her side, but I will always be her knight. And now I leave, ready to embark on my new mission.
Here's to saving the people of Paradis, and my queen...
...
It was midnight by the time I returned to Shiganshina, and after I handed over Silver to a weedy looking stable hand, I made my way inside HQ, knowing that she will still be awake at this unholy hour.
I reach the door of her office, knock three times, and then a voice calls ominously inside, "You may enter, for my door is always open for the most curious of minds..."
I roll my eyes, barge my way inside, and now I stare into that one brown eye of Hange Zoe—the other eye covered by an eyepatch.
She's hunched over a microscope, and I know for a fact she sneezed onto another slide just so she could look at all her germs. The microscope is a modern model from beyond the walls, so that means all the more germs for Four Eyes to see...
Now she can observe even smaller particles below the wavelength of light, or something or other.
Disgusting.
Her one good eye amplifies as the candle splutters on her desk, and it looks as if she didn't get the memo that I'm returning.
"Levi? What are you...? Shouldn't you be at the orphanage?"
I step into her office, taking the empty seat before her desk, and now I stare at a steaming pot of tea. Looks like it's been freshly brewed.
Hange doesn't need to enquire twice. She just reads my mind, grabbing the handle of the pot, and now she pours us both a cup as we mope in silence.
I welcome a sip, then let out a long, melancholy sigh. It will never be as sweet as Historia's tea, but still...
It looks like I'm back with the Scouts.
My squad will be so happy to see me.
A/N: Levi is back with the Scouts. It may not be all doom and gloom because he gets to be with his bestie Hange again, but for the sake of romance, let's cry along with him.
Hopefully, Levi and Historia will soon be together again...
Until next time, folks.
Cartoon Princess Signing Off.