Charlie had turned where he sat. He was now sitting back against the corner of the sofa, his eyes watching and studying my side-profile.
"Leaving was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done." He explained in the soft tone of his that always made me weak in my knees. His voice was all raspy when it was soft and I loved that. I always had. "I was leaving behind the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."
Wanted.
Past tense.
"At the time, I believed it was the right thing to do. I fucking despised myself because I don't believe I'm good enough for you. I know I'm not good enough. I never was." He started explaining. "I know I said some bullshit to you that day and I haven't stopped thinking about them since."
"Oh really?" I laughed. "Imagine being the one who was being told the things — and hearing them from the person you love. That's something that'll take a tool on your self-image."
Charlie sat up straight and moved closer to me, but he froze when he noticed I automatically moved away.
"You told me you needed to get away from me." I said and looked at him. "Why did you need to get away from me?"
"Because you deserve a life without me, Ember."
"That's not up to you!" I raised my voice. "You should've let me make that decision! I'm twenty-five fucking years old. Don't you think I should be able to decide who I think deserve to be in my life?"
I removed my eyes from his bright blue ones, to drink the rest of my coffee. I put the cup on the table before I leaned back against the sofa.
"You're right." Charlie said. "It should've been your decision but I was too big of a coward and ran."
He sighed and stood up, slowly making his way over to the bookshelf. He used his index finger with a plain silver ring on, to pull out a book. It was one of his that he didn't bring with him.
"I'm sorry, Ember."
No. He's not going to apologise and expect me to just forgive him.
"Yeah, right." I scoffed and stood up, walking back to the kitchen to pour myself some more coffee. "You can't just show up here after almost six months."
I glanced at him as he made his way towards the kitchen where I was standing, taking a sip of my new cup of coffee.
"You can't expect me to just feel okay about you again just because you tell me you thought I deserved better." I said. "We were supposed to be a team, but nooo, you decided to make that decision on your own and you absolutely shattered me."
"What do you want me to say?!" He raised his voice. I stopped in my tracks for a moment, then turned around and saw him stand by the table.
"I want you to say that you've been suffering just as much as I." I told him, watching him breathe heavily at my words.
"Ember—"
My lips started quivering and I felt my eyes sting at the tears that pressed behind my eyes while I watched him turn away from me, still facing the table.
"You were supposed to love me through everything!" I shouted at him, causing him to stop in his tracks.
Charlie sighed and dropped the book violently on the table before spinning around to look at me.
"Well what do you expect me to say? I've said I'm sorry but that's not good enough, is it?
I scoffed at how offended he sounded. He had no right being offended.
"Why would it be? I don't know how I'll be able to trust you again." I explained, making wild hand gestures to prove my point and how angry I was with him.
"Figure it out." He breathed and let himself drop into the chair, his eyes staying on me. "Cause this time, I'm staying."
I slowly walked over to the table and sipped off of my cup before placing it down. Then I placed a hand on the back of his chair and pushed his foot down from the table after he had just kicked it up. His eyes met mine and I clenched my jaw as I leaned down over him.
"You don't get to act like you're the one who's hurt." I told him. "You don't get to act mad. I'm the one who's mad. I'm the one who's hurt because you fucking left me."
I had been pointing at him as I spoke, my finger hitting his chest with every point. My eyes flicked down to my finger, watching it rest against the material of his dark red t-shirt.
"I didn't deserve better than you." I told him, feeling like I was gonna cry again. "You were the absolute best. I've always looked up to you, I've always wanted to be with you. You were everything I wanted and everything I needed. You could've talked to me and I would've told you exactly that, but instead you just decided what I needed. The truth is, Charlie — you have no idea what I need."
I watched as he let out the breath he had been holding. His eyes scanned my face as he moved his hand up to rest against my jaw, the warmth of his skin burning into mine.
"I'm gonna make it up to you." He whispered. "I promise."
"Yeah? Why are you back if you truly believe that I deserve better than you?" I asked in the same whisper.
"Because Bill convinced me that I'm good enough for you." He told me. "That I'm what you want."
"Wrong—" I whispered, his lips brushing past mine. ".., you're what I wanted. After what you did — I can't trust you."
I pulled away quickly before he got to kiss me. I looked down at him and pushed his chair with my foot, causing him to almost tip off.
"You can sleep on the sofa until you've figured out somewhere else to live." I said. "But you're not coming into the bedroom."
I grabbed the cup from the table and turned around, swaying my hips on purpose to show exactly what he decided to leave behind. I had been wearing a black dress today that reached my thighs. It was right and it showed my curves, especially my behind.
When I reached the door to the bedroom, I turned around, noticing how his eyes that had been stuck on my ass, quickly flicked up to my face.
"Oh, and Charlie?" I asked. "You look like shit."
That wasn't true. He looked like a fucking god. I turned back around and walked into the room, closing the door behind me. I sipped off the coffee and grabbed his trunk that stood on the bed. I walked back out of the room, placing it on the floor. I quickly downed the rest of the coffee and went to put it in the sink in the kitchen, ignoring Charlie as he still sat in the chair, eyes following my actions.
When I got back to the room, I once again closed the door behind me and closed my eyes as I no longer could hold back the tears.
I clamped a hand over my mouth to frown the sobs. There was no way I was giving Charlie the satisfaction. He wasn't gonna know that I was crying again.