<<<
she did.
they did what they wanted until he was on a hospital bed.
there's hope.
"will you marry me?"
taehyun head whipped to her direction as she held up one of the cheese rings she brought with a straight face. judging her with a look of disgust, he pulled open a small drawer on the table next to him, taking out a small box.
her jaw dropped.
"i was joking?!"
he smirked at her freaked out reaction, confident that she was going to say yes.
"i'm more expensive than a cheese ring—honestly a ring pop would have been an upgrade."
"holy—is that real?!"
"duh."
it was a simple gold band, with a small crown of diamonds at the top.
"i picked it out for a simpleton—i still think you're a gold digger by the way."
she scoffed.
"and you're still marrying me?"
he pretended to not be giddy, but was failing miserably.
as gently as she could, she tackled him into a big hug.
<<<
with hope comes the risk of disappointment.
this was disappointment.
he looked so frail now. like he was made out of glass. now she sees, finally, that he was dying. really dying.
"i don't want to be here," he said, breaking the silence that stretched in the air. she sat next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.
"okay."
the roof was open air looking out on the buildings of the city. the sun was rising—a start to a beautiful saturday morning. taking the oxygen tank with them, she walked with him to the elevator. slowly.
"i'm not elderly," he said, trying to speed her up a bit. she was walking like a snail and supporting him like she was prepared for his knees to give out on him.
"you might as well be."
their chuckles filled the quiet peacefulness of the hospital.
they sat next to each other, arms staying linked.
"it's pretty," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. immediately, she felt his rest atop of hers, humming in response.
his blue knitted sweater was blocking out the cold left from winter. they were at the same place where they got married. although rushed, and somewhere they weren't expecting, it meant all the same.
before it's too late. talk about the future like there is one. maneuver around making promises that can't be kept.
she held his hand in hers, feeling him give her a tight squeeze.
"but it'll fade soon," he began, "and turn into day. isn't that better?"
"no. the sunrise is better—in fact, i think the sun should forever be rising."
"what about the birds?"
"they can chirp whenever they want to."
he sighed—she could tell he was about to say something when she cut him off on purpose.
"if the sunrise leaves, i think i will too."
he turned to look at her to check if she was being serious. she was, her gaze still set on the sunrise.
"no you won't. i'll never forgive you."
"i can die with that."
"i'm serious," he said, his voice stern. afraid. "promise me."
the tears pricked at her eyes as she stood up, letting go of his hand. life isn't fair. chaeryoung knew that—maybe even more so than everyone else. but when it finally is, more so than she could ask for.
the emotions, the dangerous things she was trying so hard to keep inside burst open all of a sudden.
she couldn't promise. for him, for everyone she would leave behind, she wanted to. but she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to keep it. that truth alone was something she was aware of.
with all of her being, she cursed the world. to wretched side to life. to love itself. she stood up suddenly and distanced herself away.
and she told him the truth he probably already knew.
"i don't think i can pick myself up this time. nobody will."
the feeling of fear was so overwhelming, it was suffocating. for a moment, she couldn't breathe. eventually, she found her voice.
"i just—i just love you so much."
he's heard it so many times, but he never says it back. she knows he loves him, so he doesn't bother. but she says it more often than hello, just in case he forgets.
"i love you too," he said, his voice weak and unlike him. "that why i can't let you do that. you have so much to live for."
defeated and lost, and with a voice almost carried away by the wind:
"you're what i have to live for."
there was a silence after. it left them inside their own heads. in their thoughts.
a heart donor is so rare, it's almost nonexistent. and that was his only chance now—it wasn't even a chance at all. it didn't even ensure that he would live.
before anyone could say anything, a nurse burst through the door followed by others.
and the chance.
the chance no one thought was possible. someone had died in a car crash. someone that happened to be close to his age. everything was happening fast—way too fast.
they looked at each other in shock. both of them were aware this might be the last time they—
she kissed him quick. as fast as it was, it had the same effect as the first and more. like she had kissed him with all her heart in a few seconds.
his eyes shined with hope. and fear. she saw it.
"there's nothing you can't do," she said with a determined smile. "if you fail yourself, you fail me—but i promise. i promise i'll try my best."
chaeryoung decided that she would do everything to keep it, but the lingering fear of being unable to made her bite back the actual promise he wanted her to make.
"i love you so much."
<<<
it's an almost rainy day as she stood in front of one of the gray slabs, flowers in one hand. quiet and silent, as it should—but the cemetery wasn't as lonely as you might have thought.
on the stone, in carved letters was:
huening kai, a brother, a friend, a lover.
on her other hand was taehyun's, who was holding the umbrella when it started to rain.
there was girl that looked around their age who approached them.
"excuse me?" she said, getting their attention.
she was silent for a moment, studying their faces and searching her memory before she recognized him in particular.
"are you-" she started, but her voice was cut off. fidgeting, and pulling on the collar of her turtleneck sweater that felt as though it were choking her, she gave up on trying to form words. she wasn't wearing any makeup to run.
"can i?" she asked, her voice breaking. he held her in his arms immediately. chaeryoung fell to her knees in front of his grave, for him and the girl who has to go through the very thing she was so afraid to. there were no words.
yuna missed him with everything she was and listened to the heartbeat that was no longer his.