.
- Blue -
.
"Gemma?" I spoke into the phone.
"Hey, what's up?" She says as I sighed.
"Would it be totally out of nowhere if I asked you to pick up the kids for me? Just let them stay at Anne's for a little."
"Why, what happened now?" Gemma immediately asked, once again telling out the problem here.
"Um, Harry and I are kind of arguing, I just don't want the kids to see it happening." I murmured.
"Oh. If you don't mind me asking, what is it all about?"
"No, I don't mind. I need someone to talk to about it anyway.. Well, it's like he's hiding something. And the problem is, I'm kind of tired of it now, and I actually want him to trust me with things. It doesn't even seem like it.''
"Oh my god." She groaned. "Is he really being complicated again?"
"Yeah. And I just.. Really, don't want the kids witnessing the both of us fighting."
"Of course. If it gets that serious, they can stay the night too."
"Thank you so much." I sighed. "Really, you don't know much this really means to me."
"It's no problem. I know it gets hard with you too whenever there's something to fix.''
I nod, but then realize that she can't see me at all. "Bye." I sighed, hanging up.
Although right when I turned around to leave, Harry stood right at the doorframe, slightly slouched.
It only took me a few seconds to notice and realize that he was drunk though. He just looked like it.
"Are you seriously drunk?" I asked, holding back the anger that I had felt towards him.
"Well, half drunk, half sober." He spoke nonchalantly, motioning a hand.
"You can't just drink all of your fucking problems away Harry, it doesn't work like that because you know what? I'm still here." I tell him, shaking my head.
Harry frowned at me, walking towards me until he was right in front of me. "You aren't the problem. The problem is, you're always up in my case when I screw up. Why is that? It's because you think I changed! You think I'm this renewed person just because I fell in love with you."
"Don't you dare twist my words around! I didn't say any of that." I say, tears threatening to spill. "I've told you so many times.. I love you, because you're you. I never want you to change." My voice shook as the first tear left my eyes.
"So you're saying you like us fighting like this everyday? You're saying you tolerate me lying to you every time I get the chance to? Blue I.. I love you. But maybe that isn't enough." He sighed, looking down. "I hate making you so sad. And I hate it even more when I see you crying because of me."
"I just want to know the truth.. I thought you trusted me. There were so many times I thought we were over this. Ever since we got married, I thought all of these problems would be gone. Hell, I was wrong."
"I'm so tired of letting you down, Blue. And I just know I'm going to lose you again."
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I cried, taking his face into my hands.
"Look at me." I murmured sadly, as his eyes slowly met mine.
"You do deserve to know the truth. And you deserve to know where I was about an hour ago."
"I love you.'' I tell him. "I'd never leave you. I think I already made that promise."
"Fine. You want to know?" He sighed, taking my hands and pulling them slightly away.
I remained silent, just staring at him. I was almost scared to hear what he had to say. But this was what I wanted.
"Tyler is dead."
"I know.. Look, if this is what you're bringing up, then--"
"He died, because of me."
"What are you talking about? He died because of his sickness. He was just.. Sick."
"He was. Look, I was the one who took off his oxygen mask. I was the one. There, are you happy to hear that? I'm sure you are.'' He told me.
My heart shattered, as I stared in shock once I had processed his words.
"I.. Why would you do that? No.. No you didn't." I whispered, as I choked out a sob. "Harry tell me you didn't just.."
"I did, okay. And listen, it wasn't the choice that I made! It was his."
"That still doesn't give you the right to just end his life like that!" I cried, backing away from him.
"He was dying, Blue. And it was bound to happen, you know that."
"The doctors could've done, something Harry. You know it is so disgusting how you might've just done this because you wanted me for yourself."
"Tyler wanted me for you too okay, he let go." He told me. "Please, just please don't leave again."
My head was throbbing at the thought of Harry keeping this from me for all these years now. He watched me stand there at that funeral. And he watched me cry for days on end after the incident.
"I didn't want to hurt you, Blue please.'' Harry's voice shook as I looked at him.
He also had tears in his eyes, as he shook his head. "He wanted me to do it, and he didn't want me to tell you about this either.. Because we both knew it would shatter you."
"Do you realize how broken I am that you kept this from me? You should have told me as soon as you had the chance, Harry. Now it's been building up all this time, and wow. You just kept this from me, all this time. Right when we had this whole talk about trust." I cried, closing my eyes.
"Blue, I'm sorry. I know you'll never understand, and hell, you might never forgive me but I--"
"I can't deal with this right now. I have to be alone." I mumbled.
"Blue, don't leave. If you really do love me, I want you to talk to me babe. I told you, I'm sorry."
"And where have you been, drinking your feelings away?" I ignored his apology, glaring at him.
"At the bar." He says.
"Alone? Yeah, I doubt it." I chuckled. "You've been with another girl."
"With Aubrey." He spoke slowly and under his breath. "And.. I-I think I kissed her. But Blue I wasn't sober. I wasn't thinking, okay?"
I screwed my eyes closed as I shakily breathed out. Turning away from him, I didn't even know how to feel anymore.
She won. Aubrey, won.
I felt his hand reach for my arm as I tugged away. "Don't. Just please, don't." My voice was hoarse as I began to walk away.
I could feel him staring at me as I felt my heart drop as soon as I got the courage to speak up to him.
- Harry -
"So what, we're just suddenly going back to this again?" Blue choked out, tears brimming her eyes as she turned around.
"God dammit Blue, don't act like you haven't done this before." I angered, shaking my head.
"Harry! I wasn't the one who fucking kissed her! What the hell is wrong with you?" She rose her voice, shoving me away as she came up to me.
"I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking okay I--"
"You should've thought before that then. You know exactly this isn't what I want to deal with all over again and I hate it! I really do. It's different now okay? You can't just go around fucking with different girls like--"
"Like what? I married you, for the kids. Everything, was for them." I rose my voice, but immediately regretted what I just said. I didn't mean that.. No, my anger just took over me.
"So what now, you're just throwing everything away? Just like the first time, huh? You never wanted me, you just wanted the thought of me. The thought of actually keeping me. If you can't, then just let me go. It's what you should've done in the first place."
There was a silence, nothing but our heavy breathing being heard.
"You're right." I said, giving up, just like that. Like I said, I didn't deserve her at all.
She winced, looking away. ''You know, I wanted this so badly.. Us."
"You have no idea, Blue." I whispered, as a tear left my eyes.
With that, I had left her standing there with nothing but my last words and a whole past that's got us thinking..
What the hell did we do to deserve this?
.
- Blue -
I watched him walk away and out the door as I cried, falling to my knees weakly.
All I could really do was cry. What made me think this was ever going to work?
I thought of the first person to call, and talk to because I honestly just hated the feeling of being so alone..
Fumbling with my phone, my tears blurred my sight as I sniffled.
"Blue, hey babe!" Hannah exclaimed through the phone as I sighed shakily.
"Hannah, I-I lost him." I cried, biting down on my lip. This just hurt so much, I thought I was over this pain.
Turns out it'd come back, telling me otherwise.
All the thoughts and realizations got to me. I lost Harry, but then he had made a choice without telling me about it.. Tyler didn't deserve that.
No matter how much he thought he did.
.