CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
"an explosion of warmth"
tw - suicidal thoughts
For a long time, Hollis and Regulus sat in the cold garden looking up at the night sky, their eyes roaming over constellations and burning into the moon. Neither of them spoke, lost deep in their own thoughts.
Regulus was thinking of any way he could help Hollis without getting himself or her in more trouble. Hollis was wondering what would happen when someone found them, what state of injury she would return to Hogwarts in.
Both of them had smoked through a dozen cigarettes.
From the west side of the courtyard, a blue tinted light shone in a thin beam on the marble, the sharp sign of a door opening. The light widened until the sound of a wooden door hitting stone thudded through the silence, then another thud as it shut.
Someone was out here with them.
Hollis and Regulus slowly turned towards one another, panic coming slow and strong.
"What do we do?" she whispered frantically. "We can't just act like we were discussing how much we hate our families a few minutes ago and then smoking!"
Regulus groaned at their luck, running a hand down his face. He looked from Hollis's lips to her hand very quickly, an idea coming to him.
"Your lipstick, it's dark red," he stated simply.
"No shit. what's your idea?"
Regulus swallowed forcefully, immediately becoming uncomfortable.
"Just kiss my neck once so that your lipstick smears down it," he said hurriedly, beginning to stand up from the black fountain.
Hollis just stared at him with a deadly expression.
"You're mental."
"Hollis, would you rather them think that we were talking shit about purebloods or that you were finally showing interest in someone your parents like?" Regulus asked in a desperate voice, his grey eyes pleading for her to protect herself.
Hollis crossed her arms and stood up as well. She knew he was right. It would work, and it was just about the only option they had any more.
With a deep sigh, she hastily moved towards Regulus and dragged her lips from his ear down to his collarbone. Regulus tensed up, neither of them taking pleasure in this.
It had worked, though, because in the moonlight, the red smear was shockingly obvious against his milky skin.
"Mess up your hair," Hollis instructed urgently as the footsteps came closer.
Regulus ran his fingers through his black hair tousle it further as Hollis had said.
The whole picture looked good. Regulus's cheeks were pink from the cold, but he could have easily been blushing.
She grabbed a fistful of the puffy red fabric of her dress and lifted it so that she could quickly duck behind a towering rectangle hedge. The sharp dark green leaves scratched her shoulder, making a few shallow cuts. Hollis barely felt them, but her larger gash did not agree with her quick movement.
The full moon warped normally tame shadows so that they looked like monsters, making eerie patterns against the icy marble. Her breathing increased too quickly, her heart beating rapidly in sync. If anyone found her now, a huge explanation that she did not want to give would be in order.
Hollis heard her father's footsteps arrive only a few yards away from where she was hidden. He must have stopped next to Regulus. She fidgeted with her fingers, needing to do something to calm her nerves.
"Ah, Regulus. Have you perhaps seen Appoline anywhere?" Mulstone asked calmly, as if he wasn't going to practically torture her the moment he discovered her location.
Regulus let out an arrogant, uncharacteristic laugh. There was a slight pause. She had no idea what was happening from behind the hedge.
"Appoline seemed like she needed to be taught a lesson, Mr. Rosier, so I helped with the process," Regulus easily said to her father. She could hear the false smirk in his voice. Hollis waited to hear what her father would say, her stomach beginning to writhe frantically in her gut like an animal caught in a trap.
Any good father's response to this would be to hurt the teenager like they had hurt his daughter. Instead, Mulstone grunted in approval and began to walk away.
"At least some of you are learning the proper ways of our traditions," he told Regulus in a proud voice before he walked away completely.
Her hand pressed against her mouth to keep herself from crying out. The world blurred as she hugged her knees tightly to her chest, unable to speak. Her eyes were so squinted with tears that the blur was now only a hot, salty line. Even that seemed too much to bear.
She buried her head in the scarlet fabric, her whole world now confined to a comforting warm color that swallowed her up as the weight of the past weeks came crashing down on her like a hundred bludgers.
She began to shake with sobs, leaning against the prickly bush. A thousand tiny spines poked into her shoulder and punctured the skin, but she didn't care. Hot tears seared down her numb cheeks, piercing the cold wind that shot through the leaves of the towering garden shrub wall.
Hollis wanted to run, run into Lily and Marlene's arms as fast as lightning. She wanted to cry on Remus's warm shoulder or be made laugh by James and Sirius. She wanted a detention, a full moon with Remus, a breakfast in the Great Hall, a study session with the Marauders in the library.
Hollis wanted to go home.
A gentle hand touched her shoulder. Her head flew upwards, Regulus's features twisted into disturbed, deep pain.
"I'm sorry, Hollis," he whispered, eyes welling up with tears.
Hollis said nothing as he sat down next to her, two forms of balled up misery.
"I want to make it stop, Reg," she sobbed to her friend. The sounds of her crying unraveled his insides like a ball of twine.
"You have to push through. I know it's hard, but-" Regulus comforted as best he could, desperately looking at her for some kind of strength.
"No, you don't know how hard it is!" Hollis shouted with a sudden burst of anger. Her nails dug into her palms again, angry, red semicircles appearing. "You don't know what it's like to be a girl in the midst of the pureblooded bullshit! To my parents, I'm seen as a tool to keep the family line pure. To boys my parents want me to be with, I'm seen as a doll. I fight back, but to what end? When will this all just stop?"
Regulus could do nothing to stop her flurry of words and emotions, he could only listen.
"I want it to end, I want to end it," she finally said, her voice dropping to a hopeless whisper.
I want to end it.
When she looked up this time, the moon couldn't seem farther away.
Hollis had no idea how long she was sitting there before Regulus left, just that she could no longer feel her hands. Maybe its better this way, she thought morbidly with a sick smile, so I can lay here until either the cold or hunger kills me.
A warmth exploded from her wrist, sending heat all down her forearm. She had forgotten about the bracelet. In a typewriter font, words were etched on to the pale silver metal glinting in the moonlight. She had to wipe her burning eyes to read it.
enchanted, haven't died at skiing yet - p
enchanted, i gained ten pounds from mia's brownies - s
enchanted unless sirius kills me in my sleep because i asked mia not to make any more brownies today because i don't want lily to think that i'm fat - j
enchanted, the full moon is so much worse without you four - r
Hollis read the messages, not capable of explaining how all of the sudden, the marble didn't seem too cold anymore, the moon just within her reach.
hollis? - r
She was anything but fine, but she was better with them.
enchanted - h
yall i cant
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